Ask a Guy: When a Guy Won’t Commit on Facebook post image

Ask a Guy: When a Guy Won’t Commit on Facebook


I’ve been seeing a guy for a few weeks and he often refers to me as his girlfriend…but refuses to change his facebook status from being single. He is always asking to meet my parents, and introduces me to all his friends so I’m not sure what the problem is?

See our guy’s response after the jump!

We truly live in the era of Love 2.0 now, I guess. :)

First off, you’ve been seeing a guy for a few weeks. Ease up a bit on the fella – Facebook status can be a touchy thing.

I’ve been on the receiving end of the whole Facebook relationship status drama. For me, it was annoying as hell and it turned into a battle of wills between me and my girlfriend at that time.

These days I don’t list my relationship status on Facebook – too much hassle and nonsense for something I prefer to be personal. But I digress…

With regards to your situation, step back for a moment. It’s not really about the Facebook status. At a deeper level, it’s probably about a couple of things.

First, his commitment to you. In my mind, if he’s referring to you as his girlfriend, he’s into you. He likes you, he wants you and that’s all the commitment you should want or expect within a few *weeks* of seeing a guy. Frankly, if he’s referring to you in conversation as his girlfriend, you’re doing pretty good!

Second, it’s about public acknowledgment. You want that status up there so that it’s official, so to speak. So that everyone who knows you knows you’re with him and everyone who knows him knows he’s with you. I can understand that and at the heart of it, I think it’s a nice thing.

But give it time. When I think of relationships, I like to keep it personal. I don’t want to stand on top of buildings yelling and declaring love like some fool in countless romance movies (that’s why it’s a movie… not real life). I don’t need to call everyone after a few weeks of seeing a girl and gush about my new girlfriend. I let people know gradually, over time. Moreover, my focus is on things being good at the moment – not the label.

And as a guy, I know that relationships can change… In the beginning, things are unstable, uncertain… anything can happen! And that’s part of the fun of the beginning stages of a relationship!

Relationships eventually move into a more stable stage and mature into something different. Guys know this and usually when it enters *that* stage, that’s when a guy will probably change his Facebook status. That is, when it’s so obvious that you are his girlfriend that you’d be able to see it from space.

But I would say it’s a bad thing to ever pressure a guy into changing his Facebook status. I took down my relationship status because I didn’t need my family, distant relatives, employers and ex-classmates to see every time I’ve started or ended a relationship. Again, I am PRIVATE and that is my personal preference – I would be very annoyed to have a girl pushing me to change my status, even if it were a girl I liked very much.

So my bottom-line response – forget about it, focus on enjoying the relationship for exactly what it is in real life.

Hope it helps!

-eric charles

{ 98 comments… add one }

Leave Your Comment Now…

Namie February 16, 2014, 10:37 am

You are one big coward!! You don’t want to change your relationship status because you you want to be available for other girls!! I hate guys like that!! And i know how to deal with this!! Delete all pics with your boyfriend and hide your relationship status too!!! Play his game!!!

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solyka February 16, 2014, 5:01 am

My bf and I have been together for four years and we’ve had spits msking him change his status but he hasn’t changed it back to “in a relationship” since the last spit months ago. Even back then I had to nearly beg him to change it.
He’s a photographer and uses his page for it but also personal things and he has a ton of models listed as “friends” there. Makes me feel insecure.
At first I thought it wss just hidden but it was not only that but set on single also.
Its not like having a gf effects his photography business…

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Stina February 7, 2014, 6:39 pm

If your boyfriend can’t post a picture of the two of you without stating his status…red flag! I am having the same problem after dating him a year. There are plenty of pictures of us on my FB wall but none on his. Hmm? A friend introduced us and that friend told me of the other girl he was wanting a relationship and had a few puctures of them posted on his wall. He was NOT being private but with me, he is? BS!!! We are “taking a break” now because my radar(doubts) is up. Ladies, your man needs to be consistent always. I was introduced as his girlfriend to the friends I met in person but not known worldwide to his other friends. My radar indicates he is hiding me from someone on his friends list…either knows the girl he was with or something along those lines. A man should have no problem saying this is my woman right now whether it works out or not after a year if dating. Everyone should know who you are to him! Sick of men hiding wo they truly are!

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Janet April 3, 2014, 4:22 pm

I am in the same situation and have been with my man for a year and a month now and all he has is in a relationship and when I ask him if we will ever put us being together or putting pics of us together up he gets mad and we fight and it sucks bc he’s the love of my life and I feel like he’s hiding me from people and just today he told me that he doesn’t want people to know how he feels about me… :’(

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Sarah November 18, 2013, 12:44 pm

Hi this is quite reassuring, but if if my boyfriend is liking another girls profile picture every time she updates it. And has recently just added a new friend who happens to be a model and is liking her pictures too. This suggests to me he doesn’t want ‘certain’ people to know he has a girlfriend.

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solyka February 16, 2014, 4:54 am

My bf is a photographer so he has a tin of models as ‘friends’ there and also won’t change his status.

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Lily Oropel September 28, 2013, 3:30 am

I want to confront him so bad and ask him who that woman is and why but he isnt here. He wont be back until next week. Im not even sure what to thibk about this. Im really thinking of breaking up with him depending on his answers. I really love him and it hurts to see that one pic of him and that woman and we do not have any pics together at all in his page :-( it reminded me of what he said before that he would change my fb relationship status and post pictures of us together when the right time comes. Im beginning to think the right time will never come since he aleeady posted this woman’s picture with him and this makes me think he already made his choices and its not me. it might never been me at all and i might be just the only one thinking about us being a couple and being together after all these months. Help me decide please anyone?

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Lily Oropel September 28, 2013, 3:19 am

what about me? I have the same problem. At first my bf and i didnt change our fb status for first few months that we are together then when he finds out that men kept hitting on me and adding me on fb or tags me on fb he told me to change my fb status to in a relationship but not add his name to it. I changed it but he didnt change his status as a matter of fact his relationship status has always been hidden. He doesnt post any of our pictures nor does he want me to post our pictures just.yetis what he say. Then today I just had a spare of the moment to check my tagged account and happen to see he added new pics 2 days ago and one of the picture id with another, girl I dont know of and I felt betrayed, disappointed, angry, upset and everything else

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vivi August 23, 2013, 10:27 pm

What about when your bf won’t add you on his fb?

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j~ August 30, 2013, 9:20 am

Really?? All this back and forth about Facebook is absolutely ridiculous, IMHO. I personally am fairly private and maybe a bit paranoid of identity theft, so I have no issue with things being private or at a bare min. on face book. My EX boyfriend felt differently. He decided that I needed to post my relationship even though I had never done that before whether single or not. Then he did not like that I had my friends list set up so that my friends (including him) could only see mutual friends on the list. Then I did not post enough about him or someone seemed to be commenting too much on the things I did post (rare), it went on and on. It seemed like the most ridiculous thing to me that Facebook could be an issue at all because we were in a real life relationship and everyone I saw or interacted with in real life knew this. It was exhausting so I simply unfriended the boyfriend and told him until he could get a grip and act like a rational, mature, respectful adult I would not friend him again. It did not take long before that same insecure and suspicious behavior worked its way into our everyday relationship and I was finding I was being questioned and having to answer for what seemed like everything. It was his insecurities based on a lot of things but not one of them was any shifty stuff on part. If you feel like you can’t trust the person you are with look at yourself first then the situation. Figure out if it is you or if they are actually doing something sketchy. If it’s you work on it with you if it is in fact them or you even strongly believe it is them…move on.

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Sapphyreopal5 July 30, 2013, 8:01 pm

I think that sometimes not changing the Facebook relationship status can mean a sign of trouble as far as commitment and whatnot goes BUT this would have to tie in with other signs too. However, it also doesn’t mean you’re suddenly in a more stable or stronger relationship if he decides to publicly proclaim his relationship to others on Facebook. I mean I think it’s one thing if you decide to ask him why just to see what he has to say on the matter but to pester him about it? I mean really, who wants to be pestered? You never really know what someone’s reasoning for things are until you actually ASK.

As some people have said, what if he doesn’t want to deal with the annoying Facebook drama of people knowing when you break up with someone (“Oh why did you guys break up?” Yes I’ve had this happen before and it was quite annoying to deal with)? Or what if his life is NOT spent on Facebook and just doesn’t care enough to change it? I mean if you’ve met his family and friends (therefore it being obvious you’re dating), what’s the issue? Relationships have been surviving (and dying) for thousands of years PRE-Facebook. If you really think that it makes that HUGE of a difference and is an all-telling one in that, the one with relationship issues is YOU (pretty serious ones in that too if you ask me).

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Sapphyreopal5 July 30, 2013, 8:02 pm

If you ask me, changing the relationship status on Facebook to “in a relationship” should be more of a bonus so to speak and not an actual requirement.

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Lin October 1, 2013, 8:49 am

I agree. Changing a relationship and posting pictures, stories on facebook “should be more of a bonus.” Depends on each person, couple as well. Some who got a problem, however seem like they may have “a problem” because you’re actually supposed to just communicate why one side feel uncomfortable.

I don’t refer to my bf on facebook at all. He posted our picture, and he wants me to do the same. I know it kinda sweet couples. But I explain him that I don’t feel comfortable sharing my photo on facebook, all kinda photos. It doesn’t mean I don’t accept him though.

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Even July 22, 2013, 7:33 am

I’m in the same dilemma and this is what I wrote to my boyfriend.

I’m trying to understand for myself the reason why I want to be added in your FB list.

It may sound that I don’t trust but really it’s just that I want you to entrust to me more and vice versa. If you love me and trust me then you know that I will respect the trust that you give to me and that includes your FB profile. I don’t mean that you link our profile as “In a Relationship with…”. It’s just that your FB profile in a way is you or a side of you—and I want to know all of you coz I love you. If you have friends, colleagues and near perfect strangers in your list, why not me?

No need to answer coz I believe action speaks louder than words.

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Betty May 15, 2013, 8:19 am

Hi,
I’ve been dating exclusive a guy for 3 mouths and we are in a LDR ( I know, I can’t believe it either :D), but he still haven’t changed his Facebook status from nonexistent to in a relationship so neither did I.

I know he likes me because we talk and text every day, he visits me every week and always brings me flowers, he introduced me to his closest friends and his brother and so did I (he also met my parents, his are dead) and he always listens to me and remembers the things I say (which I love because it means he really pays attention to me). Things are great (at least from my point) and he says he wants a serious relationship with me and I caught myself wanting that too. He’s very patient and he waits for me (I’m 22 and a virgin, not because of religious beliefs/waiting until marriage/waiting true love, just because I had a string of unlucky short term relationships and, looking back, with guys I didn’t really trusted). I’m not saying I am a beacon of confidence and trust, but after reading a few posts here I realized a man can cheat on you even if is in another city just as well as he could do it if he was married with children. How he controls himself is up to him not me.

The thing is I really like him and I do trust him more than any other boyfriend I’ve ever had. And I know he likes me because if he didn’t then why wait (I’ve told him from the start!), why spend money, why spend his time, why make the effort? He makes me feel beautiful, sexy, smart, funny and most of all, relaxed. He also makes me want to do things :”> Now, he hasn’t said he loves me, only that he really likes me, but somehow that doesn’t bother me ( I think if he would say it, it would just seem fishy like he had a hidden agenda or just saying it just to say it). He has some tagged pictures with me on his Facebook, but not the kind of kissy-lovely-couple-pics.

My point is I want to change my status “in a relationship with____” just like I want to have sex. Not to be a leash (because a status won’t stop him from cheating if that’s what he wants just like a weeding ring won’t either), but because I never had it, and, now, I’m fantasizing about it :”> I want all the world to know that I love and I’m loved and I want to post cute quotes or pictures on his page (he hasn’t forbid me that, I just haven’t done it because I don’t know how he will take it).

So do I nicely bring it up or patiently wait?

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Jo May 12, 2013, 4:12 am

Well actually, it’s not just about the relationship status now is it..? Its about the public validation. For some people it’s hard to see when something does not have the potential to last the distance (I have witnessed my single dating girlfriends get crushed because they missed the vital cues that things weren’t that great)… Now if a man is with you for over a year there should be no issue with making with the digital PDA in facebook, who cares about the relationship status stuff it’s the other stuff..

It should be barrier free.. any man who makes up excuses about posting on HIS page when he’s decided to stick with you for a year is on the dodge side.

If he doesn’t want pics of you two together on fb after a year, then he doesn’t want anyone to know because he’s unsure it’s going to last and is too lazy to go through the rigamarole of deleting pics post relationship.. key word, lazy.. not being bothered because something is too much hassle = lazy… (probably works out best for you if you leave him since you don’t need a big son to be intimate with).

If you have to approach him on the issue then it’s best to do it in a pressure free way and only if you are absolutely sure he’s on the same page as you (and from what I’ve seen with all the talent t.v shows there’s too many deluded people out there, so find someone who isn’t deluded that has spent time with you and your man, who will be straight up with you and will give you the raw version of what they see – good or bad) and then tell your man that it would be great to see a tad more love/attention/affection from him on fb… doesn’t have to be mushy, it’s simply another forum that you two enter just the same as when you walk around town, go to events, the beach, hikes etc…

Men put a ring on the finger of the women they love in their attempt to show the world this woman is the one.. fb is like the new ring.

P.S if my man was hiding me in anyway and making me unhappy, I’d let him know what I didn’t like in a pressure free way, why I didn’t like it, without placing blame, and I wouldn’t be sorry for feeling the way I do and asking for the things I want. Partnerships are about being there for each other through thick and thin, giving each other what the other needs… Unless you’re a vampire.. then you can forget it.. if it’s too hard then find a man who clicks with you, love yourself more and create the right environment (mentally) for the right man to sweep you off your feet and show you off to the world…

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Sapphyreopal5 July 30, 2013, 8:12 pm

Umm comparing Facebook to the new ring is actually a pretty creepy comparison and would be all the more reason to NOT change one’s Facebook dating status. Really, people wear rings on a specific finger at least here in the States because they are engaged and are thus at least considering “tying the knot”.

Some people are more private and don’t really want others’ involvement and if it’s a mutual decision that’s fine. There are a multitude of reasons why the Facebook relationship status may not be showing or whatever; whether or not it’s a sign of not being committed or being faithful is another story. If people are really into each other and have met each others’ friends and such, yet don’t really care to put it on Facebook for whatever reason (assuming it’s a mutual thing), what’s the issue?

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Marie April 26, 2013, 1:12 pm

My bf and I have been in a committed relationship for about a year now. We are FB friends. Both our status is hidden, and that’s not the issue to me. What is, I have commented about him and even posted a couple of pic’s. One of them I tagged and he deleated off his page, saying he didn’t like the pic of himself. I have met his family, spent holidays with them and more. I have met his best friends and co-workers, have been to events with all of them too. Yet on his FB page he has NEVER mentioned me or shared a picture of us. We have been out on rides, he has posted a picture of the ” ocean” or other beautiful sites and comments: ” Out enjoying the day, hope you are too….” Things like that. Never says ” we”, includes me. Now, he has many girl ” friends” on there. Most of them are exes and whom he has been intimate with. One in particular he was dating, while seeing me before we were committed. Maybe there are others too. I have brought this up once or twice before. In the past, he claims it’s his ” personal ” page. Last week, a ” Friend” posted twice about getting together with him. I finallly had enough, we had a pretty long discussion about it. He says he sees how this would hurt me, and plans on including me, announcing our relationship on FB. Here is what still bothers me. It has now been 3 days, still no post. He had said twice the night we were discussing it, he would do it right then, and then the conversation got redirected and he NEVER did it. I know he loves me. We spend a lot of time together, and talk about a long term future. I feel like, he is protecting someone, or hiding something…. He told the other women about me, that’s what he said. But I’m thinking, he played it down or something, like… I’m dating someone. Something is NOT sitting well and my GUTT is telling me, he is delaying this post for a reason! What do you think?

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Jo May 12, 2013, 4:26 am

My ex cheated on me with a girl for a few months, he later came clean, begged me to take him back and to have babies with him. His fling (I call her that because he told me he never really liked her) posted pics of them together.. he deleted all of them and untagged himself because he didn’t want to ruin his chances of getting back with me. Your story sounds exactly how I would expect the other girl to be writing about her experience with my ex.. hope you’re not her because no one deserves to be treated like they are not that important. And he needs his butt kicked.

Anyway… He lied to her about why he didn’t want to be with her (well, that’s if he even told he didn’t want to be with her, he could have been lying to me with his brand new cheating and lying record and he’s a chicken sh*t when it comes to people not liking him). We had been together for 9 years so I gave him a shot to work things out with me…

The thing I learned the hard way is to ‘always’ trust your gut, it’s your intuition. If something does not sit right with you then trust what you feel. Hit him up, if you still feel something isn’t sitting right, don’t over look it, always listen to your intuition.. always..

Prepare yourself for short term pain with long term rewards… When you know that pain is only temporary (physical and emotional) you approach things differently and can make decisions for your next move without fear based craziness… So whatever you decide to do.. just remember, there’s a thousand perfect matches out there for you.. he just happens to be ‘one’ of those matches… Hit him up if you think it’s worth it otherwise make yourself even more fabulous and let a new love enter the Marie zone.

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Ali November 19, 2012, 1:49 am

I never showed my relationship status and not active, as well as my bf. When we got in a relationship for 5 months ago, we didn’t go anything about that, like the last thing we’ll talk about. He broke up with me and now we got back for like 2 months. This time he started mentioning why I never posted anything referring to our relationship. For me I wasn’t ready now, cause I don’t want it to be like facebook drama too.

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I NEED ADVICE November 11, 2012, 1:09 pm

I have been dating this guy for 5 months now. He has introduced me to all of his friends and family, so I know he’s not ashamed of me. In the beginning of our relationship he cheated on me with an ex. Then, a couple months later I caught him sexting other girls. He is still friends with some of these girls on Facebook that I caught him talking to. His Facebook is completely blocked from anyone commenting on his page or seeing that he’s online. His relationship status on Facebook is hidden to where no one can see it. I have asked him to change his status to “in a relationship” and to make it public. I think it is more of a trust issue here, where I need this to make me feel more secure and help me gain his trust back. In my head I want these girls to see that he is in a relationship to help put my mind at ease. When I brought this up, he got really defensive saying he doesn’t want people knowing his business. He doesn’t want his relationships to be determined by what’s on Facebook. Am I wrong to push this issue?

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CC February 26, 2013, 11:55 pm

You are right to feel “insecure” but if you are and he’s not trying to ease your mind then in his mind you’re not his girlfriend. You’re the girl that he’s with right now and if the other women know about you he’s either going to pass them up or tell them what he needs to tell them to see if he wants them to be his girlfriend. If you are broken up by now because of that, well you know why now. That is what this article is about, asking him makes him feel pressured if he is not ready for something that serious (particularly with you but with anybody too).

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mk1980 October 16, 2012, 6:08 pm

well i had a friend with benefits on and off for years, well the last time he was acting wierd about me coming to his house to drop off his watch that he left at my house, so i looked him on FB and saw he is in a relationship so i was repulsed that he would use me to cheat on his gf. i am not big on facebook and i never friended him, but his profile was public. so ladies just because you are facebook official does not mean he is going to be faithful. quit being insecure and enjoy who you are dating, plus you look stupid if it only last a few months…all my long term couples i know dont change their status and they have been together for 10 plus yrs. in my opinion i really dont like people knowing my personal business on FB and I am female…

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Tina August 15, 2012, 6:32 pm

I have trust issues with my boyfriend that I have tried to be getting over. He’s never cheated, but I have problems with myself in which I paint scenarios in my head and overthink too much. I’ve broken up with him three times, and gotten back together each time. It’s been a month since the last time we broke up, and we’re doing a whole lot better than we’ve ever been doing, but when I asked him to change his relationship status this time, he refused saying that he didn’t want to because I still haven’t trusted him yet. Is that a legitimate excuse?

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Rose Bailey July 5, 2012, 5:42 pm

Thanks for this post Eric! Very interesting topic the whole Facebook relationship status.

I’m not one to place too much emphasis on Facebook but I do have to ask a question, a guys opinion would be great but I’ll be happy to hear anyone’s opinion.
My boyfriend and I broke up about 2 mths ago. I still have pics of us in my albums and still displayed in my profile pic album (not my curent profile pic). I want to work things out with him and we are still in contact. He still has all of my pics in his other albums and pictures of us that clearly state we were together as a couple in his profile pic album. Everyone knew we were together (not just on Facebook). He was very happy to announce it on Facebook back when we started going out. We have never changed our status to single but we both hid our relationship status on our profiles after breaking up. When we first became friends on Facebook, when I knew he liked me, he quickly deleted all evidence of past girlfriend (he never had pics of them together as profile pics posing like he did with me, they were just pics where they were tagged together at a couple of outings). I also did the same with my previous ex.
My question is; “If a guy still has pictures of you in his facebook albums does this mean he is still into you?”

