How Do You Get Someone To Like You?
We all know that we just can’t force people to like us, no matter how badly we want them to. The way people feel about us is simply not under our control. Sometimes, we meet someone who seems nice, but something is off. They check all the right boxes on paper but, there’s just no spark. And this is not only true for romantic relationships, but relationships with friends, co-workers or even business partners as well.
Then again, sometimes we meet someone that we do have an interest in, but when faced with the prospect of getting that person to like us, we get really weird and mess things up. Either we get too shy and stumble over our words, or we get nervous and don’t approach the person at all. As a result, our shot at getting that person to like us back goes entirely down the drain.
Granted, there’s no surefire way to make someone like you even with all the confidence in the world, but there are certain things you can do to give them a little nudge in the right direction…
If there’s someone you want to like you or even if you just want to become a more likable person in general, take a look at the following steps.
Look Good and Make Other People Feel Good
1. Good grooming
This one is a given. Practicing good hygiene and paying attention to your appearance helps tremendously when trying to get someone to like you. It’s simple … when you look good, you feel good. And, when you feel good, you draw people towards you.
So, feel free to spend a little extra time on your hair in the mornings or spray on a little of that perfume that you love. It’ll give you just the boost you need.
Just be sure not to overdo it. Even though grooming is a good thing, too much of it can backfire on you. Wearing too much perfume or make-up, for example, can make it seem like you are trying too hard. Or worse, certain products and sprays might irritate people’s sinuses or skin etc. And that’s not what you want. You want to draw people in, not repel them away. So, remember to be moderate.
2. Be friendly and approachable
Nobody likes someone who is always sulking … looking annoyed or just generally giving off a negative vibe. That’s not to say you can’t have an off day every now and then, but if you’re always anxious, insecure, or nervous, you’ll wreak havoc on your chances of getting people to like you. People love cheerful, happy people and are repelled by negative people, that’s just the way it is.
Besides making yourself look and smell good, the next most effective thing you can do to encourage someone to like you is to be friendly and approachable. Something as simple as having a smile on your face and looking happy makes you more likely to attract people.
I know sometimes it can be nerve wrecking being around a guy you really like or in a room full of strangers at a networking event and it’s easy to clam up. But, if you focus on staying calm and being present in the moment, you’ll have a much better chance of coming off relaxed and happy.
If you feel a little nervous, just focusing on your breath for 10 seconds can be calming. Saying an affirmation in your mind can help too. If all else fails, making a joke of the fact that you are nervous can be a good icebreaker.
3. Listen when they speak and remember what they say
It’s always flattering when someone remembers your name and uses it casually when they speak to you. You automatically feel more connected to them, if even only on the slightest level. It’s also great when someone truly listens to you and is genuinely interested in what you have to say. You feel special and important.
If you want someone to like you, just saying their name and remembering small things they’ve told you is an easy and effective way to do it. If Brett told you yesterday he had an interview, just saying “Hey Brett, how did the interview go?” or “Hope all goes well with the job search, Brett” goes a long way in showing that you are a person who is genuinely interesting in him.
When you’ve mastered the art of making a person feel special, people will begin to flock to you like flies. People who learned to make people feel good in this way are charming and charismatic.
MORE: How to be Charming
4. Open body language
Being relaxed and confident is more important than anything else when trying to make yourself more likable. And, believe it or not, your body language can say a whole lot about your emotional state or your mood without you saying a word.
When meeting new people, or that guy you like be sure to be open and friendly with your body language. Show confidence by walking tall, turn your body and feet towards them when you talk to them, keep your arms open and free and remember to keep a smile on your face.
5. Be respectful
There is nothing more off-putting than someone who is disrespectful. You know those people who try to force their opinions down your throat, invade your personal space, are aloof or intentionally ignore your non-verbal and verbal cues…I think we could all agree that those people are the worst! They’re like sleazy used car salespeople. They come off as disingenuous and rude.
On the other hand, people who respect your boundaries and know their limits are like a breath of fresh air. It’s so easy to be drawn to these kinds of people. They just know what’s appropriate and they make you feel so comfortable.
If you want people to like you, be as respectful as you can be. A good rule of thumb is to watch and listen for non-verbal and verbal cues from people. See how they respond to certain things and then act accordingly.
If someone isn’t feeling it or seems detached or not into the conversation, recognize it and respect yourself and person enough to bring the interactions to an end.
