he said he needed space

hmmmm yea that is tru what anonymous2 says. I think you won the pulitzer posts for this one.

I just hope all the time and effort put into does not go in vain. Meaning yes, a very nice “thank you” to everyone would be great and also an update (or not I mean you are at 700) so idk is there a limit to these things?

I mean I read a good amount of these posts and most of the time you weren’t replying but the wowman were going to bat on your behalf anyway. That says alot for a bunch of strangers who know nothing about you other than what you post.

Kudos ladies……………give yourselves a pat on the back :)

why wont this work

to terri and annonomyous
I have said thank you –many many times
I have said I appreciated all the advice and everything people have given me
Mae- I see your idea about the cookie and that makes sense–but I still cant turn off my feelings like a bulb
and no I don’t like myself very much
I still love and care about him….and it hurts so bad
we started CBT but it was only one session so I have a lot to try and work on….
but that was about a different scinereo about him
when I go in weds I plan to talk about what happened
I don’t really know—

I am trying to take steps forward–we talked on Sunday
part of me want to say what happened and part of me is scared for being ridiculed

Beth – Mae was right about the point I was trying to make and unfortunately it’s gone right over your head.

You’ve been saying “I don’t know” for quite some time. What is it exactly you don’t know? This man has been very clear with you about where he stands. Surely after all that’s happened you can’t be surprised that it came to him saying he didn’t want to see you any longer. He asked for space and you were unable to give it to him. He then came back and said he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you but would still be wiling to see you. That’s anyone’s cue to walk away. Because sticking around for that is guaranteed to get you even more hurt. Which is exactly what’s happened.

This isn’t about him, this is about you being unable to deal with someone not wanting to be in a relationship with you. Happy is correct in that there are things going on with you we aren’t equipped to handle. We’re just a bunch of ordinary people here trying to help each other through the dating game!

If you’re suffering from clinical depression, you need to get on medication. Otherwise, we’ve all been through difficult unwanted break-ups and at some point you have to start taking responsibility for yourself and your feelings. Yes, it does hurt and there is not one thing anyone can do here to fix that for you. Time and positive choices for yourself will help you feel better. To continue with the “IDK”s is choosing to remain in the disempowered victim space and you will never move forward from there.

As Mae says, no one’s trying to tell you to shut off your feelings. But sweetheart, this is not love, this is obsession and attachment. Love is letting someone go when they want to go, and while you may certain be sad to see them go and miss them, it won’t cause the anguish you’re putting yourself through.

I am really not sure why you keep posting here, it seems to keep you going around in circles.

Beth,
I am truly sorry that this has been a rough time for you.
Watching this thread however, has been painful sight to see.
I keep seeing a woman holding on to a guy who has checked out of this relationship.
While I could be wrong I think he is saying such things to spare your feelings and cushion the blow.
My true hope for you is that you stay out of contact with him and focus on your well being. The ladies here have tried to assist but I think this one is beyond our scope of knowledge. Please be open and honest with your therapist.
The sooner you do that I think you’ll be in better spirits.
I wish you well and hope one day you’ll update us with some new revelations in your life.
Take care!

no–was afraid to say it here
in a month I have 4 appointments with the therapist
while in a month he could very well say thanks but no thanks–I know I have this time to work on me–I feel better in a way it is not open ended and we set a time to talk again–this way I am not really thinking each day is this the right day for me to call for me to txt for me to do this for me to do that…….
I am thinking of helping myself…
do I still want him yes….do I love him yes…do I miss him yes…..
but not wondering each day about id this the day is also helpful to me if that makes sense–
he may say in a month–ive thought about it and no–but maybe in a month time I will be better and healthier too…

