Ask a Guy: How to Tell If Your Boyfriend Is Cheating post image

Ask a Guy: How to Tell If Your Boyfriend Is Cheating

I have a terrible suspicion that my boyfriend is cheating on me. We’ve been together for a year and a half now and up until recently I’ve never worried.  However, over the past two months he’s gone on three business trips for a week at a time.  And over the past two weeks, he’s been texting with some girl and we’ve been having much less sex than we used to. His excuse has been that he’s just “too tired” for sex.

This is really worrying me and I want to know how to tell if my boyfriend is cheating on me or signs that my boyfriend is cheating (or about to cheat).  I need to know what’s happening and what to do now.

OK – my answer for you is two parts.  Part 1 is how to tell if your boyfriend is cheating on you / signs that your boyfriend is cheating and part 2 is what to do about it.

First, let’s talking about warning signs that your boyfriend is cheating:

  • His sexual behavior has changed:  This most commonly shows up as him losing interest in sex, but sometimes a boyfriend will become more invested in sex than he used to be (to cover his tracks or to ease his guilt).  Another sign of cheating is that he starts introducing new “tricks” into your sex.
  • His appearance / fashion has changed:  If your boyfriend has started to pay more attention to his appearance, that’s a warning sign that he might be preening to attract someone new.  A new-found interest in fitness, hairstyle or fashion are all warnings that he might be vying for the attention of a woman other than you…
  • He avoids intimacy with you:  Separate from his sexual behavior, if you notice that he avoids intimate gestures with you, then that’s a big warning sign.  In psychology, there’s a concept called “commitment and consistency” – when someone is committing infidelity, showing intimacy towards their girlfriend will “feel yucky” (to put it scientifically) because it’s counter to their cheating behavior.  Unless he’s a really good actor or a sociopath, it will be hard for him to do intimate gestures with you (intimate kissing, holding hands, being close to you, having ‘real’, deep, open conversations, etc.)
  • He’s away from you more: Business trips is an example of being away more, but also noticing him leaving more to “work overtime” or have a “guy’s night out” are warning signs of infidelity as well.
  • You smell perfume on him or he smells freshly showered: If he’s been cheating, your nose may know best.  Do you smell another woman’s perfume on his clothes?  Does he smell freshly showered at a time when it would be unusual for him to be (e.g. immediately after work)?
  • He’s on his phone / the internet more than normal: If you notice he’s on his phone or the internet more than usual, that could be a sign of him cheating.

Now with that said, let me share what I like to call the “WebMD” concept.

The “WebMD” concept is this:  Have you ever noticed some weird symptom that’s persisted for a few days (maybe a rash or a recent onset of insomnia or something fairly benign like that), and then you decide to look up what the symptom could be on  And after a few minutes of surfing, WebMD has now scared you out of your mind because your symptoms might be some terminal illness?

Well, reading about cheating can be like that too.

If you notice one or two of these things, it could be a fluke.  If you notice like 4-5 of these things… well… OK, you might be onto something.

I could understand why you’re worried. The thing is… you really don’t know. You can’t know. Even if you could spy on him, you would know in your heart that you crossed that line… and you can never cross back.

If your instinct is making you suspicious or worried, then I would put your focus on what you can control: how you react to that feeling.

Let’s say that he was flirting with a girl out there. Not “cheating”, but flirting… she’s interested in him and he likes the ego-boost of a girl being into him.

If that was what was happening, you could react to it in many different ways. I will list a few:

You could get paranoid and go down a path that wrecks your relationship’s trust.

You could get angry and start fighting and accusing one another… and damage your relationship in the process.

You could get worried sick over your suspicions and, because you’re so worried, end up being miserable company to be around… which would degrade your relationship.

— OR —

You could look at this as a wake-up call and respond to him and your relationship positively.

Maybe he misses having a girl look at him with desire in her eyes. Maybe he misses the feeling of being recognized or appreciated for what he brings to the world. Maybe he has a fantasy that he thinks you’d be unwilling to explore with him.

Whatever it is… you can start thinking about what might be attracting him outside the relationship and start bringing that energy into your relationship. That’s a much better use of your attention than playing nightmare-scenarios in your help or fearing what he and this girl might be up to.