6. Be happy
Happiness is infectious! It makes other people feel good in your presence. When people feel good in your presence they will associate feeling good with you. When you become a source of happiness and positive emotions in someone’s life, it is almost inevitable that they will love being with you.
Show Genuine Interest
What makes people really like you isn’t putting on a whole show about how interesting you are, it’s all about showing interest in who they are.
1. Ask questions
We’ve already said that people love people who are interested in them. It’s just human nature. People want to know that what they say and who they are is worth something to you.
By asking someone questions, you show you’re interested and want to get to know them better. This won’t work if you’re just asking questions because you are trying to get them to like you. You should genuinely be interested and show it by taking the time to truly listen. Asking about a person’s interests, hobbies, likes, and dislikes, is a great way to create a bond with someone. Listening to what they say and having follow-up questions to their responses will earn you even more points.
2. Listen when they speak
This one goes hand in hand with the previous point. A big part of being an engaging person is not just asking questions but really listening to what people have to say.
When someone is speaking don’t just wait for your turn to talk, or nod along while thinking about what you want to say next. Really pay attention and listen, not just with your ears, with your whole body.
Here is where body language is also important. Look at the person directly, lean in slightly if you have to, ensure that you are not distracted by your cell phone or distractions going on in the room. Giving people your full attention is an important skill and one that goes a long way in making you seem more likable.
3. See the good
Everyone has good and admirable qualities about them. Oftentimes we see these good qualities in people and sometimes even envy those qualities. But, we can get so caught up in what’s going on in our own minds that we don’t say how we feel out loud.
Paying someone a compliment is a warm way of lifting their spirits and will make them like you more. This is only true if the compliment is genuine, however. Saying nice things just to get someone to like you often backfires and makes you look like a fake and untrustworthy person.
If you honestly see a unique quality that you really like in someone … maybe it’s their sense of style, their smile, their sense of humor … whatever it is, be sure to tell them. You both will walk away happier if you do.
4. Ask for their advice
People love feeling useful and valuable. It’s true for everyone … but particularly true for men! If you want a guy to really feel close to you, let him help you out with something.
Ask his opinion on something you know he knows a lot about. Ask him to help you find the best movie to watch on the weekend. Ask him about the next car you should buy. It doesn’t really matter. Just show that you genuinely want to learn and get assistance from others. Be sure to show appreciation for the help he has provided you. Showing appreciation will turn things up a notch more!
5. Have a good sense of humor
Whether it’s with friends, co-workers or that guy you like, being funny and making people laugh has proven time and time again to be one of the most powerful ways to make people want to be around you. If you have a sharp wit or a good sense of humor then use it. Being funny really does go a long way. Laughter actually bonds us. And people love someone with a good sense of humor, someone they can speak freely around without worrying about offending them or thinking being taken the wrong way.
6. Be empathetic
Putting yourself in someone’s shoes isn’t just a great way to be more likable in someone’s eyes, it’s also one of the most effective ways to get to know someone on a deeper level.
We all have experiences in life that connect us as human beings. When we tap into our hearts and feel what someone else is feeling and see things from their perspective, we give them the gift of accepting and respecting their humanity. When you are around the guy you like or just among a group of friends, be sure to pay attention to the other person’s needs and feelings.
Whenever possible, do kind, thoughtful things for them. Maybe get them a cup of their favorite coffee, offer to proofread a paper they had been struggling with, or maybe just give them some space to work something out on their own. Whatever you do, the other person will definitely appreciate it.
7. Spend quality time together
The more quality time you spend together, the more of a quality connection you will have. Bonds grow over time. It’s difficult for someone to actually like you if they’ve never gotten a chance to hang out with you and see you in many different situations or moods.
If the person you want to see you as likable has never had the chance to spend any real time with you, make a date. Start going out for ice-cream regularly. Strike up conversations that are longer than just “Hi” and “Bye.” Aim to spend enough time together for the person to really get to know how great you are.
Be Your Genuine Self
1. Don’t be fake
Whatever you do, be genuine. People can spot a fake from a mile away and trust me it’s not a good look. Be comfortable enough in your own skin to show people the real you. Don’t try to be what you think a guy is looking for in a girl or pretend to be interested in things that you are not. Be real. He will appreciate it. Your new friends will appreciate it.
You can only pretend to be something you’re not for so long. After a while, the real you will start to show and if that is different than the person you made people believe you were then it looks like you were dishonest.
