Ask A Guy: When a Guy Gives Mixed Messages post image

Ask A Guy: When a Guy Gives Mixed Messages

There’s this guy I met online, through a dating website. We have seen each other 3 times and based on his body language, he seems to be interested. He also suggests future dates.

The problem is, he never says when and he hardly calls me or initiates contact in between dates. What’s going on? Does he even like me or is remotely interested. Maybe he’s treating me as his friend and is playing the field? I do know for a fact that he likes to take it slow, is that it? Please HELP!!!

Read our guy’s response after the jump!

(Note: This Ask a Guy was more of a dialogue – it went on for several e-mails and over a couple of months.  As a result, I didn’t post it until now.  Enjoy.)

eric charles:

My bet is that your intuition/instinct is right that he does like you. What I bet is happening is that he wants you to reach out to him, initiate contact, etc. because it makes him feel good and secure that you like him. He could be really busy or just a little insecure and may want some reassurance.

If you like him, I would say reach out to him a bit but don’t pressure him to commit or talk about his feelings toward you at this point. Just try to show that you like him without bending over backwards or selling yourself out. If he likes you, he’ll start to show more initiation. If he doesn’t, well then maybe he’s not that into you.

Either way, doesn’t hurt to give him a little reassurance and see where it goes.

Reader question (cont’d):

What is your stance on dating websites? My friend is having some trouble with the guy she’s been interacting with online and her depressing story just makes me very upset. She manages to put me into a depressing mood as well because I feel like internet dating is such a taboo that it’s too good to be true if I do find someone.

Remember the guy I was telling you about, well it seems more obvious now that he likes me, but he really is taking things too slow, no kissing or holding hands as of yet, and we’ve been on four dates already. AND! We really don’t talk much other than when we meet up, like no MSN, no phone calls, just texts here and there. I know he’s super busy, because he just got promoted, but if he’s that busy and if he takes his job as his top priority, I can’t imagine what kind of a boyfriend he’ll make.

Should I just drop him or should I keep waiting? Or maybe he’s dating other girls and shopping around? And really, do you believe something good can come out of internet dating?

eric charles:

I believe that you can have a successful relationship with someone you met online. In fact, I know many people who are in relationships with people they met online.

But you have to remember that when you meet someone online and then meet them in real life, you’re really only meeting them for the first time when you meet in real life. Sure, you may have read his profile, exchanged some pithy e-mails, chatted with him online, but the real life meeting is the real meeting because that’s when you see the whole picture.

To cut to the point, if this is how he’s acting in the beginning of the relationship, then this is most likely where the relationship is headed. The reason doesn’t really matter – if it’s not how you want it to be now, it’s a waste of time to wait around for his personality and behavior to miraculously change.

I think there’s a lot to be said for choosing a person that very closely fits what you’re looking for. If you don’t want a guy who’s acting like that… bad match! Choose another… this is the beginning stage of getting to know someone – this is where you need to make your decision as to whether or not they are a good fit for your life. If  not, keep looking. It’s a mistake to think you can meet a guy and change him into something else… I don’t recommend it.

Reader question (cont’d):

So last night I asked online guy if he was free to do something today and he told me that he is going to be super busy for the rest of the month and possibly for the next month. I didn’t know if this was his way of rejecting me so I decided to text him to try and get a straightforward answer.

I basically said I do like you a lot, but I don’t know how you feel about me, I am willing to wait until you’re less busy, but I need to know what you think about me so I’ll know what to do. Two months of not seeing each other after 4 dates is a bit wishy washy and I just need to know how he feels about me, because I honestly don’t know. What’s your take on this?

eric charles:

Yeah, I hate to break it to you, but that’s him basically cutting it off. I’ve seen both girls and guys do it… Pretty much he doesn’t want to hurt you, but he does not want to pursue it any further… It could be for any number of reasons and it is most likely that he is just not in the place in his life that he can give you what you deserve. My bet is that it really has everything to do with where he is in his life, not with anything you did or anything like that.

I am basing this on the fact that he basically said that he’s not going to be available for a long period of time and did not give any type of reassurance that after that period of time you would be together or something along those lines.

He doesn’t sound like a bad guy, but I would say you should make the decision to keep looking and let this one go. Hate to give news that you might not necessarily like, but that’s my take on this situation.

Reader question (cont’d)

He called two nights and said he wants to keep seeing me, so we’re gonna go out in June or so.

eric charles:

Well, that’s more promising then…

If he’s the one prividing a definite time or time frame then things look more promising. Based on that information, I would say that it’s not a lost cause. Hopefully he’ll continue moving in this direction and will be more clear about when he can see you rather than leaving it open-ended. In the meantime, don’t sweat it.

Good luck. :)


I followed up a couple months later on this one to see how it panned out.  The guy never called.

– eric charles

Written by Eric Charles

I'm Eric Charles, the co-founder and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing articles to help people free themselves from suffering and have clarity in their love life. I have a degree in Psychology and I've dedicated the last 20 years of my life to learning everything I can about human psychology and sharing what gets people out of struggling with life and into having the life they really want. If you want to contact me, feel free to reach out on Facebook or Twitter.

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I’m in a committed relationship. We’ve only been seeing eachother a month, but decided we wanted to be exclusive. Now, I’ve seen him every weekend since the beginning, and he never had trouble initiating dates. However, he hasn’t mentioned seeing me this weekend. He did mention going out with family saturday. I hinted at doing something, not this weekend, but something. He hasn’t suggested hanging. Should I initiate?

Reply April 7, 2017, 8:40 am


Hi Eric,

I would like to ask for your input on something. I started talking to this guy last Tuesday through an online dating app. He was the one who initiated contact and asked me out to learn more about me. After texting back and forth within that day, I decided to meet up with him that Friday. From the time that we first spoke up to our first date, I had to initiate contact. Our first date went well, we were literally talking for almost 3 hours and decided to meet up for our second date next Saturday. He texted that night saying that he had a great time and so did I. Since our first date night, he hasn’t text me. I’m unsure of what happened. I don’t really want to have to be the one initiating contact all the time. I understand that he has a busy schedule, but if he is interested in me, he would save some time to text me and asked how I’m doing right? Please advise!

Reply April 3, 2017, 2:10 am


Hi Eric

Please give me clarity.. so I met a guy through Fb, he initiated chatting, nd he only had fb messenger and not whatsapp, I was more of a whatsapp person anyway we chatted nd we would have long hours of chatting and video calling. Then he initiated let’s meet nd I was okay sure when then he said the tomro asap.. and I was whooa wait til weekend. Okay we then met it was amazing we had a great day however it ended horribly as he was teased by his friends to kiss me nd stuff nd it made it very awkward for both of us anyway that evening I told him I’m not looking for a relationship at this present time just friendship as il be leaving for 6months in couple weeks time. He then claimed to say he feels the same just friendship is fine. Next day so sweet of him he downloads whatsapp nd then all his friends now wants to know who is this new girl in his life because his friends has been begging him to download whatsapp for years nd all of a sudden now he downloads it. I thought to myself okay maybe he actually has a liking in me..(Not that I didn’t I just was to scared because of the fact that il be leaving soon) anyway his friends then all add me on social media I get interrogated by all his friends and his siblings.. I handled it not so well I told him I felt bombarded nd pressured nd I didn’t like it but I will try to handle it..he felt very embarrassed and I assured him it’s Okay. Then we met couple times after that but his friends kept fishing out information out of me ..that I hardly spent time with him cause his friends were all over me and I thought to myself like why didn’t he just save me nd pull me away from his friends or why can’t we just meet without his friends present. Anyway then we had one day where we were just the two of us it was an amazing day had a great was very friendly he didn’t force anything upon me and that day I could feel that I am officially having romantic feelings for him. Then we chatted as normal but then he went away with His guy friends for a weekend nd he switched his phone off however his friends kept contacting me so I chatted back.. nd when he came back from camp he just decided to block me from all social media. No reasoning. I then asked his best friend what happened, his best friend said that he didn’t appreciate me chatting to his friends which totally confused me, because I never initiated conversation with his friends but his friends did and the only thing I did with his friends is fish out information about him never at all did I flirt with any of his friends. Anyhow I’m so sad right now because just when I started developing something he goes and blocks me without any reason. I so want to phone him text him to ask what’s wrong but I am scared I might come across needy.. I don’t know what to do.. Do I walk away and forget nd enjoy my 6months on sea or Do I contact him? What exactly did I do wrong, was I to friendly with his friends not that I was aware of because I didn’t at first want to chat to his friends but he insisted, so I did. Worse part is now that he has blocked me a couple of his friends is flirting with me and it made me so angry that I blocked them, because well they clearly not good friends of his at all. Also he has never said he like me but he always initiated to meet up.

Reply March 24, 2017, 6:57 pm


I met a guy on a dating website and we were texting back n forth for about a week. We talked about everything. He was calling me babe, boo and hun and sending me XO. We had a date planned to meet in person then before our date his cousin died. Now he doesn’t text back and I want to be there for him but I don’t know if he is even interested in me now. It’s so confusing. Do I keep texting him to check on him or wait for him to text me back. Or should I just completely move on.

Reply February 21, 2017, 5:15 pm


Eric, I met this guy through my class. We didn’t really start talking until the second semester when we had to start working with each other. We did some chit chat and we started talking a little bit more. When I went to this choir performance I was dressed up in a dress and heels. I didn’t expect to see anyone I knew there. I had a presentation early on in the day and I did not want to change out of my clothes. When it was time for a break I saw him and when he looked at me his eyes went wide and looked me up and down. He came up to me and gave me a hug. This was the first time he ever gave me one. He usually goes for a fist bump. We talked for a little and then he had to go back to the show. The next day at school he tries to give me a fist bump but instead I have him a hug. ( I hope that wasn’t to forward) One time he said that every time I look at you I think you can be in a movie. I asked if that was good he said yea. I figured he was kind of flirting with me. Except he only talks to me in class. We were doing music together and he starts talking to me and he says you can sit closer and so I did. The talk was casual. When I feel like we are getting a little closer something goes on and confuses me. When I said hi to him when were going to our 6th period class he says hey but then starts talking to my friend. I was the one who had to say bye. He does that sometime he talks to my friend and kind of leaves me hanging. The next class he ask why my friend didn’t say hi to him. He heard me say to her “Don’t worry he doesn’t bite” We start talking before class starts and everything is doing good. We were about to leave and this was the last day of school so I though I be bold. I asked him to come over here and we talked. He gave me a hug and then another one. He says just because we aren’t in the same class anymore doesn’t mean we can’t still talk. I agreed and I gave him my number. You see he is an upperclassman and he is going to be graduating soon. The new school year starts and we bump into each other. I say hi and he hugs me and he says “long time no see” I was like in my head (Are you kidding me!) I din’t know if I should ask why he did not call me. The number I gave him was for calling and not to text. I put that in my contact info. I don’t know if I should ask him. Want I really want to ask you is What is going on in his head and what should I do next? Please I am going insane of not knowing what to do.

Reply August 28, 2016, 7:17 pm


Hi so there this guy we are friends but I have been crushing on him since we met. At first when he came from work we used to talk a lot he used to hug me we eat together. But lately I noticed that he always asks me for everything not that it’s bad but it’s making me feel like am being used.
I want to tell him I like him but I just don’t no how. He always goes out and never invites me though he will text me asking for food.
I am 21 his 25 am really confused what should I do because I really want to get rid of the way I feel. I sometimes day dream about and when we talk he sometimes treats me as a buddy most especially infront of his friends
Please any advise will be highly appreciated as I am confused thank you

Reply August 16, 2016, 4:11 pm


hi erik i hve question coz it makes me confused…i dated a guy for 5 mos. he said he likes me and then i said not obvious im just wondering to his reply that he wants to know more about me and get close but the thing is he doesnt ask anything about me and he just only texting me good morning without asking if im ok or what so ever. i always see him online in whatsapp but he’s not sending me message.. very annoying right???hope you can help me..thanks☺

Reply June 25, 2016, 6:53 am


Hi, I am a 52 year old woman, trying to build a relationship with a 53 year old widower. He keeps giving me mixed messages. It seems every few days we have a miss understanding. For which I end up apologizing for. You would think we are to old for this. I love him, he says he loves me. But he gets angry easily and I find myself trying to be careful what I say and how I say it. Even though I love him I am not in love with some of the things he says and does. I know no one is perfect, but I am beginning to feel like nothing I do or offer is good enough. I will admithat I have a tendency to over compensate with gifts and special home cooked meals. I even put up with not getting as well as I get when it comes to love making. Sometimes I feel like I’m just not enough for him. Just this evening we had a miss understanding and I said that I wanted to be by his side I told him I love you and he said thanks for downing me.Something is wrong with this situation but I cant tell what it is. Can you help a confused woman out?

Reply September 29, 2015, 11:35 pm


Eric I need really need to know if the the guy I like does like me, or am I in denial cuz this gut is giving me mixed signals. I met him two years ago in class and we sat together the I friended him on Facebook. I saw in the mutual list that my step cousins and aunt and uncle we’re I asked him and he said that they we’re his cousins, so basically my aunt is married to his uncle. When I spent an entire day with him at my aunt’s house I developed feelings for him. I later saw a pic of him when we we’re like 12 I then realised it was the same guy I looked before. I told himbi liked him and he said that he knew and that it’s not like it matters. But then he starts texting me, staring outside of class, hugging me or yet holding me. And even my friend tell me oh hey he’s staring at you again. My cousin asked me if I’ve ever been kissed and I said no and the guy Gabriel just sat there staring at me. I don’t get him, he said he doesn’t like me that way but acts as he does.or am I just seeing things that I want becuz. I’m in denial??? ????

Reply September 18, 2015, 8:52 pm


Hi Eric, I’ve been dating a guy for over 8 months. He tells me we’re in a relationship but I haven’t met any of his friends. I also know he still pays a monthly fee to keep his dating profile active. I’m not sure where I stand with him. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Reply August 1, 2015, 12:05 am


Hi Eric & Sabrina,
I am seeing this guy for almost 3 months now. He is divorced and we’ve know each other for a very long time. We are more than just lovers but we are also good friends. We spoke about a lot of things before we started our relationship and I now see that we heading a different direction. He just disappears and resurface again. I do not call him when he does this and he will come back again. I have been watching him because I told him from the beginning things that I won’t tolerate. I recently told him that we must end this and he says that he does not want to end things. He will stand and knock in my door for hours and sometimes cry but I really do not want him , do you think that I should get an interdict for him. He is a very confused person and I really do not want to drag into his drama.

Reply June 8, 2015, 4:41 am


So I’ve been dating a guy for about a year he says he wants to be friends, we had a few arguments the last one he said to never call him again, he blocked me but then two months later he calls i went out with him and things went great now hes acting the same again is he or is he not into me? Im confused maybe i should move on but i really like him, any advise how to get him to change his ways

Reply April 12, 2015, 10:32 pm


Hi ya so I found this guy on facebook and y. . a I don’t know much about him him but then I confessed my feelings to him and he was all chilled withme and everyday when he used to text me he used to show signs that he likes me so after a week he also confessed his feelings to me and we got into a relationship the first two days were amazing and then later he got very busy he never used to text me as days passed he even stop telling good night etc he just used to read my mags and not reply today v complete our first week and not yet met or spoken to each other I really love him but I don’t know if he does I am really pissed that he doesn’t have time to even wish me and tell me I love u everyday I don’t know what I should do should I tell him that it hurts me when he never texts me? Or what should I do to know that he is really in love with me? Plzzz help … I really want to know what he feels about me.. My exams just started so I think he is not texting but even before that till I texted he never did and he only used to reply for my mags after really long what do I do

Reply February 21, 2015, 11:36 am


I was seeing a guy for a few months and initially everything was amazing: sweet texts, lots of flirting and sex and affection and seemed only interested in me. He started a new job and admitted that he couldn’t think about a relationship because of it (that it wasn’t me, but his job). Not taking it personally, I respected and accepted this but admittedly I hoped that eventually we would grow into something more when he was settled. I gave him loads of space, avoided putting any pressure on him and just enjoyed us for what we were. Eventually though the sweet side of him started to disappear, he became distant, i started getting that feeling in my gut that he was imploring other girls, he involved himself in serious drug taking and partying most weekends and although his friends knew about us as I met them several times he didn’t want to ‘us’ to be public knowledge. He said that we weren’t ‘anything’ and that’s when it ended. I’m left feeling absolutely humiliated. I have so many questions left unanswered, but the main was is what was I to him? Just meaningless sex? Was he embarrassed about people knowing about me? Was his job just an excuse and in actual fact it was me that was the issue? I can’t stop thinking about it all. I’m now left wondering if by telling him I liked him, treating him to meals etc, and being affectionate did I come across as clingy and push him away?

Reply February 1, 2015, 12:47 pm

Narjes Kazerooni

hey eric, I’ve known a guy for 8 months now and he admits he likes me a lot (after i told him that i liked him) and we do hang out a few times out with groups. However he doesn’t take a step further in asking me to be his girlfriend. we text almost everyday but when i call he never answers, i have to always text him to call me or wait till he is online for him to answer. when i want to hang out, he is more than willing to come. he never looks me directly in the eye (only once) and asks his friend to give me a flower and says its from him. He has met my family on Halloween and spent the night with me and my siblings. his cousin who is also a friend of mine says that he is shy and I’m the first girl he ever really talked to, and that he always refused to even hang out with girls. is he a shy guy? or is he just not interested? or maybe not interested enough to ask me to be his girlfriend and still wants to keep his options open… if he is interested in me, how do i get him to ask me to be in a relationship with him, or even just call me? cuz it seems like I’m the one always asking if he wants to hang out..etc but he is the one who mostly wants and initiates the text conversation almost every day. PLEASE HELP!!!

Reply January 19, 2015, 11:55 am


One week ago a man I grew up with came into my country for vacation. I had a crush on him during my teenage years but he had a girlfriend so I did my best to get over. He had no clue. He became good friends with my dad even though he is much younger than him. Anyhow two years ago he messaged and confessed that he loved me years ago but was afraid to tell me cause I had high standards. We kept in contact as friends since he was married. His marriage ended early last year. We didnt speak in months until last week when he visited me. He said he wanted a chance and since Im single I agreed. He said he wanted to marry me at the end of this year. He asked my parents for their blessings and they agreed. We went on a few dates and everything seemed fine. The day after new years he was suppose to pick me up after work but never showed up. I called but no answer. The next morning I got a text saying “Sorry hon. Im not well. My belly hurting just woke” I called later that day but no response. I saw a missed call from him a few hours later and when I called back no response. We already had plans to go out the following day but he was a no show. I called but no answer. He is leaving the country today and still no word. I went to the house where he was staying but he wasnt home even though he said he wasnt well. Im crushed and embarrassed. I cant face my parents. My gut is telling me that another woman is involved cause he is good looking and every where we went women were chasing him. He did seem serious aboit me. He didnt even ask for sex. We did plan to live in the same country after marriage. Finally he answered me today but was brief. I messaged him again tonight and asked him if he wanted to try or not and no response. The next day he messaged I miss you and I really. He said yes. I tried asking again and no response. He still sends good morning text but nothing more. Im comfused.

