If you’re reading this article it means you want to make your ex miss you so that you can get him back. I am all too familiar with the feeling of wanting your ex back, believe me! (My story did, fortunately, have a happy ending and I am actually married to an ex!)
I understand where your head is at, but here’s the thing. Getting him to miss you is only a small part of the equation and that isn’t necessarily going to guarantee he comes back. At the same time, if he doesn’t miss you then he’ll never come back, so it’s certainly important!
But there’s more to the story. Missing someone isn’t enough of a reason to get back together. You broke up for a reason, probably several reasons, and those reasons don’t disappear because you miss each other.
If you only tried to make him miss you, you might get him back, but it wouldn’t last. (Make sure to also read this article for the exact signs your ex misses you.)
Fortunately, it is possible to get your ex back and make it work the second time around. In this article, I’m not only going to tell you how to make him miss you, I’ll reveal exactly how to get him back and keep him for good this time.
This article will include my own insights as well as scientific research to back me up and provide some very interesting insights. Let’s begin.
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You’re Already More Ahead Than You Think
After a breakup, both of you will most likely go through withdrawal. Now you might think that’s only for drug addicts, but did you know that these things are one in the same, and love actually is a drug?
A few years ago, a study conducted by Yeshiva University neuroscientist Lucy Brown and her research team found the brains of heartbroken people resemble that of drug addicts in the midst of a drug craving, you can read about it here.
You literally crave the other person, you ache for them, you can’t stop thinking about them, you will do anything to have them.
This is the very reason so many people end up in toxic on-again/off-again relationships.
MORE: Hidden Signs Your Ex Still Loves You (Even if He Says He Doesn’t)
They break up because things aren’t working, they go through withdrawal and try to get their ex back, that person gives in, because they too are going through withdrawal, and the cycle starts all over again. This is a period of lack of emotional control, it’s when we’re at our most vulnerable and definitely not up to the task of making life-changing decisions.
That being said…
He Most Likely Already Misses You
Science and biology are on your side here. Without you ever doing anything, your ex most likely already misses you and is thinking about you.
Like I said, love is a drug. He is a now a heroin addict and you are the best heroin in town. Whether he’ll cave into his addiction or not depends on how strong he is, and maybe even how stubborn he is.
It’s human nature to idealize the past. We also tend to place more value on things we no longer have. All of these things combined mean he’s definitely thinking about you in some capacity.
Is he crying into his pillow every night? Maybe, maybe not. How much he’s thinking about you depends on the circumstances behind the breakup and what kind of guy he is.
Whether it’s fleeting thoughts or all-out obsession, you’re still on his mind to some degree, and that’s a good thing!
MORE: How Guys Deal With Breakups
What if he’s in another relationship? That doesn’t matter, he’ll still be thinking about you in some capacity. Like I said, we idealize the past and what we no longer have. And we can’t help but compare partners. So chances are he will think of you from time to time, and compare you to his new girl … and you’ll have the advantage because you’re not there anymore.
A study found that nearly 90% of people stalk their exes on Facebook, that’s pretty much everyone! I would imagine the remaining 10% just don’t have Facebook, but that hasn’t been scientifically confirmed.
So the point is, you’re already at a huge advantage here. Your ex already has you on his mind and is missing you. Now where a lot of people go wrong at this point is calling him constantly, showing up places where he is, writing love letters, and basically suffocating any loving feelings he has left out of him.
The fact that your ex already misses you will work to your favor as long as you play your cards right.
MORE: Exactly How to Get Your Ex Back
What Impacts Whether Your Ex Misses You
Not all relationships are the same and not all breakups are the same.
If your relationship was absolutely horrible and he felt miserable and trapped, he might not miss you as much as a guy who was with a girl for a long time and loved her very much, but it ended because he wasn’t ready to commit in the way she wanted.
The nature of the time you spent together will largely determine how he feels post-relationship. Were you happy most of the time? Did you have fun together? Did you confide in each other? Did you genuinely love each other? Or did you fight all the time? Make each other miserable? Do and say terrible things to one another?
Who initiated the breakup?
This is significant for obvious reasons. If you broke up with him, then it means he didn’t want to break up, he still wanted things to work. Another thing that works in your favor here is the fact that most people want what they can’t have. That’s just human nature.
If you broke up with him and he really didn’t want to break up, then his competitive drive will most likely be activated and he’ll want to win you back.
What if he broke up with you? Well, it’s also still very possible to get him back. But you will have to do some internal work on yourself. You’ll need to become a better, stronger version of yourself. This isn’t just in order to win him back, this will help you get over the breakup and also just enhance your life in general.
You will also need to look carefully at why he broke up with you, at what was at the root of the issues in the relationship, and at whether these things are salvageable. If they are, you need to identify the changes that both you and he need to make in order for it to work. But it all starts with you.
MORE: Ask a Guy- How Can I Get My Ex Back?
This is How to Make Your Ex Boyfriend Miss you
Here is my foolproof formula for getting him to miss you and want you back:
Step 1: Go through a period of no contact
Step 2: Work on yourself, be the best version of yourself
Step 3: Get back out there, meet new friends and new people
Step 4: Give him the space to miss you so he comes back
Step 5: Take our ex back quiz and find out exactly what to do next
Step 1: Follow The No Contact Rule
After a breakup, it is imperative that you go through a period of no contact. As in zero contact. That means no calls, no texts, no G-chats, no Facebook chats, no Snapchats, no responding when he reaches out to you, no contact of any kind.
Why is it so important? Well for a lot of reasons. But for one, studies have found that continuing contact with an ex can disrupt emotional recovery. So you basically cause yourself to be stuck in the same vulnerable, miserable place. (Make sure to also read this article for more because this step is really crucial: Everything You Need to Know About the No Contact Rule.)
A breakup can cause a lot of confusing emotions and you’re not exactly using your best judgment during this time. You need time and space to detox from it all. Remember we said earlier heartbreak essentially makes you a drug addict? Well, what to addicts do to recover? They go to rehab for a minimum of 30 days and completely cut themselves off from the drug. That is what you need to be doing.
Your impulse control is way down after a breakup, which can cause you to do things that sabotage your chances of getting what you truly want, which is to get your ex back. You may act crazy or needy or desperate, and this may make him feel even more sure he doesn’t want to get back together. This is not what we want here.
Above all else, the no contact period is for you. It’s about giving you the space to get yourself together and to sort through your feelings. It’s about giving you a chance to get strong again on your own. About learning what you’re made of and rediscovering parts of yourself that may have gotten lost as the relationship was unraveling.
A byproduct is that this period of no contact often cause your ex to miss you intensely. You can’t miss someone who is always right there, smothering you. It may seem sweet and romantic to try and win someone back, but that’s not what’s going to have an emotional impact on him. Instead, he’ll just resent you for intruding upon his space.
In order for him to miss you, you need to not be there. And the no contact rule grants you that. When you’re not there, any negative memories or opinions he has or you will start to fade into the recesses of his mind, and the happier times will move to the forefront. Like I said, that’s just how the human brain works.
MORE: Why the No Contact Rule Always Works
Believe me, I know it can feel near impossible not to contact the only person on this earth that you really want to speak to, but you must stay strong. That is the only way you’ll get what you truly want, which is to get back together with him.
It may feel counterintuitive. It feels like you should be talking to him regularly, for one thing, to keep yourself in his mind, and also to reestablish a connection. But it doesn’t work that way. This will just keep you stuck and confused and nothing will get worked out. And if you do get back together, I guarantee you’ll break up again soon after.
You need a period of no contact to work yourself out, which leads me to my next point…
Step 2: Work on Yourself
This process is one that goes from the inside out. It’s about looking and feeling your absolute best.
1. Pursue your passions. Do the things that make you happy and make you feel alive. You probably stopped doing certain hobbies as often when you got into a relationship, so pick those back up again. Or maybe be adventurous and try something new. Take a cooking class or an art class or a join a book club, getting out of your comfort zone can be a good thing.
2. Exercise. Working out has massive benefits, both to the way you look and the way you feel. And right now, the endorphins working out produces will serve you very well and give you a needed pick-me-up. There are so many fun ways to get moving: Zumba, Cycling, Pilates, Yoga, Barre Method, Salsa, Bootcamp, and even Pole Dancing. You could also just take a job in the park.
3. Upgrade your look. Nothing says “starting fresh” like a fresh new look. Maybe try some new makeup, a new hair color or cut, some new clothes. It doesn’t have to be a massive change, just something to make you feel happy and beautiful.
4. Have Fun. You’re single again, girl, go enjoy yourself! Reconnect with your friends, go out and dance until all hours of the night, have a movie marathon night with your best friends, try out some fun new activity together, just have fun. Bonus points if you take a trip somewhere. Traveling can be seriously therapeutic!
5. Get to know yourself. Journal, talk to a therapist or life coach, read some good self-help books, spend time really looking at who you are and what you have to offer in a relationship. You may discover issues you didn’t even know where there. And there’s no time like the present to deal with them!
MORE: These Are the Signs You Can Get Your Ex Back
Step 3: Meet new people
This step is really going to depend on your personality type. If you’re an introvert and don’t like making new friends, then just stick with the old. If dating new guys is just going to depress you and make you miss your ex even more, then don’t. (I would still at least encourage you to sign up for some dating apps and at least do some window shopping and browse what’s out there!)
Meeting new people can be fun and invigorating. It can also give you confidence and help you learn about yourself.
When you lose someone significant, you have a lot of empty space, that’s why it feels like there is such a huge void in your life. Try to fill it with other people.
Dating new guys can really help your mental state of mind. It can stop you from obsessing, it reminds you that you’re desirable and that you have options, and you may discover that your ex actually wasn’t a match for you and this new guy is!
Step 4: Give him the space to miss you
If you follow Step 1, then this will be no sweat and half the battle is done.
And if you followed Steps 2 and 3, then you should be in a place where you feel good about yourself again. You may laugh again, feel confident, and just be in a good place all around.
Now, this all sounds great, but this is where you’re at the greatest risk of making a mistake. It’s at this point that you will be most likely to reach out to him. While it’s not the end of the world if you do (as long as you wait at least four weeks before doing so), it is much better to wait until he contacts you.
MORE: How to Make Him Miss You
Why? Well, you don’t know what his process has been like. You don’t know where he is mentally or emotionally. He might not be ready yet. Or he might not have released all the negative memories.
If you let him reach out first, you know he’s ready to reconnect and you don’t risk being rejected and then feeling crushed and devastated all over again.
In this stage, just continue doing what you’ve been doing. Continue focusing on yourself and your personal growth.
Step 5: Take Our “Can I Get My Ex Back Quiz?”
You don’t want to waste your time, or risk possible rejection or humiliation, so make sure to take our quiz to find out exactly where you stand with him.
This quiz is designed to give you personalized advice based on your individual situation. The questions gather all the relevant information to tell you exactly where you and your ex stand, and the most effective way to get him back.
The results are super accurate so take the quiz right now to find out if it’s worth another shot with your ex, or if you’re better off moving on instead.
Want to find out if you can get your ex back? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Can You Get Your Ex Back” Quiz right now and find out if you can ever get him back or if he’s gone for good…
I hope this article showed you what it takes to make your ex miss you after a breakup. But there’s more you need too know. Do you know what to do to inspire him to come back and commit to you for good? Do you know what makes a man truly miss a woman and realize he doesn’t want to live without her? Do you know the best way to get your ex back and make it work? If not, read this next: Do You Want Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Use This to Get Him Back...
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