Let’s talk about how to make a man happy and how to have a happy relationship.
If you do a quick Google search, you’ll find countless lists telling you what to do in order to please your man.
They will tell you the following:
- Wear sexy lingerie.
- Compliment him in front of other people.
- Cook him his favorite meal.
- Be spontaneous.
- Be supportive.
- Buy him thoughtful little gifts.
- Ask for his advice.
I’m not knocking any of these suggestions. In fact, they all work and will make your man happy, at least in the moment. But none of these tips give you insight into what it takes to have a genuinely happy relationship, one where both parties are fulfilled and deeply happy, and isn’t that the real goal?
Small gestures of love will definitely enhance happiness. And love is a verb, it requires continuous actions. But there is a core foundation that needs to be in place first, and that’s the part no one really talks about. So let’s talk about it!
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What Makes a Man Genuinely Happy?
My husband and I hit a rough patch when we were engaged. I remember asking him what would make him happy and his answer took me off guard. He said: for you to be happy, that’s all I need.
At the time, I was massively stressed. We were dealing with a move and wedding planning, and clashing over where to move and wedding planning, and I resented him for making my life more difficult by being so difficult about everything!
I was unhappy, and it was spilling into the relationship. Granted, he was wrong in certain ways, but once I changed my attitude and shifted to a more positive mindset, everything changed. I was happy, he was happy, and our relationship was happy, which made navigating through our differences much easier.
This isn’t unique to him. This is a guy thing. All a guy really needs is for his woman to be happy. Yeah, a home cooked meal and sexy outfit will certainly be appreciated, but men don’t really need those things to be truly happy in a relationship. It’s not so much about what you do as it is about the way you are when you’re with him.
Women set the emotional tone for a relationship in a lot of ways. Maybe you think it’s unfair, but really it’s empowering. We have so much more control over the situation than we realize. When you’re happy, he’s happy. It’s like this with so many things in life. What you put out there is what you get back. I especially noticed this since becoming a mom. In the beginning, I was very stressed and anxious (as most new moms are), and my baby was stressed and anxious. One day I decided to change my attitude and be happy. I ignored my aching body and the exhaustion that penetrated to the bone. I pushed it aside and plastered a smile on my face and greeted my baby with pure joy. And he instantly transformed into a happy and peaceful baby, I’m not kidding!
Men are simple creatures. Yes, believe me, I know how complicated and confusing their behavior can seem at times. But really, all a man wants is for his life to be pleasant and drama-free. When life strikes that calm balance, he’s happy and really doesn’t need anything else.
How to Have a Happy Relationship
You determine how happy your relationship will be before you even enter into it. It starts with your choice. You have the power to choose who to be with. So choose wisely!
Choose a man who is on the same wavelength as you and wants what you want. He has similar goals and values and more importantly, he wants the same kind of relationship you want. Don’t choose a guy who says he doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship right now hoping that you will be able to change his mind. This is just a recipe for wasting time and getting your heart broken.
Choosing someone who is compatible with you is where most people go wrong, so if you can master this, then you’ve already set the stage to have a happy, loving relationship.
Next, you need to be mindful of your mood and your vibe and the way you come across. How much time do you spend consumed with negative thoughts and how much time are you spending thinking positive thoughts?
What is your mood overall? Are you generally happy or miserable? Are you calm or stressed? Are you a constant worrier and the second one problem is solved you’re onto worrying about the next?
Take a look at how you engage with the world around you. Is your cup half empty or half full?
A happy relationship starts with you. It’s about being your best self and finding happiness on your own and then letting that spill into the relationship. Rather than extracting your sense of happiness from the relationship. See the difference?
Focus on having a balanced, happy life with many sources of happiness and fulfillment. Sometimes this will come easier than at other times, but it’s important to always keep your focus on being happy. Happiness doesn’t just happen, it’s an active process and you need to continue investing in it.
Now there’s another important component of this. If you want your man to do more of something, maybe you want him to plan romantic dates or compliment you more or be more affectionate, just tell him. Sure, we would all prefer that he just read our minds and know exactly how to make us happy, but men don’t operate like that. Men are literal creatures. If you want something, just tell him: “I love it so much when you’re affectionate. It really makes me happy.”
If you phrase it like this, he will shower you with affection. If you berate him for not being affectionate enough and make him feel bad, he will be even less inclined to show love and warmth toward you.
In relationships, it’s not so much what you say, but rather the way you say it that makes a difference.
MORE: What Makes a Man Happy
Men Are Happy When the Relationship is Going Well
It really is as simple as that. If it feels good to be around you, he’ll enjoy being around you.
This doesn’t mean you turn yourself into some sort of emotionless robot with a perpetual smile plastered on your face. It means you are emotionally mature and take responsibility for your feelings, as opposed to making him the source of all your unhappiness. It’s a natural reflex to assign blame elsewhere when we’re unhappy. But really, we need to take responsibility and recognize that while we can’t control the things that happen to us, we can control how we react to them.
It also means you accept your man for who he is and don’t treat him like a fixer-upper. Sure, maybe there is room for improvement, but that’s true of everyone. The way to bring out the best I someone isn’t to berate them for their worst, it’s to see the best in them.
When you see and accept your man for who he is, and you show him genuine appreciation, he becomes his best self. He also comes to love you even more.
It sounds simple, but it’s so easy to get wrapped up in our own lives and what we have going on, and so we forget to step outside of our own experience of life and of the relationship and really look at the other person.
Literally as I was writing this article I realized that my husband has been so amazing lately, dealing with our high energy toddler and a very pregnant and hormonal wife, and I couldn’t remember the last time I thanked him for it, so I paused and sent him a text expressing my true and genuine appreciation.
And I know it made his day and lit him up and charged his batteries to make him motivated to do even more for us.
In sum, men are happy when you are happy. And the way to deeply connect with a man and reach him at his emotional core is to see him for who he is and appreciate that person. And more than doing things for him, happiness comes from you being a genuinely happy person.
I hope this article helped you understand what really makes a man happy and what creates a truly happy relationship. But there are two more things you need to be aware of. The first is that at some point, your guy may start to pull away. You notice he seems less engaged, he’s a little cold toward you, he’s withdrawn, and it seems like he’s losing interest. Do you know how to handle it so you bring him back instead of pushing him further away? If not, read this next: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...
Next, there will come a point when a guy asks himself: Is this the woman I want to commit myself to? His answer will determine everything. Do you know what makes a man see a woman as girlfriend/wife material? Do you know what inspires a man to commit? If not, you need to read this too: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman