I’m in the early stages of dating a new guy, and although I’m not seeing stars, I’d like to see where it goes. He’s been very sweet so far; he calls me “hun” and “sweetie,” and he keeps in touch and follows through on his word (unlike other guys I’ve known).
I have had a casual relationship with someone else for several months that has never been broken off. I guess I want to keep my options open, and in case this new relationship doesn’t work out, I still want to maintain the casual relationship. If this new relationship does develop into something more, would it later be looked upon as a betrayal if I continued to see the casual relationship guy at this early stage?
It wouldn’t be cheating.
You’ve made no arrangement or agreement, so there is nothing to “cheat” on.
With that said, if your relationship with the new guy does develop into something and at some point he finds out you were continuing to see another man at the beginning of the relationship, he will probably resent it.
Even if he is mature and secure, it would be pretty hard for him to reflect on all those amazing moments that usually happen at the beginning of a relationship and not have them colored by the thought that you were sleeping with some other guy while he was “courting” you.
Imagine how much of a chump he would feel like as he reflects on a night where you give him an innocent kiss goodnight and then he imagines you going over to this other guy’s house for reckless sexual abandon. Imagine how stupid he would feel when he thinks about cute moments and silly jokes between the two of you, overshadowed by the hypothetical vision of you and this “casual lover” working your way through the Kama Sutra.
I’m not saying that is what you’re doing, but that’s the type of thing that would be going through his head. Chances are he would not be able to shake the images and as a result, he won’t be able to shake the feeling of being a fool/chump.
At the same time, I’m not saying don’t do it. But if you do it and he finds out (even years later) it will blow up in your face.
Don’t get me wrong though. I’ve date several women at the same time and I expect that they might do the same. It’s not to say that I’m against exclusivity or a long term committed relationship, but when I am not looking for that I see no reason to limit my options.
And let’s be honest – just because someone is nice and sweet does not mean we want a relationship with them. It just means they are safe, but more often than not we want sexy. Sometimes it takes a person some time to warm up though.
Anyway, to make a long story short: No, it’s not cheating, but it could be destructive down the line so be mindful about what you’re doing.
Hope it helps,