Reply January 10, 2015, 8:55 pm

Nysha Marie Navarro

Not Sure where I can post a question – so here goes. coz I am on the same boat as her.

During the height of Tinder craze, I was swayed by my friend to download it on my phone and have a go at it. The funny thing is I am based in Middle East and having Tinder doesnt help at all. But one fine day I matched with a guy and we started talking. It went too fast actually and before you know it we had our first date. He is “fine” and I had an instant liking. We went on 4 consecutive dates(yep! went all the way on the 1st date). He was leaving for a 2 month holiday. On the day prior to him leaving he mentioned that he is not sure when he will see me again – coz he lives on a different city. He did say to keep in touch. So I let him go on his holiday and bid my time. Sent him a message after over a week to say hello – he never replied back. Told myself that he might be really busy with his holidays so thats fine. Sent him a follow up message 2 weeks after the 1st message – no reply. And finally on the week that he is expected due back I sent him a message, this time he replied to it. When he came back – he was not sending messages, I sent him a message checking in on him – replied with a one liner so I decided to drop it. Coz clearly he is not into me. Then lo and behold, he suddenly sends me messages asking if I will be in town or any plans of visiting to which i told him No. Then he was being cute about wanting to see me – I gave in. Coz I really like this guy. And after a fun weekend, I dont know what to expect anymore. Honestly, I am sure the best thing is not to expect coz clearly this is more of a hookup and such. But I really like him and I dont know what to do next. :/

Reply December 29, 2014, 7:47 am

Susan- Craiglist Roomie ?

Hi Eric and Sabrina,
Not really sure where to post a question, so here goes.

I was looking for a roomie and went and checked out this guys place. He had posted a room on craigslist. I went to look at it and meet him and he seemed normal. We decided to go surfing together to get a feel for each other so that I would be more comfortable moving in with a stranger. This was his idea because I was reticent about moving in with someone from Craiglslist. So we went had a great time and really got along. He was attractive and smart and we exchanged some sarcastic humor and lightly flirted. After that interaction I decided that since I was attracted to him it probably wasn’t a good idea to live with him. I sent him an email and just told him that I had decided that I decided not to live with a guy, that it was one thing if he was gay, or unattractive, but that I thought it would just be better for me to live with a girl. I apologized for bailing and told him he could keep the deposit I had put down to hold the room until I could move in. He replied saying that he had been having doubts about living with me as well because he found himself attracted to me after we went surfing. I joked back to him that it must have been my awkward surfing skills that attracted him and he responded with that it was when I accidentally caught a wave that sparked his interest. Blah blah blah.. Then he said that if my tennis game was any better than my surfing game than we should give that shot someday. I just responded back with , “Yep lets do it, if you don’t mind being beat by a girl of course :) Just give me a call when you want to go hit. ”

I have not gotten a call or an email back and I guess it is no big deal and my ego will get over it, but I just didn’t want to get involved with in-depth texting or emailing back and forth. What are either of your thoughts on this? Was he just “shooting the shit” with me so to speak and didn’t actually want to play tennis?

Reply October 13, 2014, 3:09 pm


iv a comment / questions and really could do with some HELP please !!!!,
i recently was on a night out their was a band playing it was a very posh do lots of security, one of the band members i thought was looking at me most of the night starring at me smiling now and then and id smile back well it was a seated show and dim lighting but it definatly looked to me he was starring at me i asked my friend to check in case i was imiganing it and she aggreed !.
afterwards he came down of the stage close to wear i was ans was standing their a while my friend kept telling me ot go over ot him but he was so handsome and i really liked him i was so shy incase id ruin the moment mess it up and say the wrong thing ! so i didnt next thing she went over and security told her to back of ! next thign we left and so did he afterwards i felt awful i missed a wounderful chance at a possibly wounderful guy, i found him online friended him he accepted and thanked him he said thanks for adding me ! and i felt then that it was the opening for a conversation possibly so i told him who i was and about that night he never answered !! ? so then i wrote back that i had worked in the same thing he did and that i messaged him because i wanted to not cos of his career, he replied thats very sweet !. then after he liked a pic of me
a few days went by and i really wanted to at least be friends with him more so than anything else , so i asked him how he was later id seen he saw the message but didnt reply and i felt awful maybe id said something wrong or was he just not interested cos im not the most beautiful person in the world but still i couldnt help think of that night so i left it until recently he posted a few messages online which i seen and decided to break the ice by commenitng on , he didnt answer me but he did rite a reply similar to what i had said to his post for example i said be happy for what you have your blessed and he wrote im very happy lately and know i am blessed the have all that i do….. and a lot of other things and i know its probably in my head but i kindof felt like he was answering me in a different way like he dosent want to get too close with me cos im a stranger and because of both our circumstances we live in different states, and personal things are different . i could be wrong and be blowing this totally out of proportion but i have an intuition that he could be the one from what i found out about him were a lot a like but im afraid he feels the same and is afraid in case people will judge him for being with a younger woman (hes well known ) not a celeb not that that matters at all to me
i do like him but i havent messaged him , if he posts something public i guess im intitled to respond … its public after all .. but id like him to at least open up to me a little all i wanted from the beginning was to be friends and see where if anywere it would lead ,,, but im afraid in case im barking up a dead tree here … but id still love if anyone would give me their adivce :(

