that you don’t extract happiness from a relationship (or a life circumstance in general). Happiness is something we bring into every moment…
It can seem like certain situations and circumstances bring a person happiness, but that’s more often us identifying relief (from the negative thinking they’re constantly indulging in) as actual happiness.
Actual happiness is pure, simple, and right in the moment. Nothing is making you happy, you’re actually bringing it to the moment.
The reason that believing a relationship will make you happy is so destructive is because when you believe that, you also believe you could lose the relationship… and therefore lose your happiness… and therefore somehow be less than you were before, or that your life would somehow now be lacking.
This is all actually an illusion, but for most people, it is a very convincing illusion that they simply see as reality. It’s not.
When you believe that a relationship could make you happy, and you could somehow lose the relationship, then you end up sowing the seeds for “fear of loss.”
Whenever you see someone talking about neediness, the root cause of all so-called needy behavior is fear of loss. When you fear you could lose your relationship (what you have misidentified as what is causing you or allowing you to be happy), then you engage in all sorts of negative thinking in a misguided effort to solve the problem (the problem is unsolvable since the relationship isn’t actually what’s making you happy… only you can make you happy, in any moment…)
When you realize that a relationship is just two people coming together and everything takes care of itself, there’s nothing to worry about. You just sit back and enjoy whatever happens since… that’s the truth, that’s what’s real, there’s no controlling it and your peace with letting things be is automatically incredibly attractive to all the men who will be a great match for you.
Hope that helps,
I immediately start waiting for the end.