Ask A Guy: My Fling Doesn’t Call Anymore post image

Ask A Guy: My Fling Doesn’t Call Anymore


I met this guy about a month ago at my work place and we both liked each other so we exchanged numbers.

Later the same day he came to my house and just talked and hung out. Both of us have partners in our lives, but we would still talk or hang out almost daily.

At one point I went over to his place to sleep over and we ended up having sex. Everything thereafter still went on as normal and he would occasionally come over and we’d sleep together.

All of a sudden, he’s been barely calling at all and I hardly see him. Should I ask what’s going on or would that just chase him away? Will he ever commit to me or start a relationship with me knowing that I already have a man in my life?

It sounds like you guys had chemistry right away, but this “relationship” wasn’t established on any firm ground to begin with.

You said that you both have partners. Right there pretty much guarantees that this is not headed toward a relationship but rather some flings.

If you both have relationships already, the reasons for him to stop seeing are numerous.

Maybe he feels guilty that he’s with a woman who already has a man in her life. Maybe he feels guilty that he’s straying from his own relationship.

Maybe he just wanted to have an experience with you, but his heart is in his relationship. Or maybe he feels that there would be no relationship potential with you since you already demonstrated that you’ll stray outside of a relationship you’re in if an opportunity comes along.

I understand that you’ve grown to like him, but chances are both of you came into this looking for excitement – only thing is, you started to develop feelings somewhere along the way.

It’s not a problem for a guy to have a purely sexual relationship with a woman if that’s what he’s looking for. I’m not saying that guys don’t develop feelings for women, we obviously do, but it’s not a problem for us to have a sex-only connection with a woman.

It’s also possible that he’s withdrawal has nothing to do with you.

I can tell you that thinking, ruminating or obsessing about him will definitely lead to a bad place. I 100% guarantee it.

Obsessing leads to neediness (because your mind believes that if he just acts a certain way or does something, your obsession will stop and you can be calm again.) If you are “needy”, he will run away.

The best thing you can do is let it be. Don’t text, don’t call, don’t try to have a “talk” about it. Just be cool and move on with your life – keep yourself busy with things you like.

You can leave the door open for him to come back and connect with you, but don’t be sitting by that metaphorical door waiting in anticipation for his return.

Hope that helps,

Hope that helps,

eric charles

5 comments… add one

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Claudia

What about OCD people? They obsess over everything 🙂

Reply April 23, 2016, 8:01 pm

liz

I just one like this now. He never knew I had a serious relationship. I just fell inlove with this married guy even If I knew he was lying all of a sudden he cut it short I was in pain! U need not worry my dear I understand how u feel. U feel bad cos he left you when u started enjoying it, not too late take it the fun it was. It was fun while it lasted

Reply April 6, 2016, 1:28 pm

Aretha

Some time last year a guy requested for friendship on facebook. We have been chatting alot and about a month ago we exchanged telephone numbers. We leave in different towns with a distance of about 400km away. He works long hours and hardly has any off days because it’s a new job for him. He has on several times invited me to go over so we can finally meet in person and I’m scared because I was raised that a man should follow a woman.

We talk for long hours on end over the phone and he seems like a good person. Please advise me before I lose out on a good man or before I make a wrong move. There is a long weekend coming up in two weeks and he wants me to spend it with him.

Reply July 20, 2012, 6:42 am

Tina

LOL….favorite line “At one point I went over to his place to sleep over and we ended up having sex. ” Well, no kidding, if you go over to a guy’s place that your involved with, you’re going to have sex. It was pretty much planned. lol I can just hear the explanation behind this…”Oh honey, I’m so sorry, I just went over to his place to spend the night, but we ended up having sex. I don'[t know how it happened.”

Reply December 17, 2010, 6:12 pm

The Last Honest Guy - Relationship Advice

Most of the times when a guy knows that you have a boyfriend and you’re still willing to give it up to him, the chances of having a relationship in the future are out the door, specially if he also has a girlfriend. We generally treat the relationship as a quick bang-n-go and it usually last until either one gets tired of it. I think in your case he simply got tired of it and doesn’t want to risk losing his own relationship, the one he really cares about.

I agree with Eric and just let it go quietly. Oh and please don’t get all bitter about it and start causing any unnecessary drama. When you play with fire you run the risk of getting burned. In your case you did and you’re lucky your man hasn’t found out yet. That should be your next worry there.

Reply October 25, 2010, 10:56 pm

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