“When it comes to men, deal with them as they are, not how you’d like them to be.” – Greg Behrendt
Many a confused girl has passed her phone to a friend and exclaimed: “What does it mean?”
Thanks to its prominence, the decoding of the text has become a popular pastime. Sometimes talking on the phone can be punctuated with awkward pauses or the pressure of responding immediately. It’s a lot easier to come up with a clever response when you have a minute to think about it, or even to ask your friend(s) for advice.
Unfortunately, this habit of closely examining a text message can be a huge waste of time. When you’re nervous to impress a guy and figure out how much he likes you, it can be tempting to read too far into a text.
Instead of searching every word for clues, take a step back and simplify. If he likes you, he’ll make sure you know it. Sure, some guys may play games through texts, but those aren’t the kind of guys you want to pursue anyway.
Let’s look at the signs that will likely pop up when you’re texting a guy in three different scenarios. Whether he’s straight-up not into you, he thinks of you as a friend, or he’s just looking to hook up, you can find evidence of this in the way he communicates.
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How to Tell if He’s Totally Not Interested From His Texts
Yes, this is a hard one. If you’re super into a guy, you’re going to be scanning every comma and adjective choice for proof. Resist the temptation to do this, no matter how great you think he is.
How motivated do you feel to respond to a clingy guy you aren’t interested in? A man feels just the same.
No one wants to spend their valuable time talking to someone who they just aren’t interested in. Besides that being pointless, it could also unfairly offer the person false hope. Notice if you’re the one that always initiates the texts and if he’s the one always ending the conversation.
Life can get hectic unexpectedly. Sometimes an interested guy will still take a weirdly long time to reply. That’s the exception, not the rule. If he consistently takes his sweet time getting back to you, take that hint.
Even guys who are not naturally descriptive or chatty will try their best to communicate well via text if they are into a girl. If you’re getting flat and disengaged responses, move on. A disinterested man will show his lack of enthusiasm. For example, he might answer questions about how he’s doing or how his day was with: “fine.” This doesn’t mean he’s shy. It means he’s not interested in engaging in conversation.
Don’t let yourself fall into the notion that any unprovoked text demonstrates attraction. If you’re in this man’s life in some capacity, he might need to text you with logistical information or questions. These conversations will probably end as soon as the required messages have been exchanged, and be discouraging of additional inquiries. Avoid trying to roll the subject in another direction by yourself.
An apathetic guy will never ask you questions about your life or check in with how you are doing. That would imply attachment to you and emotional investment in your life. If you don’t see any evidence of that, that’s another sign not to waste your time thinking about him.
Some of you are thinking about that one guy you know who is just a terrible texter. Maybe you’ve even helped him word a text to a girl because he is hopeless at it. Don’t let that cloud your judgment on this. If he really likes you, he’s not going to let being a bad texter stand in his way. Whether he has to show up in person, call instead of text, or get help from friends – he will make sure you know how he feels.
Cheat Sheet: Signs He’s Not Interested At All
- He doesn’t initiate texts, but may reply when you do
- His answers are usually vague and flat and don’t invite further conversation
- Doesn’t show interest in your life at all
How to Tell If He Thinks of You As Just A Friend From His Texts
I just want to make a quick note about being in the friend zone before we look at the signs that that’s where you reside. A guy might say he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship, and you might mistakenly take this to mean that he does have feelings for you, he just really values the friendship. You think he’s prioritizing your friendship over being with you, but this is just wrong. No man is every genuinely concerned with ruining a friendship, especially not when he sees an opportunity to be with a woman he likes. This is just an excuse to soften to blow.
When a guy says something to you, be it over text or in person, take it at face value instead of digging for an alternate meaning.
For example, if a guy tells you about this new girl he’s dating, you need to accept that he’s just confiding in you as a friend. He may text you for advice on where to take a girl on a date or to ask your opinion on something in the relationship. If he does, rest assured that he’s just confiding in you as a friend and wants a woman’s opinion. Don’t think of this as an elaborate ploy to make you jealous. The simplest interpretation of a guy’s actions or words is the one to bank on.
Another giveaway that he sees you as just a friend is he tries to set you up with other guys. He may text you pictures of his friends and ask which ones you’re interested in. Maybe he asks if he can give your number to one of his buddies that he thinks you would hit it off with. This is definitely a sign of friendship. If he had any interest in dating you, the idea of setting you up with someone else would be nauseating.
