There are a lot of jaded women out there. They come to our site every day. The reason they feel so jaded is they feel as though they gave and gave to their man and it wasn’t enough. And the reason is a lot of women don’t know what it is that men really need from a woman.
We make assumptions based on our own needs and what we hear, but very few actually know. And it doesn’t help that so many men have a hard time articulating their needs. A lot of men don’t even know what they are, they just know when something is “missing” in the relationship.
The fact is, relationships aren’t that complicated. If it’s the right match, it will usually work out pretty effortlessly. If you feel perpetually stressed and it feels like you need to force things along, or if it feels like everything is a struggle and you take one step forward and two steps back, then it probably isn’t the right relationship. Or maybe you aren’t in the right place emotionally to be in a relationship.
All you can control is yourself. If you’ve worked on yourself and addressed your issues and it doesn’t work out, at least you know there is nothing more you could have done.
However, it’s also very important to understand the male psyche and understand what men need from women in a relationship. If you don’t know, how can you ever do it right?
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
What Men Really Need From Women
Someone Who Is Compatible
People underestimate the importance of compatibility when really, you can’t have a lasting relationship without it. Chemistry will only take you so far. A man needs a woman who shares his fundamental values and vision for the future.
This doesn’t mean you agree on everything, but it does mean you agree on most things, especially important things like where you want to live, political views, religion, how many kids you want to have and how you’d like to raise them, how you want to budget. Yeah, this is the boring, unromantic stuff no one wants to talk about, and not talking about these things is what sets the stage for heartbreak down the line. It can also cause you to lose years of your life waiting around for something that could never ever work.
Be honest with yourself and with him about what you want. And don’t convince yourself that maybe things will change, and that love will be enough to conquer your differences, this is deluded thinking. You need to take things as they are right now. You need to choose wisely, which means you choose someone who wants what you want and is on the same wavelength. He wants the same kind of relationship you want and the same kind of lifestyle you want.
A Woman in His Corner
Remember that a relationship is a partnership. You are on the same team, you are not enemies and you are not out to get the other person.
So many people treat their partner as their rival, they see the worst in the other person. They fight to win instead of fighting to resolve the problem and make the relationship even stronger.
The best relationships are when two people are on the same team and are able to support one another. If you don’t have that, your relationship will be a very lonely and miserable place.
Men may seem all independent and tough, but deep down, he really wants a woman in his corner who supports him and sees the best in him, even when he can’t see it himself. He wants a woman who is proud of the man he is and admires him for his true, authentic self (as opposed to the surface mask he wears in public). He wants a woman who truly loves who he is at his core.
Someone Who Listens and Is Present
Here is a common trap women unknowingly fall into. You’re talking to your man, but your mind is somewhere else completely.
You’re wondering if there is a hidden subtext behind what he’s saying … he’s telling you he’s feeling really stressed right now, is he really saying that you’re stressing him out? Maybe he talks to you about some issues he’s having. He feels overworked at his job, he’s been feeling anxious, he’s having trouble sleeping … and you rack your brain trying to come up with a solution. He talks to you about some of his goals, and you mentally think about how unrealistic and silly they are.
You basically are engaging more with the thoughts in your own mind then you are with him. You are thinking about what you want to say next instead of just listening to what he has to say.
Men usually tell it like it is. So trying to uncover hidden clues and meanings is a waste of time. And men often don’t want someone else offering solutions to their problems (unless he explicitly asks for it). It will just make him feel emasculated, like you don’t trust that he can figure things out on his own. Men pride themselves on being problem solvers. If he talks to you about an issue, he most likely just wants your love and support, or maybe just wants to let you in, but most of the time he doesn’t want you to offer solutions.
No matter what the case or what stage of a relationship you are in, it’s best to listen more than you speak. Just focus on connecting, instead of trying to figure things out all the time. That’s really all a man wants and needs from you. He wants a woman he can speak freely with, a woman who won’t judge or criticize or blame or make it all about her.
Men are absolutely starved for appreciation. You may not know it because most men won’t come right out and ask for it. It’s a pretty weird thing to ask for. But you’ll know how much it means to him anytime you show him genuine appreciation. That’s when you’ll see him light up and radiate happiness and pride.
