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You are still feeling sorry for yourself. If sending that text and having it ignored or replied to with something hurtful in order for you to finally understand you need to move on from this person, then by all means Deena. But feeling sorry for yourself daily isn’t helping your cause.
I don’t know, I don’t think it would be such a horrible thing to send one last message. Your 1) sounds fine to me, but I would delete the last paragraph (about you hoping he’s well). Then block him – or even not, but move on. You could also block him without sending anything. In any case, just be sure that your attitude is ‘it’s over, this is the last message, after which we never have to speak again’ (and not that you desperately try to provoke some reaction). And keep in mind that possibly, he will not reply. Anyway, I liked this first part of 1). You are right to be disappointed, he is, at the very least, just rude. Realising this should help you with moving on… You;re not going to cry a river over some jerk, are you.
Why can’t you just take a hint? He doesn’t want you.
Sho, honey. Please don’t feed the idea of sending this man a text. It’s like sending a text to a man two days after he stood you up and saying ‘I guess you aren’t showing up for our date?’
I am not sending anything. He made his point. I am not worth his time or passing thought.
It took six whole pages but we saved another one!
L – I’m glad you find humor in my sadness.
Or you can just say that you had fun getting to know him and wish him luck in the future. I don’t unburry the dead. Once I send a text like that, I’m done. If they come back months later, I’m still done. It’s not easy, but a week of no contact after 4 months should make you want better for yourself. There is nothing wrong in asking in a non needy way, there is also nothing wrong with staying silent.
Why do you assume YOU’RE not worth HIS time? Maybe it’s the other way around.
@Dallas – I guess I say that because he was the one who rejected me.
@Elena – I agree. I am free to text or not if I want to. I just feel what’s the point now? It has been over a week since his last text to me. I have sent him two texts. None of which required a response but that never mattered before. If he wanted to talk to me, he has my number. I feel he probably knows I know something is up by his silence and I finally got the hint. Good for him, I guess.
Maybe it was your sparkling attitude that turned him off. Pleeze focus on yourself and not a guy you casually dated for four months who wasn’t even a bf!!! Don’t make us type 6 more pages!
Why are you so fixated on the amount of pages this is? Is there a thread limit I am not aware of? Are you being charged a fee for your responses? You don’t have to respond if it bothers you so much.
What have I done to you? Why are you being so mean to me?
L – ease up there sister. 4 months is 4 months
Deena, I just had a similar experience with a recently divorced man. Hard to get your head around the why why why. And it is very easy to feel like nothing was real. You need to focus on: I was successful because I tried, next time I will listen to my gut and not engage with men with red flags, and describe what you actually did well, and sooty yourself. Imagine yourself as a baby or teenager and tell her ” I love myself unconditionally even when I make a mistake or I am rejected. “. Also check out baggage reclaim or post male syndrome. Both great blogs on self esteem
There really is no point. This really seems to be bothering you. I almost always give a week. If it’s been a week with nothing, I’ll send the text to have my own closure. That’s the point. You take your power back, unless you are worried that he won’t come back if you do. Then that’s something you will have to work on. It can be your decision that disappearing fir a week is not acceptable to you.
Come on Deena, enough of this. Everyone has been giving you wonderful advice. Even L, as unconventional as she is. She is not attacking you, but you need some tough love and yes the truth hurts but you need to hear it. Call a friend or family member to hang out, or take yourself out to the movies or dinner…anything! It’s better than obsessing over this guy.
To be honest, no one that has genuine intent is too busy for someone they are truly interested in. And, too much texting with someone you don’t already have an established friendship, etc. with can be a problem. I see so many people chasing their tail in too many situations that involve a lot of endless texting as the main point of communication when they are not face to face.
The vacation may possibly include someone else or he preoccupied on whomever else he is pursuing. I would not put all of my attention in him and I’d shy away from being so responsive to him. Texting is like bait to many of those that use it as a main point of communication and you can never really get to know someone that way.
Can I say that while I don’t have much of a life, beyond dealing with a husband, bf and bisexual gf, in all the time you are mourning to loss of nothing, you could have met the man of your dreams?
no, you should not feel bad. Maybe he made vacation plans last minute to help hm relax.
Deena..sorry you’re feeling bad.
I wouldnt send him a text. He should be wondering what you’re up to. You could always jot down you’re thoughts on paper and then not send it to him. May get your thoughts off your chest.
Honestly, if you dont reach out, I highly suspect he will text you (even just out of curiosity)…I would then tell him you’re no longer interested..best of luck!
Thanks, B. I have had a tough few days but the tears are not as frequent now.
I am not going to reach out. I have written a lot here and on paper and it does help.
I would like to think that he may someday wonder where I am. But right now, I don’t think I am even a faint blip on his radar.
Elena, you wrote: “Casual or not, after 4 months, what is wrong with sending a text…”
nothing wrong with sending a text…. but there is everything wrong sending multiple texts without a response… at some point you have to take a hint
Deena, if you feel week, just come here and write texts, letters, whatevers to us! just dont sent it to him!
it will pass
Then I would truly ask yourself, why would you ever ever wanna be with someone who has so little regard for you? It’s not good enough. Like others have said and you have acknowledged….take to build up your self esteem. Work on yourself. He is not the key. Once you build up your confidence and work through any issues, a whole other world will open up.
I read this thread and can’t help to reply.
She already feels bad.
His attitude already hurt her self esteen.
He is 1 person in the world.
If she wants to send 1 last message, what’s the problem? If she needs that to move on what is the big deal about what 1 person in the world thinks?
I can’t understand people disapearing that way, it is just mean. Obviously a guy who behave that way is not the right guy, but if she feels like telling him whatever she wants to say one last time, I would say who cares what he thinks…
– L , I read a few of your posts, and I can’t help but asking your age. I don’t know if you are the person in your picture, but if you are , you are just a teenager who can’t have much love experience by a matter of age, and you are way too harsh sometimes.
And Deena you will feel better eventually. Keep that in mind. Good luck.
I more than likely have way more experience than you or deena. Rejection is a part of life. Work, people, a first class seat on delta airlines. This wasn’t a five year marriage. It wasn’t even a bf. Proportional grief is the trick. And putting yourself down for 6 pages about how useless you are and basing your value on a 5 month fling is not going to get you very far in life when the really big problems happen.