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Alexia July 5, 2012, 1:23 am

OMG!!! Really people?? Facebook status vs relationship in real life? I’m a girl, I have a boyfriend for 1year, we live together, I know his family/friends, he knows my family/friends, we are very serious but I don’t want to change my relationship status on Fb and he does ask about it. We just don’t care. I have friends that are married, with children and they haven’t change their Fb status, one of my best pal has been in a relationship for 10 years and in FB he is in a relationship with his Best friend. I don’t get all the fuss really. I love my boyfriend but I don’t get the meaning of putting that Ina page for my 5K00 contacts!! My real friends, the one that really matter to me, they know about it. And let’s be honest I HATE some of my friends that have 10 or more relationship changes in one year..: FB means nothing today. Really girls do you really think that because he just change a little thing on his profile he is going to be more commit to you??

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confused gyal May 21, 2012, 4:16 am

I’m a girl who has been dating a guy who is younger dan I am for about 2months,at first he said he likes fat girls because I am,but now I’m finding out he actually likes slim girls,he shows me to his friends but he has neva tried to add me on facebook,I didn’t try either,funny tin now is dat he’s been behaving suspicious for bout two weeks now,he no longer calls or say ‘I love u’he always acts tired n cranky,so I checked him out on facebook,he always uploads pictures of his girlfriends who are always slim as iv noticed but he hasn’t even tried to upload ours,the real problem now is he has uploaded anoda pix of a girl n him on facebook,I asked him n he said she’s just a friend,how can u upload a pix of u ª?ð just a friend @1 a.m in the mornin,wen u don’t even av ur so called girlfriend there,is he cheating?or is he ashamed of me ª?ð cannot upload our pictures on facebook?I’m not even sure he loves me anymore,although he insists he loves me ª?ð dat I’m his only girlfriend,he just won’t let me go,I tink my boyfriend is a snake….

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Grace June 28, 2012, 4:10 am

This took me 5 minutes to understand what you were saying…

He is probably cheating on you.

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Hc August 29, 2012, 7:09 am

Haha!!! :0

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sss March 24, 2012, 5:10 pm

me and my boyfriend have been dating for 3 years exactly now. In the beginning he had his status to in a relationship and did it himself by himself because he loved everyone to know he had me. As time went by our relationship has never been straight forward always rocky and now he doesnt have anything there. He’s known to be back in the day a very flirtatious type, and in the past he’s lied about alot and we broke up for months in between but were back together and now on his profile is a girl he’s just become friends with and i asked him he said doesn’t ring a bell. I feel like this is obviously at a deeper level but idk what to do, is he a cheater?

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Titania March 24, 2012, 2:41 pm

Also, this whole thread is hilarious. If you look at the comments, you’ll realize that the original post is a lame excuse, and that for most of the women who aren’t being relationshipped on Facebook, the guys with whom they’re involved are playing them like a piano.

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Eric Charles March 24, 2012, 2:50 pm

Maybe… maybe not.

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Titania March 24, 2012, 2:57 pm

Exactly.

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Marg March 25, 2012, 6:08 pm

Titania, how solid could a relationship be if it all depends on what a person’s Facebook status is set at? Do you really think that a man’s commitment to a woman is measured by what he puts on his profile? Or perhaps is it a combination of the time, effort, and affection he puts into her? Relationships are built on trust not a Facebook relationship status, and women who place so much importance on such trivial matters tend to overlook so many valuable parts of their relationships. If a woman is insecure about something like that there is a bigger issue on hand. Also, your man’s failure to post his relationship status is absolutely NO EXCUSE to cheat. If it’s that important to you and you don’t get your way break up with the man.

Bottom line is a man is going to be loyal or unfaithful regardless of what his relationship status says. There are dozens of ways for a person to express to the world that he adores his woman, but the things that are most important are the things that happen when no one else but the two of you are around.

–Marg

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Titania April 4, 2012, 3:14 am

A solid relationship does not depend on, nor is created by, a Facebook status. You have it backwards. The status *points* to the man’s intentions with the relationship. 95% of the time if the guy won’t change his status, it’s a red flag that his intention is not monogamous commitment.

Exceptions do exist, but they’re just that – a minority occurrence.

Eric Charles April 4, 2012, 12:18 pm

Haha, Titania – OK, now that was a good point…
.
… and I couldn’t agree more. It is kind of a funny idea to think that getting a guy to change his Facebook status = a better relationship. The relationship itself is what people should be looking at… not a dumb website where people post pictures of their cats and “duck-face” mirror self-shots.

Titania May 21, 2012, 10:25 pm

Well, Eric, the thing is I don’t have a bone to pick. I’m ecstatic in my committed relationship to the man of my dreams. All I bring here is my logic and good high IQ (LOL) and my observations of my own experiences and those of my women friends. That said… I have no idea what you’re getting at, because I haven’t yet seen anyone claim in these comments that their relationship is being ruined by their lack of a Facebook-confirmed relationship. No one has come here saying, “My boyfriend won’t ‘ship me on Facebook. How can I convince him to do it so we’ll have a better relationship?” Bullshit. The question everyone’s asking is, “My boyfriend hasn’t ‘shipped me on Facebook. When you paint that into the picture of him doing XYZ that obviates cheating or disinterest, does this mean he’s NOT THAT INTO ME?” Yes. Yes, bitch, it usually does.

I don’t take kindly to guys trying to wear down our justified suspicion with pseudo-logic. It’s practically gaslighting. “No! I’m not cheating on you. You’re crazy! That naked girl in my car was my second cousin. She was changing because she spilled soda on herself while I was driving her home from visiting our sick aunt in the hospital. How can you be so heartless! Also, I can’t relationship you on FB yet because I’VE BEEN HURT SO MANY TIMES, etc. etc.” LOL! Come on, Eric. You can’t kid the kidder. I know all the lies because I invented them all. ;-P

Eric Charles May 22, 2012, 10:37 am

Titania,
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Using big vocabulary words doesn’t make you right. For whatever reason, people on the internet think that if they throw around fancy terms (like “obviate”, “gaslighting” and “pseudo-logic”) that they’ll intimidate the reader into thinking, “Oh gee, this person must be right…”
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Oh and blatantly saying you have a high IQ… nice touch.
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Any time that I see someone obviously straining to look intelligent, I know that they’re setting up an angry tirade and then justifying their own anger, frustration and bitterness.
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The formula is this:
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Step 1) Try to appear intelligent.
Step 2) Go on an angry rant.
Step 3) Attack the author and try to make it look like their point was just ridiculous.
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Sorry, not going to work here.
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I disagree with your *opinion*. It is based merely on your own personal experiences and frustrations. Period.

Max June 3, 2012, 6:17 pm

of the many things wrong with titania’s logic… let’s start with this one, keeping it short and sweet, much like me.

Here’s why we don’t want to accept your facebook relationship: it’s a control thing. you’re trying to control your man. you want to lose a guy fast? try to control him.

if he’s not accepting your facebook whatever, he’s not cheating. he’s probably still into you, chill. it is not “gaslighting.” lol. gaslighting = gaslighting. also, if your amazing “poontang” hooks up with another guy because he’s willing to change his fb status, well… like the wise philosopher willy d once said, “you gotta let a ho be a ho.”

i don’t even know how i got here.

Titania March 24, 2012, 2:23 pm

Five ways to lose your poontang:

2) Refuse to change your Facebook relationship status, or change it but keep it obscured. Why does this matter? Because when we’re crazy about a person, we want to proclaim him to the world, yell his name from a mountaintop, etc. A desire to keep us secret suggests he’s not as crazy about us as we are about him, and we will start not taking the relationship seriously. Possibly even dating other guys (one of whom will probably be willing to make the FB announcement. Hardy har to you when you find out your “secret girlfriend” is “in a relationship” with some other dude.)

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Eric Charles March 24, 2012, 2:28 pm

Meh.

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Anonymous October 4, 2012, 1:03 am

I agree with Titania. The “Mans Club” can go shove it with their lame excuses and BS reasons about not even friending their partner of over a year (a year and a half in my case) on facebook. I’m not even talking about changing a status, just friending. It is obvious the douche wants to appear single, or available for the next chick he is working on meanwhile he is receiving girlfriend benefits from the woman who he claims is his girlfriend (in my case only twice did he introduce me as GF and I think it is because he knew I’d walk out on his ass if he didn’t) is being hoodwinked by not being added to his page. I am sure now that he has me under false pretenses, which is not fair. He is my first love at age 30 and even though some may say I missed out running around in the 20s, it looks like his talk about anything is just that, talk. I want to start a family and maybe his 37 year old self just is not on the same page as me and does not have the decency to grow a pair and end it…and why should he? Obviously there is attraction to me, however he just isn’t the one or doesn’t see me as the one I guess. My tolerance level…let’s just say this…I cannot take it anymore and do not have time to waste with someone who will not give me the same respect and consideration as he would an aquaintance or friend.

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OzBlonde March 11, 2012, 4:31 am

Dont you love Face Book.
Im amused with some peoples relationship status changes.I know the guys to keep away from..his in ,hes out,hes in,hes out .I truly wonder what they consider a relationship to be.
I guy pressured me into updating my status once.My son was shocked,it was news to him.
Eric.I would expect a guy after a certain period of time..perhaps getting close to a year to update his status if I was his partner.Screw what others might think.
Yes I want a man to let the world know ,hes happy with me and has hopes of sailing off into the sunset.
Not too soon though.I wouldnt pressure him if he wasnt comfortable and I was feeling secure.Have to be honest, part of me would be a tad suspicious.I dated a cheater who made up all sorts of FB excuses.

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Marg March 6, 2012, 2:39 pm

It’s always important to ask yourself why you want something when you want it, and to be sure of what it is that you actually really want. Anytime you approach a person with a request you need to know what the underlying foundation of your desire is in order to truly be able to come to an agreement in a matter. For me, I’m with my boyfriend for two years now, and on my profile it says “In a relationship” and when I posted it I did send a request for him to acknowledge that he is the “with______” but he didn’t acknowledge it. Now does that mean he doesn’t want anyone to know that he is with me? Absolutely not, and I would be a fool to believe that’s the case.

I don’t know why it’s so important to him to keep his relationship status private, but the truth is it doesn’t really matter therefore I don’t care. He has photos of he and I together in his albums, photos of me alone, and when I post something to his wall he leaves it up; if that’s not public cyber validation then I don’t know what is.

Sure I want my status to say “In a relationship with _____” but what I really wanted is for the people in his life to know that I’m the girl he’s in a relationship with… and that he has made very clear.

Peace,
–Marg

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Mallory March 16, 2014, 10:43 pm

Marg, I think you’re failing to see the argument. It’s one thing if your guy has pictures of you and him on his profile, mentions you here and there on his page, but its another thing ENTIRELY when there is no acknowledgement of him being in any type of relationship.

If a guy doesn’t want to declare his relationship publicly online fine, but he shouldn’t be posting pictures and making statuses that give the illusion that he’s single. That’s not only deceptive, it leaves an open door for inappropriate relationships with other women. Also, it’s an issue if a man’s status says all together that he’s single, when he’s given the woman he’s been seeing for some time, the impression that they are together.

If a guy doesn’t want to post a relationship status, fine, but don’t send mixed signals about your love life with questionable statuses and pictures…and yes, I have to quite agree with Titania, Marg, I highly doubt Titania is referring to relationships where the man does introduce a woman as his girlfriend to everyone when out, and has pictures of them together all over his page. I’m quite sure Titania is referring to the type of man that gives NO INCLINATION or hint of a relationship with a woman, that he has–more importantly–led to believe is his woman.

(Sometimes I think women on these sites are almost too eager to allow men excuses, as a way to appease them. But I think most of you taking aim against Titania missed the circumstances she was specifically referring to.)

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Emily January 25, 2012, 9:34 pm

I have been seeing a guy for a little over a month, and we had the exclusivity talk about a week ago and both decided we wanted a commitment, but he said he didn’t want to rush things. Well two days ago he asked me to be his girlfriend. Yeah, a little old fashioned, but it’s like a flat out way of saying I want to commit to you. The next day I changed my relationship status on facebook to in a relationship with his name. He said he was going to accept it next time he went on his computer. It’s been over a day and he hasn’t accepted it. It still says he’s single which I don’t like cuz he’s not. W’re in college people use their computers all the time. I don’t think he goes on facebook as much as some people do, but I don’t know. I know it really hasn’t been very long since I sent the request but it still bugs me a little. Not sure what to think of it.

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Mallory March 16, 2014, 10:48 pm

Wait. So asking someone to be your girlfriend is a bit old fashion…jesus no wonder there are so many single girls out here, unable to keep an actual boyfriend. I mean, if the question is never asked then how on earth do you know if you are free to date other people or not…good grief the mind of women these days, no wonder men don’t bother.

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pissed off January 20, 2012, 12:02 pm

My bf and I have been together for about 1 and a half years. We share everything (or so I thought we did). My problem isn’t about him displaying his relationship status, it’s about letting me see his facebook profile. I’ve never seen it, he rejects my friend requests and part of the reason is his friends bullied him and me when they found out we were talking/seeing each other. We broke up cos of that. He continued seeing these friends while we were getting back together, he hid that truth from me, I found out and ended things, he realised his mistake and vowed to cut them out of his life and we’re back together. He has stopped seeing these friends because they really hurt me, although they dont know he’s with me. But they still remain on his facebook. He says he keeps them there to ‘keep an eye on them’ and he doesnt use facebook much. He’s told me on two occasions to remove pics of me and him on my profile incase his friends see it and start trouble again. I’ve listened yet he refuses to answer me when I ask why he wont let me see his profile and we’ve been fighting cos of this for 2 days whereas he could’ve just shown me if he has nothing to hide. He’s seen my profile ages ago yet he doesn’t want to show his to me. He says clearly that he is not hiding anything. I want to believe him but can you blame me for not accepting that? I’m pissed off and fed up and having had my trust already broken, he’s not helping us build it back up. I even tried to sympathise with him and asked if it’s just about him wanting some things to himself and he confirmed that. But it still hurts and bothers me.

