he said he needed space

I’m here
I’m very depressed

Beth, therapy will never work unless you work it.

Therapy will never work unless you work it.

Therapy will never work unless you work it.

I’m going to get very personal here and very harsh. If you won’t learn from it, so be it, but at least it’s out there. My mother would kill me if she came upon this, so I may ask Eric to take this down at some point. Read it now.

Prime example 1:

In 2011, my aunt was diagnosed with sudden Stage 4 Glioblastoma Multiforme (a rapid and malignant brain tumor). She was a second mother to me; I was devastated. My mom took the hardest hit as her older sister, however. During her 4-month battle, I started therapy (which I continue to this day). My mom refused. She died at the end of July, just two weeks after $2MM worth of surgery, to try and contain the tumor. After much begging and pleading (with my father’s help), we convinced her to go to a grief counselor after she died. Literally kicking and screaming. Like you, she was stubborn and focused solely on one impossible outcome (let’s face it; survival of a stage 4 brain tumor in the occipital lobe is damn near impossible unless there IS a God): BRINGING HER BACK. She refused to open her eyes and see the point of therapy: to improve herself and move past the grief knowing the reality of the situation. She didn’t last long at these sessions. She even said, I quote, “Why should I go to therapy? Therapy doesn’t bring people back from the dead.” My dad and I were speechless. I threw my hands up in the air and left well enough alone.

While time has healed some wounds, and she’s now moved on in whatever capacity possible, there are still severe scars that only a daughter and a son can see. Because my brother wasn’t around for various reasons, and I was, I served as her dumping ground. I still do to an extent, which is a primary source of co-dependency issues I’m still working through, and it hurts the hell out of me because I’m truly trying. If she had gone through with therapy and truly, REALLY worked it (not just going to shut people up as you probably are), I guarantee things would be drastically different. I know you’ll say, “But I’m trying, I’m so depressed, IDK, IDK. I miss him. IDK. IDK. IDK>” Case it point: You refuse to accept it for what it is. Dead. You are focusing on the wrong outcome: self-improvement. No therapist in his or her right mind will manipulate an outcome for you. Life doesn’t work that way.

You choose to remain stuck. I’m convinced you’re going to therapy and taking only bits and pieces of the discussion to fabricate an outcome you’ll never have: a relationship with this man who wants nothing to do with you. Just as therapy cannot bring back my beloved aunt, it cannot bring back this man.

Turn it around: Your daughter, while too young to articulate, is feeling this. “Mommy wants nothing to do with me” is what’s going through her head. She needs you more than ever and your choice to remain stuck is purely selfish.

Prime example 2:

A former best friend of mine had a shaky upbringing. Her parents separated when she was young and her mother behaved like an unstable child, chasing after relationships with men who didn’t want her, running from one bad situation to the next to cover up wounds, refusing to let therapy that was available work. Everything was everyone else’s doing, not hers. End result? My friend is becoming who she resents the most: her mother. “Like mother, like daughter” isn’t just a cliche. You are a product of your own upbringing. You will never be the best you can be for your child as long as you remain where you are.

Mae, I’m sorry for your loss! Your story really resonates with me due to my own family issues. It’s not nice to be someone’s emotional dumping ground, especially if they’re a parent and you can’t just walk away. Good luck!

Mae, bless you for going so far out of your comfort zone and sharing something deeply personal to help someone you don’t even know, out of concern for her and her little girl.

I can’t believe this post is still alive……………….there must be a guiness world record here………………GEEEZ when or where does it ever end???? 800+….and counting.

That was a long search, since the search machine still doesn’t work.
I’m posting this for Susan. But also as a cheer to Beth. Hope you’re doing ok, girl and got back on track.

I’ve been wondering about this all along, but didn’t want to stir the pot. I sincerely hope Beth has been taking this time to reflect on herself and her daughter. Recent worldly events will hopefully put things of this scale into perspective.. for us all.

Well, she did leave this forum which we all eventually agreed was a first step in the right direction.

go to the top and click “forum”. Select a category, i.e. dating advice. Scroll all the way to the bottom where you’ll see an input box similar to what you saw when you typed in this comment.

Thanks Vanessa, I got it YEY!!! GO take a look if you can SMILE

Yeah me too!! I can truly relate to what she was going through!