Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › he said he needed space
This topic contains 821 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by ItAhiA 6 years, 9 months ago.
Beth, someone needs to play hardball with you.
Here it goes. I don’t think there is one woman here who will agree that this man will ever, ever get back together with you. You need to get over it.
In case you think I’m just being unkind or hard on you, I reread this chain. He won’t.
In case you think this is a singular opinion, this is the opinion of over 40 women on this thread.
In fact, I had a friend of mine read every single one of these comments. I then asked her her opinion. She said: No way in hell.
Move on. Do not speak to him. For your sake. I bet you are a wonderful woman. You can’t become that woman again until you put this behind you.
I’m trying to get out and stay busy I’ve been to two meet up over the weekend and had 2 blind dates
I’m trying to stay busy but yes I still want to talk to
Him next month
I see therapist on weds
Just checking in
I am trying hard but keep thinking of hin
Instead of wanting to talk to him, you should focus on NOT wanting to talk to him. You will feel like you deserve more if you first ACT like you do. You’d feel better if you no longer WANTED his attention. If a guy treated me the way he did you, there is no way on earth I’d want to see or hear from him again. This is the attitude that would do you well to uphold. You would feel confident if you practiced this as opposed to holding on to a thread of hope for this guy.
I agree, you have given all your power and happiness over to a guy who didn’t treat you very well and doesn’t want you.
What will it take for you to get angry and choose to get over him? Stop thinking about missing him and start focusing on all the reasons you are better off without him.
You are making yourself into a victim by living out this poor me, I miss him attitude. You have to want to move on in order to do so. Stop holding out hope and start realizing what a waste of time he is and focus on working on you. Not him
Sorry for the delay
Big snowstorm knocked ou power and was conserving every thing
Have you loved someone so much?
Beth you need to “stop” talking and writing about this guy…it has been almost 2 months and from your messages you continue to “repeat” the same thing how hard it is and how much you love him…
It is not healthy… your infatuation and obsession with this man is clouding your judgement on how to move on. You need to stop talking about him and posting on here about how hard this is for you.
I was in a relationship with someone I really liked for several months. We called it off…after a few weeks of realizing it was for the best I deleted his number, pictures and email.
It hurts like crazy I know and the only thing you want is to talk to them and make it work. I would talk to my GF about it all the time until finally I said I am not talking about him anymore….you keep reliving the pain the more you talk about them. In this case you need to let go….give support to others in this forum who need your advice on not making the same mistakes you made! Be a mentor and not a victim.
Just some tough love because it is apparent you need it.
This is still going on? It’s unfortunate to see you stuck in the same place. But, you are also the one still talking about missing him. You won’t move on by continuing to place so much focus on this man.
I don’t think he’s home writing about you on a forum, he’s probably moving on with his life and not counting down the days until your next “talk”. I suggest you do the same; regardless I don’t think he’s coming back.
Wow, this is the mother of all threads. Beth, there’s a very good reason he asking for “fucking space.” And two months later you still cannot give it to him – you’re thinking about him constantly and here talking about him and pulling the scab off the wound so you keep hemorrhaging your lifeblood that you need for yourself and your daughter – and you wonder why he’s gone. Honestly, you’re an energy vampire. You’re a parasite sucking life from him. No one wants to be around someone like that. You don’t have a self and an identity of your own so you’re stealing his. I had a boyfriend like this once and it took me two years to get rid of him completely. Turned out his father had left his mother for another woman and her response was to become a total alcoholic and he wound up taking care of her 24/7 in his high school years. He wanted someone to take care of him the way his mother should have, it turned out. And was he ever angry at women and at the world… and nothing was his fault. Something in your life has sent you reeling off balance because as it’s been pointed out already, this is not love it’s pure obsession and co-dependence.
Please wake up and stop pressing the self destruct button every day. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for your daughter. It really screws kids up long term to witness this kind of stuff. And no, you are not keeping it from her. Kids sense when something’s wrong. No one here can help you, you have to help you. You don’t seem to want to for some reason.
Anna…tough love, I think you really brought it home with that comment.
Yes we have all loved someone so much that we were in both emotional and physical pain when they broke up with us. But you know what? We survived! The world kept turning, we are still here and living our lives and sharing our experiences here and giving you advice. But until you decide that you are ready to take that advice and stop wallowing in this pit of despair you have dug for yourself and stop the Beth pity party, there is nothing we can do for you.
I don’t think you have accepted the fact this is over. I have this feeling that you are just biding your time until this 30 days is up when he agreed to meet with you again and until then you refuse to move forward. You are stuck. And what happens when he tells you he doesn’t have a good feeling about this and he would rather you not see each other, and he doesn’t want to talk like he did to you the last time? He is not obligated to meet with you. What if he only said that to be nice, to break it to you gently and he has no intention of keeping this “date”? You are holding onto this like a life line and there may not be anything at the end of that rope. Only you can save yourself.
I do hope you are continuing your therapy sessions and that you will have a break through regarding this relationship and that you will heal from this as quickly as possible.
I’ve read this thread and said near nothing.
Seriously…I think you could all perhaps stop replying and let this thread die.
I don’t know Beth at all….but from what I’ve read here. ..I think she is playing you all and a classic manipulator. Attention seeker.
Either that. .AND/or as we all know…she needs serious medical help well beyond the scope of advisors here.
This thread is going round in circles.
Idk..Idk…Idk…Idk. ..Idk. ..
Can you all honeasy see how ineffective a thread it is.
I submit that Beth and Mike are the same person. If they aren’t, they should meet, they have a lot in common. Attention seekers unwilling to see the truth about themselves. Same shit, different month. Boring.
How are they?
Yes I am continuing with the therapy
I plan on it
I know he has a lot going on in his life that he’s trying to work on
I do have depression and I’m not trying to play anyone
I don’t have much support system here
Beth, you are still holding onto him so tightly that the FEAR of accepting that he DOES NOT want to be with you anymore is keeping you depressed. Once you fully ACCEPT its OVER, only then can focus on yourself as it appears you are still far too focused on him.
He is a GROWN MAN and is fully capable and solely responsible for taking care of his stuff. As a GROWN WOMAN you need to start learning how to DETACH taking full ownership and responsibility for yours. You are so co-dependent on men that you suck the life out of relationships. Until you fully ADDRESS this disease, tackle it, and learn how to set HEALTHY BOUNDARIES you will not last in any relationship.
Beth, HE’S DONE. I cannot express this enough but the more you cling to him the more pathetic you appear in his eyes. Men don’t want to be with a woman he PITIES, they want to be with one who makes his world colorful, exciting and who gives him the autonomy (freedom) to be himself and do what he likes without the woman all up his face and space.
You have a lot to learn and until you get your stuff together you shouldn’t be near men right now. I understand how painful break ups are, but they are also a great source of growth if you embrace it and fix/change the areas you need the most work in. Like a job, losing it can be painful but oftentimes an opportunity lost can be an opportunity gained when you fall into the one you were meant to be with.
LMAO ..LMAO….I second that motion!
Eric can probably verify I’m not Mike
I don’t know him
In sorry if you all think all I want is
Ask Kate, Hannah, my pain is real you want me to be honest or mask my feelings
I thought expressing them was healthy
I don’t have a big support system here
I need support not ppl who think I’m someone else
Well this thread is over 700 comments Beth if that isn’t support then I don’t know what is.
This seems like a lost cause….
When my cat has surgery and there is a wound site that needs healing, the vet puts a cone on her head so she can’t see it, scratch it or bite it so it can heal. She doesn’t like the cone and I don’t like seeing her in it… but it only stays on a short time until the healing process kicks in.
