Home › Forums › Did He Lose Interest? › Gray area between low interest and REALLY busy/stressed?
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I am very interested to see how this evening goes…….VERY interested.
Thanks, Raven my dear!
I posted Loads and it got ate….be cause I used the word s p e l l. Feck it ! Bedtime.i will post 2moro. Good luck.
Good morning, lovely ladies!!
Quick recap of last night: I looked hot as Hell, got lots of stares from the other male patrons at the restaurant, which made me feel awesome. Plus the target of my wiles was completely beguiled. ;)
We had our discussion where I laid out how despite our connection and feelings for each other, texting alone was not enough of a relationship for me, and it’s not what I want. He agreed, and we said the following:
1) He works 12 hour days on the days he DOESN’T start off with graduate school courses, and on those days, he has both school AND work. We decided that I in fact did not care if I came to HIS place even if he had to do cleaning, laundry, or maybe a little school work, b/c any time is better than none….that I don’t need to be all up in his business every day and vice versa, but we NEED to increase the frequency for this to be viable.
2) We agreed that we either need to completely stop OR move forward, and neither one of us wants to stop. And casual is NOT an option, as he said we have long passed that point.
3) We love each other, and both feel like this is something we want to move forward with, even with the bumps.
When we were discussing his busy schedule, i told him that I respected the fact that he felt overwhelmed, and he just didn’t have time to be in a relationship. He got upset and said, “So you’re saying I should be punished for working my ass off trying to make more money, and build for a better future?? That’s not fair.” I looked right into his eyes and said, “Let me ask you this….do you see a future with me? With us, and for us?” He looked right back me, looked me dead square in the eyes, and said “I wouldn’t be here now if I didn’t.”
So we talked some more about what things we both needed to tweak, and we are pushing forward. I am not dropping my guard, as far as having any grand illusions OR delusions, but I think we both vetted out what was on our minds, how we felt, and what we wanted. Whether the actions follow or not is the Million Dollar Question, but we are on the same page, we both love each other, so I will continue to be patient, and watch what happens. :)
Good Job Phoebe for getting it all out in the open and stating what you want and what you don’t want and standing your ground. Now like you said he has to show you he is serious. I hope he is :-) It is tough having so much on your plate and wanting to be with someone too. I hope he can make it work.
I am COMPLETELY understanding and supportive…and I don’t expect to be THE focus of his life. But IF he really wants to be in this with me, he needs to find some sort of compromise…and I am willing to “help” make it easier by coming to him. I’ve told him that all along. I don’t think he really believed me though, b/c he’s usually been involved with women younger than him, and it was always about THEM.
I told him even if it was a couple times a month, that would be fine….but we need the physical connection too.
We shall see!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks, Mel.
Woohoo. ..that’s great. Men like to provide for their women so it’s important you made and continue to make him feel great about this.
I need to have this talk with Frank !
He’s said that if I treat him like he’s my King, I will always be his Queen.
I know I can do that…let’s see if HE can walk the walk. ;)
And almost Germany time, Harls…..go get ’em!!!
I bet you cant wait Harley :-)
I need to exhibit a little patience right now, my guy has still been communicating with me ( he is very good about that ) it just has dropped off a bit, I have let it (mirroring him and also I don’t communicate much when I am not feeling well) we talked last night though and I told him that I was sorry if he felt that I wasn’t much of a conversationalist lately that I am just not 100% feeling better, but that I also knew that he wanted some him time and just didn’t want to bug him.
His response was AAAAWWWWW you are so sweet and thank you I know you always understand (kiss kiss)
I know he is feeling a bit off, because his wife’s birthday is this month (she died 4 years ago tragically) and that is one of the reason he is wanting to man cave.
But I am now feeling a little needy not bad just I have some things going on that I would like his shoulder to lean on I know if I ask him he would be there, but I don’t want to, because I know he is needing this time for himself. He has made plans with me for the weekend. But I guess I just need a little support getting through this needy moment.
Well, you know you have us here…but I also know it’s not the same. :-/ I’ve had things happen where it would have been awesome to be able to go to my guy, but I knew that he just had way too much to handle on his own, and it’s not like he could have done anything to “help”, necessarily. *sigh*
Always that debate about whether to keep our stuff to ourselves so as not to “burden them” when they’re going through something on their own. OY!!!!!
Yeah I know and its not like I can really complain he reaches out to me everyday, he just got done telling me good morning and to have a good day and to see how I slept. And he knows what is going on, and he tries to help by telling me it will all be okay. But your right he cant fix it, there really isn’t anything that can be done. I guess it is more that my brain is worrying about it, and I guess I just wish I could have a snuggle while I worry. But like I said I suppose I cant complain too much because even though he is in his man cave he still reaches out, and I know a ton of ladies on here would kill for that.