It would be near-impossible for a guy to cheat if he were totally and completely fulfilled by his relationship.

His fulfillment in your relationship is his responsibility too, but remember your side of the responsibility. If you don’t want him to cheat, don’t waste your energy on blaming him, accusing him, distrusting him, suspecting him or punishing him. If you put your energy here, even in the privacy of your own thoughts, he’ll pick up on it and it will damage your relationship.


If you don’t want him to cheat, then your best bet is to work on making your relationship excellent. In fact, if you look at this from a positive perspective, this scare might even end up improving your relationship.

Hope that helps,

eric charles

Written by Eric Charles

I'm Eric Charles, the co-founder and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing articles to help people free themselves from suffering and have clarity in their love life. I have a degree in Psychology and I've dedicated the last 20 years of my life to learning everything I can about human psychology and sharing what gets people out of struggling with life and into having the life they really want. If you want to contact me, feel free to reach out on Facebook or Twitter.

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Okay so I was on Snapchat, talking to one of my boyfriend’s friends, we were joking around as usual, and then he had randomly said, “Do you want to see what *boyfriend’s name* hates?” I said sure and he said, black people. That hurt more than anything..or so I thought. But it hurt a lot because I’m black, but then what his friend said got even worse. He had told me my boyfriend was cheating on me, and that he swore on his mum’s soul that he wasn’t lying. I wasn’t even able to sleep last night. So yeah..been crying for a while.

Reply December 19, 2021, 12:53 pm

Jolene Riley

I have been with my fiace for 17 yrs he cheated on me bout 5 mo ago and I’m in AK. And he is in washington my gut feeling is that he is still doin it

Reply November 22, 2019, 5:47 pm


I’ve been married for 23 yrs. I’m still very much in love with my husband, I still get excited to see him after wrk. I know he’s not cheating, he comes home right after wrk and he calls me 3 or 4 times during the day. My problem is getting his attention. He’s home but there’s always something that needs to be done. He’s home at 6:00pm, He kisses me then it’s outside until 9:00 or 10:00pm. Then he’ll come inside, shower and sit dwn to watch TV for a bit then he goes to bed. He wants me to get in bed with him, and yes he wants to have sex. Everything I’ve read sounds great, however I think being sexual starts every morning, interacting with each other. Talking, doing things together. We use to do a lot together, he use to be affectionate with me, I felt it you know what I mean? Now sometimes when I want to tell him something, an idea I had or maybe something new to try for dinner, he doesn’t even hear me. It feels like he’s just not interested in what I have to say. Seems like the only time he has for me is bed time. I’ve talked to him about how I feel, all he say’s is 1.there are things that need to get done and 2. I should spend time with him when he has time(bedtime). I’m 50 and he is 10 yrs older than me. Why should I try so hard to get his attention? We have needs too. I don’t bitch at him, I do try to get along with him. Lately I have found myself feeling hurt and being very quit. If he ask me something or tells me something I listen and say enough to get along BUT I have been avoiding him and for the past 3 nights I’ve slept in the front room to avoid him trying to have sex with me. It’s not easy to be alone and then all of a sudden time to jump in bed. I want to keep him happy but I also need to feel that I’m important to him. A relationship rolls two ways, as much as I love him I’m not going to be the only one to wrk on getting along. I’m not going to fight with him for his time. A relationship is wrk on both parts. He tells me he loves me, he even tells me he can’t live without me. It’s easy saying I love you but to love don’t you need to put in some time together? I’ve been here for yrs. I’ve told him he’s the only man I want, I’ve put on some make up and cute clothes, I say things to him to make him feel like a man. Not sure where I stand, not sure what to do. If he’s not into me anymore I can move on, I’m a big girl. Thanks for listening.

Reply June 28, 2019, 11:59 am


To be honest, its a little annoying to see that so many people are commenting their situation for advice from random people. I get that a lot of you are reading this post for help, but why expect it when most of the time people respond to you like at least a month later and on top of that not get very useful advice?
I don’t doubt that if three or more of these warning signs apply to you then it indicates that your man is cheating. But you also have to think realistically and be honest with yourself. Like if your man tells you that he’s going on these random business trips very often, always telling you he’s too tired for sex, and texting other girls, wouldn’t that be enough to tell you that there’s definitely something going on?
I wish you women in similar situations give yourself some respect and not be naive about things that are very telling. A woman in a healthy relationship doesn’t really go through this mess, especially if it’s hapenning so often.

Reply April 26, 2019, 2:34 am


I can help

Reply June 28, 2018, 8:16 pm


What can you do

Reply April 14, 2019, 5:01 am


hi everybody

Reply May 17, 2017, 8:05 pm


Wat geweldig uitgevoerd zeg!Prachtig gekozen (geschikte) onderwerpen. Die met dat omhoog kijkende beeld vind ik werkelijk erg subliem. Doe ik je helaas niet na maar zal eens gaan oeR,.ennGroetenefobert

Reply March 9, 2017, 2:45 am


Hi there I think my boyfriend is up to something maybe cheating see the thing is last week I jump I the shower and when I came back down he was on his phone and as I wentitled over to look he deleted it so me being me I jumped to conclusions and thort he was cheating I then asked what he was doing as I was very upset he told me he was watching port see the thing is we have been together for 7 year and we have watched port together and I don’t have a problem with him watching port I never have and he knows this I asked him why I could not see it if it was just port like he said and and he just grind at me and said he didn’t want me to see it I can’t help but think he was cheating in some way I really hope I’m wrong but it just don’t make any sense I love him so much I have been with him since we was 15 and we don’t ever get out much and ino this is bad so that why I’m thining the worse of it maybe he was watching a video of some other women he knows I really don’t know whats going on please can someone help me with some sort of answer it’s killing me to think he can does something like this to me ever under my nose please help pop thank you

Reply December 12, 2016, 8:57 pm

Miss aware

Hes up to no good. People with nothing to hide, hide nothing.

About the porn, hpw can uou allow ypur bf to get off on other women ?google porn ruins relationships, porn is cheating, why porn ruins self esteem, men want ypu to thonk its ok and normal to watch porn…of course theyre getting their rocks off. I guarantee you if ypu were watching naked men with 6 pack abs and large zhlongs parade around so you could get aroused with your beer belly boyfriend he would have a problem with it. The coward

Reply August 14, 2017, 5:20 pm


It’s not just normal to condole cheating now matter how you justify it . Period

Reply March 16, 2021, 12:07 pm


My best friends boyfriend is really clingy and with her 24/7 and doesn’t let her spend time with me or doesn’t let her text me when she is with him and she has to sneak texted me when he’s not paying attention. Also when we plan and get ready to go somewhere he shows up. He always cusses at her too which I hate. I think he is cheating on her cause I caught him on social media grabbing another girls butt. I told my best friend but she didn’t believe me cause he showed her a different video from the one I saw. Also my brother in law him at the gym with another girl while my friend was at work. Also I saw him a couple days ago and he kept coming outside of my friends house standing by his car checking his phone which I think is suspicious cause if it was his friends he would of checked his phone inside. The other weird thing is I went to my best friends house to pick up a plate of food her mom was giving me and her boyfriend wouldn’t look at me or talk to me. Is that a sign something is up with her boyfriend. Idk what to do please help.

Reply October 22, 2016, 1:07 am

Eric Jarbee. Wesseh

Thanks for your understanding

Reply June 12, 2016, 7:52 pm

Ramona Miller

Where to start….He is an alcoholic and when I come over on a Friday to spent the weekend his friend would call an say to him about come to the back yard and drink he tells me he would be gone a couple of hours but he is gone like 6 or 7 hours. When he comes back he gets mad at me. We have kittens and he told me to get rid of one because he listen to alady at work about one is too many. Then he demands me to get rid of both are leave. I left. On Easter he got I would 12 sheets to the wind he was really wasted. He brought men up to men that I didn’t know even his own brother. He yelled told me to leave and never come back told me not to call him. He said he was sremorse of hurting me but he does it a lot. He told me while he drunk about touching over women breast that he will keep doing it if they ask him to touch. He said he is a M.C.P. He demanding me to go to the bedroom take my pants off and laid so he could grt his rocks off, nothing of pleasing me just him. Even though he said he would hot love to me but never follower through with it. Yesterday he said call him at 7pm he was going to be doing yard work for his sister. I called several times last night he never picked up. This morning we talked I mention about calling him he said he was tire and out of it. But the neighbors were over they talked and had a few drinks, never call me at all. We were going to work one morning and his old schoo flame was on the bus, it explains now why he takes the late bus.He used to let me get on before him but this time he got on behind her talking and when she sat down her mood seem to change when she saw me, maybe I am getting feelings here of something maybe I am wrong. We sat down together. I want to trust him I want to give him another chance but I have this feeling I can’t shake. He said he showed one of the ladies down stairs where he lives his place yesterday. How can you be so tire and then show your place to a strange woman, including the bedroom. Part of me said stay work it out maybe you are wrong the other part saids leave break it off because he won’t change. I had him 2 weeks clean from drinking then his friend his buddy got him back drinking again. I told him that I would beside him if he gets help. Now I see it is a lost cause. I care about him a great deal. He said he needs me but he hurts me. He keeps saying Babe I’m sorry I won’t hurt you again and he does it over over again. These kittens are all I have so loveable and he only once one. I am so attached to both I can’t I’ve pray, I’ve cried and nothing. I hope you can help.


Reply April 24, 2016, 12:31 pm


My boyfriend has recently started telling me he loves me no. Even no s couple of weeks ago he’s aid I don’t have too say I love you every time we speak or every day. But now he says it at least three times a day saying I hope you no I mean it and I have never fe,t like this before. Do I need to worry? He is saying this because he is hiding something and he is feeling guilty? Help me

Reply December 29, 2015, 3:00 pm

mariella yannone

me and boyfriend been togethers for a long time and lately sex has a differing order and his been acting decent

Reply August 30, 2015, 7:59 am


I have a problem my boyfriend isn’t sleeping with me
He just to go in the room to have sex with me and changes clothes.

I don’t know if he is cheating on me?

Reply May 10, 2015, 6:13 am


Yo uve really helped thank hoy

Reply April 30, 2015, 11:42 pm


I have noticed some behavior changes in the last month with my boyfriend. He stopped calling and when asked if we can talk together, he ask if I plan to break up with him. Then he admits to not having good calling habits and should be better calling. Then reverts back to no communications through day and night over the weekend and through the week. Then he communicates one day that he’s waiting for his plane and when the landing gear goes up through text but never tell me what time his plane leaves or is to arrive. He told me that he found the one in me and he loved me but withdraws..doesn’t communicate or stay consistent at all. To me this is not only saying no commit but no type of relationship period. He told me one day he just got home by text at 5 pm but then turns around the next day and says he got home at 1:30 pm. What gives…I’ve never questioned for any of this info but it comed out in lies. This is not typical behavior for someone saying they loves you or you are the one. Never ever have I dealt with this type of behavior. I think it’s time for goodbye……please I need your feedback. Thank you.

Reply April 6, 2015, 4:10 am


My boyfriend filmed himself having sex with a girl he keeps denying it

Reply March 31, 2015, 10:01 am


He said it was not him I don’t believe him

Reply March 31, 2015, 10:06 am


I have been with my partner for 10years&he’s cheated for most of that time. We have split up so many times I’ve lost count but it’s always he who contacts me to get back. It is so demorolising and humiliating. I’ve lost family&friends because of this and he doesn’t care. He has tried to sleep with my friends&my neighbours. He’s been on dating sites the web alsorts to see if he’s still got pulling power. I love him but I don’t know what I love about him. He’s 9 years younger than I and even though he’s never mentioned the age gap all the cheating flirting texting ect has been with younger women. Iv been left so frustrated by his infidelity it’s now causing serious health problems for me. He works hard but drinks harder only in the house though. He doesn’t pub it anymore. It’s very distructive when the trust goes but he keeps asking for another chance. At the risk of my health getting worse or losing everyone who’s close to me I just can’t dump him for good. It’s so difficult.

Reply March 20, 2015, 2:10 pm

marcia thompson

I read your post on signs to see if your bf is cheating.
I picked up something a confronted him he first denied it then admitted it. The 2nd thing I picked up was him having a showing after work, of which he doesn’t. He had a shower twice but it was once last mnth an last week. Whilst at his house he came home kissed me then said his feeling sticky an went to shower the next night he didn’t an we didn’t have intercourse until the day after.
What do you think is this a sign that he is or isn’t? Please help!

Reply March 11, 2015, 4:04 pm


All I can say is no relationship is ever perfect and you shouldn’t have to always worry that your guy might cheat in you cuz hes not getting exactly what he wants out of the relationship. A real man will either talk to you about his concerns or leave the relationship NOT cheat

Reply January 22, 2015, 2:23 pm

Janett R

My boyfriend cheates on me. Why do I still stay with him

Reply January 20, 2015, 11:36 pm

Janett r

My boyfriend cheated on me several times.

Reply January 20, 2015, 11:35 pm


I hhave a concern about my boyfriend. Him and I have been together for four years now and he always has his phone on his Pocket. And where ever he goes even to the bathroom to shower he takes it with him. And he wont let me look at it. He says that if I am going to trust him then I shouldnt even have to be going through his phone. But I just hate it that he says that to me. He always has it on High volume so I can hear it everytime it rings for Whatever reason. But he dosent check it untill I get up to do something. He dosent ussually open it up infront of me. But I seen his code to unlock, he just never leave it anywhere. Im so fed up with it always ringing with messages. I dont know what to think anymore. It has been bothering me for the longest. What if hes chatting with other girls. I dont know what to tell him or if I should confront him to talk about it.

Reply January 20, 2015, 10:26 pm

Miss aware

He more than likely is. Get his phone while hes sleeping. Onstall a spy app like hoverwatch or wenwatcher they have free trials. Hes up to no good. Demand to see his phone, there should ne no secrets and if hes hiding nothing he would hide nothing from you and should not. TRANSPARENCY in a relationship. Google it. Your so called boyfriend is lying to you im willing to bet you $ 10,000

Reply August 14, 2017, 5:27 pm


if my boyfriend ask me for a kiss and I give him is he going to come back asking for more or is he going to ask for sex

Reply January 12, 2015, 8:34 pm


Oh yeah, because when a woman thinks her boyfriend is cheating, the first thing she wants to do is bust her butt to make sure he’s happy in the relationship, all the while, she is worried sick because in all honesty, men will cheat even in perfectly happy relationships if they think that they can get away with it. So many different articles on the internet written by men back that point. Men should grow up and learn how to communicate and not cheat. If they are unhappy, they need to talk it out with their women instead of looking for the next best thing, only to cheat and come crawling back in their moment of realization. Too bad by then, it’s usually too late! Women aren’t mind readers! We do our best to make you feel special, feel wanted loved and all that jazz… but the sad truth is that men don’t always care if they have a wonderful woman. I have been cheated on by three boyfriends. All of them we had great physical relationships, intimate connections, and I felt that all three relationships were very secure until I found out they were cheating! Each relationship, they all begged for me back. No way, I will find a man who will love me and be emotionally mature enough to communicate his desires and disappointment, and if the relationship isn’t working out, end it on a peaceful note instead of causing a whole soap opera. I’m not saying that there aren’t sleazy women out there who cheat (I know quite a few!). All I want is someone who won’t cheat on me. I am loyal, I have a good head on my shoulders, I am loving, friendly, nice, I’m rational, physically fit, I get hit on all the time by complete strangers so I must be somewhat attractive! I just don’t get why seemingly nice guys cheat on good girls. It never seems to end.

Reply October 27, 2014, 6:23 pm


Just had to say couldnt agree more, the article underneath made it si und like the woman must have to fix something in the relationship cuz thats why guys cheat….relationships arent all pie and if your guy cant see what he has a real man will either talk to you so you can work on it together or leave not cheat. Its like this person is giving an excuse to cheat if the situation is 100% ideal for the man haha thats a load of crap!

Reply January 22, 2015, 2:30 pm


you must have problems all men will cheat even if they are in a perfectly happy relationship then it obviously isn’t a ” perfectly happy relationship” get over yourself you obviously have been hurt by men so assume all men cheat.

