Why Guys Back Off When You Show Interest post image

Why Guys Back Off When You Show Interest

It’s a classic scenario most women have been in. You meet a guy, he pursues you fervently, you finally reciprocate….and he’s gone.

You can stop scratching your head in confusion. Dating coach and YourTango Expert Annie Gleason explains why men sometimes disappear once the chase seems to be over. She says that the pursuit for many men is about a goal and not necessarily a relationship. He may be interested in the process and take his time to get interested when you think there is already a full-fledged relationship.

Click over to Your Tango for he full explanation as to why men back off when you show interest.

Written by Sabrina Alexis

I’m Sabrina Alexis, the co-founder, and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing relatable, insightful articles that help people understand relationship dynamics and how to get the love they want. I have a degree in psychology and have spent the last 10 years interviewing countless men and reading and studying as much as I can to better understand human psychology and how men operate. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Instagram.

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So you’re saying that a woman is sending off vibes she is not even aware of sending, and a guy is so super perceptive that he can pick them up. Sounds pretty hopeless if you ask me.

Reply September 6, 2017, 11:29 am


Let me shed some light on this particular mystery. YES guys like the chase, and part of that is certainly the thrill of getting to know a new cutie, and trying to make her laugh, finding out about her world etc.

Now, when men are pursuing a woman, especially if she is “a catch” we put in quite a bit of effort- often we come up with the idea for every date, we pay for every date, and we ask the questions- we find out what she likes and doesn’t, we try not to talk about ourselves too much because it’s ALL ABOUT HER. It’s no secret that articulate attention is what she wants in the beginning, and there’s really nothing wrong with that. Men pursue women and we compete with other men to do it, so we have to impress.

The PROBLEM sets in once she has decided you’re worthy and she wants to date you. Somehow in her mind she’s decided she still deserves the entirety of the focus and getting to know you personally isn’t actually important, as long as you’re a “good guy”.

So here’s the snag: she’s not bothering to get to know you- you’re not an axe murderer, you’ve got a great job, and you’re SO INTO her, and that’s all she needs, so that should be all he needs too right?

Wrong. Women often make the mistake of failing to get to KNOW their date or showing real interest in him as an individual, and not just as a man. This means when the chase is over you’re just a place holder. Congratulations contestant! You are now qualified to date this wonderful amazing woman!

Thanks but no thanks. Any real relationship requires that both parties are interested in each other as PEOPLE and not just pandering members of the opposite sex. After the “romantic sprint” of the chase he’s gonna run out of gas unless you actually act like you want to know him and learn about his world. Nobody wants to be treated like a place holder.

Reply December 22, 2014, 2:19 pm

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