Ask a Guy: Initiating Contact Without Creeping Him Out post image

Ask a Guy: Initiating Contact Without Creeping Him Out

So I know this guy in a band and we hit it off really well. I’ve only seen him twice and that was when he was on tour twice but we ended up talking forever. He’ remembered me both times and if you know guys in bands, you know they see so many chicks from touring all over America so its kind of hard to remember faces.

I just saw him three days ago and he was being pretty flirty and saying things like “what’s the oldest you have ever dated?” and “you have such a beautiful complexion.” (Btw, we’re only 5 years apart.) I wanted to text him in a couple months when he’s back home and off tour and ask him how he’s been and how the band is.

But there’s a twist- he never gave me his number. I got it from my brother because they’ve talked before. Do you think it would be weird or bad if I texted him? And do you think he’d be mad or happy to hear from me? I really need a guys opinion and point of view on this.

See our guy’s response after the jump!

I can tell that he was flirty with you, but I can’t tell if he likes you or not based on what you’re describing. Being flirty might just be his way of being social or he might be into you.

He might have been interested though and if you’re into him, no reason not to give him a shot.

Now you say that he never gave you his number. Again, I don’t know enough about the setup of your conversation, so I can’t comment on whether this was because he didn’t want things to go anywhere with you or if it just didn’t happen organically.

Cases where a guy wouldn’t exchange numbers with you/get your number:

  • He’s not attracted to you enough to see you as an option.
  • He has a girlfriend.
  • He’s a diva and expects you to throw your number at him.
  • He believes you’d be more trouble than you’re worth (high maintenance, clingy, crazy, etc.)
  • He doesn’t see you as a “challenge”.

Still, at this point you really don’t know whether or not he likes you. You like him, so you might as well assume that he does too –  if you can maintain the assumption that he’s into you, you’ll come across as confident and confidence can make all the difference in many cases.

You said that you could get his number from your brother, but you were worried that texting him would creep him out.  Generally speaking, getting “creeped out” is a girl-emotion. If he really wasn’t into you and you ended up texting him, it would stroke his ego and while he might just ignore the text, he wouldn’t be ‘”creeped out.”  When it comes to girls, guys aren’t as likely to see a girl as “desperate” for initiating contact – but we definitely would see it as a sign of interest on her part.

He would know that you were into him if you texted him, but there’s nothing wrong with that – he’s already met you, he’s either going to be into connecting more with you or not.  At least by trying you’ll know.

There have been times where girls have reached out to me after getting my contact info from a friend.  If I was into the girl, I would connect with her and it would be all good. If I wasn’t into the girl, I wouldn’t invest much effort.  I never thought the girl was creepy or anything . In fact, in most cases I liked the girl as a person and felt bad that she chose to like me as more than that.  Sometimes it was just a matter of bad timing and my “rejection” had nothing to do with the girl at all.

Anyway, there nothing wrong with taking a shot if you really don’t think you’re going to see him in person again.  The worst that can happen is nothing happens.

Hope that helps.

– eric charles

Written by Eric Charles

I'm Eric Charles, the co-founder and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing articles to help people free themselves from suffering and have clarity in their love life. I have a degree in Psychology and I've dedicated the last 20 years of my life to learning everything I can about human psychology and sharing what gets people out of struggling with life and into having the life they really want. If you want to contact me, feel free to reach out on Facebook or Twitter.

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I like this guy, but he’s popular.
We smile and say hey to each other in the hallways,
and one day we had a free period, and i went to the treadmills. And he was there beside me running,
we complimented each other and flirted and such, after working out he later came up to me, with my friends nearby. Then asked if i could workout with him again.
i nodded and said yes.
we see each other outside of school, but that’s only when he visits, he brings it up often and looks me dead in the eye when we talk.
(My friend had a football game but his team was playing against my friends team but he didnt show) My sister who was the one to drive me said we should go get some food, andhe was working.
(Was it creepy that i went to my friends football game then to get food?)
idk cause he is really excited about hanging out and stuff… is he interested or what?