Reply March 1, 2015, 1:28 pm


I am in relation for two years my bf gets angry very soon for smal reason nw a days he shout at me for smal reason even blames me for everything dnt even trust me he cal and text me daily bt dnt talk like the way he used to and at night he dnt chat properly i always talk to a lady who works in his office my bf told lie abt my name and personal detail to tht lady coz she knew my neighbour today when i talked to her she suddenly asked me tht why i am gng to goa bt thts nt my village and when bt i am nt gng to (goa) village

Reply October 11, 2014, 11:26 am

Sasha Abernathi

i am getting two different stories, my boyfriend and my friend that’s a guy.
my bf said that him and my guy friend are going down the street at like 12 at night and he said there meeting up with one of my bf’s friends and this was at like 10 minuets to 12 and then he said they were at macca’s.
my guy friend said that my bf and this girl was chatting my bf up and then he said they were getting closer to each other and looked like they were about to hook up and then said that they were kissing and i asked my bf about it a few seconds later and he said that nothing was happening and that he should mind his own business. later my bf messaged me and said he had to go because he was meeting someone and then my guy friend told me that him and this girl were going behind the corner to do something and then he told me not to worry as they still had clothes on and now they have both gone offline. i thought i trusted my boyfriend with my life but what my guy friend is saying is making me unsure of what to believe. help!!!

Reply October 2, 2014, 1:01 pm


I have been in a relationship with my guy for almost 10 years, he has been acting weird. He used to tell me when he took vacations now he doesn’t tell me anything, and I say well you didn’t tell me that he says he forgot. Nobody forgets when they take a vacation, he never answers his phone when I call and he doesn’t return any of my messages. Last year he went on vacation and I asked if he wanted be to watch hos apartment while he was away and he said no his cousin would watch his place, she is still staying in his apartment 1 year later. His apartment is a one bedroom apartment, and I voiced my opinion that I wasn’t comfortable with her staying there. Also he spends time with a female friend of his that he has known for a long time, and I feel left out and it hurts and I told him she has a husband why are you always over there? I asked him if he was mad at me for any reason and says no, I also asked him if I did anything wrong and he said no. There has to be an explanation for his strange behavior.

Reply September 10, 2014, 9:54 pm


Wow! I found this really useful… Being wonderful really is the best way to keep your relationship healthy… thanks Eric :)

Reply October 9, 2013, 2:17 pm


hi, ive been wiith my boyfriend 2 years now and a saw a conversation on facebook with another girl telling her that she was his inspiration and send her naked pictures of him, i confronted him and he said that wasn´t going to happen again, that i was the love of his life and the only girl that he ever thought of getting married and having kids was with me and the girl that he was chating with, he never met her in person , they where just flirting through facebook and he eliminated her. what do you think about this

Reply August 11, 2013, 2:46 am

Tiffany Lace

Im really scared, my boyfriend of 1 and a half years likes a girl that he hangs out with everyday, he’s given her nicknames, laughs at all her jokes. and is excited to go to school everyday to see her. She is engaged but he still talks about her everyday. He doesnt want to communicate anymore. he blames everything he does on me. im scared he will cheat on me. i dont know what to do. he’s made me believe that our relationship is going down hill because of me.

Reply June 25, 2013, 9:37 pm


My bf and i have been together for 7 years. Lately (for the past 3months) he’s been acting weird. He’s always saying he needs more time with his friend and that im too possessive. I’ve been on medication that causes me to gain weight and he constantly tells me he misses the “old me”. I found pics of girls on his phone and asked him about it but he says they’re just friends. I also went through his phone and saw flirty text msgs from these girls. He’s replies were deleted. Should i confront him or should i jus break it off? All i know is i cannot continue tis way

Reply January 8, 2013, 11:32 am


I would break it off. My boyfriend was doing the same stuff. Forgot about the girl and now found another girl to flirt with, break it off. It suck and I should be taking my advice.

Reply March 23, 2016, 12:51 pm


My boyfriend always deletes he’s message doesnt like me on he’s phone and takes it everywhere so I can’t see it and walks away when hes on the phone and he won’t put that he’s in a relationship and jokes that it will “rein he’s repratation” we’ve been together for a year and I always knew he was flirt he lies that he’s with me to other girls like he will say with my baby then tell them its hes dog and asks them to come out for drinks I’ve had girls tell me rumours but he wouldn’t answer just saying I should trust him and turning it on me saying he can’t be with me with no trust now he’s accusing me as I talk to a guy from work I don’t know what to think

Reply October 21, 2012, 10:48 am


If someone is not getting their needs met in a relationship, I’m of a mind that they should be mature enough to talk to their partner instead of cheating.

But that’s just me.

Reply September 10, 2012, 1:05 am


My man has my mind in a bunch. In 2011 he was having a lot of stress and went to confide in a girl I didn’t know and hid it from me until I busted him outside her home talking. He had been talking to her for 2 weeks over text as far as I know. He swears there was nothing going on and he just needed someone to talk to when he thought I wasn’t listening. Since then I have put it behind me ( I thought ). He has been working a lot latley but has proposed to me am I being silly to think that a man that ask me to marry him and tells me he loves me would cheat on me?

Reply June 13, 2012, 9:59 am

Jazzy Jay

The two of you have to discuss a lot of things before you get married…communication: If he felt you weren’t listening to him why didn’t he tell you how he felt; why did he have to go to another woman with his problem (will he do the same thing when you are his wife); In your heart of hearts, do you trust him? If not you need to be honest with yourself now before you marry him.

Reply June 14, 2012, 12:04 pm


my boyfriend work’s out of town when i was talking to hem it sound like he was kissing some one i’m i crazy

Reply June 6, 2012, 6:37 pm

Jazzy Jay

Why should she tell him she misses him? He is showing signs of not just pulling away from her but signs of cheating. What if he decided that he is bored with her or that another woman is more attractive and that’s why he’s texting another girl right if front of her. If she tells him she misses him she is taking responsibility for his behavior…she can’t possibly be held responsible for his pulling away, cheating or any of his behavior period. d be in that’s not good for her.

Reply April 24, 2012, 9:32 pm


I think you are great Eric for giving us all this free advice, first person that has ever made sense to me and I hope now I can have a good relationship next time it happens :)

Reply April 14, 2012, 6:19 am

Jazzy Jay

I read on another relationship website that when a person has suspicion that their mate is cheating, they’re usually right and you don’t need to have “proof”, the fact that you “suspect” cheating is a “red-flag” that something disagreeable to you is happening. Why can’t you calmly and maturely tell him how you’re feeling and why, see how he responds ans process that. He is just as responsible for making you feel secure in the relationship as you are responsible for making him feel secure in the relationship. You have at least 2 of the 6 signs of cheating going on in your relationship…If you “feel” that he is cheating…He Is!

Reply April 24, 2012, 9:18 pm

FLower White

ronallia and lauren … he’s not that into you. Make like a cow and mooove on!

Reply August 14, 2011, 3:43 am


me and my boyfriend have been in a off-on relationship and when we fist started going uout he wold always call and text me and say i love you and now it has been 3 months when i call him he will anwser but he will say let me call you back and he never does and 2 days ago we were texting and i asked him if he can call me and he said noo and i said plz and he said noo leave me alone and so we havent talked in 3 days and so i think he is cheating on me how do i know that he is plz help!

Reply July 25, 2011, 11:15 pm

ronallia cowan

what do it mean when your boyfriend text you, not call and say i love you and dont you forget that

Reply June 25, 2011, 3:46 pm


I guess I don’t really care who’s fault it it just seems like you’re saying in this type of relationship..the woman in this case needs to do all of the work or most of it, to win this guy’s affections back . If he’s going to run and cheat at the slightest sign of trouble with his own insecurities..then she just needs to move on.

And my thoughts on my boyfriend have been changing almost daily in the past several weeks. We somehow make it work. I can over think things when I’m drives me crazy sometimes! Don’t look too deep..

