Meeting an amazing guy you connect with who likes you as much as you like him is a really special thing. And just when you’re riding that wave of “wow, this is so amazing,” the panic may start to set in and have you wondering: what if he loses interest?
For a long chunk of time, I was great at getting the guy, but not so great at keeping him. That’s because it wasn’t coming from an authentic place. I was great at creating the illusion that I was a confident, fun, secure, happy woman, but inside I wasn’t. And that’s what you need in order to not only attract but keep, a quality man.
Read on to find out how it’s done.
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1. Be interesting!
The easiest way to get and keep a man’s interest is to be interesting.
You need to have things going on in your life aside from him. When he’s all you have, you come across as needy and desperate and this is a surefire way to repel a man.
It is so important to pursue your passions, or find a passion if you don’t already have one. Maybe you love to write or sing or dance or paint or sculpt. Maybe you want to learn how to cook or bake or sow. Maybe you want to join a book club or try a new exercise class. Or maybe you want to learn a new language or learn the history of a country that interests you. There is so much out there so just experiment until something really resonates with you.
2. Be independent
Don’t lose yourself in a relationship. Other things in your life aren’t placeholders until a relationship comes along. It’s so important to maintain your independence and continue to have several sources of fulfillment, you can’t only rely on your relationship to give your life meaning and purpose.
Being independent doesn’t mean you have an “I don’t need a man” attitude. Men actually like it when you need them, but this isn’t the same as neediness. Needing him means he adds value to your life. It means he makes your life better and adds a new dimension. Neediness means you need him in order to feel OK. You need him to feel good about yourself. If he doesn’t respond to you in a certain way, you fall into the depths of despair.
3. Don’t be entitled
This is one of the most off-putting behaviors a woman can do, aside from being needy. Men want to make you happy and do things for you. And maybe you think it’s a man’s job to do certain things. He should pay for the dates. He should do the dishes if you cook. He should always hold the door.
OK, maybe those are your standards and that’s fine, but it’s still important to appreciate him when he does these things. And it’s also important to at least make a gesture and offer to do something, maybe offer to pay for something or offer to plan the date one night instead of leaving it up to him. He may insist on being the one to always pay and be the planner, but he’ll appreciate the offer.
4. Be genuinely interested in his interests
A lot of the time we get so caught up in our own feelings and fears and emotions we can’t fully connect with the other person because we’re so stuck in our own heads.
It’s important to connect to who he is and what he likes. Men love it when a woman shows genuine interest in his interests. This shows you really see him and appreciate him. It also shows that you’re fun and open-minded and everyone loves that!
5. Have fun together!
Come up with fun adventures, don’t leave all the planning to him. Take the initiative and come up with your own ideas.
Get out of your head and stop analyzing the relationship and try to enjoy it. What keeps a relationship interesting is being spontaneous and shaking things up.
6. Don’t play games
Your authentic self isn’t coming through when you make a guy chase you. This just comes across as fake and men can easily spot this and it’s not attractive.
If you think you need to trick a guy to get him interested in you, that’s a sign your self-esteem needs work. Love doesn’t blossom by playing games or making a man chase you in circles. Now it’s true that men want the space to pursue you, but the way to do this isn’t by playing games. It’s by being a high-value woman who has a lot going on in her life and who doesn’t just abandon all of it when a man comes into the picture. It’s not about playing hard to get, it’s about being hard to get.
7. Be seductive
Flirt with him, show your desire for him, show you’re interested. Be playful and confident. Playfully touch him, give him that look that lingers a little too long … and do this without being desperate.
Being desperate or needy is more of a state of mind rather than a set of behaviors. You need him to respond to you in a certain way in order to feel good enough. You need him to desire you in order to feel attractive or desirable.
There is nothing more seductive than confidence so that’s where to put your focus and then it will radiate outward.
8. Don’t commit too soon
This is a mistake a lot of women make. They go all in too soon and this just puts too much pressure on the relationship, which can cause him to withdraw and pull away.
Just enjoy the ride instead of stressing over where you’re heading. Now obviously you can’t stay in no-mans-land forever, eventually, things need to progress … but if you and him are on the same page, then it will happen naturally without any force needed.
If you’re not on the same page then ask yourself why are you with a guy who doesn’t want the same things you want.
Above all, the way to really hook his interest is to give him the space to pursue you.
9. Be positive
It’s important to watch your mood and the vibe you’re transmitting. How does it feel to be around you? If it feels good, he’ll want to be around you more. If it feels negative or tense, he won’t.
Men aren’t that complicated. All a man really wants is a woman who is easy to be around. No drama. No hysterics. No unnecessary and unreasonable demands.
10. Love yourself
Be confident, not cocky- there is a difference here. A confident woman is one who values herself and won’t put up with anything that she doesn’t want or with behavior that is unacceptable or crosses her boundaries. Only needy people put up with bad behavior because deep down they don’t believe they deserve better.
When you are a high-value woman, he automatically will value you and will treat you amazing. If he doesn’t, then you’ll leave and you won’t think twice about it because you’ll know you can find better.
There you have this. The ultimate list of how to hook a guy and keep him. It really comes down to you and how you operate in the world. It’s also about who you choose. You can’t turn a damaged, disaster of a man into Prince Charming. You need to choose wisely. You need to choose someone who is emotionally stable and on the same page as you in terms of what he wants. When you do this, and you become that high-value woman, then relationships and love are pretty effortless.
But there is more you need to know. Do you know what it really takes to get a guy to commit and see you as the one? If not, read this next: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman