Dating isn’t always black or white, especially when it comes to exclusivity. Sometimes it can feel like you’re a couple, but you just can’t say for sure.
So how do you know if you’re an official couple yet? Is it something that must be declared on social media? Is it when the other person deletes their dating apps? Sometimes it feels like you’re exclusive, but until you have “the talk,” you can’t know for sure.
Naturally, no one loves being the first one to bring this topic up. You don’t want to come across as clingy or desperate. If things are going really well, it’s tempting to avoid any potential rocking of the boat.
Even with all that said… you want to know! Is he seeing other people or not? If you’re not ready to bring up the subject directly, check out these signs he’s seeing other people.
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
1. He refuses to take down his online dating profiles
There’s no good reason for someone to keep their dating apps once they’ve found someone they are serious about. No matter what he says, it’s 100% a way of keeping his options open. Even if he’s not actively checking them, he’s keeping them there for security.
Maybe he just forgot about them. This is unlikely, but we can’t say it never happens. If you suspect this is the case with your man, you can test your theory by asking about it. Clock his reaction. Does he admit it slipped his mind and then delete them? Or does he offer you a half-baked excuse, such as, “Oh, I never check them anyway”?
Don’t accept shady answers like this. If you’re ready to take things to the next level and he’s dragging his feet, you know what to do.
2. Your relationship is pure fun
At first glance, pure fun doesn’t sound like a bad thing. And it’s not! Having a great time in someone’s company is something to be valued. Finding someone you can easily laugh and joke with is not a simple feat. But is your time together only centered around having a good time?
A successful relationship has more depth than just fun and games. There should be serious conversations, vulnerable moments, and even tense days. You can’t build a thriving relationship without some friction and learning how to communicate with each other.
Notice how he responds to you bringing up more intense conversations. Does he engage with you, or does he brush it off and change the subject? If he’s only interested in the good times, he’s either not ready for a relationship or he’s still exploring his other options.
3. He says “I don’t like labels”
Ah, what a classic. The guy who’s too cool for labels. He’s a free spirit who can’t be tamed. What that really means is that he’s not ready to be accountable to anyone. He’s happy with his independent lifestyle and no matter how perfect of a girlfriend you are, he’s not in the right place to commit. Or maybe he just doesn’t think you’re the right one for him, but he still likes you and enjoys you so he doesn’t want to cut things off right now.
When a man is comfortable with his life the way it is, that shows through his actions. He won’t accommodate you or make space for you. If you try to press for a sign of commitment, he’ll immediately either clam up, brush it off, or make you feel stupid for even suggesting it.
Don’t buy into any spiel about how he’s too evolved for traditional labels. When a man is really into you, he wants both you and the rest of the world to know it. He wouldn’t want to risk someone else swooping in and stealing you away.
4. He doesn’t prioritize you
With some guys, it’s blatantly clear where their priorities lie. With others, it might take a little sleuthing to figure out. Depending on his personality, he might be great at turning on the charm and making you feel like you’re the center of his world when he wants to. But later, when he’s got other things going on, you’re suddenly forgotten on the back burner.
Does he make you feel like a priority? Do you feel like you could call him up and he’d be there for you, no matter what? Or do you often feel like you’re just cramping his style?
When a guy is into someone, he lets them know how important they are in his life. There’s no confusion about how they rank. If you’re puzzling over this one, it’s a sign he’s not completely committed to you.
5. You’re not exclusive
If your dates with this guy are going well, it’s pretty tempting to ignore this one. Avoid making assumptions. Just because you have a wonderful time when you’re together doesn’t mean he’s made the decision to be exclusive. When he does want to lock you down, you’ll know it. Even a shy guy will drum up the courage to discuss it with you. If he hasn’t asked you to be his girlfriend yet, chances are he’s dating other women.
If you’re seeing someone who’s tight-lipped about this, either move on or at least keep your options open. You’re worth exactly the relationship you desire, so don’t settle just because you are nervous about his reaction. In fact, if you find yourself hesitant to bring up your needs, that’s a solid indicator that this guy might not be the one.
6. He only hangs out with you during the week
This is definitely one of those times where you have to look at how his actions compare to his words. He may be telling you all the right things, but if he only makes time for you during the week, he’s very likely leaving his weekends open for other girls.
Naturally, if he works weekends, this one doesn’t apply. But other than that, you guys should be spending some time together on weekends. Don’t take “busy” for an answer. A man is never consistently “too busy” for the woman he’s into, especially during days off.
When a guy is really into you, he can’t wait to spend more time with you and actively tries to make that happen … rather than making up excuses as to why he can’t or putting other things before you.
7. He makes last-minute plans
If you only ever hear from him last minute, that means he’s only ever thinking of you as a last resort. As harsh as that sounds, don’t take it personally. It’s not because you aren’t dating material. It just means this particular guy isn’t the one.
Some guys like to say they just go with the flow and don’t like planning ahead. That’s possible, but it can also be a cop-out.
Usually, when a guy likes you, he wants to see you. Seeing you is a priority. It’s on his mind and he wants to make it happen. He won’t usually risk missing out on the opportunity to see you because he waited until the last minute. If he’s always making last-minute plans, it’s either because he expects that you’ll always be available (or that you’ll ditch your other plans for him … and if this is something you do, stop!), or it’s because he’s exploring his other options and will come to you if nothing else comes together.
Even if you really like a guy, make sure you don’t bend over backward to be available for him. People plan ahead for business meetings, family outings, and even workouts. There’s no reason he can’t plan ahead for you.
8. He often goes MIA
Yuck. No one wants to deal with the flakey, eternally MIA guy. If he takes hours or even days to text you back, he’s either busy with another girl or he’s not that into you. Regardless of how elaborate his excuse for not getting back to you is, it’s a clear sign he’s not serious about you.
It could be that he’ll be great dating material in a couple of years. He might be in a place where he’s not even able to be accountable to himself, let alone another person. Maybe his friends complain about his inability to get back to them, too. Whatever the case, wishy-washy behavior is a sign of a guy who isn’t sure and that’s not something you want in a partner.
9. He won’t let you near his phone
Does he make an effort to hide his phone from you? Does he tilt the screen away when you’re sitting next to him and a text arrives? Shady behavior around phones is never a comforting sign. Consistently jumping up to take phone calls in another room is also super suspicious.
He doesn’t have to give you his password and let you roam freely through his personal messages and emails, especially if your relationship is still in the beginning phases. But just observe how hesitant he is to let you into that part of his world. If he won’t let you near it, he’s up to something.
10. He just seems to be hiding something
Is there something off about him that you just can’t put your finger on? The mystery is only attractive for so long. Once you like him, you want to know about his daily life and his inner world. If you can’t seem to get answers on these things, there’s a reason for it.
You might sense that he’s just not being fully truthful. Maybe he’s vague about where he’s been that day or what his plans are for later. Trying to pin down plans might be exhausting. If he’s shifty whenever you bring up anything close to the status of your relationship, he’s indirectly telling you all you need to know.
11. He doesn’t talk about the future, at all
Every new couple does a cute little dance at the start of their relationship. You’re both too afraid of coming on strong to bring up future plans. Eventually, though, it has to come up. You might summon up the nerve to ask if he’ll be your date to a wedding in a few months. Maybe he nonchalantly asks if you always want to live in your current city or if you have any plans to move elsewhere.
Regardless of how it comes up, you should get a sense that he’s considering a future with you in it. When a man is serious about you, he’ll immediately start factoring you in. If he avoids the topic like the plague, that speaks for itself.
12. He openly flirts with other women in front of you
This one requires no explanation. If he’s comfortable flirting with someone in front of you, just think about what he’s doing when you’re not around. It’s a gross feeling to be with a guy who’s openly declaring interest in someone else. If he hits on other women in front of you, hit the road!
While there is a very forward way for a guy to show this, such as flirting with a stranger at the bar next to you, there are more subtle ways this reveals itself, too. Trust your judgment. If his behavior around other women makes you uncomfortable, your feelings are valid. Maybe he’s a little too touchy with one of his female friends – you know, the one he has a “mysterious and complicated history” with. Again, go with your gut here. When a guy is into you, he’s into you and won’t risk losing you by flirting with other women so brazenly.
13. Your relationship is purely physical
When you first get physical with someone you’re interested in, it’s an incredibly intoxicating experience. Every touch, even if it’s as simple as his hand brushing your knee, makes you go crazy. All of those sensations often lead to a honeymoon period where you can’t leave each other alone. Even during that period, though, there should be other layers to the relationship.
All of the fun physical factors should be accompanied by insightful conversations and new experiences together. The getting-to-know-you period is something to enjoy taking your time with, as you’ll never be learning about each other in quite the same way again. If he has little interest in this and only focuses on the physical, it’s safe to say he’s not looking for a real relationship. This also means he’s probably unconcerned with exclusivity.
14. He doesn’t seem to be all that excited by you
Since you don’t get the advantage of being a fly on the wall as he talks to his friends, you’re really the only person who can decipher this one. At first glance, it might seem tricky to tell the difference between a man who appreciates spending time with you and a man who is falling in love. If you are honest with yourself, you’ll be able to tell.
Does he go the extra mile for you? Or do you feel more like a convenient option for him at this moment? If you’re ready for the real thing, don’t let yourself become the woman he kills time with before his real thing. Notice how much effort he puts in to being around you. Look for that special zest you see in a guy pursuing someone he’s crazy about. If it’s not there, he’s not focused entirely on you.
15. He doesn’t introduce you to his friends and doesn’t seem to want to meet yours
When you’re crushing on someone, one of the first things you’re dying to do is introduce them to your friends. How fun is that first conversation you have with your friends after they’ve met the guy? Just like with anything you’re excited about in life, you want to discuss it with the people close to you.
If your guy is putting the brakes on meeting his friends or family, it’s a pretty bad sign. When a guy is into a woman, he wants to show her off and bring her into his world. If he’s hiding you away, it means he’s probably hiding other things. He should want you to meet the people he cares about. Hopefully, he wants to proudly show you off.
He also may seem squirmish about the prospect of meeting your friends and family. That’s because he knows it means you’re more serious about things than he is and he doesn’t want you to get the wrong idea about the status of your relationship.
16. You feel it in your gut
We can never leave this one out. It’s crucial to making your decision. In fact, if you ignored all the other signs and just meditated on this one, you’d probably find your answer very quickly. Listen to that capable intuition inside yourself. It’s there to light the way and will illuminate those little clues your rational, logical mind tried to overlook.
Maybe you already know the truth, but your brain is on the hunt for signs that you’re wrong. You’ve got that feeling in your gut that his attention is not entirely devoted to you, but you wish it was. If this is the case, step back into the driver’s seat of your life and know that you deserve to be a man’s first choice.
If you’re getting anything less than that, move on to something better. It’s wildly empowering to make the decision that enough is enough. Making the right choice for yourself is addicting and enlightening.
I hope this article gave you some objectivity so you can better understand where your guy truly stands. It’s possible that he isn’t seeing anyone else, he’s just doing the natural relationship pull-back. When a guy pulls away, it can be a terrifying feeling and you may feel that he’s losing interest. Do you know how to handle it when this happens? If not, read this next:If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
Definite Signs He’s Seeing Other Women:
- He refuses to take down his online dating profiles
- Your relationship is pure fun
- He says “I don’t like labels
- He doesn’t prioritize you
- You’re not exclusive
- He only hangs out with you during the week
- He makes last-minute plans
- He often goes MIA
- He won’t let you near his phone
- He just seems to be hiding something
- He doesn’t talk about the future, at all
- He openly flirts with other women in front of you
- Your relationship is purely physical
- He doesn’t seem to be all that excited by you
- He doesn’t introduce you to his friends and doesn’t seem to want to meet yours
- You feel it in your gut