Reply August 4, 2014, 8:57 pm


Hi, I also have a question and it’s super long, sorry:

I was friends with a guy last year at our summer intern job. He would invite me to lunch and we hung out and grabbed drinks with a mutual friend of ours. He took the time to send me links to things I thought were funny, or helpful to improve my photography skills; he told me I was cute on a few occasions, we had some semi-sexual innuendos in a lot of conversations, and he said we should hang out when we get back to school (we go to the same out of town university). Before we went back he said he was glad to meet me, that he thought I was a good person and wished we could have hung out more at the beginning of the summer. And when we got back to school we kept making plans at the beginning of September, and they all fell through – we both got busy, but he basically disappeared. He would text every now and again (maybe once a month) or send something via Facebook but that was about it. We got back this summer and he started acting buddy-buddy again; he got upset when I left work without him, he would send me things via email, and invited me out (again, we just never made the plans). It was different this year, though, in that he stopped inviting me to lunch. We sometimes would talk when we ran into each other in the break room, and the emails became far and few between. I got sufficiently confused about this “friendship” so I shot him an email asking what had happened and he seemed to be genuinely confused thinking that we were still of course friends. He tried to be in touch with me frequently over the next few days, but that stopped again. So, again, I shot him an email saying in detail why I thought we weren’t really friends – having been close to totally ignored for eight months, and we don’t hang out, etc – and he explained he was too busy during the year with school, preparing his thesis, and studying for important exams. He told me to talk to our friend about going to lunch one day because he doesn’t “arrange this shit these days”. Things were okay, we would act jokingly and such. And then I took a turn for the absolute worst. Since I had given up on us ever being an item LONG AGO, but I’m still attracted to him, I vaguely suggested via text that we have a casual relationship. He ignored it. Not long after I explained to him why I had been acting crazy: I had feelings for him last year, those feelings are unresolved considering my constant confusion about where I stand with him, he’s a great guy and I didn’t mean to hurt him in any way with things I may have said. He came back saying his feelings were in tact, he is indifferent to the whole situation, but that he’s had enough of it. He told me: “For future reference you should probably tell someone your feelings earlier rather than later instead of leading your self on. Instead you decide to all of a sudden have courage after you’ve shown how bat shit crazy you are lol…. If you want something aggressively go after it, ” if internet explorer is brave enough to ask you to be your default browser you’re totally brave enough to do tons of other shit”.” My friend’s mother does tarot cards and she told me that he has a broken heart and that I was the one the who did it when, last year, I mentioned there was a guy I had been interested – past tense – and, later when I thought he and I were going to be friends, asked for guy advice. Now my friend is convinced that I broke his heart again. He really does not seem to care to me.

I’m curious as to WHY his attitude changed so dramatically at the end of last summer. I’m not sure how to change any of this, if I can at all. It’s upsetting because we were close last year, and we bonded. Please help.

Reply July 15, 2014, 9:31 am


Hi, I’ve been dating a man for 4 months. Every time we are together it’s a nice time. A lot of chemistry. I’ve met his kids, he’s met mine. Recently we had a family day. All the kids (4) and the two of us. It was super fun in my opinion and everything I had wanted. Now he is acting strange. He Went an entire day without texting me and now seems to have pulled away. What should I do? I figure I should back off. But is he freaked out?

Reply July 2, 2014, 4:24 pm


Hi Eric, I felt in love with a man boy.

He is 30, aisan, comes from a good family and knows good manners. He works a high tech job. We started dating 3.5 months ago. We have similar family education and cultural backgrounds, personalities and wits. On top of that, we both are crazily attracted to each other’s looks and bodies. So we felt the “pull” right from the start.

