he said he needed space


Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals he said he needed space

This topic contains 821 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  ItAhiA 4 years, 5 months ago.

Viewing 22 posts - 801 through 822 (of 822 total)
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  • #505928 Reply

    Ashley

    Beth have you ever considered what would happen if you actually listened to us?

    Are you aware that you’ve gotten 800 comments…200 short of 1000…from strangers who care enough to attempt helping you despite you refusing to make ANY changes?

    I feel like you just refuse to see any of this, much less implement it. It’s unbelievable. I hope the best for your health & your daughter. But when you are upset, consider its of your own doing.

    #510693 Reply

    Beth

    I’m here
    I’m very depressed

    #510710 Reply

    JB

    Oh Beth – you need professional help, and I don’t mean that in a negative sense…strangers on the internet can’t help you the way you need. Hugs going out to you though.

    #510822 Reply

    Mae

    Beth, therapy will never work unless you work it.

    Therapy will never work unless you work it.

    Therapy will never work unless you work it.

    I’m going to get very personal here and very harsh. If you won’t learn from it, so be it, but at least it’s out there. My mother would kill me if she came upon this, so I may ask Eric to take this down at some point. Read it now.

    Prime example 1:

    In 2011, my aunt was diagnosed with sudden Stage 4 Glioblastoma Multiforme (a rapid and malignant brain tumor). She was a second mother to me; I was devastated. My mom took the hardest hit as her older sister, however. During her 4-month battle, I started therapy (which I continue to this day). My mom refused. She died at the end of July, just two weeks after $2MM worth of surgery, to try and contain the tumor. After much begging and pleading (with my father’s help), we convinced her to go to a grief counselor after she died. Literally kicking and screaming. Like you, she was stubborn and focused solely on one impossible outcome (let’s face it; survival of a stage 4 brain tumor in the occipital lobe is damn near impossible unless there IS a God): BRINGING HER BACK. She refused to open her eyes and see the point of therapy: to improve herself and move past the grief knowing the reality of the situation. She didn’t last long at these sessions. She even said, I quote, “Why should I go to therapy? Therapy doesn’t bring people back from the dead.” My dad and I were speechless. I threw my hands up in the air and left well enough alone.

    While time has healed some wounds, and she’s now moved on in whatever capacity possible, there are still severe scars that only a daughter and a son can see. Because my brother wasn’t around for various reasons, and I was, I served as her dumping ground. I still do to an extent, which is a primary source of co-dependency issues I’m still working through, and it hurts the hell out of me because I’m truly trying. If she had gone through with therapy and truly, REALLY worked it (not just going to shut people up as you probably are), I guarantee things would be drastically different. I know you’ll say, “But I’m trying, I’m so depressed, IDK, IDK. I miss him. IDK. IDK. IDK>” Case it point: You refuse to accept it for what it is. Dead. You are focusing on the wrong outcome: self-improvement. No therapist in his or her right mind will manipulate an outcome for you. Life doesn’t work that way.

    You choose to remain stuck. I’m convinced you’re going to therapy and taking only bits and pieces of the discussion to fabricate an outcome you’ll never have: a relationship with this man who wants nothing to do with you. Just as therapy cannot bring back my beloved aunt, it cannot bring back this man.

    Turn it around: Your daughter, while too young to articulate, is feeling this. “Mommy wants nothing to do with me” is what’s going through her head. She needs you more than ever and your choice to remain stuck is purely selfish.

    Prime example 2:

    A former best friend of mine had a shaky upbringing. Her parents separated when she was young and her mother behaved like an unstable child, chasing after relationships with men who didn’t want her, running from one bad situation to the next to cover up wounds, refusing to let therapy that was available work. Everything was everyone else’s doing, not hers. End result? My friend is becoming who she resents the most: her mother. “Like mother, like daughter” isn’t just a cliche. You are a product of your own upbringing. You will never be the best you can be for your child as long as you remain where you are.

    #510825 Reply

    Mae

    Correction:
    You are focusing on the wrong outcome instead of* self-improvement.

    #510940 Reply

    Hannah

    Mae, I’m sorry for your loss! Your story really resonates with me due to my own family issues. It’s not nice to be someone’s emotional dumping ground, especially if they’re a parent and you can’t just walk away. Good luck!

    #510948 Reply

    Mae

    Thanks, Hannah. I’ve never shared it before on this forum. I was hoping to illustrate a point and perhaps put things into perspective.

    #510965 Reply

    Stefanie

    Mae, bless you for going so far out of your comfort zone and sharing something deeply personal to help someone you don’t even know, out of concern for her and her little girl.

    #510971 Reply

    Mae

    <3

    #511307 Reply

    Teri

    I can’t believe this post is still alive……………….there must be a guiness world record here………………GEEEZ when or where does it ever end???? 800+….and counting.

    #511467 Reply

    Lucy

    Oh Beth., we are al depressed

    #540150 Reply

    Newbie

    That was a long search, since the search machine still doesn’t work.
    I’m posting this for Susan. But also as a cheer to Beth. Hope you’re doing ok, girl and got back on track.

    #540169 Reply

    Hannah

    I hope she is too. She emailed me a few times and then I heard nothing. This was an epic nightmare but I hope it was resolved in a positive way.

    #540192 Reply

    Mae

    I’ve been wondering about this all along, but didn’t want to stir the pot. I sincerely hope Beth has been taking this time to reflect on herself and her daughter. Recent worldly events will hopefully put things of this scale into perspective.. for us all.

    #540193 Reply

    BamBam

    Some threads should be deleted never to see the light of day again and this is one of them. Epic only because the poster wouldn’t listen to any advice given and kept going over the same ground. Kind of like some other people who have been posting here for months and not changing anything but still complaining of the same things.

    #540236 Reply

    Mae

    Well, she did leave this forum which we all eventually agreed was a first step in the right direction.

    #540404 Reply

    ItAhiA

    Hi all, wow this was definitely a very long forum, I related to many of the advices, read them all yesterday. I too hope Beth is doing better. I also agree with some of the people who thought this was not a real person. Anyway can anyone tell me how to post a question of my own. I really need some type of guidance, not that most of the things said in this forum are not guidance enough but I would like to start my own question.

    #540408 Reply

    vanessa

    go to the top and click “forum”. Select a category, i.e. dating advice. Scroll all the way to the bottom where you’ll see an input box similar to what you saw when you typed in this comment.

    #540412 Reply

    Van

    This is the short attention span of many guys (few exceptions). They don’t judge time the same as women. 3, 4, 7 months is a long time for them. He’s tired of the relationship now, and wants you to back off now…no longer interested.

    I’m sorry you’re going through this, but you have no choice but to back off. Stop calling/texting him, because he’s going to hurt your feelings every time….

    #540428 Reply

    ItAhiA

    Thanks Vanessa, I got it YEY!!! GO take a look if you can SMILE

    #540436 Reply

    Hannah

    She was real, trust me! I know who she is off the site. And she was taking advice. She was getting therapy and trying to do what we told her. She was a terrible communicator though and that didn’t come across at all on here. I think she needed a lot of help and more than we could give her. I just hope she got it!

    #540444 Reply

    ItAhiA

    Yeah me too!! I can truly relate to what she was going through!

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