Now, I’m not saying put all your worst qualities on display at the outset. In fact, you should always try to be your best self not just for other people but for yourself. But, don’t change who you are. Being your best self must be within the bounds of who you really are. If you’re reserved and more of a bookworm or you’re bubbly and outgoing it doesn’t matter; be you. The right person will see your qualities and love you for it.
2. Be vulnerable
Another great way to make someone like you is to be open and honest about yourself. It’s OK to show the real you flaws and all. Obviously, you don’t want to unleash all your skeletons onto someone you barely know but being honest and raw is a good thing and people appreciate it and it endears them to you.
3. Have self-respect
If you want other people to respect you, you first have to respect yourself. If you are constantly self-deprecating and putting yourself in degrading situations it will be difficult for people to respect and like you. It’s also very important to establish your own personal boundaries and don’t be afraid to enforce them. People look to us to show them how to treat us. When we don’t stick to our boundaries, we come off as insecure and needy. It looks like we need someone’s attention or affection so much that we are willing to break promises we made with ourselves. Remember to never compromise yourself and who you are and don’t fall into the trap of people pleasing, it won’t make people like you and over time you won’t like yourself either.
Value yourself first and foremost and people see the value in you.
4. Communicate honestly
If you hate sports, say that. If you’ve always wanted to go bungy jumping, say that. If you disagree with someone, let them know. You don’t have to be abrasive or rude to be honest. Don’t fall into the habit of saying what you think someone wants to hear. Honesty is a highly valued character trait, so the more honest you are and the more integrity you have, the more people are likely to want to be around you. Lying or stretching the truth isn’t worth it. It just makes you seem untrustworthy or unsure of yourself. Those are not the traits you want to exhibit if you want someone to like you.
5. Don’t try to be perfect
There’s no need to pretend to be perfect. Firstly, everyone knows people aren’t perfect. And secondly, perfection is boring!
Our flaws are endearing and are what binds us as human beings. Who wants to be with someone who sits in their bedroom all day polishing their halo. People are drawn to excitement. People want to know how you overcame challenges. People want to know that you are just as human as they are.
Revel in your flaws, they make you fun and relatable. Just don’t go overboard trying to prove you’re not perfect, it’ll just make you look unstable.
6. Have confidence
Confidence is the special ingredient in the recipe for likeability. It’s the thing that makes all the previous steps possible. People who are confident take care of their physical appearance and hygiene. They are pleasant to be around and make others feel good. They are also comfortable enough with themselves to raw, open and honest with people with little fear of rejection or what someone might think of them. And people are attracted to this.
Desperate, needy people are a turn-off. These kinds of people are draining and often look to relationships to see what they can get from them. Confident people bring something to the table, they are strong and courageous. And we all want to align ourselves with strength. We want to know that we have been chosen not by people who “need” something from us, but by a person who sees us as a valuable addition to the awesome life they already have.
There you have it, a solid list of tips that will go a long way in improving your likeability. Remember, there are no guarantees here. You can’t make someone like you. However, if you follow these steps and the person you want doesn’t like you back, they weren’t meant to be in your life anyway. The upside is lots of other people who are more compatible with you, will be drawn to you instead.
But before you begin your mission of getting someone or several people to like you, first examine if your desire to be liked is a healthy one. Do you want to be liked to boost your self-esteem or sense of self-worth? Or do you want to follow these steps because you know you have a lot to offer and you want to give yourself the best chance to spread your awesomeness with another person?
If your answer is yes to the first question, you might want to consider a step before the steps listed here and that’s taking time to get to know and love yourself for who you are.
Now that you know what it takes to be more likable, I want you to be aware of two more vitally important things when it comes to relationships. The first is when a guy you’re seeing seems to be losing interest and pulling away. Do you know why this happens and what to do about it? If not, read this:If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...
Another important thing a lot of women don’t realize is there will come a point in the relationship where he will ask himself: Is this the woman I want to commit myself to? His answer will determine everything. Do you know what inspires a man to commit and see you as “the one”? If not, read this too: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman
How to Get Someone to Like You:
- Have good hygiene
- Be friendly and approachable
- Listen when they speak and remember what they say
- Open body language
- Be respectful
- Be happy
- Ask questions
- Listen when they speak
- See the good in them
- Ask them for advice
- Have a good sense of humor
- Be empathetic
- Don’t be fake
- Be a little vulnerable
- Communicate honestly
- Don’t try to be perfect
- Be confident