My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. We’ve been through our ups and downs, but neither of us has cheated on the other. We love each other a lot, but due to previous events that have occurred in our relationship (such as lies, breaks, etc), we are both questioning our “loyalty” to each other.
I am currently in a situation (family emergency) that requires me to travel far away for 2 months. I am worried he will cheat on me (it’s summer right now and girls are constantly in bikinis!), though he says he won’t. And he’s worried I’ll cheat on him, but I know I wont!
From a guy’s perspective, what do you think?
I can definitely understand your concern in all this. You’re going to be away from each other for 2 whole months. A lot can happen.
But worrying isn’t going to get you anywhere. It’s only going to make you crazy… and whether you have no worry at all or enough worry to fill a room for days, it’s wouldn’t change whether or not the guy would cheat. On the other hand, if you can learn to let go and relax about this, it’s very likely that your situation will be a lot more livable
Figuring out a way that you can deal with the situation really is the only control you have – you can’t control him, so it’s not worth it to worry about what he might or might not do. In fact, whether or not you decide to trust him is entirely up to you.
I think that a lot of people hold trust back when they are afraid it might be broken. It seems sensible and if the other person really has broken your trust, then it would be smart not to trust them.
If this is a situation where you are just worried, but you have never put your trust to a real test like this, I would say this is a good time to trust him. Go all in – make the decision to trust him completely and let it go. Don’t snoop. Don’t pry. Don’t try to spy on what he’s up to. Just decide to trust him and let it go so that you can be free to live your life and he can be free to live his.
There’s no way of knowing what the other person is doing, but you can’t have a great relationship if you can’t even trust the other person to stay faithful for a relatively short period of time.
Trust is foundational to a relationship. It exists between two people and it needs to be there all the time – not just times when it is easy to trust them. Faith is also foundational in a relationship, but it exists within you. You need to strengthen your faith in him while you’re away. You need to make the decision to view him as faithful to you.
It’s not easy to do, but it’s a heck of a lot healthier and easier than living day-to-day for two months feeling like your boyfriend could be cheating on you at any moment. I think your real mission is going to be about finding how to handle yourself, your worries and your fears.
There is an important takeaway for your relationship while you are away: when you talk to him, be a great girlfriend. Make him feel good that he’s with you. Make your conversations a good moment of his day. Trust him completely. Give him space to miss you.
And most importantly: Don’t poison the conversation with distrust, doubt or suspicion.
It’s hard to do. Really hard – long distance has killed a lot of good relationships. But to be honest, I don’t think it was the distance. I think it was the distrust that the people allowed into their hearts…
Hope it helps,