You’re absolutely entitled to feel like you feel. I know I would kill for a cuddle from my guy when I’m feeling down. Even when we know they’re doing their best for them as men, we always wish that every once in awhile they could just give that LITTLE extra that as women we would eat up. ;)
Talk about minds churning…I just remembered that on the ride back to my place last night, after our discussion and with him saying he saw a future with me, he pointed out a house that was for sale. Tried really hard to not over think THAT one too much. BABY STEPS!!!!! lol
Pheebs.. so great of you to get it all out and at least he knows where you stand. It sounds like he is ready to at least make the effort and that in itself is a huge step.
I think the thing about being there for them has nothing to do with age, but rather a mindset. J’s last GF started to bash him when business got slow and he could not go out as much or do as many things. She wanted to get married and wanted him to sell his business (25 yes in the making) and get a “real” job. This is this man’s life’s work and here she is .. a “mental health” professional who was making $80K a year and is was still all about her and what he wasn’t giving her.
I am supportive emotionally and share in costs to the extent I can and he knows that I will only be in a relationship in which we are partners all the way.
Mel.. When we are sick it sucks and it will make us feel needy for sure. I hate it when I feel that needy pang so know what you are dealing with. I forget how long you two have been together but while I think that most guys appreciate the space if we can find it in ourselves to give it, I also think it was appropriate to reach out to him and get his opinion or feedback on what you are dealing with. I know J loves to be a “helper”
Mel.. what you said just made me think of a great FB post I saw.. I todl J he is a wise man :)
“A wise man once said….nothing
He let her vent and say her peace.. and then they had sex”
Oh my that would get my mind turning too!!!!
My thing is I have to go to court on Thursday with an old day care provider she is suing me, she abused my child and I don’t feel I should have to pay her for taking my daughter out of there and for the last month she was there because of the abuse. I have police records, a letter from her doctor saying she was abused, and a copy of DHS’s policy that they didn’t follow. So I feel confidant that I will win but I am still stressed about it. My guy did tell me to come over after the court proceedings so I guess that is the best I can ask for.
Holy crap, Mel!!!! That’s horrible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’d want a little moral support going into that myself regardless. Wow. That woman is a piece of sh*t. Assuming your daughter is now okay, but OMG. Wow wow wow. I probably would have been in jail if someone attempted to sue me after doing that to my child.
Celeste, I definitely agree it’s not merely an age issue, but specifically with him, the “Girls” were younger and very immature…..
My ex-husband was a year and a half older than me, and it was always about him him him him.
It has been tough, and he has been there for me through the whole thing it started in June that is when I found out about it. And he was ready to commit murder. But now that it is down to the end, I am just I don’t know strained I guess cause I just want it to be over. My daughter is doing a lot better, she still “hates” this woman and my baby doesn’t hate anyone. Like I said I am just a little fried and I know he is doing all he can right now, and I know he knows I am just going to worry about it until it is over with.
WOW MEL.. what a rough time you are having ! Gosh it’s not easy. Try to focus on getting well and court first…….. get that out of the way. You have evidence to back stuff up so it will all work out.
Re your marine.. it will be fine. He is focused on one thing, you are focused on another thing. Hard to meet in the middle right now. At least he is offering to lend you support.
He will spring back when this horrid week is over. You just have to put him out of your mind a bit, think positive and trust in the whole process. Patience is not easy !
Wishing you lots of luck with court and hugs and kisses you get well soon.
Thanks Harley :-)
He is trying to be there for me in a man sort of way, but I know he is wanting to celebrate Thursday “after I win” he says. It is the waiting that is getting me. I think I just need to figure out a way to get out of my head.
But like I said I just don’t wish to bug him, he did very nicely ask for some him time and he has kept in contact everyday so, I just don’t want to over load him with my stressed out thoughts.
I also think it comes to compatibility. If you’re a woman who likes her own space and busy yourself it might not be a big deal.from personal experience its not a deal breaker. I was married for 23 years andmy ex husband was always smothering me and now I enjoy having some space. I currently see a man whom works in the medical field as I do and has went back into a full time program 5 days a week and continues to work full time…needless to time is scarce but he does make time every day to text good morning and ask how my day is.
Hey Vicky and Harley, get outcome great remarks. Live and learn! NEXT!!
Harley, wise up…Frank is not interested….get out of fantasy world.
Ha ha ANON…I know he’s not interested. I just like my fantasy world for now. I’m not completely clueless. I’ll come out of it when I’m ready !
Love ya, Harls!!!!!!!!!!!! xoxoxoxo
Ha ! Pheebs love you too. Am having a delicious fantasy right now that involves LIAM Neeson…nothing like the Irish !!!
I’d better get the voodoo dolls out for next week !
Fantasy will be over !
Back to the real world ! Boohoohoo.