Just like you try to put your best foot forward with someone you’re attracted to, a guy will also make an effort to give a charming impression, both in person and via text. If instead, you see a relaxed guy who jokes with you about farts or tells you about tripping in front of a hot girl, take note. The appropriate read on this situation is not that he likes you so much he feels he can be himself around you. It means he’s not trying to impress you at all.
If he refers to you as his “buddy” or “dude” via text, he’s confirming your status. Additionally, if he ever says he thinks of you as a sister, rest assured your position in the friend zone is quite solidified.
He also probably won’t flirt with you. He may not initiate flirting and may not be responsive when you flirt with him via text. Maybe you send him the adorable emoji with hearts for eyes and he replies, “Ha.”
But don’t look at this too closely. Some people are naturally flirty. They flirt with everyone, that’s just their mode of being. So if he does lightly flirt with you, it might be because that’s how he relates to people and how he communicates. It’s not proof that there’s something more under the surface.
MORE: How to Get Out of the Friend Zone
Cheat Sheet: Signs He Likes You As a Friend:
- He talks to you about other girls
- He tries to set you up with other guys
- He doesn’t try to impress you
- He calls you his friend/buddy
- He doesn’t flirt, or he flirts with you but he flirts with everyone
How to Tell If He Thinks of You As a Booty Call From His Texts
Everyone knows how to interpret the clichéd text: “you up?” You know, the one that only ever rolls in after at least 11:00 pm. But not all booty call oriented texts are as transparent. This is particularly true when you have a friends-with-benefits type relationship with someone who really is like a friend.
Receiving kindness, support, and humor in addition to sex can make the line between boyfriend and booty call a little blurry. Still, if you look for the signs, they’re there.
Has he established a pattern of only texting you late at night, when he’s alone and in the mood for some companionship? Pay attention to that time stamp. Sometimes this text will only pop up if his initial plans for the night fell through, which is even more reason to avoid responding to these kinds of messages.
This is another situation where him telling you about other girls is not a crafty way to make you envious. If he’s telling you about his dates, this is in no way an attempt to take your own relationship to the next level. Realistically, if he did want to do that, he would try to hide any and all evidence of other girls.
Is he texting you or is he sexting you? If you see a picture notification from him on your phone, is it going to be a snap of his new dog, or is it going to be R-rated? Is he asking you how your day went, or is he asking you what color underwear you have on? Note the consistent tone of the conversation.
A guy who is really motivated to hook up might “lay some groundwork” by chatting with you about your day. Don’t let that sway you into putting him in the category of a serious romantic candidate. Until these conversations about your life take place somewhere other than your bedroom, don’t give them any real weight.
If you don’t hear from him for a while and then suddenly he’s back in your life, this is not confirmation that he misses you. It probably means that he started dating someone else and it didn’t pan out. If he really couldn’t live with you, he wouldn’t have lived without you. It’s that simple.
Cheat Sheet: Signs He Thinks of You As a Booty Call
- He only texts late at night
- He’s dating other girls and tells you about them
- He primarily texts “sexy” things
- He never asks to hang out outside the bedroom
- He disappears and reappears
“A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves.” Greg Behrendt
At the end of the day, decoding a text will never make or break a relationship. Exhale a big sigh of relief – this is good news! You don’t have to painstakingly go over a text like you’re dismantling a bomb.
If you suspect that he’s not into you, you’re probably right. Instead of obsessively second-guessing yourself, let his actions reveal his intentions. Don’t waste your scarce time on a guy who might like you. If he likes you, he’ll make sure you know it. Until then, keep your options open and be free of the nightmarish texting decryption!
I hope this article helped you decipher how a guy feels about you through his texts. Before you make any decisions, you need to be aware of two key moments in every relationship that will determine if it lasts, or if you get your heart broken. At some point, a guy will ask himself: Is this the woman I want to commit to for the long term? The answer will determine everything. Do you know what makes a man decide that a woman is girlfriend material, as opposed to just a fling? Do you know what makes a man want to commit? If not, you need to read this article next: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman
The second relationship issue almost every woman will face is when he seems to lose insterest and starts to withdraw. He doesn’t text back, he is less attentive, and something is just off. He seems like he’s pulling away and you might lose him completely— do you know what to do about it? If not, read this right now If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...