Reply May 13, 2015, 11:23 pm


Hi, I am hopping that someone can help me here. I am immigrant and have a little experience dating in US. I broke off my engagement 9 months ago, I dated one guy after which didn’t work for me. Now i started dating a guy who is 13 years older than me ,he works on the same building as me. from the beginning he wasn’t that much into texting but he did here and there. from the beginning since we kind of knew each other we started dating hot. i slept with him on a 3rd date. i felt things changed . if i text him he will arrange to meet me. he canceled once cause he was sick we went on forth date. but there are days that he doesn’t initiate any text. also he hasn’t committed a weekend yet! he told me that since nothing is serious he likes to keep his options open. I have some options myself but none them are my type. i want to spend more time with him and see if that goes anywhere. should I wait till he asks me out or should I initiate asking him out and see his reaction?

Reply January 13, 2015, 6:01 pm


I met this guy and we hit it off pretty well now we haven’t officially met but we have been getting to know each other via photos and texts because I have a few things I need to sort out but he has told me he feels a spark between us and I’m worth the wait but when I text him he takes ages to text back whats up with that ?

Reply September 13, 2014, 2:49 pm

Dont do it!

Don’t text him first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If he was interested he would’ve exchanged numbers the first day you met. Getting in touch will make you look desperate because now you’re the more interested party. He’ll know that he can end the relationship at any moment once it begins because he didn’t really want you that much in the first place. Don’t pursue him that’s his job.

Reply July 2, 2014, 1:59 pm

S Johnson

I have a guy that is 31 and I am 40. This guy approached me via text saying how he thought I was beautiful, and he was interested in me. My original thought and I told him, he was way too young. I told him that he was not ready for the things that I am ready for. I told him we could still be friends. This guy is around my family a lot, so we see each other quite frequently. He said that age didn’t matter and that when you man, you know how to stand. Well, we continued to text and talk. One day we were at a bar with a bunch of my family, and he bought me some shots. We spent time together at my house just talking and getting to know more about each other. Well, needless to say, I was starting to like him. We started spending more time together, but sometimes when we were supposed to get together, he wouldn’t show up. But, when I brought to him, he would always apologize and say how he was going to do better. He would do better for about three or four days, and then he would start slacking off again. We had a conversation about it, and he said that I don’t ever reach out to him. He said he always has to do the initial contact. But, I am not the type of woman that likes to sweat a man, either he is interested in me or not. So one day he ended up coming over to give me a massage and one thing led to another and we had sex. Everything was cool because I did not want a relationship with this guy. But, I want the attention, and he just doesn’t give me enough. We have had sex a few times, but now it seems like he is losing interest, and that never happens to me. I am used to the guys I have sex with knocking my door down trying to get more. He says that he loves having sex with me, but now he seems very distant. I know that I said we could never be in a relationship, so do you think he may be protecting himself?

Reply May 19, 2014, 8:26 am


theres a guy im in love with i made all the mistakes i finally gave up trying to contact him its been 4 months im still so emotional and i cry every day i desperatly want him back but know i cant contact him i owe him more concideration than than he deserves to be left alone i know than but i cant stop loving him ive improved myself but i can not seem to get over him and move on ,,im at such a loss how can i love someone so much when they dont care at all im so tired of the pain just want to not hurt anymore . been going out meeting new ppl keeping busy nothing works its been 4 months when will it stop hurting

Reply August 11, 2013, 6:33 pm

Scarlet rose

help! theres this guy i have liked for ages at school and we have always got on really well and were always flirting..
i kind of think he likes me too, but we have always been with different people, just finished school and i was worried i would never see him again so i got his number off a friend, and we started texting alot, but i was always first to start the conversation, but it didn’t bother me, now i have texted him twice, over the space of a week and he hasnt replied i was to contact him so bad, but i don’t want to be the annoying one what shall i do?

Reply August 24, 2011, 10:48 am

Shine Jones

Umm I was wondering about my whole relationship thing. There was a guy who talked to me a lot during in class and his body language towards me was good but it seemed like he liked my friend more than me??? Anyways he wasn’t as into her towards the end and he asked me a few times if i wanted a ride home and i said no cause i was shy and nervous but he would argue with me about the last five ore so times i would go with him… and we would talk and laugh. Then all of a sudden he just stopped asking me but he wasn’t showing signs he was interested in someone else at all. He would drive by me even in the worst weather. SO i decided to distance myself from him and he started looking at me all the time and stuff and he would stand kind of close..and then he asked me again the other night if i wanted a ride for the first time in a long time and i said ohh i’m alright thank you though. and then i smiled and waved. He drove off super fast so i was wondering..did i make him mad and did i totally screw it up and how can i get him to ask me again so that i can say yes this time???

Reply January 11, 2011, 2:22 am

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