My four year relationship ended three days before Valentine’s Day during my senior year of college. I was about to graduate and had planned on moving to be closer him. I figured three years of a long distance relationship was more than enough and I was ready to see where the relationship was heading. Me moving had also been our plan since I started college. Little did I know, he had planned something else entirely- a future without me.
I brought up the issue of moving when I visited him in December. He constantly avoided the topic and managed to change the subject every time. He assured me that I did not need to worry about the future, that everything would be fine, and that I needed to stop planning too much. I guess the holiday season, and the fact that we were together during that break, completely blinded me, so for the remainder of my holiday I didn’t question him anymore.
However, I noticed that he had changed. He was spending most of his times in front of the computer screen, “chatting with some old friends,” he had told me. On top of that, he was also spending most of his time at work while I was there. He told me that he couldn’t get any days off because he just got promoted and needed to focus on the job. When he did get days off, he was always talking on his cell (“calls from work,” he would tell me). At one point I got so upset at him that I just snapped. I told him how I felt and that it was such a waste to come and spend my break with him when he couldn’t even sit still and pay attention to what we were talking about. He asked me to understand the nature of his job and basically told me that I did not understand what it was like to have a job and responsibilities.
Needless to say, that winter break turned out to be the worst break I ever had. I went home feeling sad, disappointed and questioning the future of our relationship.
When school started, I finally gathered the courage to tell him that I wanted to move and live near him. His response: “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Go pursue your dreams, we can always figure this living arrangement later. You don’t have to think about me.” I was so crushed, but I realized I didn’t want to keep on waiting, not when everything between us was so uncertain. I told him that I wanted a break and that I couldn’t be in the relationship anymore. He was surprised but said he understood where I was coming from. He even told me he would be there through the break-up and that we would remain friends.
A week after our break-up he deleted every picture of us on his social network site and uploaded new pictures of him and his new girl in every sickening pose. She was a co-worker whom he had mentioned in passing and, evidently, the reason he spent all those days at work. She was also the reason he stayed in front of the computer all those nights. She was the reason he wanted out of our relationship. But what was most hurtful was that she was the reason he stopped loving me. I felt betrayed, dispensable, and lost. My world came crashing down the moment I found out the true reason behind our break up.
I confronted him over the phone, he acted dumb at first, but finally admitted that he did have an affair with this girl.”I never meant to hurt you,” he said.
I told him to go to hell and hung up the phone. Later on, he sent an apology e-mail telling me he was sorry and that all he was guilty of was lying to protect my feelings.
I spent most of my days after that crying, losing sleep, losing my appetite, and analyzing every detail of the relationship- thinking about what went wrong, what I had done to lose him and what a jerk he had been to me. I was fortunate to have my girls with me through it all. They were the ones who came to my rescue and offered me shoulders to cry on.
It took me a full year to really forgive my ex and move on with my life. It wasn’t easy. The journey was filled with lots of tears and mistakes. I dated guys who were wrong for me, just because I wanted to move on as quickly as possible.
Then the news came: my ex got married to the girl he left me for because he got her pregnant (karma’s a bitch). I felt bad for him- not because he was going to have a child, every child is always a blessing- but because he was suddenly forced into this marriage and adulthood, which he had initially wanted to avoid. He was only 22 year old when he married that girl (she was 19). He was robbed of the carefree times that he could have had. I did admire the fact that he didn’t turn his back and instead chose to be responsible and mature.
As for me, everything did turn out to be for the best. The heartbreak motivated me to be the best person that I can be and this coming winter I will graduate with a Master’s Degree. I am also in a relationship with the most wonderful guy. The heartbreak has given me the chance to grow as a person. As weird as it sounds, it did inspire me to prove to myself and others that I could get back up on my two feet. It gave me the courage that I had lacked when I was with my ex. It made me whole. And the most important thing: I finally understood that I needed to love myself before I’m able to love somebody else.
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