“He ignores my texts!” Here’s what you need to know (and what to do) when his texting suddenly becomes radio silence…
There is nothing like those early days of a new relationship. Everything is so new and exciting and you just can’t get enough … especially when it comes to texting!
You text and text and text all day. Every ding of your phone generates a rush throughout your body. You talk about nothing and everything and there is nothing you would rather be doing than continuing to type away with a ridiculous grin plastered on your face.
But sometimes, the communication just stops. A few hours go by with no word … and you try to stay calm, thinking maybe he’s just busy. But then hours turn to days and now the butterflies in your stomach have been replaced by iron knots. You send him something innocent and friendly and … crickets.
And you desperately wonder: Why is he ignoring my texts all of a sudden?
You can’t help but replay every interaction, looking for what you may have done wrong. Everything seemed to be going so well, what happened? Did he lose interest? Was he playing you this whole time? Did he die? What happened?!
You may see signs of life, maybe he updates his social media accounts or your friend comes across him on a dating app, and when that happens you have to accept the ugly truth: this isn’t an accident, he has purposefully decided he no longer wants to see you. Buy why?
Here are the most likely reasons why he’s ignoring your texts and what to do about it:
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
1. It’s just easier to ghost
I’m not saying it’s right. I’m not saying it’s fair. But it just is. This is what people do in this day and age, so much so that it’s just become an accepted practice.
Call it cowardly, and maybe it is, but he just doesn’t want to hurt you to your face. He would rather hurt you while turning a blind eye, essentially! Actually, he would really rather not hurt you at all. And in his mind, he’s convinced himself that he isn’t hurting you … that you understand where he’s coming from, that you also realized that this wasn’t a match.
He may convince himself that having a talk to end a relationship that may not have even been a relationship yet is just presumptuous. He may even think you would find it insulting!
He would rather believe that you are on the same page as him and you are going on with your life and not even thinking about him.
2. He just wasn’t into you
Just because you were super into him doesn’t mean he felt the same way about you. Sometimes we want something to be true so badly that we see a reality that just isn’t real. You convince yourself that innocuous gestures are grand signs of love and infatuation.
You get so excited by all the similarities, by how strong the chemistry is, by the fact that you have never ever met a guy so perfectly suited for you and this is what you focus on … not whether he’s on the same page or same wavelength.
It’s also possible that you just weren’t what he expected. Maybe you guys were chatting through a dating app or website and when he met you in person, you were totally different. I know it sounds harsh, but this happens all the time to both genders! Sometimes people get a little over-zealous by presenting themselves in the best light online and end up presenting themselves as something they totally are not! Maybe you have your hilarious friend write your profile so you seem funny and charming, maybe you go a little too far with the photoshopping and filtering, whatever the case, your virtual self and real self are not one in the same.
It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you … you just weren’t what he was expecting.
MORE: Why he’s Acting Distant
3. You’re being too clingy
A concept you’ll hear us talking about a lot on here is that men move toward what feels good. That’s really all it takes to get a man to commit. When it feels good to be around you, he wants to be around you!
I’m not saying you’re never allowed a bad mood or a bad day, that’s totally unrealistic. But overall, the vibe is good.
This is what attracts men. What repels men is clinginess and neediness. When he senses that you need him to respond to you in a certain way in order to feel good, then he just won’t want to do it. This is especially true of texting.
Maybe you expect him to text constantly and get angry when he doesn’t. Maybe you’ve come to expect a response right away and now texting with you don’t feel good anymore, it feels like work. He doesn’t want to feel like he needs his phone on hand at all times lest he miss a text from you and experience your wrath as a result.
In the beginning, men typically text a lot because he’s trying to win you over. Once things get a little more settled, he doesn’t need to go so full force, and doing so just isn’t sustainable, people have jobs and lives. If you take this decrease in texts as a sign that he’s losing interest, then you cause a problem when there wasn’t one and you will act in a way that is off-putting and unappealing.
It’s also possible that you’re just a bit much for him. Maybe every time he responds to you he gets sucked into a whirlpool of drama so he holds off and seems to ignore you at times. Like I said, when it feels good to talk to you and be around you, he happily responds. When it doesn’t, he dodges you.
