This topic contains 249 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Jade 4 years, 8 months ago.
October 6, 2014 at 2:17 am #367505
Yes, the grieving process can take time, but healthy people TRY to move forward bit by bit… he on the other hand seems to not WANT to get out of it… and he uses excuse after excuse to stay in it…
In fact he’s not only stuck, he’s spiraling downwards…
Amber, you should definitely leave now and never look back… this guy has issues, issues that are deep enough to destroy not only himself but you aswell…October 6, 2014 at 7:59 am #367514
Isn’t that the exact point though, that he is NOT a healthy person right now. I am moving on and have not had contact w/him since Sat. But if he works on himself and decides to come back on his own, I’ll re-evaluate then. I can’t turn my feelings off b/c I will it do…I wish. What he said when we had “the” talk is that it’s not about how much he loves or respects me, it’s all to do w/that he can’t give me anything until he works on himself.October 6, 2014 at 9:38 am #367536
People can change and grow from things that happen to them/they experience in life… a year from now he may be a completely different person…
You can of course consider that a possibility… but do not put your life on hold for him. IF he changes completely and IF you’re still single and still interested if/when that happens, THEN consider giving him a second chance…
It’s NOT promising that he knows he needs to work on himself, yet does nothing to do just that though (in fact he’s doing the opposite)…
What’s up with the name change (Amber/Krysta) !!?October 6, 2014 at 9:47 am #367538
You got me…same person.October 7, 2014 at 9:05 am #367699
Well, I decided last night, as I tossed and turned again, that my patience and understanding level has been bled dry…
Since he dodges talking on the phone, and actually seeing each other in person is the issue, I had to go with an email this morning. (I am actually embarrassed to say how long it’s actually been since we HAVE seen each other….especially since we’re not long distance.)
Kept it short and sweet, no anger, and I had come up with this last night that encompassed my thoughts:
‘The right woman for you would inspire you to make time for her, to follow your words with actions, and to integrate her into your life.
The right man for me would never put me in a position where I even felt I had to ask for those things.”
*sigh* Part of me hopes he just disappears into the ether…….October 7, 2014 at 9:42 am #367711
Woo…Pheebs! !!! Brave woman. I wonder will he reply ??? In some ways I hope he disappears too. How are you feeling ????October 7, 2014 at 10:41 am #367726
This is going to suckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.
A little over two hours later, and still nothing….but that’s the norm for him, as he has classes in the mornings some days and then work, or just work. And he doesn’t check his email as often.
I feel strangely calm though….so maybe that’s a sign right there.October 7, 2014 at 10:59 am #367731
Wow Phoebe, your e-mail is literally exactly how I feel…congrats to you for being brave and pressing send. Either way you’re going to get a sign…and I’m crossing my fingers that its the best one for you!
So I went 100% MIA w/”T” since we last text Sat. I’m still sad, but I’m accepting things for what they are and starting to feel calmer about the situation. Go figure, I get a text message from him yesterday that says “hi”, I responded hi back and then he asked how I was. I responded by saying I was doing ok and asked how he was. No response. I can’t tell you the last time I got an unsolicited text from him that wasn’t telling me how bad his day was or breaking plans, etc…basically nothing positive. I know that this might not mean anything but I was still quite surprised.October 7, 2014 at 11:35 am #367740
Amber, it was time for me to finally be direct. He and I had these discussions a few times over the last year or so, and nothing ever changed.
I knew that if I didn’t do it this morning, I would have waited longer….which really wasn’t fair to me. He said the most wonderful things…..but without putting any action behind it, it was worthless.October 7, 2014 at 12:01 pm #367744
Phoebe – I actually agree. I was dating this guy “P” this summer and he told me the very good things that a girl would love to hear. But none of it was backed by action. I was starting to get restless and even had a talk with my sister about it. I was going to give him one more month to shape up else he was out. And then he dumped me via text. I literally got over him in fast forward motion. 3 weeks later he came back saying that he made a big mistake etc. etc. I told him the mistake was dumping me over text but he was right we were not compatible. Since then we do meet sometimes for a movie or something but I wouldn’t ever want to date him again.
He was really good at sex though. I think I miss that most of all :D …. Sigh …. :DOctober 7, 2014 at 1:50 pm #367758
Ah. Sex. I have wonderful memories of what that is………*sigh*. lol
I still haven’t heard anything back from him, and I don’t know if it’s because he’s at work, or he doesn’t WANT to respond, or what, but it is what it is.
It’ll be interesting to see IF he comes back, what he’ll have to say. I’m not excepting anything else other than, “I do love you, I don’t want to lose you, let’s get together to talk tonight, and I will be the man I promised to be…”, with actions actions actions!
