When my boyfriend and I broke up, he gave the reason that he’s not sure he can make me happy, because he’s not happy and he doesn’t want to bring that into the relationship if he can’t make the girl as happy as he is.
What does this all mean? What do you think he’s going through and how can I help him get through this phase?
Let’s start with the most obvious explanation: He wasn’t happy/fulfilled in the relationship and so this is what he said to let you down easy.
Like I always say, “When a guy tells you he doesn’t want a relationship with you… believe him!” It’s often a mistake to fixate on the reason he says he doesn’t want a relationship.
The better strategy is to accept that he doesn’t want a relationship with you and calmly, gracefully move on. It’s a win-win since:
a) If he realizes that breaking up with you was a mistake, he will work his hardest to win you back. He will put on his A-game to have you back and he will pursue you.
b) If he really, really, really has no interest in getting back together with you, he will let you go. If there’s any time that a guy is going to fight his hardest to keep you in his life, it’s when he thinks he could lose you to another man and/or lose you forever. If he doesn’t try to get you back, you know you’ve just saved yourself tons of heartache by not chasing someone who doesn’t want you.
Moreover, when you chase something, it retreats. By moving on, you avoid falling into the role of being the chaser – trying desperately to win him over as he retreats further and further.
Now, with all that said, let’s dig a bit deeper in talking about guys and happiness.
It is true that if a guy truly doesn’t believe he can make you happy, he will leave the relationship. But I suspect this is not what happened in your case… reason being that he followed it up with “… because I’m not happy,” which I believe is the real message he was trying to convey.
However, all is not lost. It’s true that he might not be happy, but it might not be your fault that he’s unhappy. Men need to feel like they’re a “winner” in the world or they tend to fall apart – it’s just how we are.
If he doesn’t feel like a winner in the world — if he feels like he’s a loser at life at the moment — then that can be enough to keep him from wanting to be in a relationship (especially if he’s been feeling this way for a while). The best solution is to stand back and let him work out his issues.
If he’s already broken up with you, then move on – start getting new dating options, start meeting new guys. You would be amazed at how quickly some guys get their act together (even after months of turmoil) when they think they could lose their girl to some other guy. And the best part is, in the end he’ll thank you for being his inspiration and motivation to becoming a better man.
You’re not going to get there by coddling him (that will just make him feel pitiful). You’re not going to get their by begging him (that will just make him feel that you’re desperate).
The solution is that you motivate him to come back to you… or he doesn’t come back and you move on.
I know it’s not easy, but that is your best bet. Good luck.
Hope it helps,