4. He’s dating someone else
The fact is, you can’t have expectations when you’re in the casually dating phase. Until he explicitly locks it down, he is not your boyfriend and you shouldn’t hold him up to that standard. It doesn’t matter how badly you’d like him to be your boyfriend, you have to take a situation for exactly what it is.
If he’s suddenly ignoring your texts, it’s possible that he may have started dating someone else, or maybe he was already dating someone else and now it’s getting more serious. If you met him through a dating app, it’s possible he was talking/texting many other girls at the same time … and maybe he found one that was simply a better match. I know it hurts, but I promise it’s not personal. It’s just how it goes.
5. Too much texting … not enough in person
Most men really don’t like texting. Men are more physical than women. They need physical touch and closeness and an emotional connection isn’t always enough. Maybe your relationship was long distance or maybe you both have insane schedules and don’t get to put in much face time. Whatever the case, it may just not be worth it to him anymore and maybe he wants something easier and more convenient.
Now that we’ve looked at potential reasons he’s ignoring your texts the next question you probably have is …
What should you do when he’s ignoring your texts?
1. Back off
It feels counterintuitive. You want to bring him back so you can’t help but go after him, but chasing never works. Just give him some space. You don’t need to text him to remind him you exist. A guy who really likes you won’t need a reminder!
It’s possible there is no problem. Maybe he’s really slammed, maybe he’s settling into a more normal routine. Don’t make the mistake of preemptively panicking because you’ll just feel ridiculous when you realize that there was no problem and you put yourself through the emotional ringer for no reason.
There’s also a chance he’s having doubts about you and the relationship. You shoving yourself in his face won’t quell those doubts, they will only push him further away. You not being in his face and just giving him space might be enough to reignite his interest.
2. Date around
If you and he aren’t official, then don’t be exclusive to him! Don’t wait around to see if he chooses you. Go out and date other guys. Try to mentally move on from the relationship. I’m not saying he won’t resurface, but the more time that goes on the more unlikely that becomes.
Just take your mind off of it by seeing what else is out there. As they say, there are plenty of fish in the sea.
3. Focus on yourself and your happiness
Don’t obsess over what went wrong and what you did wrong and what you should have done differently and what’s wrong with you and why doesn’t anything ever work out the way you want it to?
Stop focusing on him and the relationship. Focus on yourself. Focus on being happy. Focus on your personal development and growth.
MORE: Why Do Men Pull Away?
This brings me to my next point …
4. Don’t be jaded
You can internalize what happened and beat yourself up over it and get down on yourself and convince yourself that you’re unworthy of ever getting what you want … or you can grow from it. You can’t control the way people treat you or the things that happen to you. All you can control is how you react to it.
If you allow yourself to be jaded and bitter, you are really only hurting yourself. I know how terrible it feels to be ignored and discarded. But the chances are he didn’t have evil intentions. Just like I’m sure you don’t handle everything perfectly, this is a situation that he didn’t handle perfectly. He is also a flawed human being just like yourself and while you may not think he deserves it, try to see it from his side if you can.
5. Reach out with no expectations
As more time passes you may have a hard time fully letting go and coming to terms with it. Maybe you suspect there was some sort of miscommunication that resulted in him backing away. If you feel you absolutely must reach out, then it’s OK to go ahead and do so … just keep your expectations as low as possible.
Maybe there was some sort of miscommunication and he thought you were no longer interested. This is possible as a lot can get lost in translation over text. Maybe you’ll both laugh it off and be able to go forward. Or maybe he’ll give you a quick and cold response, confirming that he is no longer interested. Or maybe he’ll give you a reason, maybe he’ll tell you he’s dating someone else or that he just didn’t think you guys meshed well. Or maybe he’ll ignore you and while that’s annoying, no response is also a response.
There you have it, the truth about why men ignore your texts and what to do about it. The fact is, there will come a point in a relationship when a man will pull away and may start to lose interest. But it is possible to get it back and make the relationship stronger than ever. If you want to know the secret, read this next: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...
Also, do you know what makes a man decide a woman is “the one”? Do you know what makes him want to commit and see you as girlfriend-material, rather than a passing fling? If not, be sure to read this too: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman