6 Big Secrets Men Hide From You post image

6 Big Secrets Men Hide From You

I came up with the idea to create a website like ANM after realizing that most women don’t have a clue about men!

This realization came after I stopped going to my girlfriends for relationship advice and instead went to my guy friends. It was the epiphanies I had during those conversations that made me realize how important it is to get this information out there!

Guys aren’t intentionally hiding these things from you- a lot of men don’t even have the language to express their emotional needs or just don’t feel comfortable doing it due to societal conditioning.

MORE: 5 Things Every Girl Needs to Know About Men 

Knowing these secrets is what’s going to help you form that strong emotional connection that really rouses his desire to commit and what gets him to see you as a woman who is a cut above the rest. When you don’t know how to truly emotionally connect in a way that reaches you, you may notice he withdraws or pulls away, or that the relationship just doesn’t progress past a certain point.

It really comes down to understanding male psychology and what truly drives a man and I’m going to tell you everything so keep reading.

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1. Men love the pursuit, not the chase

I had to include this because there is so much confusion and misinformation about “the chase.”

I used to be a classic case of the chase gone wrong. I was great at playing the game. I knew how to flirt, how to present an aura of confidence, and how to be just unavailable enough to keep a guy hooked.

I was great at getting the guy … not so great at keeping him. And the thing with the chase is … eventually, you have to be caught!

And once you’re caught, the real you will shine through and the real me, at that time, was desperate for love and emotionally needy and this sent guys running just as swiftly as it had reeled them in. One by one they would either ghost or do the gentlemanly thing and dump me.

MORE: What a Man Needs From a Woman

It took a few years for me to figure out where I was going wrong.

The chase creates the illusion of confidence, and men love confident, high-value women, but you can’t maintain that front forever if that isn’t who you are.

Men do enjoy the pursuit. And they need the space to pursue you in order to invest in you which is what will lead him to really care for you. High-value woman are able to naturally give a guy this space because she doesn’t need a man in order to feel fulfilled or good about herself.

Men want to feel chosen for how amazing and special they are, they don’t want to feel honed in on because a woman is desparate and he’s a guy giving her some attention. See the difference? He wants to feel like he won you, not that you need him in order to feel OK.

Essentially, what men want is a woman of high value, not a woman who has to play games to get a guy because her real self isn’t good enough.

Watch The Video: “6 Big Secrets Men Hide from You!”

2. Men also have emotional needs.

Believe it or not, men need more than beer and sex in order to feel emotionally fulfilled– I know mainstream media might tell you otherwise.

Men also have emotional needs, they just aren’t the best at expressing what those needs are due to a few factors.

For one, men aren’t as naturally communicative as women. They’ve also been programmed by society not to express their emotional needs.

MORE: What Every Man Wants in a Woman

Most men don’t even realize what their emotional needs are until later in life. When girls are young, they stay up all night at sleepovers talking about their hopes and dreams and fears and crushes. The boys stay up playing video games and beating each other up. Men don’t enter the realm of emotional disclosure until later in life, usually not until they start having relationships with women, so they’re years behind!

A lot of the time a man doesn’t even have the language to express how he’s feeling. Or maybe he does but he’s just ashamed to talk about it because of societal expectations of what a man should be.

So what are these needs? Well, he might not come right out and tell you, but boy will you know when you press the right button. And for most men, that buttion is … appreciation!

Appreciation is the real way to a man’s heart. But no man is going to come out and tell you this. Instead, you’ll just see him withdrawing and pulling away more and more until there’s nothing left of him.

It’s not just about appreciating what he does, although this is important. It’s about appreciating who he is.

We all wear masks in the world. The masks convey how we want the world to see us and aren’t necessarily reflections of who we truly are. If you want to connect to him at this core essence, you need to discover the man beneath the mask and appreciate that person.

This can’t be faked though, it has to come from a genuine place. If you are showing appreciation in order to get something out of him it won’t work. This is why it’s so important to be emotionally healthy before you enter into a relationship.

Try to discover what his needs are and encourage him to express them

3. He wants your support

One of the greatest feelings to a man in a relationship is knowing he has a woman in his corner, someone who believes in him no matter what and sees him for the great man he is and the amazing man he could be. There is comfort in knowing that you will be there for him even if he fails, especially since failure is the hardest thing for men to deal with.

When you support him and believe in him, and it comes from a true and genuine place, he feels on top of the world, like he can do anything. Most women don’t realize the enormous impact our approval has on men; in fact, I would say your guy is starving for your approval.

MORE: What Men Want to Hear From Women

When you’re proud of him, it is a huge driving force. Conversely, when you’re disappointed in him, it’s crippling and makes him feel like a worthless loser.

Women don’t realize how much power they truly have over their man!

4. Men move toward what feels good

Here is a simple yet groundbreaking revelation about men: Men move toward what feels good and away from what feels bad.

Men are uncomfortable navigating the realm of emotions. It’s complicated and overwhelming and messy. If a man had his choice, the only two emotions he would ever feel are calm and content.

Commitment isn’t the goal for most men. Men don’t often date seeking a commitment. They date around and see what happens without an agenda. A man doesn’t even realize it when he’s deeply committing himself to a woman, it just happens naturally. It happens because his life is better with her than without her. It happens because he’s just drawn to her and wants more.

There is this idea that men are commitment-phobes or anti-relationship, but this isn’t true. Men aren’t afraid of relationships, they’re afraid of being trapped in bad relationships. Every guy has that one friend who can’t go anywhere without checking in with his girlfriend every five minutes, lest she have an absolute meltdown, and as I said, men are terrified of messy emotions.

Now I am not saying you’re never allowed to have a bad day and you need to plaster on a smile and pretend life is all sunshine and roses.

MORE: 4 Ways to Make Him Commit and Want Only You

But there is a way to confide in your partner about your problems without using him as your emotional dumping ground and making him the problem. When you lean on a man because you’re having a hard time, it feels good to him. When you lash out at him because your life is a mess and you’re taking it out on him, then it doesn’t feel so good.

5. Men need to feel like winners

This is the biggest most life-changing revelation in my 10 years writing about relationships, and it’s the one thing most women have no clue about!

Men need to feel like they’re winning. Or rather, he needs to feel significant, like his life means something. This doesn’t mean he’s killing it at work (but that certainly helps) and it doesn’t mean he needs to have all the money in the world. He needs to feel like he is moving in the direction he wants to be moving in. Every man has a mission in life, and what determines his happiness level and overall satisfaction is if he’s pursuing it.

A man can be out of work and perfectly content as long as he’s working toward something meaningful. It is painful for a man to feel like a failure. And this is where a lot of relationship problems arise…

Men are driven to make their woman happy (yes, I know it certainly doesn’t feel like it a lot of the time!). The thing is, he doesn’t always know how to do it. You may drop hints for him to pick up on, and when he doesn’t, you get even more furious and he feels like an even greater failure.

MORE: What Really Makes A Man Happy?

Don’t set him up to fail. Set him up to win. If you want him to do something, just tell him! Yeah yeah, I know it’s more romantic when he figures it out on his own but you’re just paving the way for problems when you expect him to pick up the crumbs you sprinkle around and expect him to figure out where they lead.

A man wants a woman who can happily receive what he has to give. That’s really it. If a man feels like he can’t “win” at making you happy, he won’t want to be in a relationship with you.

Tell him what it is you want and make him feel good for giving it to you. This is how you get more of that good treatment, not by harping on him and nagging him.

6. He really isn’t trying to hurt you

If you want to have success in your love life, you need to eliminate the idea that all men are evil scumbags. This doesn’t serve you and it also just isn’t true.

There are very few all-around “bad guys” out there. And most of the time, we can spot them from a mile away, we just create our own heartbreak by pursuing them anyway and deluding ourselves into believing it will be different with us.

Most men are not intentionally trying to hurt you. In fact, they’re terrified of it. It is actually their aversion to hurting you that causes them to do the things that end up hurting you the most, like fading away and “ghosting.”

MORE: 7 Qualities Men Want in a Woman

Men don’t like feeling like the bad guy.  So he convinces himself that you also know the relationship isn’t working and this lets him make a clean break and be able to sleep at night. I’m not saying it’s right, I’m just telling you what is.

Men also have flaws and insecurities and fears, and they also just aren’t as good at navigating through the realm of emotions as women, so they don’t deal well with confrontation or heavy emotional discussions so instead they behave in a way that can seem callous and cruel and ends up hurting you even more than if he had just been honest.

I hope this article gave you a better understanding of how men operate. But there’s more you need to know. There will come a point in your relationship when your guy might pull away and withdraw. Do you know why this happens and what to do to bring him back? If not, read this next:If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...

Also, do you know that truly inspires a man to commit and see a woman as the one? If not, read this too:The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman

Written by Sabrina Alexis

I’m Sabrina Alexis, the co-founder, and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing relatable, insightful articles that help people understand relationship dynamics and how to get the love they want. I have a degree in psychology and have spent the last 10 years interviewing countless men and reading and studying as much as I can to better understand human psychology and how men operate. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Instagram.

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