I really like this guy who I met through mutual friends. Since we’re in similar social circles, we see each other kind of often. I feel like I’ve been a bit stand-offish with him because I get nervous around him and I’m afraid he’s gonna think it means I’m not interested.
I just want to know how to show him enough interest so he asks me out, but not so much that it’s obvious because I know that’s a turn-off. Any advice??
Being too obvious about interest isn’t a problem. Confident women aren’t concerned with this. Think about it, if a woman is secure and confident, she’ll see her attraction to a guy as a good thing. If a woman is insecure, she’ll see her attraction as something that would turn the guy off and feel like it needs to be “not obvious” or hidden…
From personal experience, I’m not turned off when a woman is clearly interested in me, so long as I’m interested in her…
It’s not the interest that’s the problem… it’s the feeling that you need to make him interested.
MORE: Does He Like Me?
If a woman just relaxes and assumes he’s interested, she just enjoys her time and interaction with the guy in it of itself. If he doesn’t interact or vibe with her in a way that she’s looking for, she moves on.
However, sometimes a situation isn’t so cut and dry that the guy starts out interested… this is where you might wonder: How do I make the guy I want interested in me?
Well, it sure as hell isn’t about hiding interest… the key ingredient is the opposite: being genuinely interested in the guy… not trying to act some way because it will make him like you…
Not everyone is meant to like everyone else. Certain people are better matches than others – it shouldn’t be looked at like being obvious or not-obvious about interest is a way to make a man like you.
The only time this would make a difference is if the guy is so egocentric and insecure that he feels that he needs a woman to be interested in order for him to feel good about himself. The problem is, it doesn’t really even work with ego-centric guys since because once they realize she’s interested, he’ll disappear too. Why? Because he wasn’t there for her… he was there for ego-fuel.
MORE: Why Guys Disappear and How to Deal
Back to the matter at hand… Men in general (myself included) are attracted on a mental/emotional/psychological level to women who are interested in them… specifically, interested in their mission in life. What is it that’s meaningful to him? What does he want to achieve? What does he want out of life?
Not everyone wants to be a high-achiever, but every single guy has stuff that’s meaningful to him that he wants to go for.
When a woman is interested in that part of his life, it activates him. It makes him want to share himself with you and have you in his corner. It makes him want to become the man he’s always wanted to be… the key to it is feeling that he has a woman in his corner.
Our culture seems preoccupied with the notion that pretending not to like a guy will somehow make him interested. Not only do guys see right through it, but it’s a total missed-opportunity to create a real connection… a connection where you recognize what’s meaningful to him and, in turn, he wants to bring you into his life further.
As for your looks, it’s been said again and again that men are visual creatures and your looks matter. At the same time, a man’s standards are nowhere near as ruthless and impossible as what you see depicted in magazines, advertisements, movies, TV shows, etc.
Not to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but I can tell you that marketers are well-aware that insecure people make excellent customers. So while on the one hand I do strongly advocate you striving to look your best (with exercise, with diet, with makeup/hair/clothing, etc.), the other side of things is to make sure that you’re happy with yourself.
Once you know you’re doing the best you can, there’s no sense whatsoever in beating yourself up over your looks. True beauty has two components: how you actually look and how you feel about yourself.
So in terms of the physical side of attracting the man you want, make sure you love yourself and your life in every way you can. I say this because if I could promise you that there’s one thing men find unanimously attractive, it’s a happy woman.
MORE: 11 Tips for True Happiness
Hope it helps,