Ask A Guy: Does He Like Me Just For My Looks? post image

Ask A Guy: Does He Like Me Just For My Looks?

I went out with a guy that I dated once for a bit, but he didn’t want to be my boyfriend officially and we stopped talking for a while.  I saw him the other night and I happened to be all made-up and looking hot.

His eyes widened and he was speechless – then all of a sudden he started talking about becoming my boyfriend again.  I was shocked, but I’ve wanted to be a couple with him for a while.  I need to know though:  Does he only want to be my boyfriend because I looked hot that night?  Does he just want to be a couple because of my looks?

Well, if there’s anything to know about how I answer questions, it’s that I will tell you the truth without sugar-coating.

So for starters… yes, I wouldn’t be surprised if you looking hot contributed to him wanting to be a couple again.

For whatever reason, our culture wants to make a man’s natural attraction to a woman’s physical appearance a “bad thing”. It’s like there’s a cultural push to tell women that looks don’t matter for a real relationship.

Now, I’m not saying that looks are the only thing that matters. And I’m not saying that you need to be a cover model/knock-out to attract a man.

All I’m saying is that it would be a lie to say that men don’t respond heavily to a woman’s physical appearance. It’s biologically programmed in men – we didn’t choose it, it’s how we’re wired up.

This is why I tell women that if you want to attract a man it’s important to look as hot as you can. I’m not saying it to be offensive and definitely not to be chauvinistic. I’m saying it because it’s simply true that a man’s sexual attraction to a woman is heavily based on her physical appearance.

But here’s where we need to open a deeper discussion: a man’s sexual attraction is only a piece of the overall picture.

First of all, being hot is not enough to make a man want you to be his girlfriend.

So to speak to your original concern, I wouldn’t say his desire to get back with you is ONLY because of how you looked that night. I’m sure it helped persuade him, but looks aren’t enough for most men to want to be in a relationship unless he feels he has ZERO other opportunities with other women.

Chances are, he likes you for other reasons as well and for all the reasons he liked you, he decided that he’d like to give a relationship with you another try.

If that’s what you want, then go for it. Just make sure that you have a bottom line of your own…

What do I mean by that?

Well it sounds to me like the last time you were with him, you were chasing him and trying to get him to have the kind of relationship with you that you really wanted…

And most women make the mistake that if they put their foot down and don’t settle for less than what they want then the guy will leave them.

The opposite is actually true – for a man to love you, really love you, he has to respect you. And to respect you, you need to be the kind of woman who has standards and doesn’t settle for less.

That means no waiting for him to “come around.” No tolerating less than what you want indefinitely because you’re afraid you’ll lose him. No settling for a relationship that doesn’t measure up, but you feel it could “someday down the line”…

It’s good if he’s putting in the effort now to have you. If you want a relationship with him, it’s important to remember that you have choice – you have the choice to walk away if he stops putting in the effort to earn you and keep you.

You don’t need to be obnoxious, mean or unpleasant to do this. All you have to do is remember what you want and if the relationship isn’t that… you can walk away and find someone else.

My point in saying all this is that there’s nothing wrong with a guy being physically attracted to you. Nothing wrong with it.

You just need to make sure that he’s putting in the effort in other ways that go beyond just sexual attraction towards you.

Hope that helps,

eric charles

Written by Eric Charles

I'm Eric Charles, the co-founder and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing articles to help people free themselves from suffering and have clarity in their love life. I have a degree in Psychology and I've dedicated the last 20 years of my life to learning everything I can about human psychology and sharing what gets people out of struggling with life and into having the life they really want. If you want to contact me, feel free to reach out on Facebook or Twitter.

58 comments… add one

Leave Your Comment Now...


Obviously, it is human nature we find looks to be a piece of our attractions even in animals as far as mating. Apparently age? has to deal with the problem when it is a form of psychology, not age. IF you are interested in him to see your “other self” try not looking skimpy, look terrible or ugly. Rather not make it look like you are good.

Reply January 6, 2017, 5:18 am


Wow great article. I really enjoyed this. :)

Reply July 27, 2016, 11:37 am

Eric Charles

Cool thanks!

Reply July 27, 2016, 12:56 pm


Eric, it is really confusing as in one article u said not to Think much about the commitment from a guy and to concentrate on having a good time with him but now u r saying to put ur foot down for what u need from a man. Will you please clarify. Thanks

Reply August 2, 2015, 7:56 am

Eric Charles

I’m in a hurry so I have to write a quick thought to consider:

If you don’t NEED a man and just want a man, then the dynamic shifts.

You choose what you want instead of desperately clinging to someone you need.

When you choose, you choose what you want and you don’t participate in a relationship that isn’t how you want it to be or with someone who isn’t who you want.

When you come from a place of choosing, you don’t go in with the mentality that you must force it to work at any cost. You simply spend time with the person and if you realize that you like it, you spend more time with them and a relationship naturally evolves organically from that.

You have standards for what you want, but more importantly, since you don’t need a relationship, you have no problem walking away from something you don’t want.

Having standards is what decides what you participate in and what you don’t.

It’s not about putting your foot down and making demands. It’s about already being happy, fulfilled and whole before entering any relationship, so if it starts showing up as something you don’t want, you have no trouble walking away from it.

It takes both moving towards what you want and moving away from what you don’t want to end up with a great relationship.

Reply July 27, 2016, 1:01 pm


so I recently became good friends with these two guys. My friend has told me so many times how one of them is always telling her il beautifully. But now the other one is telling her that he likes me but he is kind of a player and I don’t know if he actually likes me or is just trying to compete w his friend. he always finds excuses to talk to me but the other one is kind of shy. pls help I don’t know what to do because u don’t want to ruin our friendship by saying something

Reply June 15, 2015, 10:44 pm


please one day a bunch of guys started making fun of me (they do that to every girl they can kinda like a hobby).they blow off everything i say with laughs and hoots it makes no the one who mainly did it suddenly became nice the third time they called on me.he looked straight into my eyes when i was fighting him and he had this weird smile.i ignored that though.after that they called on me on another day and that day they(especially him) apologized and say they wont do it again which was awkward since they don’t usually do that.again they called on me but this time it wz his friend while he stood there with his hands in pockets ,a light smile and looking towards the floor.his friend suddenly became extremely rude so i left. all my friends think that guy likes me and maybe they are right. then one of my class fellows who used to be friends with those guys said that i know that there is a reason they pick on neha and maybe its bcuz one of them likes her. so like WHAT? does he or does he not?plz help me quick

Reply May 2, 2015, 1:49 pm


oh and they tease me more than any other girl and they seem to just want to get my attention plz tell me soon.p.s im not interested in the guy at all and we are both 15

Reply May 3, 2015, 7:03 am


Let him say it first,

Reply February 15, 2015, 10:31 pm


He has no respect for women never trust a trick it a Job those mean are a breed never trust a trick strictly bizne $$

Reply February 15, 2015, 10:29 pm


Thanks for the posts,
I ‘m a single mother of one girl, and i have been in relationship with a married man for 8months now.
He is so romantic that i love him every single bite.
He is not giving at all but only calls me to come to my home and have sex or in his car which i enjoy. I’m confused please help me

Reply February 12, 2015, 9:27 am


Hey everyone. I need your help. I really like this guy who is actually a friend of mine. We met over 6 months ago and from the very first day we met I noticed he was always looking at me. He always tried to talk to me and be around me. At one point, one of my friends told me this guy told one of our friends that, he thinks I am so beautiful but she said I shouldn’t take that seriously because, he is a ‘lady magnet’ actually ‘a player’ That kind of hurt my feelings because from the very first day we met I was attracted to him. I took her advice and I tried not to think about him any more and keep away from him but, that was so hard. Whenever we meet together with other friends in a bar or night club he always comes up to me and strikes a conversation. He tries to spend time with me, he hugs me like so many times, he teases me sometimes. I also noticed him throwing glances at me while talking to other girls and to his friends. Sometimes he does none of these. He is just so normal with me. Right now I am so confused because he is sending out a lot of mix feelings. I don’t know if he truly likes me or he’s just being the ‘player’ he is or it’s just me living in a fantasy world. Any help out there for me?

Reply December 28, 2014, 10:09 am


He has no respect for women never trust a trick it a Job those mean are a breed never trust a trick strictly bizne $$

Reply February 15, 2015, 10:51 pm


You deserve better why should he have is cake and eat it tok. Occupied by him may be blocking you from meeting your true soul mate ;)

Reply February 15, 2015, 10:54 pm


Hi, I need some help here.
So I’m very much into a guy I know, but it’s complicated. He is the director at the youth center I used to go to, he is 17 years older than me. He was married to a woman he met in high school but she cheated on him, treated him very badly. It took him a long time to get over that, but he is over it. It would be difficult for us to be together, but I truly do love him. I don’t know whether he loves me or thinks about me, he is a very dedicated kind person but spastic, he’s forgetful ADHD and he always has so much stuff going on. He’s the think of person who tries to do everything for others and does nothing for himself, and he would see being with me as something he does for himself. I don’t know what to do, he has not made a move toward me, but some small hints and things make me think he thinks about me more than a friend. I’ve been going nuts for this man for a while, he keeps giving me hope that he may be into me. I need advice on this please help me.

Reply December 18, 2014, 4:43 pm


sometimes it is better to let go before the relationship gets worse than u can imagine

Reply December 12, 2014, 5:04 pm


A girl needs to be hot and ready to spread her legs. Otherwise she ain’t good enough.

If she complains too much, nothing like a little slap won’t fix her up hehehehe

Reply December 12, 2014, 1:19 pm


He doesn’t want to be her boyfriend…. he just wants to have sex with her and was saying anything for her to consider sleeping with him again. Ignore that jerk.

Reply December 12, 2014, 1:16 pm


Hiiii! So I’m in highschool and I’m a sophomore. I’m on the tennis team and my coach is like 20 and still in college. He’s fun and quit my and cute and dorky and sweet and nice and I’m totally confused. I realllllyyyyy like him but I don’t know if he likes me back :-/ I only see him an hour a day from 2-3. I’ve caught him looking at me for a few seconds longer than he should but that’s only happened a couple of times. We don’t talk often and it can get a little awkward but I like him soooooooooooo much! He has a twin brother who is nothing like him but is always around because he’s the assistant coach and they always talk and at moments I feel as if it’s about me. One time I even caught the guy I like (who’s the coach) looking at me when I was just sitting, but I was kinda far away from him. Plzzzzzzzzzzz help!!!

Reply October 29, 2014, 7:15 pm


Hey,Am Annah.
I met this guy six months ago.We talked for a while but we did not exchange numbers till six months later when we met at the bus stop as i was alighting a taxi and he gave me a ride home.He called and sent texts all the time but a week later he picked me up from work and as we rode home he told me that he is still into his Ex.I felt really terrible but still managed a smile.Later that night he called as usual and told me we would meet the next day.The next day i called him to know if we where still meeting but he ignored my calls and texts.I realized so and stopped sending him texts.After a week he called and said he would pick me up so that we would talk and he did.As we drove he told me that he still liked me,he would stop ignoring me too and he was back for good.Stupid me i actually believed him but after that day he ignored my goodnight texts too.I ended up deleting his number.Please what might be the problem cause i really don’t understand a thing.

Reply October 29, 2014, 8:22 am

Anas Ibrahim

I like watching videos

Reply October 27, 2014, 1:43 pm


I am sure I am going to sound totally pathetic but I have turned to desperation. About two years go I got with a man who I worked with. We knew each other for two years before we actually hooked up together. He was significantly older than me. 28 years older and married. For 35 years. She worked with us also. I know the reputation and the typical outcomes of a situation like this. But she discovered us about 5 months after our initial hook up. For a year and a half we openly carried out a relationship in front of her. About a year ago he ended up staying with me for 2 months straight. But we got into an arguement, which was normal cus they were still married. He kept telling me they were getting divorced. After he left my house he didnt go back home, he stayed at another property he owned. About a month later he comes to me and asks me to go for a ride on his bike. I told him that there was no room in his life for me and that in order for us to work out he would have to close the door with her before we could work out. They continued working there for another four months. The whole time I thought we were still together, however, I stopped sleeping with him and allowing him to be around my children. Those months he said that he was over sorting through all of his belongings and was in the process of selling all of their stuff. Knowing him he’s very frugal and is a very patient man. So he doesnt want to hire someone to do it. He didnt tell me he was leaving. He sent me a letter via email. He told me to remember him and that this isnt goodbye. He had also made statements like, “i cant hold on to you and do what I need to do.” Whatever that meant. We didnt speak for two months. Finally I broke down and emailed him just cus I had the urge to say hi. And I told him I do not know if I am suppose to. He emailed me back the next day and the first thing he wrote in the email was a happy face that gave me a big hug. He said ofcourse its ok to email me. He was extremely happy to hear from me. Almost like he had been wanting to say something but the way I went off on him when he left he just didnt think I’d want to hear from him. It was about a week later and he sent me red roses to my job for valentines day. With a note that said, “I love you always and forever. I see you.” We have been emailing everyday since then. He calls me baby and he tells me that he misses me and ect. But we have not seen each other or talked verbally since December. I know that he loves me. I wouldn’t think that somebody who wanted to loose all contact would keep up this sherade for this long. I adore him but I do not know if I should hold on or let go. It would be one thing if we just didnt keep in contact but even though we havent seen each other or heard from each other, it still feels like we are together. I love him, so I have to trust him. But am I going crazy? I know you can tell me your opinion if there is hope or not but ultimately you do not now the whole story. But any possible insight on this matter that you can give me would be grately apprieciated. I just want to be who I was before all this happened but unfortunately this situation has altered my life and I am just finding the direction I need to go… Thank you so much for your time and sharing your wisdom in this matter.
– Victoria :)

Reply June 19, 2014, 8:51 pm


Victoria, now one question I have is is this guy still married? If he is, he obviously doesn’t care enough to love you. And since all he is doing is emailing you sounds a little fishy. In my oppinion if he is only contacting you in this way and if he does come to see you, I think he is just trying to get lucky with you again. But on the other hand, he does care enough to keep you in his life, so if he actually commits in a relationship with you eventually, (without sleeping with you first or being married) I think he is a keeper.

Reply January 5, 2015, 7:07 pm


HELP! Okay, So my friend told me that this guy in my class liked me, and I decided to tell him that I like him back on facebook. But then he said he rather Just be friends. And its super awkward In class, because we used to talk lots then he just stopped… HELP! I don’t know what to do :(

Reply April 25, 2014, 12:05 am


do nothing. Well, when it blurted out in facebook that you liked him, men will go backward and scared of your premature commitment over him.
One advice: trusting your intuition is better than trusting what others’ say. don’t rush, be more calm and seize the moment. Good luck :)

Reply December 17, 2014, 3:39 am


Hi I would like to ask for advice. A few months back, I had a boyfriend and we were trying long distance (SF/LA). Things were pretty rocky and we constantly wanted more attention from each other such as asking “why didn’t you text back?” or “why did you go MIA?” At the time, we were both attending different colleges. We never really worried about meeting new people; however it happened. I did not initiate the action, but while a couple of friends and I were watching a movie, a guy suddenly leaned in for a kiss. It was literally so fast i couldn’t even stop it. Of course after I said don’t do it again. After countless debates about telling him or not, I decided to tell him. My boyfriend saw the whole situation as cheating. Prior to telling him, we have already kind of discussed about breaking up. That was the reason because we were having problems and because I in a way felt really guilty for not doing anything about that kiss. I felt like I did not deserve him anymore even if I wasn’t the one who initiated it. After he calm down about the situation. We had a long talk. During that talk he told me the timing for how everything happened was what messed up our possible chance of ever getting back together again. He said if it would have happened in a different order such as not mentioning break up first and telling him about the situation earlier, then maybe we could have worked it out but now he says its impossible for us to date again. He felt like I was trying to hide it.
The problem is, I still like him a lot and I do want to date him again. The other problem is he told me he likes being single because he has time for himself and its less stressful since he goes to a pretty difficult school. I agree with him but at the same time I don’t want him to be single and available because if another girl replaced my spot in his heart, I think I might die a lot inside. I don’t know what to do, I dont want him to forget about me, but I feel like he already has.
He says he feels neutral about me, I seriously have no idea what that actually means. If a guy says that what does that mean?
Does he still seem interested in me? Should I still try to get him back? Should I leave him be? In a situation like this, if I were to continue going after him, what are some hints for me to know if I am successful or not?
As of now we do still text time to time and I honestly have a lot of fun texting him. I don’t know about him but he does text back and asks me questions.

Reply April 17, 2014, 2:33 am

Jo Des

hi, i’d like aome advice. :-) I’m 19 and there’s this guy I like. We’ve been friends for almost three years. We always hang out, I guess I’m kind of one of the guys. He’s one of those guys that every girl wants but he doean’t approach them, they approach him first. The first tme we kissed, it was because of a dare. The next few times, he made the first move. But recently when I asked him what “we” were, he said we were friends, and that he wasn’t ready to have a girlfriend bcause his best guy friend still didn’t have one. You know, that kind of bro code thing. I heard my friend mention that he NEVER approached the girl first, rather they alwys made the first move. But with me, he confessed he made the first move. When asked why, he said because he felt like it. A few times when we text, he’s asked me what I like in a guy and stuff and it was weird coz he’s never brought that topic up in the years I’ve known hm. Whenever we see each other in the morning, he’s the first to talk to me. Recently I’ve been talking a lot with this other guy and he’s commmented a few times that I’m such a flirt, in a joking way, and he’s alsi joked about how i’ve never flirted wit him. I asked him if he was jealous nd he said, “you probably won’t believe this, but no I’m not jealous.” i’m really confused. :-/ can you please help me out? After our kisses, we just act like normal. But he’s the one who always brings it up. I try to forget everything coz it’s kinda embarrassing. PLEASE HELP ME!!

Reply September 19, 2013, 9:13 am


Here are some questions I would like to ask.
Does he flirt with other girls? If he does, does he try to hide it from you or does he bluntly tell you about other girls?
You like him, but do you feel you both have mutual feelings regardless of what he tells you?
I found it interesting that he would he be questioning you about not ever being flirty with him. He probably asked because he either expected you to or wants you to.
And what does he always bring up?
In my opinion, he surely has something for you.
The fact that he is simply not jealous, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you back.
I would guess that he knows the other guy’s place and that you’ve/you’ll always put him first.
On the other hand, he might also want to be just friends but really likes your company and attention/affection without the commitment.

Reply February 11, 2014, 9:10 pm


My opinion on this:
He’s a guy who’s spoiled for choice, so any amount of attention beyond the minimum that he gives other girls is a good sign, but if you prove to be ordinary like other girls he’ll lose interest quickly.

He has become curious about you, he’s asking questions to see if the answers are interesting to him, to see if there’s something different about you, so whatever it is that makes you different, whatever your passions are, whatever makes you interesting, you have to show that side of yourself, but not too much, if he knows everything there’s no mystery, and he’ll get bored of you.

Reply March 13, 2014, 3:23 am


So me and this guy were friends. We told each other we like each other. But he won’t ask me out. Why do you think he won’t ask me out?? And what should I do now??

Reply March 20, 2013, 5:09 pm


Hey when it comes down to it he, already knows everything about you. You as his friend or even his best friend. The guy wants someone that he views more as a girl rather then a buddy. So my advice is do your nails, curl your hair, and put on something that makes you feel free. I know this sounds totally crazy, but the little things are what count. Or he might just not find you attractive and you should let the other girl in his life to come in and make his world. Don’t stop something from happening just remember he will always be your friend. And if you care about him you won’t ask for anything more. Also who said I like you 1st?? Because if you did he might of just said that to make you feel alright about it…… So before you jump all over him just remember that.

Reply June 9, 2013, 3:48 pm


I need having some help..Im see ing this guy and we are having sex. We stay we don’t wanna date and I don’t want myself to get to attached because everytime I do I end end up hurt..He always there for me no matter what and stuff when things go bad anywhere else like home, college choices, etc.. He tells me to not GET TO ATTACHED BECAUSE HE DOESN’Y WANT TO A GUY THAT HURTS ME. We don’t see anyone else besides each other. Im so confused. I’m not sure what he means or what he wants…..Because i don’t love him at all….but i do like him…..I just DO NOT understands what he’s saying to me at where my feels are suppose to go!!!!!!!!!!!! IM ASKING FOR HELP PLEASE SOMEONE!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Reply October 23, 2012, 5:02 pm



It sounds like you were friends first who decided to have sex., without dating or romance. This is not good. You will mess up the friendship.

If he tells you not to get attached to him then he is saying: “I’m not that into you as a girlfriend. I could be into another girl however, but not you.”

You need to stop having sex with him right now!! Tell him you don’t want to have sex with someone unless you are DATING and BOTH agree to be in a exclusive, monogamous COMMITTED relationship. Otherwise, you’re going to get used.


Reply October 23, 2012, 8:26 pm


Hello, I was going through the same thing like you. The guy I was sleeping with told me that he didn’t want to hurt me so I slept with him because, I like him. From my opinion and from my own experience I moved on because I deserve an relationship not a sex buddy and besides when two friends sleep together and one catches feelings which is usually the woman, we tend to get hurt even though the guy told both of us that they don’t want an relationship . We both deserve relationships and down the line they will like someone else. When you not bringing nothing to the table and just sex, we tend to get used for sex. Move on because I did. No relationship, no sex let the next man know that but, let him wait on you if that man can.

Reply October 24, 2012, 1:29 pm


Okay we’ll my friends guy tried to set my up with his friend, and I look at him on Instagram and I was like no he’s ugly. and then on the weekend we hung out and I was like ohhhh he’s cute so we stared talkingm(wheel I Thought) and he was like your cute and I want to hang out again just me and you, and then on Monday and its now Tuesday he hasn’t called or texted at all?? What does that even mean!!!

Reply October 16, 2012, 11:05 pm


Means he has a life and doesn’t know you from a hole in the wall anyway and you’ve brought zero to the table enough to impress him to follow up. And it’s pretty shallow of you to refuse the guy because “he’s ugly” and then have the audacity to wonder why he hasn’t called or checked in.

Here’s one. Maybe he thinks YOU are ugly. To go along with the shallow, ugly personality.

Reply October 17, 2012, 12:04 am


yes yall both are right. i was wrong doing what i did ans going to pay my damages i caused. yes he like someone else and yes im not stable. maybe thats why he turned off because of us having drama between us. he said there is no chemistry between us. im not for him so i guess i got to move on.

Reply October 15, 2012, 4:45 am


hello everyone, i just stopped talking to a guy that didnt want to be with me romantically. he told me that im a good girl but im not foer him qwhich i dont know what he meana by that which hurted. he didnt want a girl that catches feelingsbesides i had vandalized his car by keying it up because i caught feelings for him and he didnt want thatto happen so he cut me off . i got upset because he told me he doesmt want to be with me and told me we should stop talking because i was hurting and
he said that we shouldnt be around each other nomore because he is attracted to me physically. what does he mean by that?

Reply October 14, 2012, 5:59 pm


He told you that you weren’t the girl for him and you don’t know what he means by it? He means you’re not the girl for him. It’s not that difficult to wrap your head around. It was pretty clear. He may have told you he didn’t want a girl who catches feelings but it’s not entirely true. What he means is he didn’t want *you specifically* to get all hung up on him because he’s not interested in you that way. Some other girl, absolutely. You? No.

You went psycho on him and vandalized his personal property – for most lucid, mature, sane guys, that’s what’s known as a deal breaker. You should seek some form of therapy to get that under control. You have no right to destroy someone else’s property just because you’re too immature to handle rejection. Time for you to grow up (and repeating basic grammar wouldn’t hurt either, most guys like literacy in a woman). He had every right to be upset with you.

He wants you to stay away from him, completely. He told you something to pacify you in order to avoid another psycho meltdown, just acknowledging he’d be willing for sex and little else. The rest was pacifying you…telling you what you wanted to hear and softening it up probably because he was scared you’d leave him a pot of rabbit stew on his stove after breaking into his house while he’s gone.

The guy isn’t interested in you, he doesn’t want you around. You need to move along and work on your impulse control.

Reply October 14, 2012, 7:16 pm



There is NO excuse for acting like a psycho when some guy doesn’t want you. If you act like that with every guy, you will end up ALONE. Learn to take rejection.

“he said that we shouldnt be around each other nomore because he is attracted to me physically. what does he mean by that?”

He means that he could have sex with you, but since he has no feelings for you it would be using you. He doesn’t want to use you.

You need counseling to figure out why you get so pyscho over some dude. You’re going to find yourself in jail for damaging people’s stuff.

Reply October 14, 2012, 8:44 pm


Agreed – just need to add there’s too much nonsense about sex. We use one another for pretty much everything, friendship, companionship, love, pleasure, entertainment. It doesn’t require some neurotic connotation. He might enjoy sex with her but she’s clearly shown him she’s not capable of rowing with both oars.

She’s lucky he didn’t have her arrested. NOBODY who is sane or rational will excuse you for saying “oh, well I gave him three chances to be friends and then I vandalized his car, so I’m excused” – he almost certainly doesn’t want anything else to do with you because you’re not stable and when you get mad, the hell with being rational, mature, and just accepting you can’t do it for everyone.

Maybe grow up some before you try to have a real relationship. That’d be the safest bet for all parties. Next guy just might beat your ass and can’t say you wouldn’t have it coming.

Reply October 15, 2012, 3:58 am


My, now, recent ex and I broke up. We were perfectly good going on 6 months, and then something happened with my parents and they got mad and told him to stay away and to leave me alone and for a whole we just dated “under my parents radar” but about a week and a half ago he said that it was pointless to keep doing this that, he didn’t think there was a future for us and how he would always love me, “longer than forever” (that was our special saying to each other) and so I dealt with it Ben and Jerry style and didn’t communicate with him, 2 days later I found out he’s in a relationship with a girl thats, in my opinion, not that pretty, and that upset me more. How. An he just jump into another relationship like that? :'( it made me feel worthless like everything we had meant nothing to him. Our friendship is gone, he told my friend the other day that the moment he gave me up was the moment he gave up everything. But when I finally gave in and texted him asking him for some advice on my music. He lashed out and was like “what do you want?” and just being down right rude. I’m not sure if it was bc he was with his parents (who threatened to block my number if he kept talking to me) or if he was with his new girl….I’m so confused on what to do, what to say…everything….he’s supposed to come see me at my concert next week so we can say a face to face “goodbye” but I’m not sure anymore…help me please?

Reply October 11, 2012, 11:20 am



He’s making it clear that he’s not that into you. What you should do is move on. If you keep hanging on to him emotionally, texting under the guise of needing advice, you will be wasting your time. Sorry.

Reply October 14, 2012, 3:07 pm


My boyfriend asked me for time off because I messaged a girl on facebook and asked her if she and my boyfriend had something going on. It happened that the girl was with my boyfriends cousin. A few days later my boyfriend told me why i did that and i told him it was because I saw on his phone that they were messaging each other and he had sent her a message saying I still remember the first time I messaged you on facebook and I gave you my number and he gave her the exact date. I got really upset about it because he didn’t do nothing for our first year anniversary. So it’s been week 3 of the time off. At first he was an asshole about it because I would still try to keep in touch with him because I still love him. So, one day I didn’t call him or text him the entire day and the next day he textes me and asked me if something was wrong and asked me out for dinner. After that day things begin to be ok but we still had our distance and low communication. But now I feel like Im making the mistake of having sex with him. Its just weird that he textes me everyday and askes me if I have gone on dates and if Im talking to guys. And he said he’s not ready to be in a relationship right now because he likes his own space and not feeling controlled or being bitched at. I know I have been those stuff but never controlling. I think his cousin filled up his mind and he thinks like that. But he still wants to have sex with me, he said that at least hes doing it with me and not with someone else. I don’t know what to do… Advice me on what I should do. Please!

Reply October 11, 2012, 10:18 am


hi cynthia. i think the number one mistake is having sex with him. and also you shouldnt have assumed he was cheating on you. trust him! but i also think it’s not fair that he’s using you. controlling? ha i dont think so girl….in this case it seems like he’s controlling you. think about it!!…that day you didnt text him he texted you. so dont look for him, dont text him and when he does contact you ask him nicely what he wants. you might have a chance with him but if he wants his space give it to him. the more you dont chase him the more he will want to chase you. hope this helps :)

Reply October 13, 2012, 4:43 pm



When a guy says, “he’s not ready to be in a relationship right now” what he means is that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with YOU. He would be in a relationship with another woman if he liked her.

Stop letting him use you for sex! And his excuse is that he’s doing you and not other girls is lame. Get rid of him. He’s not that into you.

