he said he needed space


Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals he said he needed space

This topic contains 821 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  ItAhiA 5 years, 3 months ago.

Viewing 25 posts - 51 through 75 (of 822 total)
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  • #483265 Reply

    Beth

    Last night when he said that stuff

    #483267 Reply

    Beth

    This is not a fake post newbie
    I’m real breathing human here

    #483268 Reply

    Beth

    Kate – last night when he said that stuff

    #483271 Reply

    Jessica

    Beth,
    Your neediness and desperation are unattractive and annoying to him. The only way to salvage this is to pull yourself together and don’t show him this side again. Be the woman he fell for.

    The way to do that is to get your confidence back. Hannah and Kate are right on with their advice. Let go! A man who loves you will not run if you let go – he will hold on tight. So don’t be afraid – stop clinging. What is meant to be will be. You will be infinitely more attractive if you go quiet – and be cool and confident – and he will be able to remember the good things and miss you. You have to truly believe you will be okay with or without him.

    In the meantime, go to the gym, stay busy, be social, go shopping….things that are positive and make you happy or relieve stress. It’s hard at first, but it will get easier! Stay strong!

    #483273 Reply

    Kate

    So you are in full on catastrophe mode right now. If you were to see him, text him or talk to him right now, you would dump emotional vomit all over him. I know you can’t help how you feel, but that isn’t attractive to anyone. You can’t talk to him, whether he reaches out or not, until you have your panic and anxiety under control. If you don’t meditate, I would suggest you do some research and learn some different methods as it can really help balance out your emotions. Maybe seek out a therapist and as a last resort, some anti anxiety meds. When you DO talk to him again, you want to be calm and patient, not desperate.

    As for how long you need to wait, no one here can tell you that. I realize that every day could feel like torture, but if you get in the mindset that you a lovingly and compassionately giving him a gift (of the space that he asked for), it will make it easier. Approaching relationships from the perspective of giving, instead of getting, always feels better in the long run and if you can truly see it that way, he will sense a shift when you talk to him.

    If you hear nothing before Christmas week, maybe send him a text just saying you wish him the happiest of holidays and you hope he is well. But I can’t imagine that he won’t contact you before then. Hang in there and every time the urge to text him becomes extremely strong, come here and let us talk you out of it.

    #483286 Reply

    Beth

    Kate you guys will do that for me?

    #483288 Reply

    Beth

    His xmas presents are here :(

    #483291 Reply

    Kate

    Of course…I have found that the people here are incredibly supportive.

    Try not to think about the gifts. There is still a lot of time before Christmas. Just put them in a closet for now and focus on your holiday plans with family and friends.

    #483294 Reply

    Beth

    But that one person called me fake and I’m scared I’ll be smothering all of you
    I’m real you can call/txt me

    #483296 Reply

    Kate

    I don’t think that anyone else who has responded believes that you are fake. I’m not sure why that poster thought so. Post when you need to and usually the people here are very responsive. But also seek out your friends and ask them to spend time with you…it’s easier to avoid the urge to text when you’re hanging out with a girlfriend or family member.

    #483297 Reply

    Gemini615

    Beth you sound incredibly insecure and needy. Why are you worried about “smothering” people on this forum? Stop sounding so insecure, it’s not attractive and probably one of the reasons why this guy doesn’t want to talk to you.

    I think it would be a better use of your time to do some self reflection and figure out where your insecurities and neediness stem from and work on fixing that alone.

    #483299 Reply

    Mierin

    There has been a slew of fake over-the-top posts here recently so it gets annoying.

    But your issues are very real. It does happen to women everywhere.

    Like what some others have experienced here, if you really want to text/call him, just come up here to vent. Just say “I’m venting” if you don’t want a lot of replies. Journal can also help if you don’t feel like coming up to post so often.

