Texting almost zero and he’s been on instagram

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  • #943688 Reply

    I have been seeing a guy for a couple months. The past couple days he has hardly texted me at all. He has been on instagram. Today after not hearing anything from him since 8:00 the night before, to avoid me feeling contempt and for the sake of honesty I said
    “I feel a little anxious when I haven’t heard from you for such a long period of time. I know you are busy but it would help me to send just a hi text here or there”

    He said:
    Sorry, phones on the floor a verboten, so it’s not as easy as just picking up the phone. Why anxious though?

    I said:
    “Just my feelings?”

    He said:
    “I’ll do what I can, but I can’t promise. Work is crazy and I don’t always have time”

    This was 4 hours ago and he hasn’t texted me since he’s been home from work. We used to text all day every day.

    He’s been on instagram in the meantime.

    I’m supposed to spend the “evening and next night with him tomorrow”

    He said I got to choose Fri-Sat night or sat-sun night. I said sat and sun. He wants to see me int the evening tomorrow, not most of the day.

    I don’t know what to say from here. I was being honest about how I feel. I feel like at this point it would be nice to have had some reassurance.

    What do you think?

    #943691 Reply

    Let us know how the weekend went…

    #943692 Reply

    Has he given you any reason to doubt him so far besides not texting as much when busy working? If not, it sounds like he acknowledged your feelings (he showed curiosity and asked why anxious) while being honest that he’ll do his best but he’s busy. To me, taking him at face value, I read that as, he doesn’t think he did anything wrong to cause anxiety so he doesn’t need to “fix” it with out-of-the-ordinary validation.

    Some guys really don’t like texting but do it a lot at the beginning to win the woman over. Guys don’t fall in love over text, and as long as he’s making plans to see you and you’re not losing inertia in spending time together, that’s a much better gauge of how things are progressing than texting habits. I also don’t think the Instagram activity means anything. It’s easy to take 10 seconds to mindlessly check an app or notification even when you don’t have time to start up a conversation. (Of course, if he’s commenting on the accounts of hot women models and thirst trap photos instead of texting you, then that’s a different story!)

    If you feel he’s often dismissive of your feelings or he’s given you other reasons to feel insecure in the connection, then go with your gut and think through if your needs and communication styles are compatible and if he’s a good match for you. Early dating shouldn’t feel difficult and complicated if you’re compatible. If you’re usually an anxious dater though, then my guess is the underlying issue is not about the texting but about you wanting validation to define the relationship soon since you’re at the 2 month mark, and that conversation often either happens between 2 and 4 months or things fizzle out.

    It’s also okay if you decide he’s not right for you and you want to be with someone more careful with their words… like someone who might have instead said, “I’m sorry I’m going to be too busy to text during work this week, but I’m really looking forward to seeing you this weekend and we can talk then.” Only you know if that’s a dealbreaker for you, but some guys are more socially attuned than others (or have smoother game!) and it doesn’t necessarily say anything about if they’re truly into you or not.

    Tl;dr: what Raven said :) Hope it works for you!

    #943921 Reply

    I don’t think what he’s doing is that bad honestly. Give him some space. If it’s been more than a day, I can understand why you would be worried but 4 hours is nothing. Just because he’s looking on insta doesn’t mean he has the time to have a full blown convo with you. You are being kind of needy and it’s turning him off. Get a hobby other than keeping tabs on him…

    #944143 Reply

    I agree with comments above – see how the weekend goes and what he’s like in person.

    My now bf wasn’t a massive texter either, I ended up telling him directly that I was interpreting his lack of texting in between dates as lack of interest and it was making me confused. We had a chat about our texting habits and preferences. He’s still not a massive texter but he texts me a few times a day to check in with me now. He’s quieter on days he’s tired, has had a long night but he’ll tell me now so I don’t get worried.

    You should communicate with him and try and reach a middle ground.

    #944144 Reply

    @lemonade, This post is 4 months old & likely/hopefully the OP has moved on.

    #944176 Reply

    Some people,including myself, like to preserve our energy. This is an opportunity to learn to be “still” and not have external distractions. You will find yourself more connected within and as a person…able to handle the game of love. It will also make you more attractive to him. He will find that you bring him peace and love you for it and will miss you.

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