What’s in a question? In a word, everything.
People are struggling in their relationships. Some people are just struggling to find a relationship. Others are having difficulty keeping a relationship and others are trying to resuscitate a relationship that’s standing on its last leg.
Why is this happening? The problem really comes down to a breakdown in communication and not knowing how to form meaningful connections.
We get so consumed in our own wants and needs, in protecting our hearts and our egos, that we can’t see the other person clearly … we may not even try.
That is why Eric and I decided to write a whole book on the topic. “7 Questions to Ask a Guy” is your ultimate guide to both the art of conversation and navigating the dating waters so you find the lasting love you want. This book will show you how to talk to him at every stage to take your relationship to the next level.
Conversations aren’t meant to impress another person, but to discover them.
Most people don’t take this approach and that’s why dating can feel so stressful and overwhelming. You can’t just be; instead, you try to be what you think the other person wants. The best approach is to go in without a preconceived image of them, and without wanting to seem a certain way in their eyes. See them as a blank piece of paper and then see how they fill in the blanks.
Learning How to Communicate
Famed relationship researcher John Gottman cites “enhancing your love maps” as his first principle to making a marriage last- and this guy knows his stuff and can predict whether a couple will get divorced with something like 95% accuracy!
A love map is essentially knowing all relevant information about your partner’s life, from small things like the name of their first pet to big things like significant experiences that shaped who they are. He explains that couples who have detailed love maps of each other’s worlds are much more equipped to cope with stress and overcome conflict.
You can’t love someone unless you truly know them and a lot of us dive into relationships without knowing some crucial and pretty basic information about who we’re dealing with!
And then it comes as no surprise when the relationship falls apart because you were just too fundamentally incompatible, or because he wasn’t on the same page as you at all, or he’s incapable or unwilling to give you what you want… and you’re completely devastated and jaded and then carry that into your next relationship.
Over the years, Eric and I have answered thousands of questions from readers and what always stood out to me is how much pain these women could have spare themselves had they just opened their eyes a little and asked some crucial questions … and listened to the answers.
We have an arsenal of articles filled with questions to ask a guy on A New Mode.
These questions are a great jumping-off point to discover who someone is and you can check them out here:
In the book, you will find clever and creative questions to ask a guy, but it contains much, much more.
Why This Book is Important
This book is important no matter what the status of your relationship.
Maybe you date and date and date but nothing sticks. You’re on an endless seesaw of high hopes and crushing defeats. You see so much potential, only to feel blindsided when the guy just ghosts on you, or maybe he has the courage to break up face to face, but his reasons for wanting to end things don’t make you feel any better. He says “something’s missing” that he just “doesn’t feel it” or he just “isn’t ready for a relationship right now.”
Speaking of … let’s talk about the not ready for a relationship right now people.
Now there’s a sticky situation that should be pretty clear-cut. But if it were clear-cut, relationship coaches wouldn’t have the careers we do because this topic is our bread and butter! You’re dating a guy, all is seemingly going well, and you think you’re about to take the next step … and he pulls the rug out from under you and says he doesn’t plan to be in a serious relationship for the foreseeable future. Ummm… what??
He says he’s busy with his job … he wants to be more financially stable … he wants to deal with some emotional issues … he can’t jump into anything right now because he’s been burned in the past … basically, he gives you some very legitimate sounding reasons for why he can’t commit to you. And since the reasons are so legit … you stay and you wait. And you wait and wait. And then you get angry about all the waiting. You decide you’re worth more than this and you don’t have to take it and you lash out at him, and he calms you down … by providing more legitimate excuses.
Things might sail along like this for a while, or he might abruptly end it. Even worse, he might swiftly enter into a new relationship, an “official” relationship, just as swiftly as he sent you packing.
You’re devastated and defeated. Is it you? Are you just not good enough? Are you unlovable? Are you unworthy? Are you just cursed?
No. It’s most likely not any of those things. The problem in all these scenarios is a fundamental lack of communication. That’s it. We don’t know how to communicate and as a result, we don’t know how to form meaningful connections.
We wake up after years of being in a relationship with someone to discover they don’t want the same things we want. We discover this guy we’ve invested so much into has no desire to be in a committed relationship, and the reason we didn’t know is we didn’t ask. And the reason we didn’t ask is that maybe we were afraid of discovering the truth because the truth wasn’t going to align with the fantasy future we were so desperately trying to attain.
We don’t understand it when a guy says he just doesn’t “feel it” or when he ghosts us when things seemed to be going so well.
Didn’t he feel what we felt? Most likely no, because we were so consumed with our own experience of the relationship that we forgot to pay attention to his. We were so busy trying to figure out how he felt about us and how to win him over that we forgot to tap into who he truly was, when tapping into that is what flips that switch in a man’s mind and gets him to see us as someone different and special.
It’s easy to blame our society for all the problems and all the miscommunications and missed connections.
You get lost in a sea of options on dating apps, so busy looking at what might be next you can’t be present with what is. People don’t know how to “talk” anymore because no one talks anymore … we type and tweet and text and convey emotions with emojis.
This book isn’t just a list of questions to ask a guy to make you seem quirky and charming.
This is about tapping into who a guy is and learning if he wants what you want, because that is the recipe for relationship success. And more importantly, it will help you navigate through each stage of the relationship while growing closer and deepening your connection so you can have the love and the relationship you’ve always wanted.
It’s available on Amazon right now- you can purchase it here:
I really hope you enjoy and can’t wait to hear what you think!
And here are some more fun questions articles for you: