In this age of endless connection, we are more disconnected than ever and most relationships don’t go very far beyond the surface. Maybe it’s because we hold ourselves back or maybe it’s because we no longer have the tools to genuinely connect, like face-to-face and via conversation.
In order to build the foundation for a relationship, you need to create a meaningful connection, and this comes when you truly connect with who the other person is.
A little while back, I discovered this site called Thought Questions and I started keeping a list of some of my favorites. When my husband and I were still dating, I pulled up the list one night and suggested we play the “questions game.” We also mixed it up by seeing if we could guess what the other person would answer. It was a lot of fun, but also a very profound experience and we ended up learning so much about each other (and about ourselves!), which brought us even closer. To this day we make an effort to spend time asking each other deep, meaningful questions that go beyond ‘how was your day?’ And every time we do this, we discover new and interesting things about each other.
In his book “The Seven principles of Making a Marriage Work,” famed relationship researcher John Gottman (the dude who can predict whether a couple will get divorced with something like 95% accuracy after watching them interact for only a few minutes) cites “enhancing your love maps” as the first principle. A love map is essentially knowing all relevant information about your partner’s life, from small things like the name of their first pet to big things like significant experiences that shaped who they are. He explains that couples who have detailed love maps of each other’s worlds are much more equipped to cope with stressful events and overcome conflict.
The point is, knowledge is powerful and asking the right questions can unlock the gates for a meaningful connection and deep understanding of one another. It doesn’t matter what stage of a relationship you’re in, it could be the first date or your 10th year of marriage, people are deep and complex and always evolving so there is always something new to learn.
To help you tap into the power of knowing, here is a list of my favorite bonding questions to ask your guy in order to get even closer and more connected.