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Emily January 25, 2012, 9:36 pm

i honestly think you have a reason not to trust him. it has moved beyond just an innocent misunderstanding if you guys have been fighting and breaking up because of it, and the whole thing with his friends. a relationship involves both of your lives together which includes including each other in each others friend groups sometimes. doesn’t sound like the kind of person you should be wasting your time with.

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jenna January 15, 2012, 4:09 pm

im 17 dating a 23 year old guy we have been dating for six mo0nths… because he is my first boyfriend. i do want to change my facebook relationship status and he always kept it single and i did beg after 3 months and he refused. his reason was our age difference. from the beginning and everytime i wrote on his wall he would delete it and every single picture i would post(which was from the holiday we went on) he would untag all the photos of me and him,he also put a password on his phone and then one day it was unlocked so i checked it and it was a conversation between him and this girl he was previously seeing and he denied to her that him and i were dating and this was our 5 months.. am i just trying to tell myself everything is ok? or am i completely wrong and he could be cheating..? i really need help

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Jaded Girl January 20, 2012, 3:10 am

Yes, he is cheating and trying to keep his options open.

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Emily January 25, 2012, 9:38 pm

yeah i dont know exactly what he’s doing but i wouldn’t trust him.

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Mallory March 16, 2014, 10:55 pm

Your mistake was thinking you could actually date a 23 year old guy while you’re 17. He’s a man, you’re a child. Your competition are women, you’re in high school, he’s either in college or working in the real world. Either way, you two aren’t evenly yoked.

It’s almost cute–naive–but cute, when I see high school girls dating men, but I’ll help you out for future sake…I’m rather mature for my age and have always been attracted to dating older, but one thing you need to ask yourself before entering a relationship where its clear you’re in different stages of your life (hs vs. adulthood–responsibilities aside from hw and getting to school on time), what is it that this man wants with me? And more importantly, why can’t he find it with women his own age?

Not every guy has a jerk motive, but a lot of times when a man is dating a woman–scratch that a teenager still in hs–while he’s an adult, it’s usually an ulterior motive. There’s the possibility of control, whether physical or mental, and a sense of security, because usually the man in this position will have considerable power over the younger, unsuspecting female.

In your guys case, and given your instincts, I’m pretty sure it’s clear what’s happening (or happened given the time stamp of your post).

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Laura December 19, 2011, 9:07 pm

The guy I’ve been seeing for around 6 months took me off his facebook as a friend. He says it’s because his ex-girlfriend used to facebook stalk him pretty much, but I just don’t see why he’s grouping me in with her and why he refuses to be my friend on facebook. Is he hiding something or am I just blowing this up?

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Jaded Girl January 20, 2012, 3:11 am

He is hiding something.

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rose December 6, 2011, 2:11 pm

My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months and he doesn’t have me as his g/f on facebook but I don’t really care about that. What bothers me is that he doesn’t want me to post on his facebook page because he says anything I can post on there I can just text. But when I wanted to leave a clip from this movie that reminded me of a way he laughs at me he said no and I asked him why and he said just that he didn’t want me to. we never take pictures together because he says he doesn’t like the way he looks in pictures. He’s had me go to family functions and group outings with his friends. I don’t know whether to take him for his word or if he’s making excuses. He’s in his thirties and I’m in my twenties so I’m not sure if it’s an age thing or the fact that he’s been married but I am really upset about this and I’m not sure what to think anymore.

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Paula November 18, 2011, 11:29 am

I found this to be very helpful. Thank you!

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Eric Charles November 18, 2011, 11:54 am

Cool, I’m glad. :)

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Rm November 18, 2011, 11:21 am

Although it is valid that sometimes you don’t need to shout to the world that you are together, the opposite argument is true, too. Sometimes, someone is so into you that it is obvious, just from social media, that you are a couple. He likes your pictures, he send you email often, he comments on your status, social media becomes part of the “boyfriend detector,” as depicted in this picture: http://romancemath.blogspot.com/2011/09/boyfriend-detector.html

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Nia November 13, 2011, 8:21 pm

Great advice Eric! But I am confused. I still don’t understand why men don’t want to “show off” their prize, so to say. I have been in a couple of relationships where a guy doesn’t seem interested in publicizing our relationship on Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, Etc. But when I break up with them they don’t mind posting pictures or even WHOLE albums of their new Girlfriends, even gotten MARRIED. I have finally concluded that it was me all along!

Anyway. Their relationships don’t last. But can you specifically tell me why I wasn’t chosen to put online like their “trophy” women?

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Eric Charles November 18, 2011, 1:12 pm

Hey Nia,
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I think you have the answer right there: When he sees you as a prize of trophy, then he wants to show you off (not to say that he sees you as *only* a trophy or anything…)
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It’s not about the girl though, it’s about the feeling he know has because he’s with her.
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I know that might be hard to wrap your brain around, but think of it like this: When Apple comes out with a new product, Apple customers can’t wait to get it and whip it out in public, talk about it, play with it for no reason, etc.
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But you don’t see them doing that with a 2nd generation iPod from 2007. Why? Because it’s not “cool” anymore – the “I’m cool because I have this new toy” effect isn’t there and so it’s not a prize… it’s just an older piece of electronics that plays MP3s.
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Relationships have feelings associated with them too.
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Sometimes, two satisfied people who love themselves and love their lives come together… and because they are “full” and happy… and because they want each other, but don’t NEED each other… their relationship flourishes and they intoxicate one another with great, amazing feelings and can’t wait to plaster Facebook with 20 albums of their new-found love.
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Unfortunately, in many other cases one or both people come together with baggage, dislike for themselves and dislike for their life. They lean on the relationship like a crutch, trying to use it to fill the void within them. It might work at first, but very quickly that person (with the baggage or insecurity) sucks the other person dry with their neediness and the other person withdraws.
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I don’t mean to sound cruel or offensive, but without sugar-coating my message: Nobody thinks of a parasite as a trophy. (Not talking about you personally, talking in general about the opposite extreme of the spectrum for the love drunk fools that post a billion Facebook pics.)
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And as a cruel twist of reality, when someone is dating a needy person (or had dated one), they will be irresistibly drawn to a non-needy woman. Her presence (and essence) will feel like a refreshing breath of fresh air after having previously being held underwater, unable to breathe.
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He will have relief from the suffocation of the last girl’s guilt-inducing neediness and feel free… which will only heighten his feelings of levity that he found his “true love”.
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It’s not to say that he’s not truly into the new girl, but the *relief* that he’s experienced combined with the happy feelings of new romance is an unbeatable and irresistible combination… he will be intoxicated with feelings.
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Sorry if any of that came off as harsh – not intended to be… Only want to help! Hope I did.

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honey88 November 13, 2011, 3:05 pm

Ok so my question is this, I v been with my guy for 2 years on and off, he still aint changed his status on fb and he hasn’t even got me as a friend, one of his friends was on the phone to him and heard my voice and must have asked the question if we was back together from what it seem , he ignored it and just said some thing stupid and laughed it off , he still hasn’t met my family and he still hasn’t got me to meet his , I m getting really annoyed because I love him dearly but don’t want to waste my time and get dumped by him again like I did last october , his exhuse was he needed to sort himself out and 2 months later we was back together , now I m a very smart and good looking girl , em I wasting my time on him and will it end in tears ? That’s my tears

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Eric Charles September 30, 2011, 12:21 pm

Yeah, I guess you found yet another benefit of Facebook. :)

Makes sense – some people are liars and I have no sympathy when they get caught and pay the price.

I stopped updating my Facebook pics almost entirely because pictures of me with girls would upset other girls I was dating or had dated. I finally had enough – locked down my profile and stopped sharing pictures. Not worth the aggravation for me, personally.

Sorry your situation turned out that way – but fortunate that you know the deal and can move on to greener pastures.

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Anonymous September 30, 2011, 1:26 am

Oh and also, he was never a friend on my facebook and my page is set to private. I don’t care anything about setting my status on there either. My status has, is, and will always be hidden. I am a very social person and pictures are always posted. As far as I was concerned, our picture was just added to the album. I came to ask Eric because I couldn’t understand why he would get so pissed about it. Unfortunately, the next day I learned he was living a double life. So in this situation, thank goodness for facebook! It saved me from wasting any more time on that douchebag! :)

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Anonymous September 29, 2011, 9:56 pm

Actually, I am 26!
and we HAD been dating for 6 months. If I hadn’t posted the picture on facebook then I wouldn’t have ever found out he was cheating on me. So, think again before telling someone they need to get their priorities in order!

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Eric Charles September 30, 2011, 12:15 am

Well I guess that settles that…

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diane September 29, 2011, 9:50 pm

What has this world come to when one has to question whether or not their relationship is the real deal by putting it on Facebook. Hopefully the guest asking this question is a teenager and understandable she wants her friends to know who her man is…but if their over 25 you need to get your priorities in order and maybe there’s a reason his status remains a secret from the world!

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Jaded Girl January 20, 2012, 3:15 am

It’s not about the relationship being real or not real by a social website.

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Anonymous September 27, 2011, 5:02 am

What does it mean if he gets mad I uploaded a picture of us on facebook? Last night he told me he how much he truely cared about me and said he loved me. But today, I actually accused of him of seeing other women because he couldn’t give me a reason why our picture on facebook would make him mad. Needless to say, it’s been almost 24 hours since I’ve texted him or called me back. He hasn’t tried to help this situation at all either. He wrote A text that said ‘No’ after I told him ‘have fun with your other women and forget about me.’
Is he playing games?

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Eric Charles September 27, 2011, 8:02 pm

I can see where the guy’s coming from…
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He’s just starting a relationship with a girl, he’s starting to have feelings. Then, without his consent, an “announcement” is made to all of his friends, co-workers and family that he might be seeing this girl.
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His ex-girlfriend messages him, “Who’s this new girl?” His aunt Sally messages him, “Oh, my little Billy has a girlfriend!!” His lacrosse buddies start making fun of him for being “locked down” by a girl.
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He didn’t ask for all that crap… and he if he could avoid it, he would. It’s annoying… most guys are private about their dating / relationship lives. Even their sex lives – women tend to be the ones who spill all the gory details about all-things sex and relationship. Guys like to be private.
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So I don’t think he’s playing games. I get weirded out when girls put pictures of me on Facebook unless I’ve known them for a while.
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Problem is, instead of calmly trying to understand where he’s coming from or just letting it go, you accused him of seeing other women (basically calling him dishonest and having bad intentions). That would be enough for me to dump a girl if she did that with me…
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Just saying…
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I would get in touch with him and try to understand and just remain calm. Facebook weirds some ppl out, it is what it is.

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I_Love_Audrey_Hepburn July 3, 2011, 8:22 am

I would personally be very dubious of how much a guy cared/loved a woman if he was too ashamed to have the pride to admit he was in a relationship. Eric’s privacy comment aside, I think nowadays a lot of women (and I wonder how many of the above this applies to) THINK they are in a full blown, committed relationship…whilst from his perspective he’s just killing time and exploring his prospectives? I would only be happy to be in a relationship in which a man is happy to announce that he is exclusive to his special woman. There is pride and honour in that. I think women with low self-esteem tend to settle for so much less, badgering a man into a relationship, or trying to get him to change his status – facebook or otherise just makes men run in the opposite direction. Ladies, please, it is so undignified to chase a man or pressure him into something he doesn’t necessarily want or isn’t ready for. DON’T DO IT!

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Lisa May 10, 2011, 11:17 pm

I think it’s nice to show relationship status. It means you want people to know and are proud to be with that person. Yet at the same time I understand the thinking that it’s not anyone else’s business. I’m a very private person. I don’t ever do wall posts and have barely any profile info or pics but I do show relationship status. If you’re worried about the drama of it showing up in news feed just delete it from your wall immediately. Or if you’re worried about changing it after you break up and that showing up in news feed just hide your status to avoid the drama of people asking you what happened!!

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Ashley. March 30, 2011, 11:08 pm

i believe its a little stupid to show it . i think its basically insecure girls that feel that way NO offense to ANYONE. im just saying if you truly trust him i don’t think it truly matters. i think relationships are about trust aren’t they there are guys who don’t want everyone in there business

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Carol February 25, 2011, 2:09 pm

how about if you’ve been living together for a couple of years. we split up last spring and he changed his status from in a relationship to single, interested in women. when asked he said he did it on purpose because he knew I’d see it. we were apart for 5 weeks. his status hasn’t changed and he said i make a big deal out of nothing, because no one pays attention to status or at least he doesn’t. i receently changed mine to single and the response i’ve received is obvious, people do pay attention. is he just not committed to me or am i making a big deal out of nothing.

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Kay February 10, 2011, 2:23 pm

Jessica! LEAVE HIM – That is UNHEALTHY and a half! I know you don’t want to hear that, I’ve been in the same boat but listen, leave him. There’s plenty of fish in the sea that will certainly treat you better. If he’s PUSHING for you to dump him so he can basically cheat on you and then come back. That’s just disgusting and he sounds like a terrible person. Push him away now before you get sucked in love any deeper.

