5 Signs You’re Not Ready for a Relationship That No One Wants to Tell You post image

Wanting to be in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re ready for a relationship. It could mean you’re lonely or that you have some other issue in your life that you’re overlooking, and you believe a relationship will be your cure-all.

As women, we’ve been told for as long as we can remember that love will save us … that a relationship is that missing piece we need to complete our lives. It’s no wonder so many women focus on this so intently and think a relationship is all they need to make them happy.

I’m not denying the power of being in an amazing relationship. It can be transformative, and the benefits are immense. But before you can enjoy those benefits, you need to be in the right place internally. Unfortunately, this sometimes takes work.

I know better than anyone what this is like. During my chronically single years all I could think about was how badly I wanted to be in a relationship. I focused on my wanting, on the lack of decent, available men, on how hard it is to date in New York City, on how unfair the whole thing is … but not so much on whether I was even ready to be in a real relationship. And for most of that time, the answer was no. It took a few years and many epiphanies before I got to the right place internally and sorted through what needed sorting.

So trust me, I’m the last person to pass judgment. But I’m also the first person to give you a dose of honest truth and help you along the sometimes daunting road to get to where you want to go.

And with that, let’s take a look at the most glaring signs that you aren’t ready to be in a relationship.

[Click here to keep reading…]

10 Signs He’s Husband Material post image

A lot of women write to us begging to understand why their relationships always fail… why guys treat them badly…why they always get hurt…why they can’t get a guy to commit. The common thread in most of these cases is these women are choosing men who clearly are not husband–or even relationship– material and hoping by some chance he’ll suddenly transform and be the knight in shining armor she wants. This type of situation doesn’t exist anywhere aside from cheesy romantic comedies. If you choose to pursue a relationship with a guy who clearly isn’t relationship material, then you’re setting yourself up to fail before you even begin.

Trust me, I know all too well how enticing those damage cases can be. Sure, he’s has emotional issues, he’s jaded, he’s struggling at work, he has no direction, he still acts like a frat boy even though his acting like a drunk idiot and getting away with it days expired years ago, but there’s a really great guy underneath all that and as soon as we deal with all this other stuff, then we’ll have an amazing relationship. I’m sorry but no.
[Click here to keep reading…]

Letting Go of Your Dream Guy … So You Can Find Love with the Right Guy post image

Dreaming is good.

In America, “dream big” is often the mantra of success. It’s not uncommon to hear actors, entrepreneurs, politicians, musicians, and athletes attribute their accomplishments to an undying commitment to never abandoning their dreams, no matter how bleak the path ahead may have appeared. In the words of Jim Carrey, “It is better to risk starving to death than surrender. If you give up on your dreams, what’s left?”

It is indeed inspiring to hear tales of perseverance: stories about people who held onto optimism and the hope that somehow, someday, the life they were living would match the life they could only imagine. That the wait would be over, and the finish line would make the whole journey—all the pain, the disappointment, the rejection—finally worth it.

But does dreaming big work well for your love life?

[Click here to keep reading…]

10 Ways to Stay Single Forever post image

10 Ways to Stay Single Forever


Being single for a certain amount of time has its benefits. I personally experienced the most growth and self-awareness during my years as a single girl, and while there were some painful and lonely moments, they all led me to a place where I could break through some of my walls and do some necessary inner work.

At the same time, no one makes it a goal to be single forever. We all want love; we all want a partner to share our lives with. Even though that is the goal, a lot of us mistakenly go about attaining the thing we want so much in all the wrong ways. We continue to live life in the same way and hope that it will somehow lead to different results. We know that this doesn’t really make any sense, and yet we continue to operate from a default setting.

Being single isn’t a curse and being in a relationship isn’t a cure-all. No matter what stage you’re in, it’s important to take a personal inventory—to look at the habits and choices that are helping you, and the ones that are hurting you. It’s not a matter of putting yourself out there more, of signing up for every dating site and side-swiping app—finding a truly amazing, healthy relationship is much more about being ready for such a relationship. It’s about identifying faulty patterns and thought processes that may be blocking you from getting what you want.

I have written many articles on how to get the relationship you want. There are also ways to guarantee that you never get what you want. Seeing what they are is the first step in correcting the problem. And with that, here are ten ways to stay single forever:

[Click here to keep reading…]

Get the Love You Want This Year post image

Tis the season for making resolutions to be our best selves. Committing to the gym, not smoking, eating healthier, all that fun stuff.

A new year is the perfect time to try and start anew. For most this means breaking through barriers within ourselves that may be preventing its from getting what we want. And what most women want is a loving, healthy relationship (men do too for the most part, but not quite at the same level.)

Here are five tips to make 2016 the year you get the love you’ve always wanted: [Click here to keep reading…]

A Guy’s Take: Is Unconditional Love a Myth? post image

A few days back, I was at Aroma Cafe waiting for my large coffee to appear when I overheard one woman lamenting to her friend…
At one point she said, “I mean, how could he say that?  He’s supposed to love me unconditionally.”

OK, full stop.

First off, whenever I hear that someone is supposed to do anything in a relationship, an alarm goes off in my head.  The phrase “supposed to” is basically the same as saying the word “should”: it’s a poisonous word for relationships.

It has a tone of blaming, shaming and coercing the other person to do what you want them to do… or else.

More importantly, when I heard her say that he’s supposed to “love her unconditionally,” I thought to myself, “Wait… do women seriously think that?” [Click here to keep reading…]

3 Reasons You’re Still Single post image

Every single girl will at some point find herself asking this question: is there no one out there for me or am I the problem?

Being single is not a curse (in fact, there are some very lovely perks to living the single life), but it isn’t exactly something people aspire to. There are times when we need to be single–and it’s very admirable when you can acknowledge that and ignore the pressure to settle down–and then there are times when you realize that you are ready to meet that special someone and settle down…you just don’t know how to make it happen. Maybe the guys you date are duds. Maybe guys pull the disappearing act on you over and over. Maybe your relationships always implode.

To solve a problem, you need to correctly identify it. Here are the top three (most likely) reasons you are still single: [Click here to keep reading…]

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