Pending Marriage and Money Issues

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  • #943943 Reply

    My fiancé recently gifted his son (aged 11) $100. He is also between jobs and dealing with health problems. He’s living check to check scraping by literally on $20 a week. He received some tax money and decided it would be a good idea to gift his son that money. He doesn’t get to see his son, ever. It’s been a year. But I had suggested he buy a gift, something cheaper that would last. Otherwise, the mother would DEFINITELY take the cash. He didn’t listen. For his mother’s bday he gifted her $200 because she only takes money. Besides that, nonsense, he had even less, back then.
    MY point is: I don’t agree with his actions here. Yes, in everything else I can trust him. Financially I can trust him. I’m engaged because he has not shown me, I can’t trust him financially, and in other many ways. But this recent turn of events has me scared.
    Would it be wrong if I told him that once we’re married, he can’t just gift people money? Side note: money is so impersonal. And lacks creativity and effort. And for an 11 yr old? Nope I completely disagree.

    #943952 Reply

    Do not marry this guy until he gets his financial issues sorted out. How long has he been between jobs?

    #943954 Reply

    But you DON’T trust him financially. You believe that once you’re married he should do as you say with his money because he makes bad decisions and you know better. I don’t entirely disagree with your point of view. You two really need to get on the same page financially or you’ll wind up divorced pretty quick after the wedding. And you really should not marry someone who is in such a financial mess unless you’re OK with supporting him the rest of your lives. PS he will not give up handing money to his son and his mother

    #943955 Reply

    If i may ask, how do u support urslf financially?

    #943962 Reply

    @ Raven – He just started working again, for a less paying company than his last one. He had a terrible accident last year that left him disabled in his leg, and unable to be a supervisor in his field. He’s going through a lawsuit, and physical therapy, but has a lot of time home and on his hands. He has a second job but that’s only on the wknds and it doesn’t pay much. So yeah, part of me is like, he’s getting on his feet. But then I remember when we first started and he didn’t have money THEN either. And I blamed child support for that. He pays his child support every month religiously. @AngieBaby – you’re right he won’t give up how he gifts to his family. What’s funny is he doesn’t give me money, he gives me thought-out gifts. @Tammy – yes. I make 6-figures. I travel, eat good food, take care of myself. When he stays w me on the weekends (we don’t live together and won’t be until after marriage) I usually have plans with friends because I’m not waiting around for him to plan anything with no money. I’m frustrated to say the least. He has 5 hours every day where he comes home from work and lays down. And someone like me who will use free time to be productive, and to work, or find new streams of income like my other friends do, I find that lazy and a huge turnoff.

    #943964 Reply

    Sounds like you two are incompatible beyond money.

    What is it about this guy (who doesn’t have money & probably never will, that you who has money) is attractive?

    #943968 Reply

    I hope you realize you could and probably will get hit for alimony if your marriage doesn’t work out. I agree with Raven, sounds to be like the incompatibilities are beyond money.

    #943980 Reply

    Walk away

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