Why Isn’t He Texting Me? 5 Reasons A Guy Doesn’t Text Back post image

Why Isn’t He Texting Me? 5 Reasons A Guy Doesn’t Text Back

Texting is the primary mode of communication in these modern times so it makes sense that one of the most popular relationship questions we get have to do with a guy’s texting habits, or lack thereof.

The most common question of all is this: Why isn’t he texting me?

MORE: The True Reasons Guys Don’t Text Back (And What to Do About It) 

We’ve been getting variations of that question for a solid decade now with no signs of slowing down. To help clear up some of the confusion, I’m going to break down the five main reasons a guy isn’t texting you back. If you’re not hearing from him, it’s most likely for one of these reasons.

I’ll also tell you exactly what to do to guarantee he never leaves you hanging so read until the end.

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1. He’s busy

Guys don’t like being interrupted throughout the day. If he’s focusing on something — it could be work or it could be video games — then he just doesn’t want to be interrupted. It’s not about being selfish, most guys can’t shift focus so easily. If he’s working and then his phone dings and he needs to respond, it’s really hard for him to shift back into work mode and that’s just a big nuisance to deal with throughout the day and then he’ll end up feeling frustrated or in a bad mood because he wasn’t as productive as he needed to be.

MORE: Ask a Guy: Why Did He Suddenly Stop Texting Me? 

A lot of women have a hard time with this because women are typically better at multitasking. Most men aren’t. And most men despise texting throughout the day. They just see it as an interruption and a distraction. He may do it at the beginning of a relationship because he’s trying to win you over, but once the dust settles a little, he needs to get back into his normal mode of being and he just can’t function optimally with countless interruptions throughout the day.

2. He’s not that into you

If a guy isn’t that into you, he may act wishy-washy with you. You may notice he texts you a lot one day and then disappears for the next few days. Basically, he just isn’t sure about his feelings for you. He does enjoy being around you and he likes you … he just might not like you enough to be in a committed relationship with you. But he isn’t sure… he thinks maybe with a little more time he’s gain more clarity.

No matter what the case, if he’s being flakey or sending “mixed messages” or you just have no idea where you stand with him, he most likely isn’t into you enough to want to be in a relationship with you.

MORE: Why it Drives You Crazy When He Doesn’t Text Back 

3. You’re being too needy

Nothing turns a guy off like neediness. If he gets a “needy” text, the last thing he’ll want to do is respond.

A needy text doesn’t mean you come at him with demands and pleas, it’s more subtle than that. A needy text results from having a needy mindset. A needy mindset is believing that you “need” the other person to act a certain way, be a certain way, do specific things or say specific things … or else you won’t be happy.

It’s you’re texting him not because you want to text him, you’re texting him in order to get something out of him. Maybe you need a compliment from him in order to feel good, maybe you need him to affirm his feelings for you because you don’t fully believe he’s into you. Whatever the case, you need him to respond to you in a certain way in order to feel OK. If he doesn’t respond favorably, you’ll be upset and he knows it.

No man wants to be responsible for your emotional wellbeing and that’s why he’ll avoid responding to a text that comes from a needy headspace.

MORE: A Guy Explains Why Guys Don’t Text Back 

4. He honestly didn’t have his phone nearby

Sometimes the simplest explanation is the right one. You need to put things into perspective. If you texted your friend and she didn’t reply right away, you wouldn’t think: Why isn’t she texting back?? Is she mad at me? Is it something I did? You don’t then proceed to replay every detail of your last interaction with her to see what you may have done to cause this. You just think to yourself “Oh, she must be busy” and you move on with your life.

So then why all the panic when it comes to a guy?? I guess that’s rhetorical. I know why the panic … it’s because you’re investing way too much of your sense of self into how he sees you. If he responds to your text, then you’re relieved. It means he likes you, you’re worthy of love, you are OK. If he doesn’t, then you fall into the pit of despair and feel like your life is over.

You need to get out of this headspace. You need to get into a healthier space of recognizing that you will be OK no matter what happens, if he texts or he doesn’t text.

MORE: What to Do When a Guy Doesn’t Text Back 

5. He’s with another girl

OK, so if you’re not exclusive with this guy and he isn’t texting back, yes, it’s possible he’s with another girl. And that’s OK. It’s not a crime. And you know what? If you’re not exclusive with him, you should also be spending time with other guys because you’re free to do as you please.

If him seeing other women is devastating to you, then you need to collect yourself and look at the relationship for what it is. If that’s how you feel, then you are much more invested than he is. Or, you might be relying on him too heavily to feel good about yourself.

If your relationship is still in the casual phase, then you need to be more casual about it. It’s possible that he does really like you, he just isn’t ready to commit exclusively right this second. The best thing you can do is to keep your options open and keep dating around. If this guy truly does like you, he will step up to the plate if he senses that he could potentially lose you.

MORE: Texts to Make Him Miss You 

This is How to Get Him to Text You Back

If you want a guy to text you back there’s one thing you need to do: Fix your mindset.

That’s where your focus should be. Not on analyzing every detail of your interactions with him.

Get into a mindset where you won’t settle for something you don’t want. Where you realize that you deserve a healthy, happy relationship and you won’t stick around if a guy can’t or won’t give you that.

You don’t do this in a blaming, accusatory, angry, threatening, or demanding way. It’s just something you carry internally. For example, if you text him about making plans and you don’t hear back, you just make other plans. This sends a much more powerful message than attacking him with a barrage of texts saying what a jerk he is for not responding when you know he has his phone on him and you don’t deserve this.

MORE: Why Hasn’t He Texted in Two Days? 

When you just make other plans, he realizes that if he wants to see you, he needs to get his act together and he can’t just leave you hanging.

An empowered mindset is one where you aren’t afraid to walk away if a situation isn’t what you want. This isn’t something you need to say outright. It’s just something you believe and that you carry with you and the guy will pick up on this. At the same time, a guy is patently aware when a woman will do anything to keep him and will stick around no matter how he behaves.

Also, put your focus on your mood and your vibe.

MORE: Reasons Men Don’t Text Back 

Your mood equals your vibe.  A vibe is something created within that radiates outward. A negative mood is created by participating in negative thoughts and this creates a negative vibe. If you are constantly thinking about the ways in which he isn’t making you happy, and what you wish he was doing differently, then you are transmitting a negative vibe. You may not even realize it, but engaging with this negative line of thinking will come across. A good vibe is the opposite. It comes from a good mood and positive thoughts.

Men move toward what feels good. If it feels good to be around you, he’ll want to be around you. If it feels good to text you, he’ll want to text you. It’s really that simple. So focus on radiating a positive, happy mood. This is what will not only help you get a happy relationship, this is what will make your life better and happier overall.

I hope this article helped you understand the real reasons men don’t text back, At the heart of it, you’re afraid it means he’s losing interest, and sometimes this is the case. There will come a point when a guy might pull away and start to withdraw. Do you know the right way to respond when this happens? If not, read this: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...

Another fear might be that he’s not serious about you. There will come a point when a guy will ask himself: Is this the woman I want to commit to? His answer will determine everything. Do you know what inspires a man to commit and see you as “the one”? If not, read this too: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman

Written by Sabrina Alexis

I’m Sabrina Alexis, the co-founder, and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing relatable, insightful articles that help people understand relationship dynamics and how to get the love they want. I have a degree in psychology and have spent the last 10 years interviewing countless men and reading and studying as much as I can to better understand human psychology and how men operate. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Instagram.

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menumeka Bright

It’s great. I really appreciate this, it has really helped.

Reply January 28, 2020, 11:19 am

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