But after the honeymoon phase of about 1 month, we kept running into problems. First, he found out he had commitment phobe. He went 2weeks no contact, then showed up again confessing he was scared and confused.

I took him back. But then he started showing his true self – a man boy. He acts like a kid sometimes and he plays victim when he doesn’t get things in his way with me. Sometimes he thinks I display attitude or ego (which I do, because I am insecure too.) We both had been hurt badly before so our approach to relationship are pessmistic.

He opens up his feelings several times when we talk. I find out he is super insecure. To cover his insecurity he becomes mean. He is always friendly and kind to others, but he kind of shows a different side to me. Being a very low profile person, I think he is for the first time letting someone like me who he knew for quite a short time enter into his world, becoz he thinks I see him through. But it seems he needs my reassurance quite often. So we often repeat this circle: He wants sth, I display attitude becoz I am insecure. He freaks out becoz he takes my attitude personal. Then we communicate and open up to each other and reassure each other.

I learnt from your dating advice that I need to be calm and not too emtional when it comes to men. So each time he got freaked out my attitude calmed him down. Then over time, I find that he is unconsciously copying my way of speaking or handling things. If I am calm, he is calm. If I am confident he is confident. If I am insecure and play games, he freaks out.

So now I feel we are very unsettled. Neither he nor I wanna break up. So we just cant leave each other. But, we don’t quite know what we want out of life and where this is heading to either. So, both of us are blowing hot and cold to the other person. I know he needs encouragement and he says he wants me to take charge. But I don’t want to and I am not good at it.. what should I do if I wanna try my best to make it work?

Sincerely thanks

Reply April 15, 2014, 3:33 am


He’s not sending mixed signals, you’re reading into what he is sending. He doesn’t want to date you. Period. Any man that wants to date doesn’t just suggest, he makes firm plans, and follows through. There’s nothing here but games. Move on.

Reply May 21, 2013, 1:03 pm


That guy just sounds like a nerd with no social skills. It’s so easy to drop someone online, he was just being a pansy about it. He should have just been honest. She gave him an out, and he was being a tool about it.

Reply March 1, 2012, 1:33 am


So me and this guy met about a month ago and started dating. And in two weeks we were obsessed with each other and were perfect, but then he told me that we
moved to fast and that i shouldnt be so clingy, so i backed off and he went back to his ex for like four days. And now hes wanting to hangout again and stuff but yet doesnt know
What he wants and says hes having mixed feelings. I like him alot alot alot. And i want him to find me irrisistible and to want me as his girlfriend what do i do!

Reply August 10, 2011, 11:16 am


I lived with a guy for a year and one day he decided he needed space and got his own apartment. I was crushed but he said he still wanted to see me just wanted his own place he said a place of our own because I had kids at home still. I got upset and told him if your gonna break our commitiment we have now how can I be with you. we didn’t talk for three months then started texting and talking a little. He asked me to dinner and told me he will always love me and everything seemed to be back to us. Until later I asked him can I stay with you tonight he told me no sorry baby. So we still are talking daily but not like we used to he doesnt respond often, but gets upset if I don’t answer when he calls. I asked him if he was seeing anyone else he said yes. nothing more to that conversation but he calls at least once a day or sends a text. He knows I love him and I feel like he’s keeping me on the back burner!

Help Advice.. I’m torn what to do.

Reply May 11, 2011, 12:02 pm

Smart Payment Plan

Conversely, being too busy can be a turn off to men too. i’ve had many guys tell me i didnt really need them and they went off and found an available, willing and able woman. So its good to be somewhere in the middle of needy and independent.

Reply October 19, 2010, 8:16 pm


Noo, don’t contact him, everything is so familiar to the word of ”game” here…look for the right one, not the player who knows what to do and what reactions will pick up from you, these ones are really so many, but to continue this dodgy road is useless for you into an end. The best thing is to not jump over the ones who want you to do so. Take care , all the best.

