Here’s a scenario that might sound familiar to you. You meet a guy and woah! He’s everything you’ve been looking for and you are immediately drawn to him. And he seems to be interested in you as well!
Now you’re getting really excited about the possibilities. But just as quickly as you rise, everything comes crashing down. Maybe he withdraws, maybe he ghosts you, or maybe he comes out and tells you that he doesn’t think a relationship would work out between you.
You’re angry … mostly at yourself. Why did I show any interest? I should have played hard to get, that’s how you have to do it! I should have ignored his texts, I shouldn’t have been so available, I should never have shown any interest.
Stop beating yourself up, none of that works and none of that would have helped you.
Read on for the truth about why men seem to lose interest as soon as you show yours.
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
1. You’re trying too hard to win him over
There is no greater turn off than desperation.
Trying to win a guy over is never a good strategy and rarely works. This is why I’m sure you’ve noticed that the guys who seem to fall for you the hardest and quickest are the ones you aren’t so interested in … it’s because you’re not trying to impress them, you’re not really doing anything!
When you see a guy as a prize to be won it puts you in agenda mode. Your agenda is to win him over, that is your goal and you measure every interaction with him in terms of whether it takes you closer to or further from this goal.
You can’t just be present and connect with him. You’re weighing everything you say. You’re writing and re-writing texts and sending them to your girlfriends for approval before sending them to him.
When you’re in this headspace you can’t form a meaningful connection. You also diminish your own sense of worth by placing him so high above you. He’s just a person, not a deity.
Sure, when we like someone we are on our best behavior, but you know when it starts to go too far. If you have to force things or if you try to act like what it is you think he wants, then you’re trying too hard and you need to reign it in.
2. He was never that into you in the first place
Don’t mistake flirtation and a little bit of attraction for all-out interest. Or maybe he is interested in you … but it just isn’t enough to sustain a relationship.
Usually, it’s a case of he likes you … he just doesn’t like you enough. It looks like he’s losing interest, but he really was never in that place of liking you enough to want a full-on relationship with you. And that’s OK. That’s not a loss.
The right guy for you is a guy who wants to be with you. If he doesn’t want to be with you, then he’s just not the right guy for you and you’re free to explore other options.
It’s also important to note that if a guy really likes you, he won’t be turned off by little things you do or say. If a guy is put off by your overuse of emojis, then he just was never into you enough from the start so don’t beat yourself up with what you could have or should have done differently.
3. He realized you’re not compatible
Chemistry is not enough to sustain a relationship. You need to be fundamentally compatible.
No one likes to talk about this, though. We’re told that love will find a way … love conquers all … all you need is love. Not true. You also need to be compatible.
Maybe you follow your heart so you turn a blind eye to the incompatibilities so it feels like he’s losing interest when he’s really making a smart, practical decision.
4. You commit too quick
A lot of women make the mistake of diving straight into a relationship way too soon and acting like his girlfriend before anything has been made official.
Doing this puts way too much pressure on him and the relationship (and it isn’t even a relationship yet!). You can’t put pressure on something that doesn’t even have a foundation to stand upon yet.
You are single until you are in a relationship. If he hasn’t made it explicitly clear that you’re his girlfriend … then you are still a free agent so go ahead and do as you please.
Don’t make the mistake of acting like his girlfriend in the hopes of proving how great you are. Doing that will backfire and will just make him comfortable with how things are and he will have no motivation to change anything.
If a guy really likes a girl and senses he’ll lose her unless he steps up, he’ll step up! If he’s on the fence or wishy-washy, it’s either because he doesn’t think she’s doing anywhere or because he’s not into her enough.
5. You’re choosing the wrong men
If you keep choosing guys who can’t or won’t give you what you want … then you’ll never get what you want!
If he doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now or is ambivalent about his feelings toward you, or he’s just a selfish immature guy who can’t be an equal partner in a relationship, then just move along.
Don’t swoop in and try to save him or fix him, this never ends well! I understand that you and him have crazy chemistry (side note: the chemistry you feel with a guy you can’t have is made up mostly of the anxiety and fears he arouses within you, punctuated by shots of elation and validation when he acts loving toward you) … that he has all these qualities you want in a man … that it’s so hard for you to find guys you actually like, but if you stay in this situation, you’re just wasting your time and you’re going to come out of it a little more broken, jaded, and wary of men.
Don’t take it personally, it’s probably not you. I know about this all too well because for many years I would go after guys who not only didn’t commit to me, but couldn’t commit to anyone!
And my experiences lead me to one definitive conclusion: Just say no to the damage cases.
6. Your vibe is off-putting
Your vibe is essentially what determines how attractive you are. Your mood equals your vibe. A vibe is something created within that radiates outward.
If you’re stressing and obsessing over the relationship and playing “emotional detective” to figure out how he feels, he will feel it.
Worrying about the relationship like this activates your fears and insecurities. You’re worried he won’t reciprocate your feelings and this is terrifying to you because he has come to represent something bigger than just being a buy you like- he now is in control of your sense of self-worth, so of course, you’re terrified of losing him!
It’s not pleasant to be around this kind of energy. And this isn’t new-age talk, we all can pick up on energies. Even babies can pick up on energies.
This is why the guy’s you aren’t into or are luke warm about, are drawn to you- because you don’t think about it, you don’t stress over anything, you’re just being you
Men fall in love based on how they feel around you. If he feels pressured, there is little room to feel anything else because the pressure suffocates the life out of any attraction or interest that was there.
The best relationship advice is to focus on your internal state, rather than on making him feel a certain way about you.
7. You don’t connect with who he truly is
It’s very easy to fall in love with the idea of who someone is- he’s handsome, smart, charming, smart, etc. But that list can describe millions of people! What is it you like about him? What makes him unique and special? What do you know about him that you can’t discover from his social media accounts?
It comes down to this: Can you connect to him at his core? Do you see who he truly is?
This is the kind of woman who stands out from the rest, this is what makes a man look at you in a different light. Are you just checking boxes off a list or are you genuinely interested in building a meaningful connection? Are you seduced by the mask he wears in public, or do you see beneath the mask to the man he truly his?
No man wants to feel like he’s filling a slot that any other guy could occupy. He wants to feel chosen because of how great he is, not because you want a boyfriend and he’s good enough for the job.
I hope this article clarified why it seems like guys lose interest when you show yours. Sometimes it just can’t be fixed, but other times, you can bring a man back if he starts pulling away and seems to be losing interest. Read this next to find out how: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...
Another important thing to know if you want love that lasts is what makes a man decide that a woman is “the one.” What makes her stand out from the rest and inspire him to commit? The answer is here: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
This is why men lose interest when you show yours:
- You’re trying too hard to win him over
- He was never that into you in the first place
- He replied you’re not compatible
- You commit too quick (and he feels pressured)
- You’re choosing the wrong men
- Your vibe is off-putting
- You don’t connect with who he truly is