Needless to say, I highly doubt that’s going to happen. lolOctober 7, 2014 at 1:50 pm #367759
Another typo!!!!!!! Grrr!!!!!!!!! ACCEPTING, not excepting!!
Jeez, my brain is buggered today.October 7, 2014 at 5:16 pm #367789
Amber.. YOU pulling back from him and going NO Contact appears to be working. I would continue this .. mirror him.. long text him.. long text you.. short text him.. short text you.
SEE.. if he steps up or not. I STILL advocate you walking away from him until he gets help and can PROVE he has sorted his shit out.October 8, 2014 at 10:44 am #367911
Try and not be jealous, but I got a “Babyyyyyyy” text this morning at 8am from my idiot. (I am being HIGHLY sarcastic, btw….)
I have NO idea if he read my email yesterday, and if he DID, I think that text is the lamest thing on the planet. On the one hand I felt a slight sense of relief(?) that I heard from him, but at the same time, I was disappointed. Going to try and put it out of my mind today. And tomorrow. And the day after, etc etc, unless I hear something REAL.
Needless to say, I didn’t reply. There was nothing to say to that regardless.October 8, 2014 at 11:06 am #367922
Stay strong. Any man worth his salt who got that email and wanted to be with you would have been moved to call you are at least respond with more than that lame text. I know this scuks, but you are setting boundaries and owning what is best for you.
Hugs and good luck. We are here for you.October 8, 2014 at 11:11 am #367923
LOL Phoebe, I would have been like WWWWHHHHHHAAAAATTTTTT?????? for Christ sake he sounds like a toddler crying with that text really?? Grow some balls and act like a man.
Harley, sooooo I was talking about you with my dad last night :-) He so laughed his ass off about your Interpol comment, I also showed him your pic and he thought you were an attractive lady, but he did say he didn’t know if he could handle a full Irish lady lol I said Oh dad its not like she is gonna cut your balls off and put them on display. hahaha But I thought I would tell you that he thought you were very pretty :-))))October 8, 2014 at 11:15 am #367925
That’s what I thought too, Celeste. But again, he’s not very “up” on keeping track of his email, so I really have 0% clue IF he even saw it. I was tempted to at least reply with “Ummm, did you check your mail yesterday??????” lol But I didn’t. Pfffffffffffftttt.
Mel, for real. OY!!!! lol
And I’m not necessarily sure that Harley WOULDN’T do that to someone. ;) Maybe not your dad, but SOMEONE. Ha ha ha!!!!October 8, 2014 at 11:24 am #367927
Well I didn’t need to scare him lol, he has had his fair share of female psyco’s lolOctober 8, 2014 at 11:29 am #367929
lolOctober 8, 2014 at 4:14 pm #367996
Ah …but I’m an IRISH psycho…we’re a class of our own. And…he’d need more than 2 hands to handle me….perhaps some rope and a muzzle. ..I bite !!! Lol. Tell him thanks a million for the complement. He sounds like he had a irish in him…by the charm !!
Wow pheebs. …what a skunk. …There will be more to hear no doubt. Stay strongOctober 8, 2014 at 4:45 pm #368001
Nah that’s the German in him LOLOctober 8, 2014 at 5:11 pm #368007
I don’t know WHAT he is.
Just wish I knew if he’d read the damned email or not, ‘ya know? Is he just being HIM, or is he dismissing what he read IF he read it? Grrrrrrrrrr.
We’ll see if I hear from him again. Damn men. ;)October 8, 2014 at 11:11 pm #368045
As we all know. …I LOVE Germans !!!!
Hang tight Pheebs !! Waiting is a killer but time always tells.keep busy. Try to distract yourselfOctober 9, 2014 at 8:51 am #368066
Thanks, Harley! xoxoxo
I think I’m doing better than I expected because I kept myself emotionally guarded with him, due to all the things that were going on with him. I wasn’t going to go ‘all in’, so to speak, until his actions started following what he was saying. Had we been actively, physically seeing each other during this time, well, first off, then I wouldn’t have been in this position with him in the first place, lol, but the lack of physical closeness due to his schedule and problems (or lies, who knows), also made it easier to not get too emotionally attached.
Thankfully I’ve learned a few things myself over the years after my separation/divorce. Tread carefully until you know its safe! And even then, keep an eye out for land mines! lol
Told Harley that I was meeting up with a friend for lunch today, so that should be good. Plus it gets me out of work early, which is ALWAYS a plus. :)
Hope everyone has a great day….October 9, 2014 at 6:11 pm #368194
Just in case anyone was curious, he just texted me….he said he just figured out why I ignored him yesterday and he JUST saw the email. He doesn’t want to “give up on us, and he wants to have a serious discussion with me in person.” Apparently I need to wait until Monday night after he works though.
He’s still at work, so he couldn’t call….just got these, so I haven’t replied yet. :-/