I agree with Khadija I think he just said you’ll talk again to not hurt your feelings. I think when he says things like that, it is detrimental to you because it makes you STILL hold on to hope. What would make you better, is to LET GO and stop holding out hope. If you set your mind to it, you CAN. It’s when you keep holding on that is preventing you from feeling better about yourself. A step to feeling better is to know you deserve more & act like you deserve more. A woman who knows she deserves more would walk away & NOT want a man who does not want her. This type of thing is empowering & is where you would start to feel better about yourself because you would be taking your power back instead of having it all in his hands. My fear is that when you see him next, if he still does not want you, it will undo your progress & make you feel worse all over again. That’s why letting go of him is the best solution. The very thing that hurts so much *he does not want to be with you* is what you can actually use to HELP you by accepting it & letting it go. If you accept it & then let it go, it will lose its power over you & the pain will start to lessen. It’s the holding on to hope that is hindering you.

rejection is never easy no matter who it comes from It hurts like hell. I hear you saying your waiting a month so see what you will talk about it. I’m gonna be blunt here but you need to not do that.
Why you would want to be with anyone who already told you he didn’t want you is beyond any level of any of our understanding. YOU should be the one telling him to give you TIME not the other way around. YOU have to love and care more for yourself than for this guy SERIOUSLY.

The month is probably something he said to make you cling to hope as others have said here. Its not closure. its not him wanting you back or anything. Take this month all 30days and work on yourself please sweetie. Your worth so much more than you give yourself credit for.

If you don’t love yourself, your no way ready to love another person.So I question how you could even believe you love this guy, what you love is the idea of having someone in your life…………….even if he’s hurting you. that’s INSANE

I agree with the others. I believe the truth behind your IDK’s is because while he said it is over, you two have a plan to speak again. This is only dragging the inevitable out.

Based on your past interactions with him, he is afraid or unwilling to completely cut you off and make it clear you will not speak again. It is easier for him to do it this way so there is less fuss, and I’m sure he gets no joy from hurting you.

You “don’t know” because you are still allowing yourself to be pulled in two directions. In one-it’s over for good (but it appears to us that you are not able to fully accept and believe that yet). The other direction is holding onto the fact that you will talk in a month, and that means you are hoping he will change his mind.

This is very unhealthy. The best thing you could do is to tell him that he’s made his decision, which you respect. Then respect yourself enough to know and say you deserve better and tell him there is nothing more to discuss. It’s over and you are moving on and wish him well.

As long as you stay caught in this stasis you will never be able to fully accept, heal, and move on.

I mean this with a heart that cares…but you are really the one torturing yourself in all this. I can only hope your therapist helps you recognize and address this. I want you to healthy and happy.

I wish you well. But what you can’t see is that you have way more control over this situation, and how you feel and react about it than anyone else. You can choose to move on fully and be the best Beth, so you can find the best guy for you.

I can’t imagine in any way that this guy is it.

I’m sorry Beth but having that date is going to keep you stuck in denial. He’s not really going to keep that date, he’s just using it as a buffer to keep you at arms length for awhile by giving you time to fully accept its over and doesn’t want to get back with you—its not a carrot he’s dangling, its the end of the road.

Please stop dwelling on some future with him and focus on the present which is him CLEARLY telling you its over, doesn’t want to talk as there’s nothing more he can say to get through to you, therefore giving back all your items is the best way for him to close that door so you have nothing left to hold over him.

Just focus on you, your therapy, and your daughter because that’s what really matters at this point in time. I know its hard, but we’ve ALL been there and survived it, as will you. Chin up.

I know he has A LOT going on in his world–A LOT..
I do think he WILL talk to me–but I have a bunch of work to do on me for me–
if it’s a relationship with him or it will be with another person.
I still need to do the work regardless…

I don’t know if we will make it back together….part of me says no—-but part of me says i’ll talk to him in a month and will see what is up…
I am trying to be honest ladies….
we agreed on a month–so like I said this month with be a good time for me not wondering if hes going to answer the phone –or txt back since I am doing nothing–
im still kinda anxious but not like I was before–
I know this makes no sense