When I meet a guy I like, all I can think about is when he will walk away/get tired of me/declare he doesn’t give a hoot about me. I also keep thinking: How soon before he sees I am not that great a catch?
But with the guys I totally don’t want, I am subconsciously aware this person would be in it for the long haul without me constantly having to prove my worth. Perhaps in those situations, I totally relax and give off a different vibe.
Basically, once I like a man, all I can think about is how much time do I have before everything shatters? A day, a week, a month? I immediately start waiting for the end. Maybe some part of me is tensed up the whole time waiting for him to leave. When I meet a guy I like,
How can I fix this? How can I change my vibe so the guys I like will like me back?
What you’re describing is actually the root cause of what happens for 99% of women who experience this (that is, attracting the ones they don’t want, repelling the ones they do want…)
It’s time to realize that those thoughts themselves are the poison that is repelling the guys you want.
MORE: Why Do I Attract the Guys I Don’t Want and Never the Ones I Do?
Your mind has the subconscious belief that your worrying will somehow get you what you want. It might feel like if you just think about it enough, you’ll figure out the answer and will solve the problem.
However, the “problem” is the traveling down this negative line of thought… in the words of Eckhart Tolle, it would be like the chief of the police is desperately investigating clues to catch an arsonist… but doesn’t realize he himself is the arsonist…
You need a new perspective on relationships… because what you’re doing right now isn’t serving you to bring about what you really want.
You need to let go and drop your old way of thinking about relationships forever, and adopt this line of thinking instead: Relationships are about discovering the truth about how compatible you are with another person. That’s all. They are not about proving you are worthy to the other person. They are not about trying to mold yourself into what you think the other person needs or wants. It’s about you being yourself, and him being himself, and discovering if your true selves worth well as a unit.
That “compatibility” is already set before you and he meet. It’s predetermined… the relationship itself is the unfolding of events that occur naturally, like two chemicals combining and producing a reaction. It just happens naturally and you watch, observe, and enjoy.
You don’t attach to it. You don’t force it. You don’t fight with it. You just enjoy watching the process naturally unfold as it’s going to.
When you’re happy, enjoying the moment, and feel at ease, you are allowing the process to just flow naturally. When you start thinking in a way that feels negative, you destroy your vibe and you block the process from unfolding.
In essence, all you’re doing in a relationship is enjoying being around the other person. Nothing to think about. Nothing to plan. Nothing to “make happen.” This happens much more easily with people who aren’t super interested in because you don’t stress over it, you take an attitude of “what will be will be” because you genuinely aren’t invested in the outcome of the situation. If he likes you, great. If not, whatever, you were never all that invested.
When two people are incredibly compatible, they instinctively want to get closer and be with each other more. It’s a natural urge. The more positive the interactions are, the more drawn to one another they become.
However, nature has also programmed humans (men and women) to want to get away from someone who has a negative vibe. Even if they’re compatible – having a bad vibe is the most repulsive, most unattractive condition on the planet… even if you’re a young, fit supermodel with fame and fortune.
A bad vibe (created by a negative mood, which is created by continually participating in negative thoughts) repels everyone.
Most people don’t realize this, so when they meet someone, they think, “This is great! I really like this guy! Maybe this will be the relationship that makes me happy!”
What they don’t realize is that this thinking is fundamentally flawed and guarantees they will end up pushing the guy away.
Why is this?
The reason is