Reply June 23, 2011, 11:45 am

Eric Charles

You are not getting what I’m saying at all…
What I’m saying is that if you want things to be different, YOU have control over your own actions, perspectives and reactions. You don’t have any control over his.
When you write stuff like “the woman in this case needs to do all of the work or most of it” and “he’s going to run and cheat at the slightest sign of trouble with his own insecurities”, it comes off like you’re just whining about what he’s doing and attacking him for “having insecurities” and resenting the idea of doing anything to improve the relationship.
Maybe in your relationship you do have to do some heavy lifting to get it back on track. Maybe he does have insecurities. Or maybe the relationship problems have nothing to do with him.
Regardless of who might be to “blame” or who’s “insecure” or who has to do most of the “work”, you either want the relationship or you don’t…. If you do, stop whining and put your energy into being better: more positive, more happy, more accepting. If you don’t want the relationship, move on.
It makes no sense to stay in a relationship and resenting the idea of improving it and resenting the other place. Just break up if that’s really where you’re at.
But you can’t have it both ways… you can’t complain and blame AND improve your relationship. Doesn’t work that way.

Reply June 23, 2011, 1:34 pm


I feel that it sounds like it’s “my” fault that he is going astray. My boyfriend and I have great sex all of the time and we both always introduce new things into the relationship..but I did see about 4 of the listed signs you posted in my relationship. However I’m getting sick of his behavior. So I don’t necessarily want to keep “trying” with my boyfriend. I’m always the one trying to counter act with positive doesn’t always work. He’s very wealthy..he lives on the beach..and even though he is very good looking, he’s got naturally low self-esteem..and he’s an alcoholic. He has a constant fear of people leaving him..and he preemptively strikes when he fears the worst. He tells me he loves me when he drinks..says he doesn’t when he is sober..but when I try to break up with him and leave..he comes after me full speed ahead and spoils me so I will come back to him…in other words, my relationship is bizarre and unhealthy for me.

Reply June 22, 2011, 11:39 am

Eric Charles

Assigning “fault” in a relationship situation is typically a waste of mental and emotional energy.
Even if it was his “fault” or your “fault”, who cares? Where would finding someone to blame get you?
It sounds to me like your guy has his own share of problems and the relationship isn’t working for you. If you want the relationship to continue, you have the power to work on improving it through good communication, giving him space, etc. etc.
On the other hand, if you don’t want this relationship, you have options – you can meet other men and move on.
Either way, it’s not your “fault” – the relationship and the guy are either what you want in your life or…. not.

Reply June 22, 2011, 1:48 pm

Jazzy Jay

Yeah…sounds very unhealthy! He is not respectful or considerate of you at all. Why are you with him?

Reply April 24, 2012, 9:22 pm

Eric Charles

First, thank you for the compliment. I appreciate that.
Honestly, I think self-reflection and putting conscious attention on ways that you can improve the relationship is a very healthy thing to do.
I mean… you could say my advice here is unilateral, but it kind of has to be in order to give her some choices for effective action. She can’t “control” him, she can only control her own responses / reactions and actions.
Maybe the guy will wake up and start putting his attention back into the relationship too, but I can’t assume that would happen. The best thing I can do in a situation like this is recommend what she can do with the power and choice she has.
That’s my logic – if she tells the guy she misses him and he’s already been feeling low about the relationship, he might not respond well to her saying that. On the other hand, if she starts trying things and putting in more effort towards a positive goal, that has a much higher likelihood of everyone in the relationship being happier.
That’s my thinking on the matter…

Reply June 8, 2011, 1:22 am

Jazzy Jay

The issue is not how he’s feeling, the issue is that she has the feeling that he is cheating…that’s the issue she should address with him. If he tells her that he is feeling insecure with her then, she should deal with that. Take it from me, confront him maturely and confidently, you will be sure wheather he is cheating or not by his response.

Reply April 24, 2012, 9:26 pm


First off, Eric, you have provided us the readers some of the most insightful thoughts and assessments on various troubling situations. Thank you. However, I find what you are suggesting here troubling due to the solution being very unilateral. Wouldn’t it save her a lot of trouble guessing what to do to regain his attention if she just tells her boyfriend that she misses him and start from there? I think when someone is pulling away, self reflection on what you did wrong leads to no where. Because it’s hard to read other people’s mind and there’s always the chance that you didn’t do anything wrong.

Reply June 7, 2011, 11:35 pm

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