How Do You Know When Someone Doesn’t Like You?
If you find yourself asking whether or not a guy likes you, you probably do know the answer. Deep down. Annoyingly deep down.
When we meet someone we really like, it can be tough to view the situation objectively. Our friends can be helpful, thus the many conversations we engage in to solve the puzzle. How many times have you and your girlfriends bumped foreheads as you poured over the latest text from a guy? It’s fun to put on your detective hat and figure out if the flutter in your stomach is worth having.
What’s more painful is when the evidence seems to point in a negative direction. It just sucks, and there’s no way around it. However, the best thing you can do is remain open to that possibility. The sooner you decipher how he feels, the sooner you can move on to bigger and better things.
Save your future self from unnecessary heartache by checking out our list of 12 signs that he’s just not feeling it.
Take The Quiz: Does He Like You?
How to Tell If Someone Doesn’t Like You
1. You can tell by his body language.
As crafty as our extensive vocabularies may be, much of our communication is expressed without any words at all. Even when we do speak, the way we say something can be more telling than the actual words themselves.
Pay attention to his expression when he speaks to you or listens to what you have to say. Does he smile, or is his face pinched? Does he fidget uncomfortably – and not in the cute, nervous way?
When we like someone, we tend to lean in their direction. Our bodies shift to face that person, and we often end up mirroring their movements. Does he adjust his stance according to yours, or is he stiff and deflective?
2. He avoids eye contact.
We can’t help looking at what we want. How many times have you been busted staring at the object of your desire? Try as you might to casually divert your gaze, you know you got caught looking for a reason.
For more demure ladies, eye contact is about as aggressive a form of flirting as you can get. Meanwhile, you can also show disinterest by making sure that creepy guy across the bar never sees you looking his way.
Eye contact is a form of intimacy. It’s pretty exhilarating to maintain intense eye contact with someone you’re attracted to. No one is going to do that with someone they’re not interested in.
If he doesn’t look your way or looks around you when speaking to you, he most likely isn’t into you.
3. He doesn’t initiate physical touch.
Those first few touches you exchange with your crush can be electrifying. Did he mean to brush your shoulder as you walked? Did he like it when you playfully punched his shoulder? These beginning interactions are full of lively and pleasant questions.
A guy who likes a girl will test the waters by reaching out physically. Of course, you don’t want this to be pushy or uninvited, but inquiring touches are sweet. He might let your fingers brush as you walk or allow your legs to touch when sitting next to each other. No matter how he attempts these touches, he’ll definitely be watching for your reaction.
If there are zero attempts at physical contact, this isn’t an encouraging sign.
4. He doesn’t initiate plans.
Even a timid guy will figure out a way to see the girl he’s interested in. He won’t wait around for someone else to arrange the plans. Similarly, he won’t allow a busy schedule to get in the way.
It doesn’t always have to be the guy that initiates plans, but if you consistently find that you’re the one doing it, that doesn’t bode well.
Regardless of how apprehensive, lazy, or otherwise deterred he is, he’ll get the ball rolling if he really wants to. Avoiding taking an active role is a sign that he’s not very motivated about the relationship.
5. He bails on plans.
Furthermore, an enthusiastic guy won’t bail on your plans. Everybody has unexpected stuff pop up in life, but it should be extremely rare for him to actually cancel on you. If he does, his reason for doing so should be rock solid.
Reasonable explanations do not include that he “got busy,” “something mysterious came up,” or even worse – he “fell asleep” or “just isn’t in the mood to go out.” When a guy likes you, it doesn’t matter how tired he is, he will rally and get it together!
If you find him consistently coming up with excuses, or even bailing half-way through your time together, move on. He’s showing you through his actions that he just doesn’t like you enough.
6. He allows a long time to go by without seeing you.
So maybe he does initiate plans … but it’s totally inconsistent and sporadic and you’re never really sure when you’ll hear from him again … it could be days or weeks. Even if he sends some “what’s up” texts in between these occasions, that’s not worth sticking around for.
It’s possible he’s pursuing someone else and keeping you around just in case it doesn’t work out. Maybe he’s somewhat interested in you but isn’t fully feeling it and that’s preventing him from moving things forward. Just because he’s lukewarm on the relationship doesn’t necessarily mean he’ll end the flirtation. And maybe he’s hoping with more time he’ll gain clarity about how he really feels. It’s not always so black and white.
No matter what his reason for this behavior is, you deserve to be with someone who prioritizes you as the number one interest in his life. A guy falling for a girl will never keep her guessing. Instead, he’ll show some enthusiasm and see her as frequently as possible.