    First 7 days is very hard. I’ll recommend something nice you really enjoy. Example, if you love suspense novels, just borrow the max number you are allowed to and start reading. You’ll get so engrossed you forget the days. Leave your phone somewhere else you don’t pass by. Delete all his contact information. When I did that I flushed over 2000+ messages over 9 months, down the drain. I just wept, but it gets easier after that.

    #483304 Reply

    Newbie

    The posts don’t sound real at all. You girls keep responding with tons of good advice and all original poster does is going back To the same one line statement.

    Beth, i think you have to let your guy know his presents arrived, so that when he is done taking his space, you can give them to him.

    #483309 Reply

    Beth

    Every one says I rumerate

    #483311 Reply

    Kate

    Um, Newbie, on the off chance that you are incorrect, and I believe you are, why would you want to make this woman feel any worse than she already does without offering constructive advice?

    And he just told her last night to stop texting and give him space. If she turns around and texts him again right now, even to tell him that his gifts are here, it will look like a desperate attempt to create a reason to communicate and make him feel guilt.

    He asked for space and for her to stop texting/calling for a while. She needs to respect that or the situation will worsen. I’m assuming that he will reach out before too long, but she needs to wait a while to text or call him, even if only to tell him she has his gifts.

    #483312 Reply

    Newbie

    That’s not a word, so makes perfect sense to me

    #483313 Reply

    Newbie

    Kate, Beth got plus 30 responses about what she should do, they are all correct. If she choses my option, she is plain stupid (but i think its a fake post). She has given no details about the relationship etc, only one line every time. I Know i should have kept my mouth shut. But i’m not gonna be person 31 to say Beth honey, you are needy and clingy. Don’t be that person ( i think i did say it somewhere)

    #483314 Reply

    Newbie

    He said he needed space. Whats so difficult that you cant decipher that message.

    #483317 Reply

    Beth

    I already feel like shit newbie- I don’t need to be bashed
    What can I tell you about Bryan
    We been dating since March

    #483323 Reply

    Lane

    Beth, I think we need more info here.

    How old are the two of you? You said “dating”, does this mean exclusively or om non-exclusively.

    Newbie is having a hard time understanding why you aren’t taking into consideration any of the advice asked. Have you NEVER wanted to take a break from someone, ever? If so, how would you feel if after asking the for some space they kept texting/calling you?

    Put yourself in his shoes for ONE MOMENT. Have you been WANTING TOO MUCH? What I mean by too much is that you have made him the center of your world/universe and like a drug addict have come to rely on him too much?

    Need answers because your not listening.

    #483324 Reply

    Kate

    She did say this:

    “hi everyone
    thank you for all the advice and everything
    I know you are all right- its hard because I love him
    I need to back off and give him some space and let him miss me
    I know that is the ONLY chance I have to try and remedy things
    If I try to contact him he would be very upset and It would not work in my favor
    if he is on the fence that would be the deciding factor to say goodbye for sure”

    Which suggests that she has recognized the advice as being sound and knows what she needs to do, but is seeking support in doing it because she is in pain. Direct is one thing but if you’re in the mood to be sarcastic and demeaning, maybe just refrain from commenting? Jeez…

    #483325 Reply

    Kate

    I do agree with Lane though. How old are you two, how long have you been in a committed relationship and have you had trouble before now?

    #483327 Reply

    Beth

    We’ve been serious seeing only each other since about June July
    We are both 30
    Yes I have made him to be extremely important and no I have never wanted to take a break from anyone that I can remember
    I think at times I’ve been wanting much
    And yes I’ve been told before by friends and bf before – I can be overly passionate
    I can place myself in that – if I asked someone got space and they called the next day I’d be upset
    I’d want to try to be understanding but prob upset too

    #483329 Reply

    Beth

    Kate
    Thanks I am listening I think that’s exactly what it is everything here is great advice and don’t think for a sec o don’t sppreciate it
    It just hurts
    I know it’s the right thing
    Sometime the right thing is the hard thing

    #483331 Reply

    Beth

    We’ve had some communication probs in the past but accepted his style is not like mine

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