Is there any way someone can put cones on your hands so you can’t type here?? Because every time you do, you re-open the wound. You are delaying your healing and creating one heck of a layer of scar tissue. I’m hoping this will make you laugh, the visual of a human with cones on their hands like a cat or dog wears one on their head to keep from hurting themselves!!!
What “support” do you believe you require? Emotional wounds heal if you let the natural process work. You’ve been given an astonishing and surely record breaking amount of great advice, empathy, etc as Ashley points out. There is nothing anyone can do or say here to relieve or cease the pain you keep inflicting on yourself. Does your therapist know you are posting here? Because if you showed him or her this thread, I’ll bet the professional advice would be to stop because it’s not helping you at at this stage.
I havd been having internet problems
I still want to see what happens when we talk next week
Acceptance of what is. It is over with him. It hurts terribly. We’ve all been there.
It is very hard to feel like you don’t have any support. I hope you’re seeing your therapist regularly. This is going to be hard to read so brace yourself: do you think maybe the reason you don’t have supports is because you don’t listen and take the support when it’s offered? People will only give support for so long. There is a woman in my social circle who is like that… she clung to me and threw her friendship in my face. She was so desperately needy and clingy, and I pitied her, so I invited her to things when I knew she would hear about it from others if I didn’t. But I now have to distance myself from her because she will suck my soul if I let her… and it won’t even help. I could sacrifice all my time, my love, my energy, my money, my home… I could give it all to her and she would need more, more, more… nothing you ever give this woman is enough, so she goes through friends, sucks them dry until they can’t take it anymore and then she whines about how she doesn’t have friends… she’ll whine on Facebook about how she wishes she had a good friend, right while I and other people have spent the whole week taking care of her and giving her tons of attention.
I don’t know if you are as bad as her in that regard, but she is the sole reason she doesn’t have much support. People have tried and tried and they eventually give up because not only is it damaging to them, but feeding her bottomless pit of neediness isn’t helping her, anyway. It’s not worth the sacrifice.
If you are like her, we could go blue in the face trying to tell you to stop and you won’t see it. So this might be a waste of time typing. But take a moment to think about it. If you are that kind of woman, would any man who has any self respect want to be with a woman like that?
If this makes you feel angry, take that as a big red flag that I’ve hit a nerve and am writing the truth here. I hate to say it to anyone. I hate that you might be stuck in that soul-sucking pit of neediness. I’ve had moments of that in my own life and it is a hopeless and desperate place to be. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
The ONLY way through it is acceptance that you have created these problems in your own life and to take your power back. It’s very simple, but it’s not easy. Every time you think about how much you miss him and hold out hope that he will want you back, you make that pathway in your brain a little stronger, and those healthier pathways start to grow over… think of it like a trail in the woods. You’re walking back and forth, over and over the trail leading to that terrible cliff… and all the pathways to the happy places and the beautiful views and the safe camping grounds and the beautiful lakes are growing over with bushes. The more you walk over and over, back and forth, again and again, the more deep that path gets, and the harder it becomes to take the happier paths, they’re harder and harder to find because they are covered in overgrowth.
It’s time to choose a different path and start clearing the way to a happier life. Leave that awful, sad pathway to grow over, and forge a new path to a happier view point. Hugs
I see my therapist tonight
I just really want to
See what he says next week
I am going to be harsh here.
Let me guess, he will not plan the meeting, so you reach out and do all the work. Or he conveniently is not available.
Beth, if he wanted you, he would have sorted this out by now.
I feel empathy and some pity for you. Empathy that to some extent we have all been there, but pity because most have some sense if when to hit rock bottom end eject. You do not.
The worst therapist in the world would encourage you to interact with this, but may indulge your fantasies, as they won’t tell you what to do.
And I feel sorry for your child because right now you are being a terrible parent in a lot of ways. Obsessing about a man, being distracted and not taking care of yourself. Think about that. It is not who you are, but your behaviors are bad modeling.