I have been dating this guy for roughly 8 months. Things started out amazing, getting to know each other turned into mutual interest and before long he asked me to be his girlfriend. He even dropped the ‘I Love You’ bomb on me, which was fine because the feeling was mutual. I never invested myself in a relationship 100% before him, but he managed to get me mentally, emotionally, and physically. With all that being said, I understand that a woman should not put too much out there or be too available in the beginning. I did that and lived by that in the past … Hell, I got him by doing that.
Lately, however, I’ve found myself living around him, being super available and maybe even a little needy. I’ve also noticed a change in the way he is around me. He seems to slowly be losing interest. He makes time for me, but I don’t feel like it’s enough and things just feel different.
My question: When you are in a relationship with someone, how do you ensure that he wont lose interest? He says he loves me and wants to have a future but sometimes I feel like his actions aren’t matching his words. Am I reading too much into this? What’s going on?
The solution: Put 100% into your life and your relationship. When you come in “full,” your happiness will spill over into the relationship and he will want more of it and give more to it.
Part of giving 100% to your relationship is giving 100% to your life in general.
Sometimes a woman gets into a relationship and she completely lets her life go. She no longer hangs out with her friends, she no longer engages in her hobbies, she stops pursuing her own interests.
Her entire life is basically her just spending time with her boyfriend or doing what she has to do (e.g. her job, college classes, etc.)
The problem slowly creeps up that he (the boyfriend) is now the entire source of satisfaction in her whole life.
And the girl can make the mistake of thinking that this means she’s giving 100% to the relationship because she’s constantly with him.
But this isn’t giving 100% – this is taking 100%.
The woman in this case is looking to her boyfriend to “fill her up” versus looking to her own self and her own life to “fill her up.” In that way, she comes into the relationship every day empty handed, looking to get full on the relationship.
Not a problem when he’s already full and happy to give. But after a while, this constantly taking can run the relationship’s emotional bank account dry… And that’s the point where the guy feels like he needs to add things to his own life so he can fill himself up.
Now, maybe your example isn’t that extreme, but do you see where I’m going with this?
You need your life to fill you up completely. You need your life and your own self to make yourself completely happy and satisfied – and then allow that to spill over into your relationship…
A lot of people reverse this – they think the relationship should fill them up so that they go into life feeling fuller. This does happen, but it can only happen when both people (for the most part) are coming into the relationship full to begin with.
Hope it helps,