10 Things Confident People Do Differently in Dating and Relationships post image

Healthy self-esteem is a prerequisite for healthy relationships. From my personal experiences, and my years spent writing about relationships, I’ve learned that poor self-esteem is the number one cause of unhealthy relationships, as well as the top relationship killer.

Self-esteem isn’t an essential need like food or water, but it’s a supplement that can either dramatically improve your life, or keep you stunted and unfulfilled. The fact is, you can only let in as much love from the outside as you feel on the inside. If you don’t feel good about yourself, you will never truly believe that someone else can love you and you will constantly be on the lookout for the other shoe to drop, for the guy you care about to leave, thus validating the fact that you are unworthy of love.

Poor self-worth is what traps us in bad relationships, what sabotages new relationships, and what causes us to feel so devastated and broken when a relationship ends.

Self-esteem doesn’t come from blowing kisses to your reflection in the mirror or repeating “I love myself” over and over. It takes time and it takes work and it isn’t always easy. Everyone’s path will be different, but no matter what, having a picture of what high self-esteem looks like, and how it can play out in relationships, is helpful and can help reveal the areas you may need to work on.

Having high self-esteem doesn’t guarantee a happy relationship, but it does equip you with the skills to identify what you want and realize you deserve to get it, and the strength to walk away if something falls short. Here are ten things people with high self-esteem do differently in their relationships:

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Exactly How to Be the Best Girlfriend He’s Ever Had post image

There is so much misinformation out there on what it takes to be a great girlfriend. It’s not about cooking his favorite food or wearing sexy lingerie or mastering some crazy sexual trick (not saying these things don’t help, but they don’t get to the heart of the matter!). Understanding how men think and what they need in a relationship makes an enormous difference in the way you are able to relate to one another.

The top prerequisite for being in a great relationship is to be your best self. A trap that many people in relationships fall into is blaming their partner when problems arise. Rather than seeing what they can do to make things better, they blame him for not being what they want and think that if only he did XYZ, then everything would be fine.

It doesn’t work that way, though. You can’t ever make someone what you want them to be. All you can do is bring your best. When you do this, the other person will usually rise up and match you at this level.

Here are six ways to be the most amazing girlfriend ever:

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Ask a Guy: Is There Any Chance this Guy Will Finally Commit? post image

I was dating this guy for a few months and things were great. He was fresh out of a relationship when we met and told me off the bat he wasn’t looking for anything serious. After three months, I got sick of this arrangement and called things off. A few days later, I asked if he wanted to hang out as friends. We had an amazing time and he ended up apologizing and asking to date me again.

Things were even better this time around. He opened up even more and talked to me about his issues and insecurities. Then he ended it again saying things were only going to get more serious and he couldn’t handle it.  After that we would hook up here and there but I wasn’t comfortable with the situation and said we should stop being friends with benefits and just be friends.

We still hang out here and there and text periodically. Every time we see each other we have an amazing time and I feel like we really connect. The problem is he tries to hook up with me when we hang out and I don’t want to do that unless we’re back together.

I was hoping that by staying friends he would be reminded of how well we click and was hoping he’d get over his issues. This plan doesn’t seem to be working, though. Part of me feels like he senses on some level that we’d be great together, but I also feel like if he was going to come back he would have done it by now. Will he ever come back and commit or am I wasting my time?

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What Men Want in a Woman: Top Five Things post image

What do men want in a woman? It may seem like a loaded question, but really the answer is quite simple.

While every guy has his own preferences when it comes to the physical–some like blondes, some like brunettes; some like petite, some like curvy–there are several fundamental qualities that all men crave in a woman.

The media might lead you to believe that getting a man is all about the physical: what you wear, how you do your makeup, the right push-up bra, the right scent. These things will certainly help you attract a man, but will do little to keep him interested and invested.

This is what it takes to be a man’s ultimate dream girl:

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3 Reasons You’re Still Single post image

Every single girl will at some point find herself asking this question: is there no one out there for me or am I the problem?

Being single is not a curse (in fact, there are some very lovely perks to living the single life), but it isn’t exactly something people aspire to. There are times when we need to be single–and it’s very admirable when you can acknowledge that and ignore the pressure to settle down–and then there are times when you realize that you are ready to meet that special someone and settle down…you just don’t know how to make it happen. Maybe the guys you date are duds. Maybe guys pull the disappearing act on you over and over. Maybe your relationships always implode.

To solve a problem, you need to correctly identify it. Here are the top three (most likely) reasons you are still single: [continue reading…]

Link Love post image

Link Love

How To Apply Makeup For A Perfectly Polished Date-Night Look – Your Tango

4 Scientific Reasons Why Summer Makes You Happy – Her Campus

Words of Wisdom: 10 Life Lessons From Marilyn Monroe – Betty Confidential

Help! My Husband Is Bored Of Sex [VIDEO] – Your Tango

6 Quick Fixes for Your Worst Beauty Emergencies – How About We

How to Leave Your Things At His Place (Without Freaking Him Out) post image

There’s nothing better than an evolving relationship and that point when you start spending more time at each other’s places.  And a lot of times, that involves the girl spending more time at her beau’s place, which always brings up the dreaded new relationship dilemma: leaving necessities at his place.

You’re not ready to move in, but you’re past the occasional sleep over and you start craving the simple things in life that you’ve become so accustomed to.  It’s now time to start leaving things at his place.

Here are 5 tips to help you do just that without freaking him out.

[continue reading…]

Are You Addicted to Approval? post image

Are You Addicted to Approval?

There is an epidemic that is reaching an all-time high. It’s called AA (Approval Addiction), and luckily, you can overcome in it less than 12 steps.

In this day and age, if you cook a nice dinner you take a pic and post in on Instagram; if you have a cool sense of style, you start a personal style blog; if you do a good deed, you post about it on Facebook. There is very little that’s kept private and personal and as a result, the vast majority of us have become addicted to approval.

I’m not saying I’m immune. I will admit that if I write what I consider to be a great article and it gets a lackluster response (or worse, no response at all!), I feel a little bummed. And if an article I wrote gets an extremely positive response, I’m ecstatic.

There’s nothing wrong with feeling happy when something you did gets praised. The problem emerges when you rely too heavily on the approval of others and not enough on how you feel about yourself. [continue reading…]

Link Love post image

Link Love

What it Takes to be a Great Girlfriend – YourTango

Why You Should Always Trust Your Gut – The Frisky

6 Health Problems You’re Ignoring (But Need to Get Checked Out) – Her Campus

Digital Turnoffs: 5 Ways to Blow It Over E-mail or Text – How About We

How Not to Flirt – The Frisky

7 Rules for Dealing With Difficult People post image

A few things are inevitable in life: death, taxes…. and dealing with difficult people. From work to friendships to romantic relationships, difficult interactions can hit us from all angles and can take a heavy toll on us.

A few days ago, I was doing some much needed reorganizing and I found this packet from a class I think I took many moons ago. I can’t remember who taught it, but the packet was filled with amazing and hilarious “rules” for dealing with difficult people.

Within these humorous insights are pearls of wisdom that can help you keep your cool during an argument or any other trying exchange.

I really wish I could give you the source, but no names were written on the sheet so all I have is the information. I couldn’t keep it all to myself though, so here are some amazing (and I’d even say life-changing) rules for dealing with difficult people:

[continue reading…]

Link Love post image

Link Love

7 Celebs Who Need To Break Up With Their Type – Your Tango

Your High School Self is Ruining Your Dating Life – How About We

The 5 Worst Makeup Mistakes (And How to Avoid Them) – Her Campus

16 Tips To Make Your Life Not Suck – The Frisky

5 Type Of Guys To Break Up With (And Who To Date Instead) – Your Tango

50 Fun Ways to Burn 100 Calories – FitBottomedGirls

5 Tips To Be a Better You This Year post image

A new year is upon us and with that, a time to turn over a new leaf and make some tweaks to ensure this year is better than the last.

New Year’s Resolutions are great and all, but they are usually superficial (lose weight, quit smoking, stop procrastinating, etc.) and don’t lead to lasting changes since it’s all over the first time you slip up. Getting what you really want out of life requires internal changes that in turn, change the way things work out in your life.

To help you get more happiness and satisfaction out of your life, I’ve rounded up five essential tips to help you be at your best.

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I have been dating this one guy for about two years now, off and on. When we first started dating, he chased after me and took me out to expensive dinners and such. In the beginning, I told him that I didn’t want a relationship and after that its all been downhill.

We do date other people but for some reason we always come back to each other and date off and on. He doesn’t call unless I call him first and then he starts the conversion about us hanging out and making plans. I haven’t talked about a relationship with him for a couple years now but I’m sick and tired of this off and on thing. We don’t break up or anything we just loose touch and then reconnect somehow.

His friends have made comments to my friends like “they are probably gonna end up together.” Does that seem like that he talks about me to his friends? What can I do to take this to another level? Should I just outright talk to the guy? I don’t want to scare him off. And if he says that he doesn’t know how he feels or ‘lets see where this goes,’ does that mean he isn’t interested? After two years a guy should know.. right?

Overall does it seem that the guy is interested in me?  Do you think it’s wrong to tell him that either something happens with us or that’s it and we need to go our separate ways?  I feel bad because I feel that I’m giving him an ultimatum.

Oh by the way, we haven’t slept together, so its not a booty call, I think!

See our guy’s response after the jump!

[continue reading…]

Ask a Guy (Dating Tips / Relationship Advice for Women): Frequently Asked Questions post image

Eric Charles here, author of the dating tips and relationship advice column, Ask a Guy, for A New Mode.

When I started writing Ask a Guy, I had no idea that it would take off like it has. I am grateful to have such loyal readers who contribute great questions to me.

But I have a confession to make: I don’t answer every question that comes into my inbox. I would love to be able to – I just don’t have the time.

I feel bad when I don’t respond. But on a positive note, I can offer the next best thing: A consolidated post all about answers to the most frequently asked dating tips and relationship problem advice questions that I see. We also just released a book based on the most frequently asked questions we receive: “He’s Not That Complicated: How to Crack a Man’s Romantic Code to Get the Relationship You Want.”

You would be amazed (or maybe you wouldn’t be) at how often I am asked if a guy likes them or not. Or what it means when he didn’t text back right away. Or why a guy was interested one minute, then lost interest seemingly for no reason.

So to help out everyone who I am not able to answer directly or immediately, I’ve written up a list of the most frequently asked questions and quick and simple answers (as well as links to full posts I’ve written on the subject.)

[continue reading…]

Ask a Guy: Is He A Commitment-phobe? post image

I’ve been separated over a year from my soon-to-be-ex-husband (only paperwork remains to make it official). I have been dating a man for 4 and 1/2 months, but he is slow to commit, saying that it is due to my impending divorce.

I do eventually want to get re-married and have children and I want to date people who are interested in those same things. How do I ask him if those are things he will someday want without scaring him into thinking I want those things with him now?

I want to know if marriage and children are on his radar (not necessarily with me) and he isn’t a perpetual bachelor or commitment-phobe.

[continue reading…]

Ask a Guy: Is Sex on a First Date a Relationship Killer? post image

I met a guy online.  After a few e-mails, we texted with each other.  His first text message was sexual and, being a flirty person, I responded back with some flirtatious banter.  By the time we met up there was no conversation, it was virtually straight to sex.

We continued meeting up and for the first 5 times I took it as just sex.  Not just sex, but really aggressive, dirty sex and sexual role-playing.  A turning point came where he started showing another side of himself.  A sweet, caring side.  He even cooked me dinner.

I can tell he lusts for me, but given the way this started out I don’t know that there’s a chance any relationship could come out of this.  I’m not a clingy/needy type of girl and I give him space, but if there were any possibility of this becoming something more I’d like to pursue it.

What are your thoughts on a relationship happening after sex on the first date?  Is sex on the first date a relationship killer?

[continue reading…]

Ask a Guy: Should I Get Involved With My Co-Worker? post image

I fell in love with a male co-worker.  We’ve known each other for over a year, we have deep conversations from time to time and we even kissed once last year.

He’s held back from seeing me in private. He says it’s because we’d end up having sex and he doesn’t want us getting into a “superficial sexual relationship” since he knows we’ll be working together for the next three years. and he doesn’t want to “invest” into a relationship with me.

I really like this guy and I’m contemplating if a sex-only relationship would be doable with someone I see everyday at work. Its confusing, since the way we talk definitely goes further than superficial contact and I’ve grown to really care for him.