Reply October 14, 2012, 3:10 pm


i started talking to this guy on a dating site for over a month and about a week ago he asked me out to dinner, we hit it off fast. since then he texts me everyday and takes me out for dinner almost everyday as well. when we go out we end up staying out all night just talking. we talk about everything like we are best friends. well he hasnt kissed me yet just hugs me so i guessed that he is old school and takes things slow. i asked him and he told me he likes me but wants to go out a few more times but we should be dating soon. this weekend he was suppose to come over and us watch movies, i told him i wasnt that kinda of girl if thats what he was looking for and he said he isnt but he ended up sleeping all day he said cuz he is sick, but for some reason on the dating site it showed that he was online the whole night. he told me that he once took a girl on a date and faked sick so he could leave cuz he didnt like her so i thought thats why he didnt come over. also he wanted me to hang out with him at work and said if i bring him lunch he will kiss me and i said kiss me cuz you like me not for food, the next day i ask if he still wants me to get him food and he says no so i said im sorry i made you mad but he said i didnt. he still texts me like always but it just feels weird like things arent the same. he has been sleeping a lot so we dont talk as much anymore. i said i felt like i was bothering him and i was just gonna back off but he didnt say anything back. i feel like its my fault like im coming on to strong and pushing him away. is he just not feeling me anymore or should i just wait it out cuz im over thinking things?

Reply October 8, 2012, 7:43 pm


Me and my ex recently broke up well i say recently its been 5 months since we broke up. W ere both in love with one another and i still love him. We broke up due to a horrendous argument we had where we both said incredibly cruel things in the mists of the anger. When we initially broke up I tried contacting him and he would alwayd repky back and at first he would be fine but later in the conversation he would turn cold e.g. If i just texted him a simple how is he doing he would reply back and we would be able to have a relaxed friendly conversations but during the conversation he would suddenly turn really mean like he would start saying things like why are you texting me i dont want to talk its basically like dr jekyll and dr hyde.sine our break u his had one gf which lasted less than two weels and he completely cut contact off with her (i know this as she is a friend of a friends) and me and him have been in contact throughout and its been the same where he is nice one moment but cruel the other. However recently like for the past week or two his not been cruel at all we have managed to have conversations which are friendly and well like how we use to talk though he still fratanizes with other girls. Basically what im asking is, is he just playing me or are we just friends or is he still interested etc… I know i broke his heart wheb we broke he even said that it was a very painful and tearful break up for us both though i want him back as i dont care about the argument i care about how he made me feel but i dont know of there is any point in trying?? Thank you for all the help and ligjt you may be able to shed upon thos situation.

Reply October 5, 2012, 11:58 pm


Ok so I was in a relationship with this guy twice and we came across the same problem both times. Whenever his friends or other people came around, he would talk to them instead of me. I tried to talk with him and his friends at the same time but he kinda acted like I wasn’t there and so it would become awkward for both of us although we were totally fine when it was just us together and no one else but we broke up in the end. He also told me honestly that he still wasn’t quite over his last girlfriend so he said it was hard to date me and that he didn’t think that he had any other feelings other than lust for me. After that, we completely stopped talking and messaging and just ignored each other. 2 months later on the 4th of July, he saw me all nice and dressed up and we talked a little bit, it was the first time we talked since the break up just as friends, but I had another boyfriend at that time who I ended up breaking up with a few days later. As soon as he found out that me and my recent boyfriend broke up, he started messaging me again. A couple days later he finally told me that he liked me again and wanted to have another shot at “us”. He said that he noticed that he liked me because whenever I was at the same event or room as him, his eyes would always follow me. he said he noticed this on the 4th of July. He also said that he was finally over his last girlfriend but I still feel really doubtful about that. I tried telling him that he’s probably just “being PHYSICALLY attracted to/lusting after” me again but he keeps saying that I’m wrong. I finally told him that I was scared of going through the same problem again and then breaking up without fixing it.( He’s a guy that runs away from uncomfortable situations rather than trying to fix them) So he said that I should wait until I’m not scared and I asked him if he could actually wait for that. He said that he could and then right after that he stopped messaging me. the reason I find this weird is because he would message me EVERY night before going to bed without fail since I broke up with my boyfriend and its been two days without a single message. Plus I see him on facebook posting on his friend’s wall ( she is a super pretty girl that he used to like. She had a bf at the time but now her bf is gone and she is single) with messages saying that she’s amazing and that she is super beautiful and other things like that. I really wanna know if he is just using me or if he actually likes me because I really have no idea what to do. I need to know in order to decide to get back together with him or just walk away from him. he had 2 other girls before me other than the girlfriend that he couldn’t get over but he treated them like crap and used them for sexual reasons, but with me he said he wanted to break up because he didn’t want to use me for those reasons and he actually treated me pretty good when we were dating. Maybe I’m just being stupid, but I’m really confused. Help me please.

Reply July 15, 2012, 10:55 pm


He’s using you. And he’s hot for the other girl, the one he says is “super beautiful.”

Cut him out of your life.