7. He doesn’t listen when you speak.
When you truly like someone, every word that comes out of their mouth is like gold. You want to know their likes, dislikes, hobbies, and about the other people in their life. Doing this establishes closeness. By having detailed knowledge about someone, you separate yourself from the crowd.
If you find that your crush shows a lack of enthusiasm for your words, don’t hang around. Either he’s curious about getting to know you or he’s not. Don’t try and adapt yourself into someone who might spark his interest, because you’re worth knowing exactly the way that you are.
Pay attention to his comprehension of what you say. Anyone can nod and “hmm” during a conversation, but does he remember what you say later on? Does he ask you how your test went, or if your dog’s surgery went well? Does he remember the details?
8. He’s never jealous.
It’s a turn-off when a guy goes full-fledged green-eyed monster on you. If this happens towards the beginning of the relationship, it’s even more of a red flag. In general, though, a little jealousy is normal and somewhat endearing.
If you’re at an event and other guys approach you, see if he seems to notice it. When you mention other guys in a conversation, check out if he seems to have any kind of reaction. Don’t specifically try to taunt him into jealousy, but do be aware of whether or not he’s inquisitive on the topic.
If he’s into you, he’ll want to know about all the other males in your life and how they rank with you. If he’s not into you, he’ll be encouraging and supportive of you going out and finding other dudes to date and what you do with other guys won’t phase him in the least.
9. He’s impatient with you.
A guy’s general demeanor can say a lot, especially if that attitude seems to change when you’re around. When we care about someone, we instinctively want to brighten their day. We seem to gain an extra dosage of patience and kindness when that person is around. If the opposite happens, that’s a good indicator that you shouldn’t be investing time in that person.
We all have our bad moments or even bad days, but look for the pattern. Is he consistently irritable with you? Does he ask you about yourself and how your day is going? Does he actively listen or does he interrupt and talk over you?
We can probably all agree that if the answers to these questions are unfavorable, you should keep looking. Even if he is interested in you, that’s not the kind of headache you want to sign up for.
10. Things feel forced.
How many times have you heard a happy couple say that things were just “easier” with their significant other? There was something different about that particular relationship. It’s not supposed to feel like pulling teeth. When there’s a mutual attraction between two people, it should feel “easy like Sunday morning.”
If there are painfully long silences and awkward attempts at intimacy, at least one of you is trying to force something. Chemistry is a wild and incalculable phenomenon. You can’t magic it out of thin air. When you do stumble into it, you realize what was missing in the previous attempts.
If it just feels strained and awkward and like a little too much work, it’s most likely because there aren’t enough feelings there to fuel a relationship.
11. He never confides in you.
A beautiful sign of a close relationship is the ability to tell someone things you wouldn’t tell other people. We bond by being able to trust each other with our fears, insecurities, hopes, and dreams.
It’s a very lonely feeling to be in a relationship with someone where you lack that kind of communication. If you don’t feel confident sharing your inner life with someone, any effort to create a relationship will be built on false, weak ground.
When you talk to your crush, does he seem engaged and at ease? Does he willingly confide information to you that he wouldn’t share with just anybody? If the conversations tend more towards the superficial and small talk, that genuine interest is probably not there.
12. You just can’t tell if he likes you.
If you’re straining to see the positive signs, do yourself a favor and call it quits on this one. A guy isn’t going to let a girl he really likes get away by being inactive. Even a shy guy will put himself out there in some small way. If you’re not picking up on anything, move on to someone who will make you feel it.
Our rule of thumb is: If you have to ask … you already have your answer.
When you’re in the right relationship with someone who values you, you’ll be grateful you didn’t linger on a person who wasn’t worth your time.
I hope this article helped you better understand how he feels by showing you the signs that he just isn’t into you. I know it’s hard, but it’s better to know now before you waste more time. The way to guarantee success in your relationships is to understand how relationships work so there is more you need to know. At some point, a man may start to pull away and seem to be losing interest. Do you know what to do when this happens? If not, read this: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...
Another important thing a lot of women don’t realize is there will come a point in the relationship where he will ask himself: Is this the woman I want to commit myself to? His answer will determine everything. Do you know what inspires a man to commit and see you as “the one”? If not, read this too: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman
Take The Quiz: Does He Like You?
How to Tell if Someone Doesn’t Like You:
- You can tell by his body language.
- He avoids eye contact.
- He doesn’t initiate physical touch.
- He doesn’t initiate plans.
- He bails on plans.
- He allows a long time to go by without seeing you.
- He doesn’t listen when you speak.
- He’s never jealous.
- He’s impatient with you.
- Things feel forced.
- He never confides in you.
- You just can’t tell if he likes you.