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Jessica February 10, 2011, 7:38 am

I have been with this guy for a year and 4 months and his facebook status shows he is single. He don’t like to kiss me and never cuddles me. He hardly texts me or calls. I have to do it first. He told me he don’t want to give his self to me and then get hurt. I love him and he told me he loves me too. He also told me that he knows I love him but I don’t know he loves me. He has went out with other women because he pushes me to dumping him and thinks if I dump him it’s ok to have sex with someone else but I can’t because he didn’t dump me. He makes me feel like he is ashamed of me and I don’t think he loves me. I just can’t understand why he keeps coming back and won’t let me go. Please help me!

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Olya January 31, 2012, 3:05 pm

Hi Jessica,
Dump him as you deserve much better man and treatment than this. He does not seem to care whether you get hurt by his stupid actions and games. So do not waste your precious time on him…

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Honey Bee February 7, 2011, 2:06 am

I’ve been with My bf for 4years now, he Never wants to put he’s in a relationship on His site, He doesn’t take pictures as a couple cuz he says “he’s not photogenic” He says he doesn’t tell people he Loves them but he acts like he’s in Love with me and we do everything together……..What’s wrong with us…what’s wrong with me? Why does he seem so ashamed of our love and the funny thing is its are 4th year starting and I’m sitting here with it stuck on my mind to afraid to do anything.

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Kay December 4, 2010, 11:19 pm

I agree and disagree. I get the privacy thing but my boyfriend his main concern, after 5 years (we’re in our mid 20′s) is worrying if we break up again he doesn’t want to on facebook. I don’t see why after a mini break up that he changed it to single and then blank after we got back together (which I KNEW was going to happen…he has these weird episodes) when all this time before he had it down that we were in a relationship together. He tells me that all his friends know we’re together but he’s worried he’ll have to babysit me if we all go out somewhere together with friends (because apparently I need a lot of attention which def isnt true). I don’t give him a lot of physical attention but he doesnt give me very much attention if we’re out. There’s very few things I truly want in this sad life we live and I want his facebook to say that we are in a relationship together. I’m a bit of a romantic and I want him to brag about me. I want him to show off to the world that he has this beautiful girl because I just want to feel special…

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KF November 12, 2010, 4:29 pm

I don’t agree with this. As a woman, I expect my BF to be happy that he’s in a realationship with me and to want everyone to know. If he’s dragging his heels on such a simple matter, there’s something wrong. As a matter of fact, I know this to be true. My first BF asked me out 10/22/10 and still had another chick’s name as his girlfriend on FB, I finally got him to take it down, but he wouldn’t add me. I finally accomplished that, and he took it (my name) down. Got him to put it back up, he hid his relationship status. Finally, I contacted the woman that had been listed as his girlfriend b/f me and found out she was still his GF, his only one she thought. Ladies, DEMAND that he adds you as his GF on everything, b/c how he reacts to it and what he does will tell you loads about him. That’s how I learned by BF was a liar and a cheater. I would have discovered it eventually due to other behaviors, but I nailed him in 2wks thanks to his FB relationship status. If he really cares about you and wants you, changing his FB status should be a hasseless thing.

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Felicia October 27, 2010, 3:50 pm

Wow thanks for the update on it. I was having the same problem now im more relaxed and not worring about it. I hide my status and if my friends or family want to know they can ask me. This caused alot of dumb fights between me and my bf cause i was hurt when he didnt change it. But now i under stand were people are coming from So thank u for great advice.

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Smart Payment Plan October 19, 2010, 8:36 pm

People need to focus more on day to day living and less on a website. Sometimes the female thinks people are in a relationship before the relationship has had time to solidify. Let a good 3-6 months go by before making it official.

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Kika August 29, 2010, 8:09 pm

I have my relationship status hidden, we both have. Recently I asked him if he doesnt mind if i change mine into ‘in a relationship’ (im starting my uni and a few guys started to flirt with me as there’s nothing stated on FB). He said he doesnt mind but he wont change it because it his privacy. I know that he is afraid that i will dump him at uni because of someone else (his exes did that) and I think he just doesnt want to change it back from ‘in a relationship’ to ‘single’ after potential break up. I love him, I dont want to change him, I dont want to be pushy, if he feels he is ready to make such a commitment to me on FB, he will do that.

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Rin July 2, 2010, 2:28 am

Wow, I really needed to read this. My boyfriend and I just made things official after a few weeks of dating/talking… but he hasn’t changed his status like I have. I casually asked him about it once, but he just said that facebook won’t let him change it. I don’t know whether he is lying because he is unsure or if he is telling me the truth… Does facebook really keep you from changing things? Anyways, after reading your article, I’m just going to try and relax and live in the moment. We’ll see how things pan out and I won’t freak out over a facebook status. Thank you so much Eric!

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laurette April 8, 2010, 11:40 am

reading this made me feel SO much better. my boyfriend and i broke up a few weeks ago, and things got good again, but he didn’t wanna make it facebook official. he just tells me to not get so anxious. hes been hurt a lot in his past so reading this and understanding that, i feel better :)

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Alyssa February 15, 2010, 7:46 am

I agree with Teri.

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teri November 9, 2009, 10:09 pm

people use facebook as a dating site and this is a known fact….it has broken up relationships and marriages and both men and women use it to cheat….if a man or woman refuses to change his or her “status” for a significant other as you write, that person needs to be dropped immediately simply because they are too high a risk….it is a courtesy you extend to the person you claim to care for…if you care enough to get naked with them, you should care enough to change your freaking facebook status for them…

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chinky October 14, 2009, 9:56 pm

I like this guy and I wana get outa the friend zone concept and date him. How do I steer the convos to be more flirty??? Some statements or?s any™hing can help!!

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Donna September 15, 2009, 7:03 am

Eric, you’re succchhh a spunk!! lol <3

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Sterling September 4, 2009, 4:25 pm

Why do you need to have your relationship status displayed on Facebook? I have mine hidden. If you’re actually my friend, then you know if I’m in a relationship or not and with whom.

I know, I know, it’s not real until it’s on Facebook. *sigh*

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Eric Charles September 4, 2009, 10:08 pm

I’m with you Sterling… I don’t show mine. No time for that nonsense. ;)

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Rhonda July 16, 2009, 11:26 pm

I have been dating a guy about 3 months.. I changed my status to say in a relationship, but didn’t connect his name to that status. Basically, I didn’t want to be bothered by other guys. He hasn’t changed his status from single. Now I want to step back and slow things down to his speed. If I change my status back, think he will get upset or just accept it as I want to take it slow too? I feel silly asking about this guess I can do what I want..

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alicia d June 12, 2009, 12:07 pm

i wouldnt want ppl to know my status either.
then when u break up it will show and stupid annoying ppl will ask u why omggggg did u break up awwwww
lol

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Eric Charles June 5, 2009, 11:58 am

Thank you.

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Maria June 5, 2009, 4:51 am

Eric Charles is amazing

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sam April 29, 2009, 9:48 am

ok i love ask a guy… i have read every ask a guy article and all of the answers are really on point and great advice

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kristen April 29, 2009, 9:30 am

amazing!!! and true… dating is complicated enough without bringing facebook into the mix

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Germaine Windley April 28, 2009, 1:15 pm

nice and does that go for myspace as well?

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