What Men Want in a Woman: Top Five Things post image

What Men Want in a Woman: Top Five Things

What do men want in a woman? It may seem like a loaded question, but really the answer is quite simple.

While every guy has his own preferences when it comes to the physical–some like blondes, some like brunettes; some like petite, some like curvy–there are several fundamental qualities that all men crave in a woman.

The media might lead you to believe that getting a man is all about the physical: what you wear, how you do your makeup, the right push-up bra, the right scent. These things will certainly help you attract a man, but will do little to keep him interested and invested.

This is what it takes to be a man’s ultimate dream girl:

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1. Appreciate Him

Men are starved for appreciation. No man is going to come right out and say it, so you’re really going to have to take my word for it. In relationships, women mostly want to feel loved and understood. What men want most is to be appreciated and respected. Rather than focusing on what your man isn’t doing, try to hone in on the good things he is doing (there have to be some).

There is no greater feeling to a man than that of being truly seen and appreciated for who he is by the woman he cares about. The trouble is a lot of women can’t see past the things he isn’t doing right. And what’s worse is a lot of women will harp on a man over these things, which makes him less inclined to do the things she wants. Instead, it makes him feel like a failure and he will shut down as a result.

If you can genuinely appreciate the little things he does, he will go out of his way to do the big things as well.

MORE: 5 Things Every Girl Needs to Know About Men

2. R-E-S-P-E-C-T

It goes without saying that an ideal woman is one who respects herself. She also genuinely respects her man.

In addition to being appreciated, men have an enormous need to feel respected. This is true of all humans, but usually this desire burns stronger in men. What I mean by respect, is she understands who he is and what he needs and gives him space to express himself without making demands on him and prioritizing herself over him.

Respect means accepting he needs certain things, even if they are in opposition to what you want or need. For example, when men get stressed or feel unbalanced, they usually like to retreat into their “cave” to sort things out. They don’t necessarily like talking through the problem and would rather work it out on their own and then come back into the relationship re-charged.

So let’s say your guy is having a hard time and needs some time alone, but you really want him to be open and honest with you and want him to share his feelings. Respecting him entails putting what’s best for him above what you want. In this case, it would be giving him the space to work through his issues even though you would prefer that he talk to you about it, because that’s what’s going to be most beneficial for him.

3.  Encourages Him to Meet her Needs Without Being Needy

While some of your previous relationships may have proven otherwise, the truth is men are natural givers. Yes, that’s right. They want to give, they want to provide, and they want to make you happy. What they don’t want is to be bossed around and told what to do.

When a woman tells a man what to do, she is essentially emasculating him by taking away the very thing that makes him feel significant: his ability to provide. When you boss him around, he feels like a failure for not being able to do his job. Rather than wanting to do more for you, he feels defeated and  retreats.

MORE: Why Men Withdraw

I’m not saying you should just let him do what he wants and not say a peep. There is a right way to encourage a guy to meet your fundamental needs (when I say needs, I mean universal needs we have as humans, like the desire to bond, connect, and support each other, not texting every hour on the hour), but it has to be done in a way that empowers him, not in a way that makes him feel like a failure.

If you appreciate your man and are able to see him for who he is and love him for being that person, flaws and all, you are empowering him. When a woman is in a good place emotionally, she can empower her man effortlessly because it comes naturally to her. She brings out the best in him because she is coming from a place of love, not a place of control. She doesn’t need him to validate her sense of self or be the one to heal her from her painful past. She is with him because she wants to be, not because she has some agenda.

Men want to feel manly and significant. They want to provide for you, it’s just their nature to be that way. However, a man will only want to give to a woman who can happily receive what he has to offer, not one who is going to make unnecessary demands in order to feel good about herself and secure in the relationship. A woman who tries to get this assurance from the outside will always be unsatisfied and there is nothing more unappealing to a man than an unhappy woman.

QUIZ: Are You Accidentally Ruining Your Relationship? 

4. Accepts Him for Who He Is and Brings Out His Best.

A lot of the time, women get caught up in turning a guy into what they want him to be rather than accepting him as he is and encouraging him to become his best self.

