Let’s talk about what to do when a guy tells you he doesn’t want to be in a relationship or he can’t be in a relationship or he doesn’t like labels, or whatever the case may be!
If you’re going through this, I feel for you because I’ve been through this sort of thing many times and it really hurts.
MORE: 11 Definite Signs He Doesn’t Like You I always say it’s much harder to get over the guys who were never your boyfriend than to get over an actual breakup because the fact that he doesn’t even want to try is just so much more painful. You see how great you guys could be together … why doesn’t he?
I’m going to help you understand what’s going on and how to respond so keep reading.
Take The Quiz: Does He Like You?
We can break these kinds of guys into two groups: guys who don’t want to be with you and guys who don’t want a relationship with anyone right now. Either way it’s painful. And the solution is really the same.
First, when a guy says he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, believe him. The reasons don’t matter, the facts do.
And he probably will give you some good reasons: his ex ruined his ability to trust, his parent’s divorce did a number on him, he’s slammed at work, he wants to get out of debt, he just doesn’t have time … there is always going to be some sort of reason.
MORE: Why Doesn’t He Want Me?
But I’ll say it again, the reasons don’t matter, the facts do. All you need here is the fact that he doesn’t want to be with you.
This is not an opening offer up for negotiation.
If you are the way I used to be, then your instinct will be to stick around in the hopes that he changes his mind. As soon as he sees how loving I am … As soon as he sees how supportive I am … As soon as he sees what a good cook I am … As soon as he sees that I can make his life so much better … As soon as he gets his life together… THEN he’ll commit. And you reason you just need to keep working at this a little harder.
The road to dead-end relationships is paved with “as soon as.” As soon as X changes, then everything will be perfect.
If you do all these things you’ll just end up in a non-relationship where he gets all the benefits of having a girlfriend without the responsibility and nothing will change!
You don’t need to convince the right man for you that you’re the right woman for him. If you need to prove your worth to someone, then he is not the right person for you. Period.
You don’t need to back a man into a corner in order to get him to commit. The right guy will want to commit. You won’t even have to ask the question, he’ll already have the answer. There will be no “what are we?” conversations because he’ll claim you and he’ll make it clear and obvious with no room for interpretation.
He won’t say something like, We’re exclusive but not boyfriend girlfriend. What does that even mean?! No. You will know exactly where you stand.
Watch The Video: He’s Not Ready for a Relationship? Say THIS to Him…
So what should you say when he says he doesn’t want a relationship?
You should say: “I respect that, and I appreciate you telling me and I really do wish you all the best, but I need someone who is 100% sure and if that’s not the case I need to walk away.”
If it’s a case where he says he’s not sure what he wants, say “I think you need some space to figure out what it is you want and need, and I fully support you and I want you to be happy, but I can’t stay in a relationship with someone who is unsure about me.”
This is much more effective than trying to prove your worth because you’re agreeing with him and respecting him. You’re not devaluing yourself by trying to win him over and get him to pick you.
If you try to prove yourself to him, it will come across as desperation, like you’re selling him something.
By supporting him, you’re showing you care about him, but you love yourself. And this is what will make him second guess himself.
Ok, so you’ve walked away … Now what?
If he really truly likes you, he won’t just let you go. He’ll get himself together real quick!
Sometimes the prospect of losing you is all a guy needs to get motivated to snap into gear and to realize how much he values you.
If he just lets you go… well, he was never that into it, to begin with, and while that is a painful reality to accept, at least you know and can move on to someone who does truly value you!
Also, it is possible he just can’t commit to anyone right now, and if that’s the case, you’re not going to change his mind. The only thing that might change his mind is you not being in the picture anymore and if that doesn’t work, nothing will.
Some guys just don’t want a commitment right now, look at Leonardo Dicaprio! He’s in his 40s and has dated some of the most beautiful women in the world but none of them could get him to commit. Gisele Bundchen couldn’t get him to commit, Blake Lively couldn’t get him to commit … it’s not because they’re unworthy, he just clearly doesn’t want to commit!
The only way to get the relationship you want is to not accept a relationship that you don’t want.
By walking away, you will either get the commitment you want from this guy or you’ll find someone else who can give you what you want and deserve, so either way it’s a win.