I went out with a guy that I dated once for a bit, but he didn’t want to be my boyfriend officially and we stopped talking for a while. I saw him the other night and I happened to be all made-up and looking hot.
His eyes widened and he was speechless – then all of a sudden he started talking about becoming my boyfriend again. I was shocked, but I’ve wanted to be a couple with him for a while. I need to know though: Does he only want to be my boyfriend because I looked hot that night? Does he just want to be a couple because of my looks?
Well, if there’s anything to know about how I answer questions, it’s that I will tell you the truth without sugar-coating.
So for starters… yes, I wouldn’t be surprised if you looking hot contributed to him wanting to be a couple again.
For whatever reason, our culture wants to make a man’s natural attraction to a woman’s physical appearance a “bad thing”. It’s like there’s a cultural push to tell women that looks don’t matter for a real relationship.
Now, I’m not saying that looks are the only thing that matters. And I’m not saying that you need to be a cover model/knock-out to attract a man.
All I’m saying is that it would be a lie to say that men don’t respond heavily to a woman’s physical appearance. It’s biologically programmed in men – we didn’t choose it, it’s how we’re wired up.
This is why I tell women that if you want to attract a man it’s important to look as hot as you can. I’m not saying it to be offensive and definitely not to be chauvinistic. I’m saying it because it’s simply true that a man’s sexual attraction to a woman is heavily based on her physical appearance.
But here’s where we need to open a deeper discussion: a man’s sexual attraction is only a piece of the overall picture.
First of all, being hot is not enough to make a man want you to be his girlfriend.
So to speak to your original concern, I wouldn’t say his desire to get back with you is ONLY because of how you looked that night. I’m sure it helped persuade him, but looks aren’t enough for most men to want to be in a relationship unless he feels he has ZERO other opportunities with other women.
Chances are, he likes you for other reasons as well and for all the reasons he liked you, he decided that he’d like to give a relationship with you another try.
If that’s what you want, then go for it. Just make sure that you have a bottom line of your own…
What do I mean by that?
Well it sounds to me like the last time you were with him, you were chasing him and trying to get him to have the kind of relationship with you that you really wanted…
And most women make the mistake that if they put their foot down and don’t settle for less than what they want then the guy will leave them.
The opposite is actually true – for a man to love you, really love you, he has to respect you. And to respect you, you need to be the kind of woman who has standards and doesn’t settle for less.
That means no waiting for him to “come around.” No tolerating less than what you want indefinitely because you’re afraid you’ll lose him. No settling for a relationship that doesn’t measure up, but you feel it could “someday down the line”…
It’s good if he’s putting in the effort now to have you. If you want a relationship with him, it’s important to remember that you have choice – you have the choice to walk away if he stops putting in the effort to earn you and keep you.
You don’t need to be obnoxious, mean or unpleasant to do this. All you have to do is remember what you want and if the relationship isn’t that… you can walk away and find someone else.
My point in saying all this is that there’s nothing wrong with a guy being physically attracted to you. Nothing wrong with it.
You just need to make sure that he’s putting in the effort in other ways that go beyond just sexual attraction towards you.
Hope that helps,