I have been seeing this guy for awhile now. He told me that he loves me twice and I told him I loved him as well.
However, he started to back off a bit and out of the blue I got an email saying he is scared because he fell in love with me and has been acting distant in an attempt to push me away because he’s getting “too emotionally attached.”
I am apparently too addictive and the relationship is complicating his life and making it difficult. I am lost on this one. Should I just forget him? How can a guy fall in and out of love like that?
Oh man. OK, let me make this crystal clear:
He did something bad (I’m guessing cheated, hooked up with his ex or something along those lines)…
Then he told you that he did it because he loves you too much and you’re too emotionally addicting. The reason you’re confused by this is because it doesn’t make sense. He’s basically implying that his unfaithful behavior is your fault.
I mean, wow… talk about a ridiculous piece of communication. Although it’s no more ridiculous than:
- “It’s not you, it’s me…”
- “I’m not ready for a relationship…”
- “I can’t be with you because you’re too good for me…”
Let me save you a ton of heartache and confusion. When a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship with you, believe him.
The reason women get into these infuriatingly confusing situations is because they fixate on the reason the guy gives for not being able to be in a relationship.
The reason is always BS. Always. Always.
He wants to let you down easy and soften the blow. The message he wants to communicate is: I don’t want to be in a relationship with you.
But the message you hear is the BS reason. You actually believe the reason is legit and then you set out on a quest to understand his reason and “fix it,” so that you can have the relationship with him.
The reason he gives is just to soften the blow – he just doesn’t want you to take it personally and he doesn’t want to hurt you. The fact is, for whatever reason, he stopped feeling that attraction and desire for a relationship to move forward with you.
Maybe the sexual tension dried up. Maybe the dynamic changed and what initially attracted him dried up. Maybe he has psychological issues that he needs to handle before he can even have a relationship.
Whatever the case, his feelings changed and he wanted out. Let him go and move on.
If there’s any chance at all of saving things, he’ll realize he made a huge mistake and fight to get you back (and you’ll have the upper hand). And trust me, if there’s any chance he will get his act together fast so as not to lose you.
If there’s no chance of saving the relationship with him, then you’ll have saved yourself a ton of heartache and frustration.
Then again, ditching this guy might not be such a bad thing. Really you’d be saving yourself from a relationship that would inevitably repeat this cycle again and again: He behaves badly and tries to place the blame on you or some other influence outside of himself (his emotions, his upbringing, his job-stress, etc.)
You train people on how they can treat you. When you accept this sort of thing in a relationship, you can expect more of it in the future. That is a guarantee.
So move on and if he comes crawling back, think long and hard if this is the relationship you really want.
Hope it helps,