Reply October 14, 2012, 3:12 pm


Great answer. Yes, the sexy you probably envoked his interest, but there has to be more to you for him to want to be in a relationship with you; otherwise, he would have said something more along the lines of “Wanna hook up?” I would bet that he’s even been thinking about you.

I personally have gotten back together with guys who just wanted the comfort of being back together with someone familiar (me). Of course, the same old issues arose quickly and we were broken up again before we could really get a chance to reconnect. That’s why I personally feel it’s important to fix any issues that you had before you get back into a relationship.

Reply July 5, 2012, 12:32 pm

Stacey Taylor

Look at it in reverse

You’re all hot now, you get the relationship you’re after, goad him into marrying you, and then about 3 years in, you gain 145lbs and become his mother. If he’s got it easy and you’re parenting him where he doesn’t have to, the first reason you’re getting cheated on is you’re a cow. He’ll have told you all along you’re putting on the padding…and eventually, the sight of you naked will make him wince and cringe.

Then the hot girl who takes care of herself, who dresses nicely, who cares about her appearance, will flash her smile and he’ll cave and go indulge hotness again.

And if you look the other way even once, you just set yourself up to keep doing it.

Your looks matter – for better or worse. When you stop putting in that effort as a female to keep up your sexuality and sexability, don’t look surprised when he finds it somewhere else. Love has little to do with it.

Reply July 4, 2012, 4:38 pm


i Need HELP! I am a divorced Mother of 2 older children. I have been in a long distant relationship (I’m from Buffalo, NY, He’s from Toronto Canada About 2hrs travel time) We have seen each other EVERY weekend since we met, either I go there or he comes here. When we met the chemistry was amazing, and still is. BUT here”s the problem for me. He is a very traditional Italian Man. AND He has been divorced and single for 14 years before he met me with only very few very short lived relationships, (like 8 months was his longest), This is becoming a problem because I guess I am still in “marriage mode” (being married for 15 years prior, and he is not. It is emotionally straining for me during the week when I can’t see him, I long for the comfort of knowing that I’ll see him after work, kiss him goodnoght every night and good morning every morning. and the time away from him is painful. I’m a better person when I’m with him. when he”s around me. But on the flip side, he loves me but is ok with the week the weekend relationship, does not have the desire to move forward in any direction. He works alot during the week, doesn”t have much of a social life unless it is with family, and has a lot of fears with moving forward because there is alot involved being from 2 different countries, and from being so hurt so long ago, but yet no matter how fustrated we get, and when any unsure feelings arise, doubts, realities, we can’t seem to let go, our connection is so strong when we are together, it beyond Amazies me, Like finding a needle in hay stack, we are so perfect for each other in so many ways and we both know it, but I can’t get in his head, the feelings are there, the actions are there, but the words are not. He never discusses any future thoughts or feeling about us and when I do he shy’s away. Being old school he believes in marriage before living with someone. where i believe with the divorce rate so high now a days I believe you should live with someone first, to make sure that you can you live with them before becoming stuck. I don’t want to waste my time in a relationship that is not going anywhere, but at the same time, I can’t let go, and neither can he. What do I do, how do I NOT get pushy to get answers, I tried the subtle question route but it just goes in circles with no defined answers. Someone Please Help! This is the guy that I’ve always dreamed of having but never thought exsisted, but I just have a hard time going deeper and deeper onto this relationship with no direction. What’s going on in his head?

Reply June 25, 2012, 11:39 pm


PS. I forgot to mention we”ve been together for over 18 months.

Reply June 25, 2012, 11:43 pm


His actions are telling you he likes things the way they are.

Now, maybe if you told him you wanted more, like him around every night, which is perfectly normal, he might tell you exactly how he feels. Be prepared to discover he doesn’t feel the same way you do about living together.

Reply October 14, 2012, 8:47 pm


I think this is one of your best responses in the “Ask a Guy”. We should all strive to look, and be our best — both sexes. It may not always happen, but the endeavor is alway worth it. Respect for oneself and others is paramount in all types of relationships, but especially with those we choose to spend time with. Thank-you Eric for such a well thought out reply.

Reply June 12, 2012, 11:15 am

Eric Charles

Thanks a lot – I appreciate the comment and glad you liked it.

Reply June 13, 2012, 2:32 pm


Not sure if this is the right area. I. Rome up with my boyfrind on March 17 he is 22 I am 20. He started seeing the girl he works with 2 weeks later they have been in a relationship for a month, she is 17. It was easy for him as he is a chef and she works there so he didn’t have to chase and she just swooped right on in. We have had some contact not a lot just general stuff. He said he for with her so he didn’t have to deal with the break up we were together nearly 2 years. Have I missed my window of getting him back, he said he is not angry or hurt and maybe one day we can be friends. I asked him if he loved this other girl he said no its only been a month. Any advice would be welcome.


Reply June 8, 2012, 5:54 am

Leave a Comment


Sign up for our
free newsletter
and get a free chapter
of our book,"He's Not
That Complicated"