What should I do?

[continue reading…]

Ask a Guy: How Can I Become More than a Booty Call? post image

I was at a bar last weekend and ran into a guy I graduated with a few years ago.  We talked for a while and had a really great conversation, but my friends had to leave rather abruptly so the conversation was cut short.  We got each others numbers and around 4 AM he texted me saying that he wished the night didn’t have to end so soon.

Fair enough, but then he sent a few more texts, really adamantly wanting us to hang out… obviously a booty call.  We didn’t end up hanging out, but I did really have a great conversation with him and I feel like something good could come out of it.

Do you think there is any salvaging this?

[continue reading…]

Ask a Guy: My Night Ended Without His Number post image

After the longest work-week ever, I was ready for a glorious weekend of debauchery. I hit up the bar-scene and the cutie from the house next door couldn’t stop eyeing me. I waited the obligatory five minutes to see if he would approach me. Chalking it up to intimidation on his part, I made the first move and he loved it, obviously.

We went back to his place and it was clear that we were definitely into each other. However, I was really the one calling the shots, and after having kept things PG for the night, (to his drunken dismay), I decided it was time for bed. A quick pout, a kiss on the cheek, and minutes later he was out like a light. I experienced no such luck and tossed and turned for hours, finally deciding to ditch by 5 am.

Since we both assumed I’d be spending the night, there was no number swap. And just leaving without so much as a last name exchange made it next to impossible for either of us to contact the other. To be honest, I wasn’t really looking for things to end here….

NOW WHAT? How do us ladies go from here?

[continue reading…]

Ask A Guy: How Can I Help Him Get Over His Relationship Issues? post image

I’ve been seeing this guy for a few months now and I really like him. The thing is, he has some major relationship issues. All of his former girlfriends have cheated on him which has caused him to be very closed off and wary of relationships. I really think we have something real here but I don’t wanna waste my time with a guy who will always be too afraid to commit. Is there any way for me to help him with his issues and help him trust women again?

Read our guy’s response after the jump!

[continue reading…]

Ask A Guy: Was I Just Not ‘The One’? post image

I was with this guy for almost a year and he refused to be “official” saying he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. I eventually ended it, seeing that he was never gonna change. He immediately starting dating someone else and after 3 weeks she was his official ‘girlfriend.’ What the hell? I don’t understand at all. He used to go on and on listing all these reasons why he couldn’t be in a relationship at this point in his life, was it all bullshit? Or was I just not ‘the one?’

See our guy’s response after the jump!

[continue reading…]

Ask a Guy: Why Isn’t my Boyfriend Interested in Sex Anymore? post image

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 7 months now. I really love him and our relationship is really wonderful in a lot of ways. However, he hasn’t been that into having sex for about a month now. I’m always the one to initiate it and he usually gives me excuses, saying he’s tired or stressed and whatnot. When he does give in, he just doesn’t seem that into it.

I should mention that he recently got laid off and is obviously having a hard time with that.

I just don’t know, I mean, I thought guys were always supposed to be up for sex no matter what. Is he just not attracted to me anymore? I just feel like such an idiot every time my own boyfriend shuts me down. What’s going on here??

See our guy’s response after the jump!

[continue reading…]

Ask a Guy: How Do I Get Him to Marry Me? post image

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a while now. We’ve had our problems but have worked through it all and I really want him to pop the question already. There was a moment when he talked about us being married, but he joked that I should be the one to get him the ring.  The topic hasn’t come up again since and at this point, I am just about ready to give him an ultimatum- either he proposes or I’m leaving.  I’m also thinking of just getting him a ring at this point just to move this thing along!

Can you please help me figure this out?

See our guy’s response after the jump!

[continue reading…]

Ask a Guy: Does He Like Me Or Am I Bugging Him? post image

I met a guy about two and a half weeks ago. We had a long conversation, he asked for my number and he texted me the next day. Since we met, I was never the one to call or text him first, I kinda always wait until he does. I don’t mean to ignore him because I do like him but I’m scared I might be bugging him.

Now, he really doesn’t text me as much as he used to (he always responds if I text him though). Do you think he might get tired of me or give up if I always wait for him to contact me? Should I reach out to him more often? How do I know if I’m bugging him?

