So your ex-boyfriend has a new girlfriend. Oof.
It’s never easy when an ex moves on. Breakups are hard enough but then knowing how to deal when your ex moves on is a whole other ballgame.
This is a personal topic for me because I’ve been through this exact situation. It was the worst and most damaging breakup of my entire life. And I spent a year comparing myself to this other girl and wondering why I wasn’t as good as her.
What did she have that I didn’t? Was I not pretty enough, smart enough, funny enough, fun enough? And how could I be more of these things so I surpass this other girl and get my ex back?
Take The Quiz: Can You Get Your Ex Back Or Is He Gone Forever?
Not only is it a complete waste of time to torture yourself with these questions, it also just feels icky being so negative about yourself. Right after a breakup is an already fragile time made worse if you see obvious signs your ex has moved on so soon.
So what do you do when you see he’s moved on?
I know you’re in an enormous amount of pain right now and you feel like you must not be enough. However, I also know you will get through this so stick with me until the end so that you will see the steps for moving on from an ex and how to heal after a breakup.
First, let’s talk about why he moved on so quickly…
The cold, hard truth is that he simply found someone who is a better match for him. It’s not because he “upgraded” from you and started dating someone who is sooo much better than you in every department.
It really is as simple as she’s just different. She’s most likely different in ways that he needed. It doesn’t say anything negative about you, just that you simply weren’t a match together. It happens all the time.
I’m sure you’ve dated guys that you didn’t feel a full connection with and things ended up not working out. They could’ve checked all the boxes but just weren’t a great match for you.
To be fair, he probably didn’t intend for it to happen. If you see that your ex has moved on quickly, it was probably a complete accident. He didn’t sit around plotting a new relationship right out of the gate. It just happened and all of a sudden he found someone who was a better match.
It doesn’t mean that you weren’t good enough or that he wasn’t hurting from the breakup. He just got caught by surprise when this other woman came into his life and things happened to click.
It doesn’t mean he didn’t care about you or value you or enjoy the time you spent together. One of the best tips on how to recover from a breakup is to not automatically focus on the negative or assume the worst.
Watch The Video: “How to Emotionally Recover When Your Ex Moves On Too Fast”
Also, keep in mind that guys are really good at compartmentalizing. They’re able to mentally put things in different boxes and store them away without much overlap.
I know it can make them seem like unfeeling monsters who never cared but that’s not the case. Unless of course, he’s a stone-cold sociopath in which case you’re better off without him in your life at all!
Now let’s talk about what to do when your ex moves on…
1. Realize He’s Not The One For You
The reason you’re hurting so much right now is that you’ve convinced yourself he’s “the one” and now he’s gone and you are wondering if you lost your soul mate.
Here’s the thing, if he was your absolute, one and only soul mate, he wouldn’t have left or fallen into someone else’s arms. And, if by chance, he is meant to be your match, then he’ll find his way back to you in the future. You didn’t lose the love of your life so take a moment and breathe easy.
Either way, he’s not the right one for you. The right guy for you wants to be with you. If your ex has moved on, it wasn’t meant to be.
2. It’s Not Because You Weren’t Enough
You really need to realize and internalize this or it will ruin your life. You cannot compare yourself to this other girl. Your ex-boyfriend moved on for a reason and it’s not because you weren’t “good enough.”
The way to heal after a breakup is to not waste time picking apart all of your differences or stalking this girl’s social media accounts. Of course, she looks great in all her profiles! Social media is the highlight reel of our lives. It’s not reality.
I know we all know that what we see on social media is not the 100% raw truth and it can be hard to keep that in mind but it’s essential that you do for the breakup healing process. I’m sure your profiles look just as great and perfect because that’s what we’re all influenced to post.
The bottom line is that he’s not with someone “better” than you or more perfect. She doesn’t have some magical quality that you just need to possess in order to be good enough.
Not everyone is a match and that’s ok! Whatever qualities you have that didn’t work for this guy will probably be what the right guy for you loves the most.
3. Consider How This Will Make You Better
The darkest times lead to the brightest light. I truly believe that and I think it really fits in this situation when figuring how to deal with your ex moving on.
I’ve literally created a career out of my darkest times and have been writing about relationships for 10 years. I majored in psychology so I had some background in understanding human behavior but most of what I know is because I’ve lived through all of it!
Honestly, for a while, it did break me. But I felt deep down that this pain has to mean something and I used that with what I learned about myself and I started sharing my stories to help people.
You can take this pain you’re feeling now and use it as fuel for your personal growth. On the other hand, if you let this become a negative knot of anguish in your heart and lead you down a dark path, it’s only going to drag you down further. Nothing good will come from it.
So you can absolutely make the choice to get through this stronger and better than when you first started. Use this time to get to know yourself on a deeper level, get better at relationships, and walk into the next one with your head held high and your heart open.
When you focus on loving yourself, you always win. Figure out what you really want from a relationship and use that knowledge for step 4…
4. Visualize Your Next Relationship
Now, this might sound a little out there but stick with me. It’s something I recommend to all of my friends who experience breakups. I know right now it feels like your relationship with your ex was perfect but it couldn’t have been since it ended.
The reason you broke up is that the relationship was broken. It wasn’t meeting all your needs and it ultimately wasn’t right for you in the long run.
Instead, what I want you to focus on is your next relationship and how you envision that going. Try to visualize what it will be like to be with the right guy for you.
MORE: Get Your Ex Back
Picture in your mind a guy who can commit to you and give you what you want, who really sees you, and appreciates you, who really cares about you. Think about it, visualize it, and get really excited about the possibilities. This should be fun!
Just think about how fun starting a new relationship is. It’s fresh, it’s exciting, and everything feels amazing. It’s a wonderful time and you now have that to look forward to. Lucky you!
Don’t think about it in terms of having to start over again or having “lost” time with your ex. Focus on the fun and excitement and those butterflies in your stomach you feel when you connect with someone.
And, hopefully, if you followed step 3 and used this time to better yourself, you get to come into a new relationship as a better, more wise version of yourself so that this new relationship is even better than the last.
Doing this visualization practice will get you out of your head and stop constantly thinking, “My ex moved on. What do I do? Where did everything go wrong?”. This practice will remind you that life goes on and there’s more out there for you (i.e. the next guy who’s a better match for you!).
I hope you found this helpful and comforting. Again, I’m so sorry you’re going through this and feeling like the world is ending when your ex has moved on. Give these 4 steps a try and see how much better you feel.
If you enjoyed this or found it helpful, please leave a comment and make sure to share it with others so that it can help them, too. You can also follow me on Instagram @anewmode and sign up for the newsletter so that you can get more helpful tips on relationships.
And whether you want to get over your ex for good, or maybe see if there’s a chance to get him back (and a step-by-step guide on how to do that), read this next:Do You Want Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Use This to Get Him Back...
Take The Quiz: Can You Get Your Ex Back Or Is He Gone Forever?
Here is how to move on when your ex moves on too quick:
- Realize He’s Not The One For You
- It’s Not Because You Weren’t Enough
- Consider How This Will Make You Better
- Visualize Your Next Relationship