Is he cheating on me? How do you know if your man is cheating? If you notice your boyfriend or husband showing any of these signs, you should be very suspicious!
If you’re reading this article, there must be some doubt in your mind about your man’s fidelity. Before we delve deeper into this topic, take a moment to acknowledge that you have this funny feeling. A woman’s intuition is a powerful thing. Your feelings are valid so don’t dismiss them. Much of the time when a man is caught cheating, the woman has somewhat suspected it for a while – even if she didn’t want to admit it to herself.
While you should lean towards trusting your gut, by no means is it going to be 100% right all of the time. Nobody’s perfect and we’re all susceptible to making mistakes, particularly if you’ve been cheated on before. If you have a history with infidelity, be aware of the fact that you could be looking at things from a slightly warped perspective. That’s only natural when you’ve been hurt before or are prone to insecurity.
Be as objective as you can as you look at your relationship. Considering how you would advise a friend in your position can be a helpful exercise in setting aside your own bias and tendencies.
And to help you gain more clarity, here’s a list of 14 things pretty much all men do if they’re cheating.
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
1. You catch him lying.
You don’t have to catch him cheating on you to observe deceitful behavior. If he lies to you about something insignificant, you’re automatically going to replay his words and his expression when he said it.
Has he looked at you that way before? Was there any notable sign that he was uncomfortable, such as fidgeting or breaking eye contact? If there weren’t any obvious giveaways, that’s even more cause for alarm. It means he’s practiced at deception.
It may not even be that you catch him lying to you, specifically. If you hear him lie to someone else and it seems like no big deal to him, that’s a red flag. An honest person will not be able to lie like it’s nothing.
Little white lies told to spare someone’s feelings, or maybe to get out of a boring event, do not count. Just because he tells his friend with the terrible new haircut that “it looks great” doesn’t mean he’s sneaking around behind your back.
2. His behavior becomes unpredictable.
Chances are you know your man and his routines very well. If you live together, even more so. You know what time he likes to go to bed, where he charges his phone, and what he likes to do in his spare time. For this reason, you’ll be the best judge of when that behavior becomes unpredictable.
Pay attention to any changes in his patterns, especially if they’re out of the blue.
Does he start working late on a regular basis? Maybe instead of sitting with you to watch your favorite TV show, he opts to spend hours on the computer. Does he carry his phone around with him everywhere, perhaps tilting the screen away from you when he’s typing? Even if he tries to be subtle about things like this, it will be evident to you.
3. His appearance changes.
A sudden interest in his appearance or a new sense of style is a potential sign that he’s trying to look good for someone new. Maybe he starts wearing radically different clothes or dying his hair. He could develop an abrupt obsession with going to the gym and eating clean.
Sometimes couples make a joint effort to get in better shape, or a guy can watch a health documentary that spurs him into making some changes. But if there’s no explanation for this shift in priorities, be wary. Most of the time there’s a special reason that a guy puts in this kind of effort. If it doesn’t seem to be an attempt to impress you, it may be for someone else.
MORE: Is He a Cheater?
4. He stops telling you he loves you.
It means something when a guy stops saying that he loves you. If you normally tell each other you love each other and he starts just saying, “you too,” take note. That’s a cop-out. (Be sure to also read this for more: Signs He Doesn’t Love You Anymore.)
This won’t apply to situations where the guy already doesn’t vocalize his feelings very often. If he’s typically not the type to say “I love you” every day, it’s not necessarily going to be noteworthy when you don’t hear it. However, if you’re with him then hopefully there’s some way he finds to express his feelings for you. Whatever that is, pay attention to if this starts to dissipate.
In addition to not actually saying the words, he’ll also stop making you feel loved. He’ll be doing this out of guilt but seeing how it hurts you will only make him feel worse. Chances are this will add a level of self-loathing to his guilt that makes him a real chore to be around.
5. He’s secretive about his finances.
If he starts hiding his credit card bill, this is highly suspect. It’s one thing if it seems to be a one-off. Maybe you have a birthday coming up and he doesn’t want you to know what he bought you. But if he’s consistently tight-lipped and never lets you see a receipt, that’s a bad sign. It could be that he doesn’t want you to see the charge at a nice restaurant that you’ve never been to.
There are some couples who keep their financial situations relatively separate. Even in these cases, there still shouldn’t be an air of secrecy to any of it. If you’re choosing to invest your time in someone, it’s fair to want to be at least vaguely aware of their spending habits. If your guy gets shifty about telling you anything, there’s something up. It may not be cheating, but it’s still something to be wary of.
6. He avoids intimacy with you.
If your formerly engaging sex life has lost its spark, try talking to him about how you feel. This by itself is not a definite sign that he’s being unfaithful. There are a variety of reasons that things can falter in this area, and most couples go through phases.
Depending on how your conversation goes – and whether or not this is accompanied by other problems – it could suggest that he’s meeting his needs elsewhere. If he brushes you off and doesn’t want to talk about it, he’s hiding something.
If he is physically cheating on you, he’ll probably feel very guilty about being intimate with you at the same time.
7. He still has an online dating profile up.
There are exactly zero reasons to keep your dating profile up once you’re in a committed relationship. Forgetting to take it down is a slim possibility, but if you remind him and he still leaves it up, that bargaining chip goes right out the window. Plus, most dating apps send you emails or notifications of some kind. How often has he let it “slip his mind” despite those reminders?
A guy who keeps his profile up is keeping his options open. He may even be acting on some of those options.
MORE: Why Do Guys Cheat?
8. He’s hot and cold with you.
Unless you’re a sociopath, you’re going to be pretty emotional about cheating on someone. Most of the time, it’s going to be an unpleasant internal war with yourself. You’ll go from justifying your behavior to chastising yourself and back again. This back and forth could happen several times in just ten minutes.
Considering how volatile your internal life would be, it’s undeniable that your moods are going to be erratic. Don’t overlook constant mood swings in your guy. He might be cheerful and sweet when you first wake up, yet by lunchtime all you get out of him is a grumble.
If you’re routinely dealing with these hot and cold behaviors, recognize that you don’t deserve to be treated that way. Regardless of whether or not he’s cheating, he’s being disrespectful.
9. He constantly compliments you.
It’s a bummer that there can be a sinister motive behind complimenting you, but it’s true. Don’t pay much attention to this if your guy has been vocal about his admiration of you from day one. This is more for relationships where the guy suddenly turns on the charm, especially when things are feeling rocky in the relationship.
Again, this is an action that stems from guilt. He feels bad about what he’s doing so he tries to, in some very small way, make up for it. It could also just be a cunning way to direct your attention away from his deception. He might think that by lavishing compliments on you, he’ll stop you from seeing through him.
10. You smell another woman on him.
It’s hard to come back from this one. If the scent is strong enough for you to notice, it’s not from giving a co-worker a brief hug or brushing shoulders with a woman on the subway.
On the off chance that there is an explanation for it, you can try inquiring about it. If he remains calm and even laughs as he tells you the reason – which may or may not sound legitimate – maybe he’s telling the truth. If instead, he gets angry or panicky, you probably have your answer.
11. He starts fights with you.
Does he start complaining about something that never used to bother him, such as the way you forget to close cupboard doors? Maybe he acts offended by a joke you’ve uttered some rendition of dozens of time before. Faking indignation is a way for him to feel like he has some kind of right to his bad behavior. “Okay yes, I’m cheating, but she always gives me grief for not putting my towel back on the rack.”
However petty or ridiculous the argument, he’ll be eager to engage with you. He’ll also probably be keen to be the one who walks away in a huff. In addition to distracting you from his real duplicity, he’ll file it away as “proof” that you’re the one who is unreasonable. It will make him feel like less of a monster (or at least he thinks it will).
MORE: Why Do Men Lie?
12. He pulls back.
Not every unfaithful man will go to great lengths to distract you from the bigger issue. Some will deal with their shame by retreating from you. He may literally put distance between the two of you by taking any and every opportunity to get out of town or stay late at work.
It could also be a less obvious retreat – an emotional one. Instead of confiding in you about his day, he’ll say he’s tired and wants to go to bed early. Rather than have dinner with you, he’ll say he really needs to be there for a friend tonight. When you try to tell him a story, he’ll scroll through his phone.
This can sometimes be a very lazy way of breaking up with someone. It’s not brave. Essentially, he’s withdrawing his emotional support and love and waiting for you to do something about it.
MORE: 10 Signs He’s Cheating
13. He gets defensive if you ask him about it.
Even if he isn’t cheating on you, if you’re feeling insecure about the relationship, you are absolutely entitled to talk to him about it. You don’t need to go on the attack when you bring up your concerns. Just tell him what’s on your mind and how you’re feeling. He should appreciate that your emotions are valid and do his best to reassure you.
If he gets instantly defensive and angry, that’s bad news. A common favorite that guys will throw at you is that you’re “crazy.” Don’t be talked into thinking that you’re insane for feeling the way you do. There’s a reason the idea got planted in your head.
14. You sense it.
This brings us to the final point. If you can’t shake the disturbing feeling in your gut that something’s wrong, trust yourself. Don’t throw away a relationship on the mere hint of suspicion, but you can’t carry on in a situation where you don’t feel secure. Even if he’s not cheating on you, the fact that you feel so unsafe means it’s not the right relationship. It could be that he’s on the verge of cheating and you can just tell that the future is not stable with him.
If you find that being mistrustful of a guy becomes a habit for you, it may be time to look inward and reflect on your relationship with romance. We don’t even have to be part of a bad relationship for it to alter the way we look at love. If your parents struggled with infidelity, or if you watched a close friend get cheated on, this can color the way you look at all men. Don’t be hard on yourself about this. Just recognize it and accept it as something you’re going to work on, for your benefit as much as for your future dates.
I hope this article gave you clarity on your situation. If your guy is cheating, my heart goes out to you and I hope you are able to make the right decision in regards to what to do next. Before a guy cheats, you may notice he starts to pull away or lose interest. If that’s something you’re going through, then you need to read this next: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
Telltale Signs He Might Be Cheating:
- You catch him lying.
- His behavior becomes unpredictable.
- His appearance changes.
- He stops telling you he loves you.
- He’s secretive about his finances.
- He avoids intimacy with you.
- He still has an online dating profile up.
- He’s hot and cold with you.
- He constantly compliments you.
- You smell another woman on him.
- He starts fights with you.
- He pulls back.
- He gets defensive if you ask him about it.
- You sense it.