See our guy’s response after the jump!

[continue reading…]

Ask a Guy: Initiating Contact Without Creeping Him Out post image

So I know this guy in a band and we hit it off really well. I’ve only seen him twice and that was when he was on tour twice but we ended up talking forever. He’ remembered me both times and if you know guys in bands, you know they see so many chicks from touring all over America so its kind of hard to remember faces.

I just saw him three days ago and he was being pretty flirty and saying things like “what’s the oldest you have ever dated?” and “you have such a beautiful complexion.” (Btw, we’re only 5 years apart.) I wanted to text him in a couple months when he’s back home and off tour and ask him how he’s been and how the band is.

But there’s a twist- he never gave me his number. I got it from my brother because they’ve talked before. Do you think it would be weird or bad if I texted him? And do you think he’d be mad or happy to hear from me? I really need a guys opinion and point of view on this.

See our guy’s response after the jump!

[continue reading…]

Ask a Guy: Should I Give This a Second Try? post image

Last spring break I started seeing my ex-boyfriend’s best friend as more than a friend.  It was unexpected… and we didn’t mean to become interested in each other. He had just broken up with his girlfriend and was hurt, but he was trying to get over her.

He gave me the option of either staying friends until he was over her or to keep talking. I decided that I wanted to keep talking to him because I thought it would help him forget about his ex-girlfriend.

Things were going well for about 2 months and then he suddenly wanted to take a break and said he needed space for a little bit. I understood, and in the meantime was hoping that he was OK and that things would soon go back to normal.

Soon after, his ex-girlfriend friend-requested me on Myspace.  I didn’t approve her, but I checked out her page out of curiosity.  She had added new pictures of her kissing the the guy I was seeing (the pictures were dated though).

I confronted him but he saw nothing wrong it.  He was turning things around on me and I just couldn’t handle it.  I stopped talking to him and a little while later she cheated on him again!  He learned his lesson and ever since then we’ve been friends, but haven’t started things up again.

I know that he truly cared about me and he tells me that he does. He wants me to be happy and wants for us to eventually give it another try to see if we still have the same strong chemistry that we once had.  Maybe I am crazy for asking this, but should I give him a second try?

See our guy’s response after the jump!

[continue reading…]

Ask a Guy:  Does He Want To Date Me Or Not? post image

There is a guy I’ve been talking to for over a year. I met him through a friend in Europe, we all chilled, had fun, he was nice to me. One year later back in the States (we live in the same city) I was unknowingly talking to him over the phone just messing around (his cousin was dating my friend and his cousin gave the phone to him). He said he remembered me, told me to come over, so I did. We connected over the summer and saw each other a few times. He would hug me, sometimes ask for a kiss on the cheek and was nice all the time.

We lost contact for a while but then I started calling him around December. He came to my house for New Years and  got mad at me because I hit him upside the head. I was just playing around and I’m always aggressive towards him. Whenever I contact him, he always writes back….but he will just never ever agree to see me anymore. The, when I bitch him out and tell him I’m done, he’ll call two seconds later to apologize and will ask me on a date that we never end up going on!

I NEED HELP…no one can diagnose my problem…it’s driving me crazy. For some stupid reason I like this person a lot. I can’t seem to stop writing to him because I feel that he likes me back but won’t admit it because he has too much pride. Each and every time I shut him down and tell him I’m done with his ass, he makes it so that I’m not mad at him anymore…why? If he doesn’t like me, why respond or ask me out on a date period?”

See our guy’s response after the jump!

[continue reading…]

Ask a Guy: He Wants to Take It Slow… Now? post image

I have a question about a confusing situation. Here are some stats. I’m 38, my guy is 42. Both of us have never been married and have no kids. I met this guy online almost two months ago. We live about 50 miles away but decided that is no issue. He’s great! He is always telling me how much he likes me, I’m a sweetheart, how much fun he has with me, he feels so comfortable with me and how our sexual chemistry is just awesome. (We had sex on the first date, BTW, don’t know if that would make a huge difference.)  We spend every weekend together and usually one night during the week and he calls or texts me everyday just to say hi.

