What makes a man want exclusivity with you? It’s a question burdening countless women.
Here is how it usually plays out. You’re seeing a guy that you really like. He seems to like you a lot too. You hang out often, you laugh, you connect … but you’re not an official couple. You try bringing it up to him, but he either changes the subject or gives you some excuse as to why he doesn’t want to be exclusive. You feel hurt and confused. It doesn’t make any sense, everything seems to be going so well, why doesn’t he want an exclusive relationship with you?
When you’re in it, it’s a painful question and the answer can seem hard to find. But it’s actually all pretty basic.
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So let’s look at exactly what it takes to make a guy want to be exclusive with you.
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This is What Makes a Man Want to Be Exclusive With You
It’s really all about your intention and overall demeanor. A lot of women have an agenda in their relationships. They date with a goal in mind. Rather than focusing on connecting with the person, they focus on reaching their goal. And then they’re baffled when the guy won’t commit in the way they want him to.
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It’s about choosing him because of how amazing he is, not wanting to be with him because it will validate you in some way or because it will fulfill some unmet emotional need.
Guys can sense it when you’re using them as a means to an end and it doesn’t feel good. It feels good to be chosen by someone because they think you’re the most incredible person they’ve ever met. It doesn’t feel good to have someone trying to get something out of you because it will boost their broken self-esteem. See the difference?
At the same time, he also wants to feel like he has the freedom to choose you. People resent doing things because they have to and were backed into a corner. When we choose something, it’s ours and we value it more highly.
No one appreciates having their choice totally taken away from them. This is what happens when you dwell on being exclusive and when you try to force the relationship to move in a certain direction.
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Men commit when it feels really good to be around you. That’s pretty much it. He feels good around you, he feels comfortable, he feels like he can be his true and authentic self. He can speak without fear of judgment he can share his vulnerabilities knowing you won’t use them against him. He loves being in your presence because you are positive and happy and because of all the unique things that make you who you are.
Men don’t usually go out seeking commitment. It kind of just lands on their shoulder when they aren’t looking, just like a butterfly. And before he knows it, he just can’t imagine his life without you.
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The Biggest Mistakes Women Make
If it sounds so easy, then why do so many women go so horribly wrong when it comes to getting an exclusive relationship? Its usually because they allow their insecurities to take hold. The react to a situation instead of carefully responding. And in doing so, the problem usually gets worse.
These are a few things not to do if you want exclusivity:
- Don’t make demands or ask for timelines. Men hate things like that. Like I said earlier, he appreciates having the freedom to choose you. He has no freedom if you impose limits on him. This doesn’t mean you should settle for something you don’t want. We actually strongly advise against doing such a thing and one of our main mottos is: When a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship, believe him and move on.
- Don’t act like his girlfriend before you are his girlfriend. I can see why this seems to make sense. You want to be his girlfriend and think that showing him what a great girlfriend you can be will inspire him to step it up. But human nature doesn’t work that way. If you started showing up to a job every day and doing all the work for free, why would they hire you and put you on the payroll? If you’re giving him all the benefits of being in an exclusive relationship without the obligations, then you’re giving him a great deal that he won’t want to pass up!
- Don’t settle for what you don’t want. The worst thing you can do is stay in a situation that isn’t what you want and hope things will change. This is how countless women end up wasting years or months of their lives. If he says he doesn’t want to be exclusive or doesn’t like labels, then you can say you respect his decision, but it sounds like you both aren’t on the same page so you think it’s best to move on. Do this without any resentment or hostility. You’re merely making a choice that is in your best interest. If he really likes you, he won’t just let you slip away. The possibility of you leaving may be all he needed to gain perspective and realize just how much he cares. But if he graciously lets you go, then you have to let him/ Having boundaries is sexy. Men respect a woman with boundaries. Putting up what any sort of behavior is not sexy. It reeks of desperation and insecurity and that is not what inspires a man to commit.
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What Makes Him Want to Be Officially Exclusive?
Exclusivity doesn’t come from you convincing him, begging, or giving ultimatums. If anything, these things will make him less likely to want to be exclusive with you. You can invite him to commit, you can inspire him to commit, but you can’t force his hand.
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When you bring it up and try to convince him, then you give him full control over the relationship. That’s not how healthy relationships go. Usually, it’s two people mutually moving in the same direction. You’re operating on the same wavelength. You want the same things and the same kind of relationship and it all just unfolds organically.
Another important thing to remember is that he needs an incentive to lock you down. If he feels like you’ll stay no matter what, there is no incentive to change things. If he senses that you’ll move on if he doesn’t step it up, he’ll step it up. If he doesn’t step up, it just means he never liked you enough in the first place. Sure, he may have been attracted to you, he may have liked hanging out with you, but he didn’t like you enough to want to be with you.
The reasons women get so devastated when these situations fall apart is they were fully invested in him. The way to protect against this is to not commit to him until he has clearly committed to you. Don’t close yourself off from other options and take down your online dating profiles. Don’t act like his girlfriend until you are his girlfriend.
MORE: How to Handle the Pre-Exclusive Zone
No guy is going to risk losing a girl he really likes to some other guy, and that’s the risk he takes by not making it “official.” So keep your options open, don’t mentally and emotionally commit yourself to him, and continue to focus on being your best self. If he’s the right guy for you, then that’s all you need to do to get him to want to be exclusive. If he isn’t the right guy for you, he’ll continue to be wishy-washy and while this may feel confusing, it will tell you all you need to know.
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I hope this article clarified what makes a man was exclusivity with you. At some point, a man is going to ask himself: is this the woman I want to commit myself to? The answer will determine everything. Do you know how a man decides a woman is “girlfriend material” as opposed to “fling material”? Do you know what inspires a man to want to commit? If not, you need to read this article next: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman
Here is another issue almost every woman will face: He starts to withdraw and seems to be losing interest. He doesn’t text back, he is less attentive, and something is just off. He seems like he’s pulling away and you might lose him completely— do you know what to do about it? If not, read this right now If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...