Reply July 18, 2010, 7:09 pm


What Kimberly went through sounds so familiar. Met this guy about 6 months ago. We knew each other in high school. Have had a long-distance relationship going on (which was perfect for me and I thought for him). Saw each other for an intense weekend after 1 month; then again for a great New Year’s weekend. Hours on the phone at night a few times a week — this seemingly amazing connection. He’s saying that we are boyfriend/girlfriend. He’s saying ‘People can tell when people are falling in love’. He and I both call New Year’s weekend perfect. Then return home after New Year’s — no phone calls from him, no response to text or emails. I call him a few times those first two weeks and the conversations are as great as ever – but it’s me doing all the calling. One night he asks what my friends think about me having a boyfriend. Then a few days later – I call and ask him what’s going on – are we on different pages? Since he hadn’t called once in the 2 weeks since New Year’s and since he wasn’t responding to texts/emails (and I’m not talking a million — I’m talking like 4 emails in two weeks and a few texts). He says “yes we are on different pages – you are more into me than i am into you”. And somewhere in his head he had the idea that I was calling him to tell him that I was going to quit my job, move to his town and move in with him. I was floored. I told him I was calling to talk about breaking up. He got a little huffy about women’s lib and why couldn’t i be doing the calling, etc.. Anyway – that was the last time we talked (a month ago). I kept hoping he would call but he hasn’t. I did write him a letter explaining my confusion and what I had been expecting out of the relationship (talking on the phone a few times a week and seeing each other every few weeks) – because there was no way I could call him after he said I was more into him than he was into me. I didn’t think the tone of the letter closed the door completely on my end (I ended it with “I do and will miss you”) — but anyway here it is a month later and I’m still struggling and even though my brain tells me he’s a jerk in a lot of ways – I still like the guy. (This is the first guy I’ve dated in 8 years — since my divorce from a 19 year marriage — which is part of my problem). Anyway – just not sure if he was playing me or if he just panicked. And now I’m going to the same town on a business trip in a few weeks and my heart says i should contact him but my head says NO WAY.

Reply February 14, 2010, 9:34 am

Sabrina Alexis

Oh let me clarify, in boy world, ‘needy’ has a whole different definition. For guys, something as innocent as “why didn’t you call me back” can be interpreted as needy. To illustrate my point, let me transcribe a convo I had with my brother the other day.

Brother: Ugh, my girlfriend is SO needy!
Me: Why?
Brother: Well I was at the library and she kept calling and calling but I was busy so I didn’t call her back until a few hours later. Then she got mad at me and said I should have texted her saying I was busy. She’s so crazy!
Me: That’s not crazy at all, it takes 2 seconds to text.
Brother: I was BUSY, she should have realized I was probably doing something.
Me: Well if you see that your girlfriend is calling you, the right thing to do is at least text saying you’re busy and will call her back.
Brother: That’s ridiculous! Why do I need to text her with an update on my life every 2 seconds?

You get the point!

Reply January 27, 2010, 8:40 am


Thanks Sabrina for the awesome advice! I definitely need to get over this guy, but whats crazy is that i dont think i was even acting needy! :( but o well… & thanks one again! yall are awesome!

Reply January 22, 2010, 8:09 pm

Sabrina Alexis

I definitely agree with Eric and Dee. To take is further, in the beginning stages of a relationship guys are very fragile and even the slightest indication of neediness can cause them to crumble and panic, i’ve been there more than a few times and never understood why it was happening until my guy friends broke it down for me. Anyway, that’s a little bit of info as to why he disappeared. A guy friend once told me that if you ever have to ask a guy “why didn’t you call me?” it’s a sign that the relationship is on the decline.

I have been in your situation SO many times and getting over it can be tough but trust me, another one will come along. There are so many guys out there, so just get back on that horse, meet people, date, have fun. Definitely do not dwell over this loser who didn’t appreciate you and ran away like a scared little girl when things started to get semi-serious. You will get over this, and then you’ll probably laugh about it and dish out advice to your gal pals when some jerk pulls the same move on them.

Hope this helps!

Reply January 21, 2010, 9:06 pm


Thanks Eric & Dee for your honest advice, i really appreciate it! Well its been a month & i never heard from that guy again.. i still feel pretty down and dissapointed, i cant understand why he would get my hopes and feeling up and just disappear…:( however, i have another question…any tips on how to let this go and move on and quit thinking about him??

Reply January 21, 2010, 12:41 pm

Eric Charles

Hey Kimberly,

I have to agree with Dee on this one… it sounds like he’s not into you anymore. A guy wouldn’t leave you hanging like that for that long if he cared. Hate to be so blunt about it but I would say you should drop him and move on.

Reply January 9, 2010, 6:51 pm


Hey girl i hate to be the bearer of bad news but it looks like the guy is just not that into you anymore. If a guy is really interested in you he will make time to text back no matter how busy he is. Don’t waste anymore time on this guy move on and find someone will appreciate how fabulous you are. I

Reply January 6, 2010, 3:29 am


Eric i have a question….. Iv known this guy for over 6 months, everything was great the first couple of months, we had many awesome dates, but about 2 months ago he has become very distant, he dosent call or text, and i have to initiate contact, and if i text him he hardly textes back. He said he has been pretty busy. 2 weeks ago i asked him via text if were gonna hang out again sometime and he never replied. I havent heard from him in over two weeks. Christmas came and i sent him a little merry christmas text and he never replied back. Im very confused, should i just drop him and move on? sometimes i feel like maybe he dosent want to talk to me but doesnt want to be straight forward and tell me. I really like him, but im getting tired of waiting. Is it also possible that he will come around later or that he will noticed im not texting him anymore? please help! i feel pretty down. :(

Reply January 5, 2010, 8:15 pm

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