Let’s talk about how you might unintentionally be pushing guys away and turning them off by acting too desperate and needy.
I’m sure you have the best intentions. But as they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
No one ever wants to be the desperate girl, but if that’s the place you’re coming from, then it will come across in your actions.
I know this might sound harsh, but I won’t be doing you any favors by placating you and encouraging bad behavior. It’s not only that- this needy behavior most likely isn’t the true essence of you you are … it’s a reaction to things you’ve been through. So in this article, I’m hoping to strip that away so you can be your authentic self.
You may not even realize that your actions are coming off as desperate, because some of these signs are subtle, which is why I’m going to set the record straight so keep reading.
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
1. Talking endlessly
When you talk and talk and talk, it just comes across like you’re trying to prove something.
You try to show him all the amazing sides of yourself all at once instead of letting him discover you slowly. Maybe you do this because you’re scared he’ll lose interest if he doesn’t know that you’re smart and funny and witty and compassionate and passionate etc. etc. So you just have to tell him everything about yourself because how else will he know?!
This isn’t impressive. It’s draining to listen to and it tells him you don’t really think you’re worthy of him, so that’s why you need to talk yourself up in the hopes that he doesn’t realize your lowly status and he buys into your ruse and thinks you are a match.
Can you see how pathetic this comes across?
It’s not enticing or intriguing or alluring to just tell someone who you are, let them discover this slowly. And if a guy is seriously interested in you, he will want to stick around to find out all about you! No need to put on the whole song and dance.
Another problem with the excessive talking is you come across as a drama queen and too high maintenance. And most men are repelled by this sort of thing. What a man wants above all else is a woman who is easy to be around.
When you talk and talk you also aren’t really learning about him. You’re not even listening when he speaks, you’re just waiting for your turn to speak again, for your chance to dazzle him. Instead of worrying so much about the impression you’re making on him, shift your focus to one where you’re asking yourself: is he good enough for me? (As opposed to, how can I prove that I’m good enough for him?).
Watch The Video: 5 “Desperate Girl” Signals That Turn Guys Off
2. Being too aggressive
Look, I’m not saying never initiate with a guy or do a little pursuing, keyword little.
Yes, I know it’s not the 1950s anymore but you have to leave some space for him to pursue you as well otherwise you look desperate and you don’t leave any space for the attraction to build.
Maybe there’s a guy you like and you text him asking him to hang out and he says he’ll get back to you later that day… and later that day comes around and you haven’t heard from him, leave it alone! Don’t send endless follow-up texts. Don’t send any follow-up texts. You planted the seed, now let him do some work.
Don’t always be the one initiating texts or dates. A man can’t like you if he doesn’t invest in you and he can’t invest in you if you’re doing all the work!
Also, when you are always initiating you fall into the passive reciprocation trap. This is when a guy is nice and friendly when you reach out, but he never really tales any initiative. So if you text him, he’ll reply and be perfectly nice. Or maybe you ask him out … and he agrees. And you’re confused because why would he be nice and why would he agree to go out if he didn’t like you? But then … he’s not acting like a guy who really likes you. And that’s because if a guy likes you, he will usually do something about it. He won’t passively sit back while you do all the work.
3. You have an agenda
This is the biggest area that trips women up. You can’t just enjoy the relationship for what it is. You have an agenda and you need it to move in a certain direction otherwise you will be panicked and on edge and just not good enough.
You want to make this guy your boyfriend and that is your goal. When you have a goal, you can’t form a meaningful connection with the guy because every interaction is measured in terms of whether it takes you closer to or further from your goal.
If he texted you first and initiated plans, great! One step closer to the goal. If he went a day or two before replying, then you’ve gone backward. And when you go backward, you feel despair.
When you’re in this frame of mind, you’re interacting with the worried thoughts in your head rather than with the actual person in front of you. This is a very unattractive energy and will cause him to lose interest fast.
4. You post endlessly on social media to get a rise out of him
You are the queen of the thirst trap and the subtweet combined.
If he blows you off one night, you’re going to post a photo of yourself half dressed looking amazing and having the time of your life to really show him who’s boss!
You are constantly posting in order to get his attention or get a rise out of him, be it sad and sappy love quotes or empowered “I don’t need a man” mantras (which is ironic since you’re doing it to capture a man’s attention!), or the “my life is so amazing #blessed.”
If you do this, he and everyone who follows you on social media will know what you’re up to and it will reek of desperation.
5. You play games
Guys know when you’re playing games.
I was with a guy friend once and he had just started dating this girl and things were off to a strange start because she clearly was following some sort of playbook that said if a guy waits X amount of time before replying to a text, multiple that number by 3 and then text him at that time.
I was with him one night and he was told me, “I missed a text from her earlier because I was so slammed at work and just replied to her but now I’m going to have to wait 5 hours before she responds!” Then he gave me his phone and let me scroll through their conversations to see the insanely long time lapse between her texts. If he ever waited 30 minutes to respond to a text, then she would wait 3 hours. He didn’t see this as charming or alluring, he saw it as annoying and desperate.
Guys know when you’re playing games and they are not into it. Playing games points to insecurity and immaturity. It comes from a place of feeling like your true self isn’t enough so you need to act like someone else.
A better strategy is to focus on being a high-value woman, rather than pretending to be.
Don’t play hard to get, be hard to get.
At the end of the day, the best thing to do is work on yourself so that you don’t need a man’s approval in order to feel good about yourself and in order to feel “worthy.” That’s the root problem here. It is a lack of self-esteem. So focus on that rather than on getting the guy.
I hope this article helped you better understand how your behavior might be pushing guys away. But do you know what draws them in and what makes a man see a woman as “the one”? Read this to learn more:The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman