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Ask a Guy: Why Is He With Me?


… (Previous page – Ask a Guy: Why Is He With Me?) what the guy is thinking and so they assume the worst – they assume he doesn’t want them they assume he wants another woman, they assume he has bad intentions, and on and on.

The reality is, most of the time the fear-based assumptions are flat-out wrong.  Unfortunately, though, those fear-based assumptions come with a terrible cost:  They kill your mood and your spirit and they cause you to close up emotionally.

This dampening of your mood takes its toll on your relationship.  Women fall into making negative assumptions because of fear and a desire to protect themselves, but ironically the negative assumptions more often cause the problem you were afraid of than protect you from an actual problem.

The solution here is instead to assume the best.  Assume he thinks you’re hot.  Assume he’s crazy about you.  Assume he really deeply enjoys you.  Assume you are enough for him.  Assume he loves you as you are.  As I mentioned before, since assumptions more often cause the situation to come about than they prevent, it’s in your best interest to…

Assume positive things.

Owning yourself means that instead of feeling like you need to make up for your flaws, you carry them with pride and dignity.  You don’t try to hide them or make them or apologize for them.  You hold your head high and carry yourself with an air that says, “Yes, I’m hot, attractive and desirable.  Yes, you want me.  And if you don’t agree, you don’t exist.”

A huge part of being attractive comes from holding yourself like you are – I’ve seen beautiful girls imprison themselves into thinking they’re unattractive simply because they believe they are (and as a result, they create an awkward and unattractive appearance when they would otherwise be gorgeous.)

Own yourself.  Own your looks.  Own your personality, your quirks, your interests, your intelligence, your values.  If it’s you, own it.

MORE: On Loving Yourself and Being More Confident

Finally, the last area where women will ask me, “Why is he with me?” stems from questions around his feelings for her…

“Does he really love me?”

“Does he just want me for sex?”

“Is there a future here?”

When you get down to it, you want to know if he has genuine feelings of love for you or if he’s just around for some superficial reason (sex, your looks, he’s bored, you’re a “placeholder relationship”, etc.)

I could go into it here, but if you’re asking “Why is he with me?” because you want to know if he really loves you, then you want to read this article right now:  How Do You Find Love?

 

Hope it helps,

eric charles

 

Written by Eric Charles

I'm Eric Charles, the co-founder and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing articles to help people free themselves from suffering and have clarity in their love life. I have a degree in Psychology and I've dedicated the last 20 years of my life to learning everything I can about human psychology and sharing what gets people out of struggling with life and into having the life they really want. If you want to contact me, feel free to reach out on Facebook or Twitter.

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Bilyn

Hello.
So I’ve been dating a gentlemen for 90 days now. We got together and while I got intoxicated. We jumped into bed with each other and it wasn’t the right thing to do.I have tried to pursue him and he is not interested he said that he had his reasons and that he may tell me someday.I’m just wondering after 90 days We still have a hand holding hands and kissing relationship.Is this normal?

Reply July 12, 2020, 10:35 pm

CW

Hello Eric, Trying to reach you and Sabrina and c/s and Clickbank, with no success. Your video stated 60 days to review with full refund. Therefore, I purchased but two weeks later charged again. Since the book I purchases and the bonuses did not help me, no offense, I want my $79.98 reunded ASAP. No mention in your video about a monthly charge and the refund was made to sound easy enough so what’s going on? I’ve emailed you and Sabrina and c/s for the refund and called Clickbank and got nowhere. Please refund me for the original purchase $39.99 and the 2nd charge two weeks for $39.99. Very disappointing that for over a week now, no response from your company and the integrity of your video. Tried handling this matter confidentially but no responses leave me no choice. I’ll have to go to my bank Monday but trying to avoid that hassle, cancelling my credit card, an investigation. You can reach me off this site. I left a comment previously but do not see it now. Regards, CW

Reply January 10, 2015, 10:18 am

Isa

I just started crying, as I was reading this article of yours. It seems like I’ve always been the convenience girl…for almost three years. It really hurts to realise that I’ve been a fool. But there’s one thing that I don’t understand: I’ve told him almost everything that you explained (about the definition of a convenience girl), but strangely he didn’t argued with me and he didn’t contraditected what I said. In the beginnig, he would’nt have trouble in saying that he wasn’t in love. But now, after 3 years he just insists saying that he likes me and not only for the sex. Well, I guess I’m really naive… :o(
But thank you so much for your insight!

Reply May 6, 2013, 2:04 pm

Cristina

This is a great post. I JUST realized I’m the convenience girl with one of my best guy friends. You’re right – I need to own myself.

Not sure what to do about this friendship though….

Reply March 28, 2013, 3:30 pm

Eric Charles

Thanks for the comment, I’m glad you liked the article.

There’s nothing wrong with hooking up in a FWB situation if that’s what you both want.

If it doesn’t work for one or both of you anymore, then yeah, it’s time to reexamine things.

If he’s really you’re best guy friend, hopefully that means you and he can have an open and emotionally honest discussion about what page each of you are on.

Reply March 31, 2013, 2:15 am

Ellen

So you’re saying that guys don’t care about girls they have sex with? That’s just great…

Reply March 27, 2013, 11:24 am

Eric Charles

No, I’m saying that sex and love are two separate worlds for men – a guy can have strong feelings and not have overpowering lust for the girl at that time and a guy can have lots of sex with a girl without any feelings attached.

Reply March 27, 2013, 11:13 pm

Ashley

Eric – you hit the nail on the head with this one. I have been the convenience girl before and I didn’t even realize it at the time. I thought I was scoring girlfriend points by being so agreeable and accommodating, but I guess I was just digging my own grave. :(

Reply March 27, 2013, 11:23 am

Eric Charles

Experience is a great thing to have. If you learned from it, it wasn’t entirely a bad thing.

Reply March 27, 2013, 11:13 pm

Bridget

So true… thanks Eric!!

Reply March 27, 2013, 11:21 am

Eric Charles

Welcome. ;)

Reply March 27, 2013, 11:14 pm

Candy

I’ve been seeing this guy for about a month and a half. He’s nice and sweet to me – never mean or rude or dismissive. But all we really do is have meals together, watch a movie or TV sometimes and have a lot of sex. Usually 4 or 5 times when I see him.

I just don’t know if I’m on the right track here… Am I a convenience girl? Does he just want me for sex or does he want something more with me?

Reply March 27, 2013, 11:20 am

Eric Charles

Well having a lot of sex isn’t a good or a bad thing in terms of relationship potential or his feelings for you…

The question is how excited he is to be with you and spend time with you doing things other than sex?

Reply March 27, 2013, 11:15 pm

Janet

Eric, thanks for this article (and the articles you referenced in this one). Loved it as usual!

Reply March 27, 2013, 11:17 am

A

Great post, Eric!

I have a question for you – I posted under the other “Ask a Guy” page but I think you might’ve missed it:

Eric, not sure if you’re still checking this page but would love a guy’s opinion on this…

One of my new suitors seems really sweet – puts a lot of effort into dates, does a lot of research into restaurants that he thinks I’d like, books me in advance etc. We’ve only been on 3 dates so still very early days, but occasionally he would text me to tell me weird and bizarre things about his day etc.

The ONLY thing that bothers me about this guy is that he doesn’t always return texts when I reply – or sometimes does so say 9 hours later or even a day or two later.

Considering that this is the phase where he should be proving himself, should I say something/point it out? I’ve experimented by mirroring and doing the same to him myself, or even not replied to the odd text, but it doesn’t have a huge impact – still slow, although he is always very sweet and thoughtful when he replies. Either he just doesn’t check his phone very often or something.

What do you think?

Reply March 27, 2013, 6:30 am

Court

Loved this one.

Reply March 26, 2013, 11:30 pm

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