Really, the way to a man’s heart is through genuine appreciation. It’s about appreciating the things he does- the things he does for you and the things he does in general. Appreciating him for doing the dishes and appreciating how goal-oriented he is and how much he is able to persevere and get things done. It’s really about appreciating who he is at his core. This is what reaches a man more than anything else.
MORE: What Men Want in a Woman
Space When He Needs It
The reason we talk about it so much is because a lot of women have a hard time with this concept. It’s hard for women because it’s just not our process. When we’re upset or dealing with something difficult, we typically seek out those closest to us. If we shut people out, it’s because we don’t feel close to them or because we’re mad at them.
Men aren’t like this. When men are feeling emotionally off, they reflexively retreat to their “man cave” to sort through the issue on their own. The last thing they need or want is someone infiltrating their personal space.
When a woman can gracefully give a man space without taking it personally and without making him feel guilty, then he comes to love and appreciate her even more. It shows him she’s emotionally mature enough to respect his needs, even if it might not be something she wants, and when he gets himself together he will be an even better man to her.
A Woman Who Loves Herself
Before you can let love in from the outside, you need to find it on the inside. No man wants to serve as your source of self-esteem or self-worth. This gets tiring and is unattractive. It will also feel like a drain on him and that is not what men want from a relationship.
If he is afraid to do or say things because of how you will react then he won’t be free to be his authentic self, and that will hinder you from forming a genuine connection. Also, being emotionally needy means you’re really only focusing on your experience of the relationship. Being depleted forces us to look at what we can get from someone else, and not what we can give … probably because empty people don’t have all that much to give.
This will come across as neediness and dependency and most men have a very low threshold for that sort of thing. Loving yourself is a lifelong journey and it’s so important that you invest the time and energy into finding ways to get there.
What Makes a Man Commit?
This is a burning question for so many women, but the flames need not burn so bright. You can’t force two people to be a match. It’s either there or it isn’t And you can’t discount the importance of timing. You can be perfect for one another and the timing can just be off… I should know, I married my high-school ex-boyfriend and it took us 11 years to realize we were perfect for each other!
Sometimes people need time to be single, to figure themselves out, to date other people to get clear on what it is they do or don’t want. If someone isn’t ready right now, then you have to let them go. Trust me, there were times when my husband and I would run into each other and I just wanted to grab him and scream: “Can’t you see how perfect we are for each other?! Why won’t you just ask me out, you idiot?!” But I probably would have looked like a crazy person, so I just held it in and lamented to my girlfriends instead.
If the timing isn’t right, then just let it be and trust that things will unfold as they are meant to. If he just isn’t the right person for you, then trust the fact that not everyone is a match and don’t beat yourself up over it or try and change who you are in order to be who you think he wants.
Men don’t typically go out seeking commitment. Commitment is just something that happens. It’s not the goal, it’s the byproduct. Most men take it one step at a time. He meets an amazing girl and he enjoys spending time with her. Then he notices he wants to spend more time with her. Then he realizes he has no desire to hang out with other women because they can’t compare. Then he realizes he can’t imagine life without this woman, and being single and free to do what he wants just doesn’t compare to how amazing it is to be with her. And before he knows it, he is in it.
That’s the process. But this process gets interrupted when you force things long or let your insecurities run wild or you push him through the stages too fast. This doesn’t mean you should just happily remain in the dark. But with the right guy, you won’t ever really feel the need to ask what are we and where is this going? It will just be so obvious.
The best way to be is to just be present and let things unfold. Don’t let the worried thoughts in your mind consume you. Don’t let your insecurities sabotage you, Just be your best self and realize that this is all you need to do in order to attract lasting love.
I hope this article helped you better understand what men need from a woman. But there’s more you need to know. There are two defining moments in a relationship that will determine if it lasts or if you get your heart broken. The first is when your guy seems to withdraw and pull away. If it seems like he’s losing interest, pulling away, or acting cold toward you, then you need to read this article right now to find out exactly what to do: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...
The next thing most women are unaware of is what actually inspires a man to commit for life. What makes a woman girlfriend/wife potential? Do you know the answer? If not, you need to read this article right now: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
This Is What Men Really Need From A Woman:
- Someone Who Is Compatible
- A Woman in His Corner
- Someone Who Listens and Is Present
- Space When He Needs It
- A Woman Who Loves Herself