One month in, I asked him what he thought about being exclusive. He said he wants to take it slow and really get to know me and- much to my dismay- he has gone on dates with other women. I told him fine but I didn’t want to be casual forever and that I hadn’t been dating but will start if we’re not serious. I also told him if he didn’t see things going anywhere, he needed to let me know and I would do the same for him.

Well, almost a month later, he makes sure to lock in the weekend plans with me early in the week and always has something fun and exciting planned. He continues to come over during the week and still contacts me daily.

Do you think we have a chance at becoming serious? What’s with the taking it slow and the dates with other women? Should I ask him about being exclusive again and if so, when?

See our guy’s response after the jump!

[continue reading…]

Ask A Guy: Am I Being Played? post image

I’ve been working with this guy for close to a year. I was always attracted to him but tried to play it cool and treat him like any other friend. It took him about 6 months to ask me for my number and I was really shocked because I didn’t think he thought of me in that way and I instantly started crushing on him. We hung out later that night after his shift ended. It was pretty casual, just small talk, and then he went home.

After that, he started texting me raunchy things about “getting naked” and “getting freaky” and such but I’d always object flirtatiously, like, “oh well only if you’re lucky” or ” maybe once you get to know me better.” So after about a week of us texting back and forth, he texted that he wanted to hang out again. I agreed but then he never texted back! We still saw each other at work and would make small talk, but I didn’t hear from him other than that.

I decided to focus my attention elsewhere and only worry about school, work, etc. I randomly texted him maybe a month later just to see how he was doing and he seemed happy to hear from me and asked when we were gonna hang out. I told him pretty much whenever I was available next. That night, he texted me around 2 am asking to hang out but I obviously said no since it was so late. He seemed cool with that, but then the conversations died down and I didn’t hear from him for weeks. Then I noticed that he changed his Myspace status to “In a relationship” so I figured that was why I hadn’t heard from him but I realized he must have been in a relationship that last time he asked to hang out.

After that, I completely cut myself off from him outside of work because I didn’t want to deal with the heartache. Now here it is, weeks later, and he’s asking me why I haven’t texted him in so long. I’m so confused! Anyway, I texted him the other night to see how he was doing. He asked what I was up to but then just stopped texting!

I feel kinda played for giving in to him but I still like him and I’m not sure what this all means. Any thoughts?

See our guy’s response after the jump!

[continue reading…]

Ask A Guy: If He Won’t Commit Now, Will He Ever? post image

I have been dating a man for about 5 months and everything is pretty good. He was married for 10 years and has been divorced for about 2. His ex still gives him a hard time, but he says that he has moved on. He has custody of one child and she the other.

We spend majority of our time together. We go out often, I’ve been introduced to the family and he to mine, and he treats me like I’m his girlfriend. Last week I bought up the subject and the answer wasn’t what I expected. He told me how great I was and that he loved what we have, but at this time, he didn’t have the capacity to commit to more. I processed this and the next day told him that we probably shouldn’t talk or see each other anymore. My rationale was that I was too emotionally caught up and didn’t know when he would have the ‘capacity.’ He was in utter shock!

He said that he expected me to pull back, but not cut it off completely. Then, he back peddled and said he prays daily for god to release some of the things in his life. He also said that just because he doesn’t have the capacity today it doesn’t mean that he won’t have it in 2,4, or 6 months. Being a woman, I accepted his logic and things have been good. He continues to treat me well, but in the back of my mind I’m scared things aren’t going to change and that I’m wasting my time. I want to have kids and he knows this (and says this is fine) so this further complicates the situation because I don’t want to waste these years with someone who doesn’t have the capacity to commit at this time.

Lately I’ve also notice that when we talk about things like houses and cars he uses ‘us’ and ‘we.’ For example, I am considering purchasing a new car (sports). We were talking and he told me to purchase whatever I like, but remember that I want to have kids in a few years and that I would have to get a new car. I said that my future husband would just take my car and I would take his. He told me that if we marry that that car switching wouldn’t work (he doesn’t like small cars) and that I better buy a car that could hold the entire family (including his family). Mixed signals?

I’m really confused. Do I leave since the one thing I know for certain is that he doesn’t have the capacity or enjoy our time together?

See our guy’s response after the jump!

[continue reading…]

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