Men can sense when a woman is trying to change or control them and it isn’t motivating, it’s crippling and defeating.

It makes him feel like a failure and as a result, he’ll go in the opposite direction. In any relationship, it’s imperative to accept the other person for who they are, this includes the good and the bad. The worst thing you can do is try and turn him into what you need him to be. It may sound crazy, but women do this all the time!

Maybe you’re trying to get him to be more emotionally supportive, more sensitive, more affectionate. I mean, all these things are great, but what you need to ask yourself is if you’re trying to get him to be that way because it would be good for him or because it would be good for you? Now there’s the million dollar question…

An ideal woman accepts him as he is and since she is so accepting and appreciative, he becomes a better man, a better boyfriend, completely on his own. She brings her best self to the table and knows by doing this, she will bring out his best self.

5. Confident and Secure in Herself

This is perhaps the most essential trait of all. In fact, if you can master this, doing everything else on this list will be easy and effortless.

There is nothing sexier or more appealing to a man than a woman who is thoroughly confident within herself and truly loves her life. Period.

Train yourself to see the good in who you are and what you have to offer. Learn to realize that any man would be beyond lucky to land you and see yourself as the ultimate prize. Even if you don’t actually feel this way yet, say it to yourself anyway. Thoughts have a way of becoming reality and eventually, it will sink it.

I hope this article helped you better understand what men want in a woman and in a relationship. But there’s more you need to know. Do you know how to truly capture his heart and make him see you as a woman who is a cut above the rest? A woman who he desperately wants to commit himself to? If not, read this next: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman

Written by Sabrina Alexis

I’m Sabrina Alexis, the co-founder, and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing relatable, insightful articles that help people understand relationship dynamics and how to get the love they want. I have a degree in psychology and have spent the last 10 years interviewing countless men and reading and studying as much as I can to better understand human psychology and how men operate. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Instagram.

18 comments… add one

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Angela D Bostie

I just want to comment and say I really appreciate the time and thought you put into your articles! I like to sit down and read them in the morning with my coffee :) Thank you!

Reply September 14, 2020, 9:28 am

Bilkisu B. M.

Waawaawooou, mind blowing
Very healthy and helpful. This is indeed charitable to mankind. God bless you always for this knowledge.

Reply September 22, 2019, 2:40 am


What I find really odd is the fact that women write articles about both, what women want and what men want. These things you’ve pointed out (except for no. 2) are real obvious. What men really want in a partner is Loyalty, Truthfullness, Not a cheat, Compassionate, Understanding and a Reasoner. Not how a woman should love herself because newsflash, Human beings are a very selfish animal, so the “love yourself ” tip is just some real highscale bullshit. The reason why men dont want needyness in a woman is because
1. He feels like she’s using him.
2. Loves him only for his money
3. Only accepts that he exists cuz he has cash.

Moreover, ladies, if you really want to score a man, have you ever thought that if he’s soo giving, shouldn’t you be someone to change the game a little? It throws a man off real hard when you give him something and when you tell him its because he’s too busy working hard and forgets the life he’s created around him. Do not insult him (dont buy something and then tell him cuz couldn’t buy it himself etc etc) and he’ll be overwhelmed, with love. Last but not least, be supportive to him, the fact that he’s a man ensures he’ll get in some sort of a pickle or the other, the fact that you stand beside him hand in hand will make him feel truly appreciated and powerful.

Now to shock you, this all comes from a 17 year old. Meow

Reply February 25, 2019, 7:25 am

PS Kumar

I need to get 5th point clearly. As it is not clear to me. What 5 things man need in his life.

Reply July 26, 2018, 8:46 am


really love that

Reply June 18, 2018, 12:09 pm

Scott F.

So, I’m a 17 year old male.

Now, I had found this article when I was looking up what women want from men, and guess what? The results were disappointing. I could tell the men who wrote the articles I had came across were only taking into account specific stereotypes of women, and it made me cringe a bit how pathetic the articles actually were.

The reason I had even looked up what women want from men is that I simply wanted to understand that! Thing is, I realized that in order to understand that, I needed to read something written by a woman.

My ignorance (as much as I try to be void of it) had blinded me once again, but alas! I overcame it, and I realized that I was looking at the wrong question. In order to find out what a woman wants from a man, you need to understand a woman. I decided to ask a question a woman would only be expected to ask. What does a man want from a woman?

I feel obligated to give critique to this article on what it has stated, and I will also say what I desire myself.

1. Appreciates Him
Response: I don’t think that a lot of people don’t like appreciation, although, to much appreciation can make someone who feels selfless kinda guilty. All the other points made in the section are very true! A man (if he isn’t a sex-driven neanderthal who doesn’t have the mental capacity to take into account that his partner matters) will be satisfied in benefiting his partner, I mean, come on, a relationship is meant for the individuals in it to benefit each other. When a woman obnoxiously orders their partner to the point of which the stress applied surpasses what you can imagine to be a terrible minimum wage job in which not even a trace of vigor is left in you at the end of your shift, then most men are going to get pretty irritated, and vice versa. This doesn’t mean you can’t ask your partner to do too many things for you obviously, just make sure that he feels like he is benefiting you! Oh what, you thought I was going to say that you should make sure he gets something in return? Haha, funny, but contrary to what you may assume, the solution is not always that. Relationships that rely on unconditional love are the ones that do not wilt away. This means that both individuals should be satisfied by each other’s satisfaction alone.

2. R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Response: This article is true in what it declares, but, individuals can vary, so parts of their nature and actions that need to be regarded with respect will vary too.

3. Encourages Him to Meet her Needs Without Being Needy
Response: DO NOT ASSUME ALL MEN ARE NATURAL GIVERS!!! That kind of mindset will screw you over when you’re in a relationship with someone who isn’t. You should be able to discern if your partner wants to meet your needs or if they could care less. Even then, some guys do the bare minimum to keep their partner content with their relationship so they can reap their own desired benefits with ease. Lack of communication with a partner will skew what they think about your condition. They could think you’re fine even though you are insinuating that you aren’t. Just discuss with your partner what you need clearly, if they happen to not comprehend what you’re saying then explain it a different way. If they are annoyed, well they are in the wrong for denying the fact that they must always take you into consideration. Regardless though, some grace must be given instead of flat out disappointment, try to help them understand the values of taking you into account.

4. Accepts Him for Who He Is and Brings Out His Best.
Response: What good is accepting something that is a failure? How effective is bringing out the best in something that is a failure? No one is perfect nor can someone be perfect. Listen, turn him into what you want him to be, but, do it right. The process won’t always work because some people are to ignorant to believe that they should be better for you, but if they are willing, then it is possible. The thing is you aren’t perfect either, but relationships are all about two individuals benefiting each other. This means that you both are going to mold each other, although, one may be making more of an impact than the other.

5. Confident and Secure in Herself
Response: Honestly, it depends on the man. I personally can be pretty selfless in nature, this is because I don’t like to be ignorant. Being selfless is something that helps me in not being ignorant, so I find it to be a very good trait for others to have, being insecure can be a helpful thing and creating false confidence in yourself can be dangerous. It isn’t bad to have confidence and be secure in yourself when you are in a position that makes you feel like that, as long as you don’t let it all get to your head and you begin to undermind others. It is expected that people who aren’t secure in their knowledge of how others will respond to them will seek out how to elicit a response from others that they desire. That is how being insecure helps you find answers because you must understand that you don’t know everything, so you can’t be confident in yourself if you really don’t know what you must do.

Now as for what I desire, I will tell you, but honestly I’m just doing it to show you how the desires of a gender can’t easily be generalized and that the can contrast greatly depending on an individual.

1. Unconditionally loves me
2. Is not ignorant
3. Takes me into account
4. Isn’t hesitant to speak her mind (Even if what she says may contradict what I think, it just needs to not be said with spite)
5. Looks don’t matter. I know it sounds corny but It isn’t the outside that matters, it’s the inside, but since I don’t take into account the physical attributes that someone doesn’t have control over then neither should my partner.
6. Gives me grace

Reply September 17, 2017, 3:16 am


Wow!! I haven’t heard such good sound advice for ages !! This is literally PROFOUND. You’re going to make some young woman a happy wife! Great thoughts !! I’ve been married 37 years and have tried to find the best advice out there because it’s been so difficult . And why should it be?!! Like you said— if they care about you and you them, and you’re an unselfish person who seeks NOT to be ignorant, and you both seek to benefit each other and give each other unconditional love and Grace—- you MUST succeed! This behavior then garnishes Respect. Respect IS earned through time and consistency.
BRILLIANT!! This is an answer to my prayers today !! Thank you !!

Reply September 22, 2018, 12:27 pm


Thank you for this artical, this has helped me alot.

Reply May 12, 2017, 8:20 pm



i lost bby daddy 2 years back n i still find it hard to move on.i need advices

Reply December 28, 2016, 3:20 pm


Speaking from 38+ years of marriage … I want a woman who takes care of herself for me. The same as I take care of myself for her. A woman who lets herself go once she has landed her man is saying “I’m in this for me alone”. Of course the reverse is true, a man who does not take care of himself for his woman is just as guilty. Ladies and Gentlemen, successful relationships are not 50% / 50% deals, they are 100% / 100% deals. Be committed to giving your 100% all the time.

Reply November 4, 2016, 1:35 pm


I’ll do anything to make my wife/girlfriend happy, and in return I want to be loved. This is not a deal! This is what I call connection (mutual or whatever!) For a man having romance, being appreciated, being respected, … means nothing if he doesn’t feel to be loved.

Reply June 5, 2016, 9:55 pm


Amazing article, very well-written and well-analyzed! Keep up the good work, Sabrina, you’re really doing the good work! This should be taught in high schools everywhere!!!

Reply November 17, 2015, 2:57 am


Hi Sabrina,
Am most grateful for the advice you have been giving. But pls most at times am not able to watch the videos you have been sending,I would love lt ,if possible it should also be written so that we that we can’t watch we can read. Please do that for me.
I want your advice on the this,is it right to date a married man. The person said yes because he doesn’t want the man to feel bad. Please your advice on that pls????

Reply October 13, 2015, 10:15 am

Holly C.

Hi Eric,
Need your advice on a guy I meet about 3 weeks ago and he is pulling away. We had a rocky start when we met and I had 2 great dates but then I did not text him for 2 days as I did not want to chase him and seem needy. Long story short I texted him and he flipped. He said I did not make him feel wanted and I was saying words were not backed up by actions. So after much arguing I apologized to him and showed up with a card at his house as a surprise to back up my words with action. Again he flipped and said I was way too much to deal with. So damned if you do damned if you don’t. I texted him a day after that but he did not acknowledge my feelings at all so I told him I was hurt. He flipped out again and said I had no idea what was going on his life. Anyways another argument that ended in him apologizing. This was on Friday night and the weekend went by and never asked me out nor have I heard from him in 3 days since the argument. Should I just leave this and move on??? or should I wait it out? Should send him a text? I just feel like he is going to what he wants anyways no matter what I do its wrong?? HELP me Eric.

Reply October 27, 2014, 1:49 pm


enjoying every word u write.
very eyeopening, useful and plain awesome!

Reply June 9, 2014, 3:29 am

Cissy namirembe

Very helpful

Reply June 1, 2014, 11:10 am


Awesome advice Sabrina, thank you!
Just wondering…should women be like this from the get-go? What if the guy still has to prove himself – should we still be accepting, respectful etc? What if the guy we’re seeing doesn’t show us that he’s worth our time – shouldn’t we just be clear with where he went wrong (bullet points, sock puppets, whatever men understand lol), and move on if he’s unable to provide what we need?
Feedback appreciated! Still confused :)
More power to ANM! LOOOOOOOOOOVE you guys xx

Reply June 6, 2013, 5:07 pm


Great article.. insightful and totally on point (as always!)

Reply June 6, 2013, 4:05 pm

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