Gray area between low interest and REALLY busy/stressed?

I agree with Mel.. I don’t think you have the maturity/emotional control/selflessness to handle this.

if this were my guy.. I also would be hurt and upset BUT.. I would try to see things from his angle and give him all the space and time he needs. i would ” be there ” for him within reason.. without being used as a doormat, but i would go out and live my own life. GRIEF… changes people… they think about things and life differently. They.. take time in their head to work out what is NOW important to them and what/who.. NO LONGER IS.

I lost my sis 3 yrs ago. People came up and commiserated. i was like ” get the feck away from me, i don’t even like you ” NOW.. i am more positive, I LIVE each day, I let the people slide that are no longer of value to me, I tell my bosses now I refuse to work with staff I don’t like, I fall in love at the drop of a hat and make random decisions.. I am more of a go getter nutcase than even before. AND… I LOVE IT. Life is far tooo short.

problems like grief/job loss/marital separation are not sorted easily or quickly. Women have to decide if it’s worth working through.. have they the staying power and resilience to work through it.. or walk away.

I went through a divorce from an emotionslly and physically abusive relationship which i will admit has defietly broken my confidence when it comes to relationships and i am trying to rebuild

Amber…if you love him, then you’re going to have to decide that you’re going to hang in there and try to quiet your own thoughts and feelings.

For whatever the reasons are, when a guy we love goes through something that ‘takes them away from us’, it’s up to us to decide if we have the fortitude to stick with them through it. Sometimes (a lot of times, actually), it means US having to silently suffer in our way and in our heads while we wait for them to come out of whatever it is.

Either you can handle it (and I don’t mean YOU specifically, but rather any woman in this position) and stay, or you can’t and you move on. It’s not easy. Not easy at all. :(

Good luck with whatever you do…….

It’s not an easy thing for either one of you, for vastly different reasons. xoxo

Yes. Pull back and stop contact with him.

And don’t wait or put your life on hold… It feels like an excuse to me. Taking the gf title away . He says it’s too much pressure , but I’m not sure it is because. Of the grief. That’s just my opinion.

It’s been a year and while you never forget and still may grieve it seem unnatural to put your life on hold after the death of a parent. A spouse? Yes .. Not a parent. He needs therapy because no parent would want to know their death caused a child to fall apart and not be able to move on..

It’s not easy to lose parents, yet he seems unnaturally attached..

Idk.. That’s how I see it from the outside

OOH DRINK ! Not good. Hod old is he and how often does he drink, to what degree.. blackout stage/only a few ?? HOW MUCH ?

I would pull way back. This man is off ….

He is either using this as an excuse to back away from this relationship

oR

He has serious drinking / mental health issues.

Neither of the above are promising you a bright future with him

I would cut my losses and run.

I am trying to just move on, be strong and be pleasantly surprised if he reappears. So I get a text from him today saying we need to have a more “in depth” conversation about things soon.

A male prospective is always coveted…

He kind of made the choice for me. He said the title was making him feel extra pressure b/c he doesn’t have anything to give to a relationship right now but doesn’t want to close the door for the future. Ideally, I will work on my confidence and he will work through his grieving and we can be together again when we’re both in better places. To be fair, I don’t know how often he’s been drinking…but he did tell me a few weeks ago he pretty much just stayed in his apartment all weekend and drank. And he did make a passing comment about the only place he goes is the liquor store. But I do know that right now all I can do is leave him be…

Amber
Do you seriously believe he is grieving… Because I don’t. I think it’s a convenient excuse to back away from this relationship. He’s a grown man and he is a year out from moms death and now can’t function?

I can’t believe you would even consider getting back with this man…

Telling you there might be a future is his way of keeping you around as an option.

Oh, and he has flown home to be w/his dad the past two weekends. I guess his dad isn’t doing well mentally which is affecting him physically and he said “I can’t lose another parent”.

I understand grieving… And if this were a wife or gf who died I would get it. It seems off and convenient that he would all of a sudden fall back into grief. It appears a convenient excuse to break up.. Sorry, but I just feel that way based on what was written.

Now he adds in about his dad…

Reality wise, parent do get ill and pass… This man has issues , that’s all I’m saying and I would not hang around waiting for him to figure it out. It’s not fair to her. And if he really wanted it to work he wouldn’t have dropped the gf title. That makes no sense.

They are only two months in and this man is not that invested.. This was a convenient out for him. And I’m sure the drinking isn’t new either.